iHave to Cry
A/N: An I Can't Cry for Carly after the iOMG. I thought she could use one just as much as Sam did. So….
Carly's POV
What just happened? Sam and Freddie, kissing! I know they had before, but that was nothing, they reassured me a million times it was nothing. But was it nothing? Right now I couldn't tell, and I really didn't want to know.
I didn't want them to see me. I just wanted to be alone before anything else happened. Without speaking to Gibby, I ran to the girl's bathroom. It was empty. I got lucky. Without thinking of who could walk in, I started to cry. I just let the tear flow from my eyes, my make-up running, my eyes turning red, my nose running, my head starting to pound. I didn't care about anything else, I just kept crying, letting my hidden feelings come out all at once.
I heard a noise. Quickly I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. They would ask questions. They would want answers. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to give them the answers they wanted. I grabbed a few paper towels and quickly ran into one of the stalls, sat down on the toilet, and pulled my feet up.
I didn't recognize the shoes or voices that entered the bathroom. I just let the flood the silent air around me. The conversation was pointless, happy, with laughter and most likely smiles. I couldn't take it, tears started to fall from my eyes once more. I couldn't even listen to two random girls talk about happiness when I was this upset.
But what did I have to be upset about? It wasn't like I was with Freddie anymore. It wasn't like there was ever going to be a me and Freddie any time soon. There was really no reason for me to be jealous, but I was, really jealous. And I couldn't help myself from feeling this way.
I was alone again, I could hear the silence echoing off the bathroom walls again. But I did not move from my spot, I did not want to risk someone seeing me.
Gibby would be wondering where I went, and Spencer would be getting feisty in that box. Freddie and Sam must be back with Brad, pretending nothing had ever happened. Everyone would be working on their projects, not thinking anything of the two people who might or might not have a thing going on between them. But I knew, and it kept beating at me from the back of my head.
I don't know why, but I just had to cry. I had to let my tears flow from my eye for all the pain that I all of a sudden felt for the simple kiss my two best friends shared when they thought no one would see them. I had to let go of the pain I was feeling, and let my emotions just get the better of me for a while, while I still could.
I heard the door open again. This time I recognized the shoes. They were Sam's. I couldn't move. I held my breath, too nervous to even take one small suck in, and for fear that she would hear something. I couldn't tell what she was doing, or why she was doing it. There was no sound in the bathroom, if I couldn't see Sam's shoes, I would've thought she wasn't there.
I heard the door open again, and the water quickly turned on. I heard the sound of someone pulling paper towels from the dispenser. Then a voice of some girl from my science class say, "Hey, Sam, you seen Carly. Gibby said she ran off and he hasn't seen her for some time."
"No," Sam's voice was level, normal even, as if nothing had even happened with her and Freddie. "Haven't seen her since I had a small fight with her."
"Oh," The girl said, as if she had just heard something that made her uncomfortable. "Well… if you see her, can you tell her Gibby is looking for her."
"Will do," Sam answered in her usual annoyed Sam way. I couldn't take it. How could she be so calm when I was dying inside. I could feel fresh tears already running down my cheeks.
I listened as the door the bathroom opened and closed again. Then it was just me and Sam, who had no idea I was here. I held my breath, just to be sure that she wouldn't hear me. I heard Sam let out a big breath.
"Pull it together," I heard her whisper. "Why are you doing this?" Then she was laughing. Why did her happiness make me so upset. I should be happy for her, but all I wanted to do was cry. I just had to cry. So I did.