Hope you enjoy the amusing drabble!

Max and the Animal Crackers

"Max?"

"Alec."

"Question."

"What?"

"What's with the animal crackers?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Max. You bring animal crackers to lunch, like, every day."

"Yeah, so what? There some law against animal crackers?"

"Well, no."

"So what's the problem?"

"It's just...the way that you eat them."

"With my mouth?"

"Yes. I mean no. Not that, specifically. You never noticed that you're...a little bit barbaric?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Alec?"

"Max, I've seen a lot of people eat animal crackers. But never quite like you do."

"I'm not following you, Alec. Have you been sniffing Play Doh again?"

"That's irrelevant."

"Then make your point."

"Max, when you eat animal crackers, you kind of bite off the heads of all the animals first. Then you eat the rest of them, limb by limb."

"I do NOT."

"Yes, you do. I've seen it. So has everyone else. Max, I'm actually representing a lot of really disturbed Jam Pony workers here. We kind of want you to...well, stop."

"Honestly, Alec, I don't know what you're talking about. I do not eat animal crackers like that."

"I think you're in denial."

"I'm not in denial, damn it!"

"We've got you on tape."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Oh my God."

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Max? Any underlying anger?"

"Shut the hell up, Alec."

"That's progress."

"I really can't believe this. Why would I eat animal crackers like that?"

"I think we both know why, Maxie."

"Excuse me?"

"You're obviously angry with yourself. When you bite off the head of an animal cracker, and then ravenously sever all its limbs with your teeth, you're obviously reflecting your own rage at yourself."

"You think I relate myself to a moose cookie?"

"Yes."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Yes, Max, in fact I do."

"I think I'm reflecting my rage at you."

"Huh?"

"Yes, Alec, I think I want to bite off your head and then sever your limbs with my teeth."

"That's...comforting."

"Yep, when I'm chomping, tearing, shredding, crunching, and pulverizing my animal crackers, it is obviously your face in my head."

"Um, Max..."

"Shall we discuss the other ways I'd like to hurt you?"

"No, Max, I think I'm gonna leave now."

"I think that's your best insight yet. Oh, and Alec?"

"Um, yes?"

"Burn that tape."

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