Stuck in my Mind – A Revan Story
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, that's Disney, go blame them if you're upset about their canoness.
Warning – Comedy Centered, so expect nonsense.
Revan was held captive for hundreds of years by the Sith Emperor, what was he thinking that entire time?
Within a large swirling blueness that seemed to exert more blueness the more you looked at it, four figures appeared within. Above them a sign that said REVAN'S MIND was hung from what appeared to be a destroyed space station.
One, a middle aged man with non-descript facial features was looking at charts that he had placed around the blueness. Another, a middle aged-yet-younger-than-the-man women with non-descript facial features was meditating. The third was a droid that was shooting what appeared to be wompa rats in the distance, every so often shouting "DIE MEATBAGS". The last figure was a bald man with blue stripes on his head and a facial mask.
Revan looked up at his friends and stated in a very clear voice, "Droids are the answer".
"What are you going on about now?" Meetra Surik asked as she turned around.
"How to defeat the Emperor after I'm out of here. We should just spam as many droids as possible, surround him and blast the heck after him. It's brilliant I say, brilliant!"
"But master, I already tried that against you and that failed." Malak reminded him remembering his own failures to kill his own master."
"Yes but you didn't do it right. Your attempts to defeat me were extremely flawed. The first time you tried you failed to kill me, all you did was kill all of the other Jedi that were there that were not Bastila."
"You were going to die!"
"Yes, but I didn't. Point is, make sure your opponent is actually dead. The second time was on the Endor Spire."
"I didn't even know you were THERE!"
"I ran into your apprentice though, and he had no idea who I was. He was so weak that Trask gave him a hard time."
"There is no evidence that he had trouble fighting him!"
"I managed to get all of the way to the escape pods while fighting Sith troops, get in one with Carth, and made it all the way to the surface of Taris without being seen by any other Sith, and your apprentice never caught up. Anyways, I digress. There's the bombing of Taris, the bounty hunter Calo Nord, oh yes. The next time we actually met was on the Leviathan. There, I and my motley crew somehow manage to overpower your entire capital ship crew and take out Saul Karath. Then, instead of blasting everyone aside and fighting me in a one-on-one duel like how we were doing, you put everyone into a TEMPORARY stasis when you began fighting me and then attempted to stun me as well."
"You were in a stasis!"
"A mild set back, anyways, you then allowed Bastila to hold you off single handedly while the rest of us escaped to the Ebon Hawk. Yada yada yada, stuff happened, then the Star Forge, the topic I was trying to get to originally. The Star Forge can create an infinite amount of droids and warships. That raises the question, why would you not have it constantly create more droids and ships during the final fight?"
"I did and sent the droids at you!"
"But they came in waves so I had time to rest. Even the Sith that were with them came in the same waves. Carth actually managed to get through full renditions of "So many people I know are assholes", "I really wish my boss was female", "Now I am the Master", "We are the Republic", and "Down You Go!" between waves." Revan shivered as he remembered Carth's singing. "While pretty good, some off those songs creep me out."
"But Master-"
"No Malak, don't interrupt. Anyways stuff happens, I redeem Bastila by kissing her, stuff happens, and then we fight. I barely hit you then you start proclaiming that you are invincible by draining the life out of the Jedi you had captured."
"I don't remember that."
"That's because I went back in time and turned you into a dancing Twi'lek. That was fun."
"WHAT!"
"Oh don't worry, I turned you back, obviously. Anyways, the fight would have been a lot harder had you had droids continuously interrupting our fight. That's one reason why I believe that spamming droids would be helpful."
"But Revan, I had assassin droids after me nearly constantly along with three mad Sith that wouldn't take no for an answer. I don't believe that your "no rest" theory has enough weight behind it." Surik explained, rememberin the hordes of HK-50's.
"That's because they were all of inferior quality. Now if they were like our good buddy HK-47 here, they probably would have killed you."
"Delightful statement: And not even an ash of your meatbaggedness would have remained."
"By the way HK, why are you in my mind?"
"Answer: I am always searching for more ways to properly serve you master, such as building a shield generator in here to keep out that nosy meatbag."
"KILL THEM ALL"
"I was wondering where the Emperor was in all of this, he can't hear us right?
"Optimistic statement: Only if you want him to."
"Delightful, after we get out of here we're going to the Foundry."
"The what master?"
"The Foundry, it basically is another Star Forge."
"How do you know about it?"
"I just do. Hopefully bad plot device and writing don't get me killed by a small boarding party."
"Impassioned statement: All will Die before they get a chance."
Many years later – Pre Healing stations everywhere
Four people stand in front of HK-47.
"Guys this is the fourteenth time we're fighting him."
"Stop dropping in and out of connection guys."
"This is my fourth party."
"How did Revan come up with the idea of droid spamming?"
The End
A/N
Thank you for reading this. I was playing KOTOR when I came up with this idea. The idea I wanted to go with first was a KOTOR going in the direction of the movie The Emperor's New Groove, complete with modified songs. However I have no idea how I'd get that started.
While the above did not happen to me exactly, I have had instances where I get stuck fighting HK-47 because my teammates keep dropping in and out both during and in-between attempts to kill him. The game's bosses have gotten a lot easier though with the addition of healing stations everywhere.
For anyone waiting one a Gundam fanfic (of which I believe there is none), all I can say is I have nothing. I'll get to writing something eventually, but the next fic probably also won't be Gundam.
As always if you have criticisms, compliments, ideas on what to write, ideas how to do better, corrections, etc, send me a message/review. I'll get back to you when I check my account.