I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I do not own this Christina Aguilera song.
I love this song so much…starting today. So I decided to make a songfic.
His red spikes bounced as he walked through the almost transparent hallways. His black coat was tossed aside onto the floor. Axel lay down in his bed. Normally, he would have gone to the clock tower to meet Roxas, his best friend. But that would most likely never happen again. And it was because of him. Roxas had walked away from the Organization, and it was because of him.
In his black tank top and black pants, Axel lay in his white bed and – in his mind – remembered what it was like to feel sorrow. So he was 'remembering' how to be sad. If he had a heart, he would have known that he was sad.
Seems like it was yesturday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were, but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today.
If only Axel had known that keeping secrets from Roxas and not telling him the truth when confronted…would have led Roxas to leave.
I would hold you in my arms.
Mentally, he would.
I would take the pain away.
If he had believed that he and Roxas could feel pain, he would never want his best friend to be subjected to it. But…he didn't, so he couldn't recognize how much he and Xion had affected him emotionally.
Thank you for all you've done…
Roxas gave Axel a friend. He had given him what he thought to be inaccessible to him. He had given him purpose.
Forgive all your mistakes.
Heh…the naïve little idiot.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won't be there.
As much as he had never believed that he could miss, he did. Everybody in the Organization could. Axel knew he missed Roxas, but no one else did.
"Roxas," breathed Axel. "I'm sorry." He had thought it was Roxas' fault that he had become so weak in the eyes of the Organizatino. That he couldn't be as strong as he had. That he was just incapable of being nice to him for as long as Roxas had been to him.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do! And I've hurt myself by hurting you.
"Karma is horrible," Axel said to himself, adding an empty laugh after. "Just like me."
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit. Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss. And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this.
He didn't want his own free, personal therapist. That's what Roxas could have been if he had emptied out everything to him.
And it was because he just was not able to express himself worth crap that he had lost his best friend.
What would have happened if he was able to? If Roxas had known every little detail whenever Axel felt like telling him every little detail?
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
Probably not. Axel was just…not all that, in his own eyes. In the eyes of Roxas, Axel was a freaking sage. Until he hurt him by keeping him in the dark.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance; to look into your eyes and see you looking back.
At least, it would be nice to see Roxas again. It would be nice to seem him and to know that he actually recognized Axel – that Axel wasn't some stranger to him.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do! And I've hurt myself…
If I had just one more day…
He would apologize. He would tell him everything. He would just let Roxas know that he cared in his own, impossible way.
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away!
But if Axel were to go up to Roxas at this point and tell him that…that would just be creepy. Instead of being his typical, happy, understanding, idiotic self, the blond would just run away screaming.
It's dangerous. It's so out of line to try and turn back time.
Saix and Xemnas would have his ass for breakfast if he tried to make unsupervised contact with his best friend. Plus, if Roxas did remember him – remember everything – he wouldn't want to hear another word.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do…
Axel was weak. It wasn't because of Roxas. It was because Axel needed Roxas. It was because Axel kept everything from Roxas without remorse…until now, anyway.
And I've hurt myself…
"Everything about this just stinks," Axel whispered to himself, choking back a tear. He looked to his right, at his window. An envelope sat on the windowsill. Pulling himself off of the bed, he walked silently to the white envelope without a breath. His gloved fingers opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of wood.
A dry Popsicle stick was held in between his index finger and thumb. In capital letters, the stick read, 'WINNER'.
"Yeah, I'm winning, all right," sputtered Axel, letting the tears roll down his face. Unless anyone walked in the room, he could cry all he wanted.
…for hurting you.
…Hope you liked it…