At lonely nights, when the dreary, sleepless daze hangs over my head like Damocles' sword, the thatched ceiling turns into a horizon painted in a dreamy lilaceous hue. The ever steady, falling ashen snow whisks me, far, so far away from where I lie awake. To that one cold dusk, when autumn started to wither away into winter, I could remember the remnants of the dying embers brought by fiery flames that mixed with the dying light of that unforgettable afternoon.
The catalyst, as I'd like to call it, was both the end and the beginning of Lovino. He became more than a name cursed with ruinous nature, no – He became worse. He became a flame who kindled under the cataclysmic fallout that his calloused hands, tainted with cinders and spilled blood, ravaged upon touch.
I lost everything that dusk.
Madness, fear, grief, hatred, and the careless, happy summer days, it was all washed away along with the fading fire-torn lavender skies. Leaving nothing but that shell of a boy, no older than fourteen. A boy who shivered in his own skin, wanting to tear out of it and turn it into dust, feeling like it had become tighter, trying to suffocate him but his fingertips only brought the wet melted snow to his pale, tear-stricken face.
And before I know it, the faint light passing through the curtain-strewn window kisses me awake from my trance, and then I begin to wonder why dawn looks so damn much like dusk. I could never tell the difference until my joints ache from the uncomfortably stiff position I lay in throughout the night, reminding me that it is, indeed, daybreak and that that fateful eventide was in fact seven years ago, and not in the present where my hands are still very much calloused, but not caked with dried blood and soot.
Another wakeful night passed by, and like any other day that passed in the years, I leave my weariness under my pillow and begin preparing for the tiring journey ahead.
It's uncharacteristically warm today. The early rays of light that spilled from the thick foliage of towering trees eradicated all lingering fog, still the faintest bit of humidity remain. The cool air filled my lungs with rejuvenated life as I continue to trudge the lush woodland.
My footsteps, slightly muted by the wispy carpet of moss that covers the earthen floor, join in with the singing chorus of morning birds, perched on sprawling trees that stand like watchful guardians, silent sentinels of the grove. A pageant of smells floated in the spring air, pleasant and all the like.
Feli would have enjoyed it far more than I would have. He was always the one who appreciated the beauty of his surroundings, not me.
I'm not exactly what they call a superstitious person but I'd like to believe that my brother is out there, somewhere, with the trees or the patches of daisies in the area, hopefully happy and not hovering over my body seeking answers I don't have.
If you're asking what I'm doing roaming around the woods feeling all nostalgic about my dead little brother like a complete idiot, I'm going to the nearest village. Living in complete isolation has it's ups and downs and as much as I'd like to hide myself in the cozy cottage I made for myself for the rest of my sad life, there were necessities that the surrounding forest just couldn't provide me or lacking the skills to gain, like meat, because I suck at hunting.
So here am I, venturing out the wilderness and taking the same route to the village like I do every month, nothing new except for the occasional change in landscape.
Halfway through the trip I decide to do something I rarely do in my previous expeditions – Take a break under the shade of a large oak tree near a small river because of the lack of sleep and more depressing thoughts about all the dead people in my life. The remaining walk is less than an hour away if I wanted to reach my destination that bad but my tired legs, aching soles and the aforementioned problems disagree. I close my eyes and catch a brief moment of rest, trying to ignore the dull aching in my stomach calling for its fill.
I was always a light sleeper so I thought maybe that's why I catch sleepless nights often. So when I finally, finally got the sleep I desperately need, the startlingly close rustling of bushes call me back to reality. The prickling sound irking as if to poke its shrubby, thorned limbs in my ears over and over again.
To my surprise it's not a large brown bear ready to maul me and leave my body mangled in the woods for no one to find nor is it death taking pity me and finally lifting the curse he bestowed upon me to let me reunite with my family.
It's a pair of vivid olive eyes that seem to illuminate under the iridescent sunlight peering from the treetops, blinking in my face curiously. That's when I decide to rub my eyes free of drowsiness and hold a staring contest with the stranger.
"Hello" he says, voice rich and warm like the sound spilling from a violin's strings played by a prodigy, ripe like the peaches on a summer day, it's just right, not too deep nor high-pitched.
Not knowing what else to say, I echo his words.
A small smile tugs at his lips and my stomach flips over itself like a hyperactive acrobat. A sudden want to smile back takes over me before being replaced by the urge to kick the damn smile off his face. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
I push aside the passing thought before scurrying away from the stranger's shadowing figure and pull the scarf up to my nose.
To be honest I don't know what to do. Unsheathe my knife and threaten him to leave? Talk to him? Run? Before I could make a decisive choice, the man does it for me.
"I mean no harm"
The way he delivered the words were gentle, like taming a wolf. And just like earlier I might have fallen for it if not for the glistening silver sword hanging from his waist ominously.
I stay silent.
"I am a traveller see, a lost one. Do you perhaps know the way to Grecis? " He rubs the back of his head nervously, slowly closing the space between us.
I try to search for a sign of dishonesty in his chartreuse lambent eyes, they flicker with life and sunlight under the shade of the swaying trees. My senses betray me and decide there are none. Thankfully a part of me retains an ounce of common sense.
"If you wanted to reach Grecis why go through the forest and not through the road?"
"Unfortunate circumstances, really, I had to take a detour"
It was a short and vague story, but ruthless bandits from the north are not unheard of, it makes sense the very least. I lower my stance and beckon the unnamed man to follow me. If he had any ill intentions I have the forest to my advantage.
As the stranger follows behind me, I could see closer of his features that I had not noticed in my panic to distance myself away from me. His skin is too tan for a northerner and lack the pale, blond skin they usually posses. Instead he has thick, wild chocolate curls that border his slightly crestfallen eyes.
The walk is silent, even as the sun set behind the faint shadow of the mountains and the sky turned into a gloomy shade of mauve. We finally see the first signs of civilization as the green thins out into stone roads with houses set alight by warm flickering lanterns. It's time we part ways.
"I never got your name"
"You don't have to, we'll never cross paths again" I reply bitterly
"I doubt that" the brunette man said with a curt smile, "Antonio Carriedo, thank you for guiding me through that god awful wilderness"
He extends a hand for me to shake. It's been awhile since someone has been this civil to me, it really is a nice change of scenery, not that it will last, but strangers tend to bring blissful ignorance with them.
"Then I suppose you should stick to the road next time" I paused, pushing the ebbing anxiety down my throat, "Lorenzo. Enjoy your stay in Grecis, Antonio" my eyes locked with his strangely captivating emerald-tinted ones one last time before I ventured deeper into the dimly, but warmly lit town, with Antonio's silhouette slowly fading in the distance. As I drift away to sleep, my thoughts stray back to my plans for the following day.
Grecis, out of all the surrounding kingdoms outside the woodlands, is the nearest and by far the safest one I can be in. It's a small seaside kingdom with amiable inhabitants, welcoming to people of all kinds. It offers a lot of opportunities available for people passing by like me. If all goes well, I'll be staying for three more days to land myself a temporary job that can buy me what I need to last for at least a month.
However it seems like luck isn't on my side today as I've sauntered the abundantly sunlit cobblestone roads of Grecis the whole afternoon and found no opportunity to replenish the gold I've used up for lodging and whatnot.
After I've thoroughly scoured the area, I realised that there is a subtle reason for the lack of trade and vibrancy the small town used to have. Apparently, Grecis isn't the only one suffering this state. After asking locals who were willing to talk to me, I discover news about recent disarray in the North, Gervanya, specifically, retelling about disputes over an empty throne and a halt in important trading economy as a result.
Strange, for a moment my mind wandered to that strange man I've met yesterday, didn't he mention he hailed from the north?
Maybe the bandits excuse was a legitimate one after all. People would be pillaging each other in no time without a leader to keep them all in control, just like a shepherd is to his sheep.
I scrunch my eyebrows in annoyance; all this political nonsense makes me feel exhausted. My three days stay is officially shortened to one and a half, as I head back to my room to gather my bearings and eat one last meal before leaving for...
For where exactly?
Idelia is the next nearest kingdom, which God knows I'm never setting foot in again. Gervanya should be the next plausible place, if it hadn't fallen into a political mess infested with its own people in disarray. And it takes out everything kingdom in the west because I'd have to pass Gervanya to get anywhere beyond that, and any route taken otherwise would take me weeks on foot.
I almost rip the map, yellowed and torn at the edges in age, in frustration, and I would have if someone hadn't torn it in the middle with a dagger that clearly held the Royal Idelian insignia.
Shit.
"We meet again, Vargas"
All of my plans are thrown out of the window in which I promptly follow suite, landing on a canopy of a fruit stand in front of the inn. The vendor's complains fall deaf on my ears, my own drumming heartbeat drowning out the sounds while I flee the guards hot on my trail.
Whatever the reason behind the Idelian royal guards visit in Grecis is beyond me, and I could care less if there isn't this part of me that knows their arrival directly stems from me.
The heat of the scorching afternoon sun weaves itself with whatever panicked sense of direction I have as my feet skids across the patchy stone path in an attempt to take a sharp turn into a narrow path that I fancy hiding in.
It felt like running into a wall, but I was hell sure it wasn't a wall, walls don't have wild, rolling chocolate curls nor pools of green that stare into your soul.
"Lorenzo!"
"Wh- wha- Antonio?"
"Hello Lorenzo! Fancy running into you again"
Shit, shit shit, this is not going well.
"You look a bit in a hurry, what's wro-"
Antonio's concerns gets cut off by none other than the leader of the Idelian royal guards, I feel my blood run cold. This is it, all those six years of hiding, surviving for naught.
"Playtime's over, you have nowhere to run"
I never should have left the solace of my home; I should have learned how to fend for myself. My mind turns blank and my scarf started to fall into ashes under the grip of my hand, this is it, the day I knew would come. I'll be burned at stake for having power I never asked for.
Life is so cruel and unfair.
I expect the guards dragging me any second now, they'll drag me all the way to Idelia and there I'll face the past I left behind.
But it never happened.
Instead a shadow cast over my figure almost like a comforting blanket, Antonio blocks the guards from approaching any further.
"I think you made a mistake sirs, this is my good friend Lorenzo, we're just travelers passing by"
"Silence boy, hand over the necromancer"
I could almost hear the northener's eyes go wide. He echoes the word 'necromancer' under his breath and faces me. His lips are slightly parted, eyes hidden under those thick curls. I resign to my fate; Antonio would be no different than the others. He'll step aside and hand me over without any qualms, he'll forget I ever existed.
Time seem to slow down as he take steady strides toward me. His hands soft but calloused at the fingertips, clasp my arm in a vice-like grip. I wanted to break free of his hold, but I found no strength to do so.
The colors fade away and the sounds turn mute. I dare look at the stranger's eyes, greener than any meadows, rarer than emeralds. I hear his voice, soft and hushed, over the aphasic sounds of the world
"I found you"
He looked at me like I had the sun in my eyes. His lips that were slightly parted are now pulled in a smile. Antonio's hands suddenly found its way to my hands and there he held them securely and comfortingly unlike the cold vice-like grip on my shoulders earlier.
Time went quickly as it slowed down, bringing me back to the cobblestone roads of Grecis in a sprightly pace. A grin creeps upon my lips, I live for another day.
The skies overhead paled from burning vermillion to a soft violaceous hue as our hurried footsteps diminished into nothing but faint rustles on the grass carpeted soil.
At this very moment I never felt so alive, even as I continue to draw my breath hungrily from the cool forest air and even as the sun begin to set behind the blocky outline of Grecis, dusk always has something in store for me.
Whether it's an ashen curse or a blessing with green eyes.