You try to avoid the gaze of Black Canary. You've practiced what you're going to say over and over. You knew what you had to do on the mission and you're actually alright with it. Every hero has to face that decision. You were just able to understand it earlier than everyone else. You and Batman had already talked about this. He understands you're almost apathetic acceptance of their deaths and the mission. The first time you realized how high the mission ranks vs. what you will sacrifice-it was just you and Batman and you were nine and cried. He comforted you and explained it all to you. You understand it clearly now-The Hero Dilemma-as you call it, but a lot of people still don't and of course not a lot-you're probably, once again, one in a million-who understand and accept the dilemma; especially for a child at your age. So you lie because lies are easier for people to believe than this.
"Hurting? Try traumatized." You bow your head lower to try and show you're upset. Your hands are pressed together and dangling between your legs. You know you must look pathetically upset and troubled but that's the point. Sell the lie. "I finally become leader and I wind up sending all of my friends to their deaths." You glance up at Black Canary momentarily to check her facial expression. She believes you. Be sure to stutter, you remind yourself.
"I-I know I did what I had to but I hated it. When we started this team I was desperate to be in charge." Sprinkle some truth in there. "But not anymore." And back to the lying. "And-and that's not even the worst of it." It's time for the finally. You bow your head lower and sheepishly and guiltily look at the ground. "Y-you can't tell Batman." You soak your words with regret, sorrow and many other emotions.
"Nothing leaves this room." She sounds sympathetic. She believes you. She believes the lie.
"I always…wanted-" You look down then back up at her. "-expected to-to grow up and-and b-become him and-and…" You look up at her. You have to sell this final act. "the hero bit, I'm still all in! But that thing…" The Hero Dilemma, what you have had and learned at an early age. (Too early?) No, never, better earlier rather than later. "inside of him…" You also have it inside of you. "The thing th-th-that drives him to sacrifice everything for the sake of the mission…" Big finish… "that's not me. I-I-I don't wanna be The Batman anymore." You exhale the last word as if you've just lifted a heavy burden.
You don't need to look at her to see the pitying expression on her face, one you've seen far too many times. You've sold the lie, accomplished this mission and you've sacrificed part of your pride and reputation. All for the mission. Sacrifice-it's part of the dilemma.
HoKay so...
I'm so sorry if its kinda bad I just wanted to get it posted for all of you *sob* don't hate me for my awful grammar and spelling!
I'm going to say this is complete for now...but I may go back and do each characters but who knows
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feathers!