Author: Green Owl
Title: Photuris XII: Sweetest Goodbye
Disclaimer: I don't own or buy/sell/process this mind crack - I just abuse the hell out of it.
He supposed he should've been scared o' her.
He was not a smart man, but there were helluva lotta things Jayne Cobb had come to know about River Tam.
She was genius-smart an' there weren't much in this 'verse that she didn't know or couldn't pick up right quick. She had a wicked sense o' humor, a wickeder left hook, an' the wickedest mouth he'd ever been intimately acquainted with. It was downright gifted at makin' his eyes roll back up in his head when she had him "in her clutches" so to speak – oh yeah, that woman was more than capable o' sexin' him until he was a sightless, shriveled shell o' a man.
As the blast doors opened, Jayne discovered yet 'nother thing about her.
River Tam – all hun'red-five soakin'-wet pounds o' her – had just taken out as many Reavers as he had universal standard years under his belt…without gettin' a single scratch on her.
Jayne knew she was good.
He had no idea she was that good.
My sweet fluffy Lord, darlin', ain't ya just the most xiān měi thing I ever seen?
But then the walls caved in behind her an' a baker's dozen o' those purple bellies swarmed 'round her, all their firepower aimed at his girl an' hollerin' at all o' them to lay down arms.
Jayne slowly removed his hands from his guns, unwillin' to do anythin' that might make 'em let a stray bullet rip through her even though it went against everythin' in his 'verse-renowned antagonistic disposition.
"Targets are acquired. Do we have a kill order?" one o' 'em said in a cold, antiseptic voice muffled by his helmet. "Do we have an order?"
God's balls, Jayne swallowed hard when he saw her fingers clench 'round the axe's handle, the movement liftin' the blade a bit higher an', makin' the blood collect an' drip an' fall to the floor. He saw clear as day it in the set o' her shoulders – she weren't goin' down without a fight, no ruttin' way, no ruttin' how.
He was sweatin' gorram bullets as he saw those troops' fingers tighten on their triggers. They weren't gonna give her a chance to take any o' 'em out, even if it meant splatterin' her all over the room.
Please, Lord an' Lady, if yer out there right now an' listenin', please let her get outta here alive. I'll do the righteous thing…I'll – I'll make good on my vow. Just let her survive and I'll kiss it all the sweetest goodbye…
An' like an answer from heaven, the smooth criminal voice o' the Operative came loud an' clear through the speakers: "Stand down, stand down…it's finished."
When they lowered their weapons an' she turned her head to face him, Jayne's heart finally descended into his ribcage where it belonged.
"We're finished."
If anyone asked him in his after years when he realized that he'd fallen for her, Jayne would have to say it was the moment that she smiled at him – bloody sword an' bloodier axe still gripped firmly in her hands – flipped a stray lock o' gore-soaked hair behind her shoulder an' said, "May I have tea and dumplings now?"
Unfortunately, recognizin' that he had soft-headed sentiments for her didn't help him one bit in gettin' close to his girl at all in the followin' days.
First, there was the issue of almost everybody needin' to be patched up.
Kaylee an' the Doc were the quickest outta the infirmary – but Kaylee's heart was near-broke by the sorry state Serenity were in an' Doc kept on fussin' o'er the rest o' 'em.
Mal had gotten the ever-lovin' go se kicked outta him by the Operative an' needed major reconstructive surgery on his kneecaps, his internal organs an' – most appropriately, to Jayne's thought-processin' – his face. He was in a bad way since his blood type was pretty damn rare an' the only person who'd ever been able to donate was Wash...an' Wash was takin' an eversleep in one o' those silver tubes they'd used in the hospital heist all those months ago.
Zoe had the double-whammy o' gettin' her spinal column patched up an' discoverin' she was "a lil' bit preggers", 'bout three weeks' worth, if the doctorin' people's estimates were correct. Thankfully she was out cold, her body merciful 'nough to shut down so she could have a few more dreams o' her man before they had to put him in the ground.
Jayne himself had taken a couple o' slugs to the right shoulder an' much as he hated to admit it, the holes they left were smartin' something vicious as he recuperated in his medbed, bored silly with watchin' space operas an' waitin' for his girl to come 'round and see him…which she didn't, much to his confoundery.
The only two that made it outta there with nary a scratch were 'Nara an' River. 'Nara spent most o' her time lookin' after one very insensible Cap'n.
An' River…well, for some unseen reason, she spent most o' her time sittin' next to Zoe or holed up with one very mindful Operative.
Jayne didn't question it at first. She had a lotta things to work out if'n she was ever gonna get healed up. Mebbe that odd man had answers to some o' her questions. Still, it was downright exasperatin' that she had higher priorities than him.
But then he remembered his promise an' told hisself to leave it be an' go to sleep. He knew she'd come to him when she was good an' ready an' it weren't no good idea to be doin' no sexin' if it were just gonna rip open his shoulder again.
Durin' one o' his more coherent moments, he looked to his left an' saw his girl standin' next to a sleepin' Zoe, one hand on the woman's belly, 'nother on her forehead.
Hey, darlin', he thought at her, whatcha doin'?
"Wash wanted to say goodbye to his son," she whispered tenderly, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Wanted to wish him sweet slumber, inside his mother and out…tell him they will meet each other in dreams…"
Jayne's breathin' was uneven as her eyes met his.
"Knew her body, knew something was different," she said, smiling through her tears. "Wanted to tell her he forgave her for meddling with his concentration that night."
How'd'ya know all that, River-girl?
"Once there were millions," she answered, her eyes glitterin' as she looked down at Zoe. "Now there are only two."
I thought they were all gone when we left Miranda. What happened? Did that Operative do somethin' to ya – ?
"These were invited," she said, interrupting his thoughts as her eyes drifted shut. "They will stay until it is time to say goodbye."
Ya mean ya called others to be in yer mind? That ain't smart, darlin'!
"If you cannot do something smart, do something right," she replied. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "You must rest. Your colors are almost set."
I been meanin' to ask ya 'bout that "colors" stuff ya been yammerin' on 'bout –
She smiled at him as she smoothed her palm over Zoe's forehead. "Sleep, Cobb. Soon there will be lamentation and all will be explained in the fullness of time."
Jayne wanted listen to his desire to get to the bottom o' things, but settled for listenin' to his body an' went back to sleep.
She hadn't said goodbye yet, so he knew she would be back…
They had the funerals for Book, Wash and Mr. Universe on Haven three days later.
Jayne gave her space, standin' back, mutely lovin' her with all he had in him as she 'ttached the goodbyes to the little rocket that would send the ashes of their dearly departed into the atmo.
He was not a smart man, but he recognized this weren't no time for him to be pushin' for her to come to him.
This here was time for him to honor Shepherd Book, who never made Jayne wrong for any o' his many, many failin's, just tried to point him in the right direction an' show him the way. Jayne lit up the cigar he'd saved an' smoked it in remembrance o' a fine human bein'…prob'ly the one person in the 'verse who never would've made Jayne feel like some toad tryin' to eat swan's flesh for the way he felt 'bout the girl standin' 'cross from him.
It was time for him to pay tribute to the licensed pain-in-the-pi gu known as Hoban "Wash" Washburne, who always made Jayne feel like he was part o' the family each time he teased him unmercifully, an' always managed to get 'em down on the dirt alive an' in one piece.
It was also time to show proper respect for Mr. Universe, who'd gotten hisself executed 'cause he had the guts to tell Parliament to bite the hairy bird an' relay the message from Miranda. Jayne always had a high regard for those who fought the law, even if they didn't win the battle.
An' time to 'ppreciate Mrs. Lenore the LoveBot™, who'd insisted on bein' deactivated an' buried with her husband. She told 'em they'd best scrap her an' burn her with her man 'cause she said her programmin' made it unfeasible for her to ever graft to 'nother.
Commitment, pure an' simple, Jayne thought as he glanced at the headstone for Lenore an' her slimy little rodent o' a husband who'd reliably hit on Zoe near every time they'd ever waved him.
Zoe…Jayne felt true sorrowfulness as he watched her approach the rocket, graceful an' regal in her mournin' dress.
Weren't no power in the 'verse that could ever take away that kinda dignity, he thought as he watched her light the fuse.
'Cross the way, he saw his girl's lips lift for a moment, as if she were sharin' some kinda sweet, secret sorrow with herself. She looked lovely, lost, an' all kinds o' lonesome as she stood there. Her brother weren't payin' her no attention, caught up as he were in holdin' onto Kaylee.
Jayne wanted to go to her, hold her, touch an' feel that she was real, tell her she weren't never gonna be alone no more, not if'n he had somethin' to say 'bout it…but it weren't time for that neither.
So he turned his eyes heavenwards as he said goodbye to his fallen family members an' sent his tenderness to her, trustin' it to cross the eternity that lay between 'em.
He could be patient.
He could wait.
After the third week, Jayne was ruttin' tired o' waitin' and he weren't so sure his gorram patience was gonna last much longer.
They were in dry dock on New Melbourne, repairin' the ship now that their bodies were in a state that made it possible to concentrate on somethin' other than pain or smoothers to take the edge offa the pain.
His arm had healed up good an' he was overseein' the removal o' the Reaver platin' on the ship. Mal hadn't had to ask him or nothin' – Jayne volunteered, due to his background in weldin' an' his desire to see Serenity restored to her former, if questionable, glory. He's also volunteered to take o'er Wash's old duty o' makin' breakfast.
This was his thirteenth mornin' in a row gettin' up an' makin' first-meal for the crew an' his mood was not 'xactly amiable as he made his way down the fore passage. Couldn't be helped, though, 'cause the other possible options were plainly unfeasible.
Jayne sincerely doubted 'Nara even knew how to do anythin' more'n makin' tea. Zoe's mornin' sickness was makin' her ornery an' useless as all get-out before noon an' she'd taken to sleepin' in as late as she could. Mal was for all intents an' purposes inhuman before his first three cups o' coffee; he was more likely to empty his magazine into the stovetop than cook somethin' on it. An' Simon an' Kaylee were lost causes with all o' their many, many rounds o' noisy mornin' sexin' that made Jayne unashamedly eager to get outta his bunk each cycle before it started. That left him or his girl an' she hadn't made one lil' peep when Jayne raised his hand for the job, so he guessed she had her reasons for lettin' him play chef.
Jayne almost jumped outta his skin as he entered the galley an' saw his girl sittin' at the table, doin' somethin' with the hat his ma'd sent to him all those many months ago.
What the – !
Her voice was calm as she broken in, "I am repairing this for you. You must learn to take better care of that which is yours."
"Ya knit?" he asked, gettin' out the protein powder, a mixin' bowl an' a spoon.
"Yes," she replied matter-of-factly, not looking at him as her needles clicked furiously. "Knit, sew, cook, clean, plan dinner parties, perform moderately-skilled sex by mouth, all the essentials."
"Did I do or say somethin' to offend ya?" Jayne asked, dumpin' some o' the protein powder into the bowl. "Is that why yer in such a gorram snit an' ignorin' me?"
"No," she replied, removing her needles from the mended hat and laying it on the table. "The opposite, in fact. Goodbye!"
She got up an' stormed out, leavin' Jayne with a powerful urge to run after her an' find out what got her unders so bunchy.
But there was breakfast to be made an' not much time before Mal stumbled into the galley, yellin' that someone was gonna get shot in the groin if'n he didn't get his coffee "right gorram now!"
So Jayne grit his teeth an' ground the beans.
A few minutes later, the first few hungry crew members wandered in an' Jayne was more'n a might surprised to recognize 'Nara without her war paint an' Simon without his woman.
They passed on greetin' Jayne and went directly to the grindpot, mumblin' their gratitude as they poured out large mugs an' crawled to the table.
Jayne ladled the batter onto the griddle, rollin' his eyes as they exchanged creamer, sweetener an' pleasantries.
"Good morning, Inara. You look very nice – I trust you slept well?"
Yeah, she looks a whole lot better without all that face goop. Miracle she ain't got permanent skin damage from wearin' all that go se.
"Yes, thank you, Simon. You looked well-rested yourself."
Wouldn't know it from the 'mount o' screechin' comin' from Doc's lil' prairie harpy the whole gorram night, Miss Serra, no ma'am. My sweet fluffy Lord, but I need to get me some ruttin' earplugs!
Bored to tears o' their mindless chatterin', Jayne tried to tune them out as best he could while he stood over the griddle an' watched the bubbles form in the flapjacks.
A few seconds later, though, his attention was recaptured by the swanky twosome as they shotgunned their caffeine.
"River's gotten worse, but I can't figure out why," Jayne heard the Doc say to the Companion.
Actually, Simon whispered the words to 'Nara, but Jayne's hearin' was so gorram acute it was as if he'd shouted it clear 'cross the room.
He tried not to listen to the conversation an' failed miserably.
"I thought she was getting better," 'Nara said, sippin' her tea.
"I know," Doc said in a low tone. "Ever since that night that she waltzed into the cargo bay with Cobb, she'd been completely intractable…but since Miranda, she's been relatively coherent. Now she's become more and more introverted. And here's the odd thing – I found all of them yesterday – broken."
"All of them?" 'Nara asked, her eyes going wide.
Jayne kept one eye on the flapjacks an' the other on the doc, who was turnin' an interestin' shade o' scarlet.
"Yes. Picking them up and throwing them away was not the most embarrassing moment of my life, but it's in the top three."
'Nara placed a hand over Doc's and squeezed it gently. "Maybe I can talk to her? See what happened?"
"I know you have to pack," Doc protested.
They were due to upthrust later that week and be on their merry to Vanadis where the skinny criminal mastermind whose initials were T.F. Skelly had called them for a new job. On the way, Jayne expected they'd be dropping 'Nara off at her Companion training house.
"It's all right," she assured him. "I'll make time for her."
Jayne dished up the pancakes an' plopped them in front o' the two o' them as Mal stumbled into the room, brandishin' his pistol.
"Coffee. Now."
Jayne wordlessly handed him a mug with one hand as he flipped the new pancakes with the other.
Mal took an enormous gulp and lifted his eyes to Jayne as he swallowed. "You. Raise."
"How much?" Jayne asked, grinnin' at his own cleverness.
"Eleven," Mal grunted before he took another huge swig. "Make that twelve. Damn good coffee."
"Shiny," Jayne replied, pressin' his spatula down on the pancakes as his thoughts wandered back to his girl.
What could've gotten her so worked up? And what was it she broke…?
They took the cannon offa the ship that afternoon an' Jayne felt his shoulders achin' somethin' dreadful as he made his way down to the showers.
New Melbourne had the distinct advantage o' bein' a water-based world, which meant plenty o' fresh fish for dinner an' no shortage o' the good ol' world water for washin' the body. Jayne looked forward to a long, lengthy hot scrub as he opened the door to the cubicle an' stepped in.
He turned the knobs, sighin' as the hot water hit his achin' muscles. He placed his palms 'gainst the stall walls an' just stood there, lettin' the water cascade down his body an' wash away his tension.
Today, he thought as he took up the cleanser, worked it through his hair an' rinsed. It's gotta be today or I'm gonna go abso-ruttin'-lutely nuts an' do somethin' untoward…like have my way with her in the cargo bay, crew be humped an' rammed!
"Agreed."
He turned his head an' his eyes almost dropped outta his skull as she opened the door, nekkid as the day she burst into his life.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.
Jayne didn't say a word, just grabbed her by the arm, hauled her in an' slammed the door behind him.
She let him crowd her up against the stall, permitted him to kiss her forehead, nip at her cheekbone, nibble on her jaw before she put her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away from her.
He would have said somethin', but she pressed her fingertips to his lips an' shook her head, givin' him a downright simple wicked smile as she indicated that he should turn his body away from her.
He complied, feelin' a filthy-guilty thrill o' the very finest kind as she took his hands an' placed 'em flat 'gainst the wall.
I remember this position, he thought at her, colorin' his mental tone with more than a lil' lewdness and lasciviosity.
"Mm-hmm," she murmured as she took the cleanser and worked up a good lather.
He groaned with pleasure as she started at the back o' his neck an' went all the way down, soapin' an' massagin' at the same time. She took her sweet time 'bout it, too, workin' out all the kinks an' smoothin' out knots he'd all but given up on ever getting' rid o' with those magic hands o' hers. When she couldn't reach any lower, she ducked under his arm an' started on his front.
Jayne closed his eyes, rested his chin on the top o' her head, nuzzlin' her hair as she cleaned an' soothed him. Never in all his many years had anyone done anythin' remotely as fantastic as this for him...deep down he knew never wanted anyone else to do it for the rest o' his years to come.
He had to stop himself from pullin' away from her as her fingers found his ticklish spot, the stretch o' skin just under the muscle lines that delineated his thighs from his torso.
She looked up at that, tossin' her wet hair outta her eyes as she grinned at him.
Can I take my hands from the wall yet? he asked her in his mind as he lowered his face a lil' closer to hers.
She shook her head, her dark eyes glitterin' with a searin' blend o' mirth an' mischief.
Please, darlin', he pleaded, wanna touch ya somethin' dire.
She lowered her eyes and bit her lip as her hands met between his legs.
That – oh…yeah! That works for me, too!
Her hands were firm an' gentle an' Jayne had one helluva time tryin' to concentrate on breathin' as she applied herself to gettin' John Thomas as clean as she possibly could.
Jayne grit his teeth as she let her hands roam all over his man parts. Yet teasin' me, aren't ya?
She gave him a sweetly innocent look as she rolled her body up against his.
Bein' deliberately provokin', he continued as she pumped him slow an' sweet in her small, slippery fist. Tryin' to tempt me.
She shrugged delicately with one shoulder as she raised the opposite leg to wrap 'round his waist.
Ain't no saint, darlin', he mentally warned her as he pressed his lower body 'gainst hers. Been starvin' for the feel o' ya for too damn long. Might be inclined to misbehave if ya push too hard…
Jayne sucked in a harsh breath as she as she returned the motion. He was good gorram over an' done with bein' patient, more than finished with all this ruttin' waitin'.
Warned ya, River-girl, as he lifted her up without warnin' an' wrapped her other leg 'round his waist. Ain't nothin' but a mean, dumb sumbitch an yer gonna pay for this!
She arched her eyebrows slightly as if to say, I'm counting on it...
Jayne slammed his eyes shut, said "goodbye" to all his honorable intentions an' growled low as he thrust into her.
She whimpered softly an' he thought for one awful moment that he might've hurt her, but then he felt her arms wrap tight 'round his neck an' her inner muscles clench tight 'round him below an' he knew it was all good.
How'd'ya want it, hú li jīng…gentle 'n slow? Jayne rested his forehead 'gainst hers as he demonstrated a practical application o' the rhythm in question. Or hard 'n fast?
She gasped, digging her nails into his back as she voted for the second option.
Good answer, darlin', he praised her before unleashin' an all-out assault on her sweet lil' body.
She was ready for him, her teeth, tongue an' lips gettin' at all the sensitive spots along his neck while her nails gouged furrows up an' down his back. How he was gonna explain the new scratch marks to the doc at his next check-up, he had no gorram clue, nor did he much care. All that mattered was makin' it so ruttin' good for her that she wouldn't ever consider spendin' one more night away from him.
Jayne had no idea how he managed to make it last so long, but he was still holdin' her up at the end as she panted hot, fierce, senseless words o' encouragement in his ear. He shifted her weight to his left arm without breakin' rhythm an' splayed his hand across her stomach, usin' his thumb to drive her over the edge as he watched her cry out her pleasure loud enough for 'em to hear her all the way back on the Core. He wasn't far behind, feelin' like he was havin' a gorram heart attack or three as he swore a blue streak an' shuddered 'gainst her.
As soon as he could breathe again, he pulled outta her and let her down slow an' gentle, holdin' her close as the warm water continued to rain down on the two o' 'em. She moved her hands from his neck down his chest and 'round this torso to latch at the small o' his back, cuddlin' up to him in a way that made him go all soft inside. He slid his hand up, glidin' it over the soft slope o' her breast and her shoulder before grippin' her neck and forcin' her jaw up.
"Lookit me, darlin'," he ordered her. He inhaled sharply at the way his heart quaked when she raised her dark, satisfied eyes to his. "Got a few choice words I gotta say to ya, an' I don't want no interruptions, dong ma?"
She nodded, completely solemn.
"First thing ya gotta know is my kind o' life don't last. I ain't nothin' but a gun for hire, an' one o' these days I'm gonna find myself on the wrong end o' a bullet." He watched her eyes go wide with disquiet, but she didn't say a word. Jayne was pleased with her silent fortitude. "But until that day comes, River-girl, we stand together, the two o' us side-by-side...'cause I don't wanna live what's left o' my life without ya. And I wanna know whatcha think 'bout that."
He watched her eyes drift shut as somethin' harsh an' hurtin' cross her face.
"What is it, darlin'?" he asked her softly. "Did I say it wrong?"
She opened her eyes an' twin tears ran down her cheeks. She gave him that smile, that plucky, endearin' little smile that never failed to wrench his heart an' take his breath away.
"You do not have all the facts, Cobb," she whispered in a voice that held a 'verse o' hurt. "You have not fully examined the situation and cannot make an informed choice. There are many things that you should know, many things that I have not yet revealed."
"And just what are they?" he challenged. "Not much I don't think I can 't handle since I 'scaped becomin' Reaver Sunday brunch two times so far in my life."
She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes. "An excellent question."
He gazed down at her, as if memorizin' her face would unconceal the answers.
"People don't like to be meddled with," she said softly as she raised a hand to brush the wet hair from his brow. "But I have meddled…with you."
Jayne closed his hand 'round her wrist, completely flummoxed. "What in the seven hells ya talkin' 'bout, girl?"
Her chin quivered as she looked up at him. "I meddled in your life without your knowledge or your permission. You deserve to know the full extent to which I did this before you say anymore to me."
Jayne felt his heart sink. "Does this have somethin' to do with the colors ya been referrin' so many times?"
She nodded.
"An' those batteries an' that therapy yer brother was talkin' 'bout with 'Nara?"
She nodded again.
"Anythin' else I should know 'bout?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," she said. "And I will tell you all, but only after we have dressed and returned to Serenity."
"All right," he agreed, reachin' for the towel he'd slung over the shower door.
"Goodbye," she said, her heart in her eyes as she slipped out of his grasp and dashed for her towel and dress.
Jayne watched her go, feelin' washed-out an' more'n lil' sore in the ribcage. God's balls, would those gorram "goodbyes" never end?
When he got back to his bunk, he found she'd left a sheet o' paper on his bed.
It had the following words written on it:
Pen + Cob + Lamentation ?
Hippocrates + hysteria + treatment ?
Oxytocin + Dopamine + Prolactin ?
I will be in the common room when you are ready to speak with me
Jayne sighed as he picked up the piece of paper and headed for the bridge. Time to go do the math again.
"What are you doing?" Mal asked as he took his seat and started checking over the navigation controls.
"Research," Jayne grunted, looking for the "x" key.
"On what? You know I don't like it when you use the cortex for smut. Sets a bad example for our fellow crew members."
Jayne just shot him a menacin' look.
"Sor-ry!" Mal said, making a move to protect Wash's dinosaurs.
Typin' was not Jayne's forte. He'd never been big on readin', writin' or any o' those kindsa communication formats. He weren't no good at decipherin' letters easily, an' sittin' holed-up, tryin' to make out the words on the page didn't make near as much sense as gettin' hands-on in the natural world.
Out there he could read the signs, identify enemy an' the weapon or weapons he or she was usin', determine the proper trajectory to be able to get a clean shot off without the possibility of a miss.
Sittin' at the cortex, tryin' to spell words he'd never even heard of didn't make no amount o' sense, but she said there was somethin he needed to know.
So here he was, huntin' an' peckin' his little heart out as his Cap'n checked on Serenity's ability to get goin' on her merry.
"How do ya spell 'dopey mean'?" Jayne asked.
Mal looked over at him, eyebrows lifting atmo-wards. "You mean dopamine?"
"Yup, that's it," Jayne replied.
Mal spelled it out for him.
Jayne shook his head, readin' through the search results. "Hunh. Don't make no kinda sense."
"What?" Mal flipped three switches and quieted the throttle.
Jayne peered at the cortex. "Y'all gotta be kiddin' me!"
"What's that?" Mal leaned over, trying to read the screen, even though it was physically impossible to see anything.
Jayne didn't say a word, just signed off an' left the bridge.
Jayne stopped in the portal to the common room, looked her over leisurely.
She was sittin' on the couch, feet tucked up under her as she wrote in her journal. She knew he was there, but she weren't lookin' up, no, not at all. He knew she knew he was there because a faint pink blush was spreadin' out over her cheekbones an' her eyes wandered to the infirmary every now an' then, as if her brother would be of any use to her in the confrontation they were headin' for in the new few seconds.
He crossed his arms, lettin' his biceps bulge in what he figured was a menacin' display, willin' her to look at him.
She did, a minglin' o' fear an' hope cloudin' her eyes.
"Well, I always said as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted," he finally said, shakin' his head at her.
She hung her head, her blush intensifying.
Jayne sauntered through the room until he was standin' in front o' her.
"So ya think yer my pen?"
She nodded miserably.
"And I'm yer Cobb, so to speak?"
She nodded again, her shoulders drawing into her body as if to protect her from the severity in his voice.
He dropped to his knees, reached out a hand an' smoothed back her hair, his voice raw with emotion as he asked, "Why, River-girl? Why d'ya do this to yerself?"
"I…I did the math," she confessed, reluctant to look at him. "It made sense."
"I could've hurt ya, darlin'," he said softly, his heart thunderin' in his chest as he stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. "Could've hurt ya real bad. Told ya before, I'm the nastiest son-o'-a-whore yer like to run 'cross this part o' the verse."
She nodded, pressing her lips together.
"Ain't got a single redeemin' quality."
She raised her hand to hold his against her face.
"Not a one."
She raised her eyes to his and a tear spilled into his palm.
"Ya took a huge leap o' faith back a few months ago on somethin' that weren't likely to get fixed easy if'n it went wrong," he said, brushin' the track away with his thumb.
"Shepherd Book once told me that I can't fix faith," she whispered. "It can only fix me."
"Could've destroyed ya," he said, lacin' his fingers with hers.
"But it didn't," she protested.
"But it could've," he rebuked again, shakin' his head. "There ain't supposed to be people like that out here…there's only supposed to be people like me."
"Men like you are scarce," she said in a low, steady voice. "Like the rain, they come along only when they are needed most..."
He pressed his forehead to hers. "Ya trusted me with somethin' o' yers that had extreme sentimental value. Gods know what might've happened to ya if'n I abused it."
"I had to trust, Cobb," she replied, putting aside her journal and her writing implement. "I had needs."
"So did I," Jayne replied as he sat next to her, pullin' her close an' wrappin' his arms 'round her as she began shakin'. "And whether I like it or not, ya now happen to be one o' them."
"River…mei mei, are you all right?" her brother asked, stepping outside the infirmary cautiously and looking more than a bit perplexed at the sight of his little sister lyin' in the arms of the one person he never would thought she let near herself in a million years. "What's going on? Did he – did he do something to you?"
"Yes and yes," she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she smiled up at Jayne. "My cob has made me very, very glossy."
"Your Cobb?" Simon asked slowly.
"He changed his colors," she affirmed, smiling at her brother as she hugged Jayne close. "He is my cob...I am his pen…together we are a lamentation."
"A…what?"
"Swans, Doc," Jayne clarified, tenderly brushin' his girl's hair back from her face and dryin' her eyes with the edge o' his t-shirt. "She's sayin' we're swans."
"Swans?" Simon echoed, peering at the two of them.
"Swans," River repeated in a warm tone, touching Jayne's face as if it were all that had ever been sacred or holy in her 'verse.
Jayne looked down into hers. "Pen and cob."
River wrapped her arms around his neck. "And swans mate…"
"For life," Jayne finished, bendin' his head to kiss his woman square on the lips, soft an' gentle like she deserved.
Simon just stood there, completely ignored as the man-ape gone wrong kissed his little sister with all the tenderness and love River's brother never knew Jayne had in him. He felt powerless and more than a little out of place, as if he were intruding. So he stepped back into the infirmary and gave them some privacy before he chose his moment to go back out and deal with this unexpected development.
"Gorramit, darlin', ya sure are mightier than any sword," Jayne said breathin' heavy as he finally lifted his head. "Feel like ya just sliced open all my defenses an' then some."
"Pen agrees – very good for their first kiss," River whispered into Jayne's neck. "Cob would be her hero forever if the pair could retire someplace more private for the second."
"Wait! Where are you going with her?" Simon demanded, running out of the infirmary as he saw Jayne gathered his sister up in his arms.
"Got me important hero-type stuff to do," Jayne replied with a leer as he stood up and walked over to the portal, movin' through sideways so as not to hurt his girl.
"River, he is not a hero!" Simon bellowed, hands on hips. "I'll have you know this man-ape left me as a hostage in a whorehouse when we were on Vanadis!"
"Silly ge ge," River yelled back. "You were decidedly inebriated and it was the nicest place he could afford to store you to keep the policemen from arresting you. Nice bed, hot breakfast and freshwash and you have the temerity to complain? Wàng ēn fù yì!"
"If ya ain't got no more objections, Doc, we'll be in our bunk," Jayne declared before continuin' up the stairs.
"Goodbye," River called out, waving in her brother's general direction.
Jayne had no issues at all with her usin' the word in that context.
Simon would have objected strongly and strenuously, if not for the expression he saw in Jayne's eyes as he carried his little sister up the stairs. It told him, more effectively than any argument River could have formulated to sway him, that she would never be unkindly treated nor left behind by the mercenary she called her "cob".
"Suppose I should be more than a lil' upset at ya usin' me for sexin' all those times, shouldn't I?" Jayne asked, holdin' her close in the darkness after their second time participatin' in the aforementioned activity in the past hour. "And someone's gotta make ya pay for breakin' all those pleasure toys. Cost yer brother a ruttin' fortune an' ya never even used 'em!"
"Had no reason to with you around. But if you must, then I suppose you must." River smiled against his neck as she traced the scar she'd given him.
"Signed yer name 'cross my heart long time ago, didn't ya River-girl?" he whispered, catchin' her hand against his chest.
"You could say I was 'crazy for you'," she muttered, giggling into his shoulder. "I am so very sorry about that."
"I'm not," Jayne replied, bringin' up her left hand – the one that had wielded the butcher knife – to kiss it. "Surefire way to get my attention."
"I thought money was the best way to get your attention," she said.
"That, too," he admitted. "But, God's balls, how I love me a good tussle! Hadn't had one in a long while. Would've loved to've gone head-to-head with ya if'd just been the two o' us."
"Would have been interesting," she allowed. "Perhaps you would have made an advance then and I would have gotten better sooner."
"How did that work exactly, usin' sexin' as therapy?" he inquired, proppin' his head up on his hand.
She rolled towards him, slung a leg over his hip and scooted closer. "There's an antique form of thought that orgasm was a dependable treatment for anything that ailed a woman – very popular in Earth-That-Was in the Victorian Age and Ancient Greece. Inara recommended it to Simon as a possible way to calm me. She explained that in Companion training, the girls were given devices as soon as they showed interest in the physical act and they were told to use them as often as they had the urge. Supposedly it helped them to concentrate better. She asked Simon if he thought it would be a good idea for me to try it since medication did not seem to be working very well."
"How well did it work?" Jayne asked, smoothin' a hand down her back, curvin' round her backside, and trailin' down to the back o' the knee o' the leg she'd used to anchor herself to him.
"It did produce the desired results at first – stabilized my reality, calmed the voices," River admitted, her eyes drifting shut. "But then the effect started to wear off because it was so monotonous and predictable. I needed a source that was both reliable and impulsive. It came down to a choice between you and the Captain. I chose you."
"Why me?" he asked, kissin' her eyelids. "I've always wondered."
"You wanted me," she said softly. "Captain Reynolds has but one love – Serenity. I would never matter to him as much as she did. But from the first time you saw me, you wanted me. I wasn't Regan and Gabriel's daughter, Simon's sister, the bitte wunderkind. I was just River, and that seemed to be enough for you, psychoses and all. I knew that I could use that to my advantage. And you were much more physically appealing than the Captain. Much more to my taste."
He kissed her temple. "What taste is that?"
"Primal. Rough. Bestial." She shivered as she ran a hand down his chest. "I was not interested in some undersized, sanitary little boy who wanted to dress me up like a doll and eternally live in fear of breaking me. I wanted a big, mean dirty man who would strip me down and treat me like a real woman."
"Ya don't know how glad I am that I fit the bill, darlin'," he said, tremendously pleased with her answer. He kissed her nose. "And the money? Why did ya pay me? I prob'ly woulda done it free if'n ya asked."
"You are a mercenary and were under orders not to touch me," she replied, flexing her leg muscles and pulling him closer. "I knew you would never submit unless I used a combination of capital and coercion to make you comply. Does that make sense?"
"I suppose so," Jayne replied.
"And my other sins of omission?" she asked. "Do you forgive those as well?"
"Shè zuì…shè zuì quán dōu, pèi ǒu," Jayne whispered, kissin' her cheek.
"Before we progress any further, there are two more I must bring to your attention."
"What're they?" he asked, his mouth hoverin' over hers.
River stropped her lips against his throat, enjoying the scent of his skin. "I waved your mother three months ago and received her blessing to ask for your hand in marriage."
Jayne pulled back from her an' stared at her in the gloom. "Ya did what?!"
"Please don't be irritated," she entreated. "It was the only way I felt right collecting on my twenty-four hours of service."
"Yeah, but…my ma?"
"It is the custom in the Core," she explained. "Females court the males – it is considered incredibly ill-mannered to spend time with a son if the mother has not given her permission."
"Yeah, but weren't ya sexin' me a helluva lot before then?"
"Yes," she replied. "But that was just business. What we did when we were not naked and pleasuring each other, the spending of our time together, that was courtship."
Jayne considered her words before snappin' his fingers. "That's why it took yer brother so long to get in Kaylee's unders!"
"Correct," she replied. "Simon is a well-bred Core gentleman. He would never conceive of surrendering his virtue to a woman if he didn't have his mother's blessing…or his sister's."
"Ya didn't."
"I did," she replied, grinning. "Right before we disembarked at Mr. Universe's complex, I told Simon he had my consent to promise and deliver sex to Kaylee. Your instincts were spot on, by the way. Kaylee and Simon each acquitted themselves well in that battle. Not as well as you, but well."
"Ya weren't so bad yerself, darlin'." Jayne settled in a little more comfortably next to her, slidin' his arm under her head as she lifted it. "So what's the other thing ya forgot to tell me?"
She bit her lip. "Do you remember when Kaylee told you that Simon lost all of his money getting me out of the Academy?"
"Yeah?" he asked, kissin' her chin.
"Well…I didn't," she said, arching her back into his hand as he cupped her breast and teased her nipple
"Didn't what?" Jayne mumbled, kissin' her cheek, right next to her mouth.
"Lose…all of my…money," she answered, her breath starting to become raggedy.
Jayne pulled back again. "Hunh? What'd ya say?"
River smiled good-naturedly. "I'm affluent, fabulously so…indecently so, actually. I gained access to my trust fund when I turned eighteen."
"Wait a minute! Ya mean yer…"
"I regret to inform you that you are married to a very, very rich woman, Cobb," River said, kissing his chin. "You never have to do one lick of work for the rest of your life if it pleases you because we are – to use one of your more colorful phrases – 'rolling in it'."
"I'm dreamin'," Jayne said, rollin' onto his back an pullin' her with him. "Must be. Man like me don't get fortunate enough to fall in love with a woman with brains, beauty, breedin' an' bounty."
"Good thing she fell in love with you first and convinced you it was a sensible scheme," she said impishly as she straddled his hips and blanketed his chest with her own. "Shall I pinch you to convince you?"
"Only if'n ya wanna get smacked on yer pretty lil' backside, darlin'," he warned, massagin' the area in question. "Say it again."
"We're rich," she whispered.
"No, not that," he said, makin' a face. "The other."
She eyes went soft. "Wǒ ài nǐ, my Cobb. Shān méng hǎi shì."
"Two by two, River-girl," he said, rubbin' her back. "Love ya with all I got in me, an' then some."
"I know," she whispered. "Never would have kissed me on the mouth if you didn't."
"Had to save somethin' for my wife," he replied, grinnin' ear-to-ear as he waggled his eyebrows. "Considerin' almost everythin' else were for sale."
"Was it what you expected?" she asked in the darkness.
Jayne pulled her head down to his.
"Were there all the women in 'verse willin' for me to kiss 'em, I would still choose you to be my first…"
He kissed her once, light an' sweet.
"My last…"
He kissed her again, a little less chastely.
"My only…"
He was 'bout to kiss her somethin' hot an' heavy when she pressed her hands against his shoulders.
"Does this mean we get to share weapons?" she inquired. "I have a colossal hankering to try out Vera on the next heist."
"Don't push yer luck, Mrs. Cobb," he replied, pullin' her down to kiss him again.
"Actually, considering the ceremony we had, you are in reality 'Mr. Tam'," she pointed out, wriggling her hips atop his.
"What? Oh, hell no! Only one Mr. Tam on this boat an' he's prim an' prissy 'nough for b– " Jayne hollered before she silenced him with her mouth.
Much, much later, when her cob had been properly disciplined (if not out-an'-out brainwashed) by a combination of kissin', sexin' an' more kissin' an' sexin', the pen broached the subject again.
"Does it truly bother you?" she asked, feeding him a frozen grape.
"A little," he admitted with a shrug. "Seems a little awkward, havin' had my last name for so long an' all. I'd have to build up my badass mother-humper reputation all over again, ya know? Nobody's gonna be ready to foul themself when they hear Jayne 'Tam' is comin' to town – it just don't have no ominous sound to it. People prob'ly die laughin' first."
"Simon will surrender his last name when he weds with Kaylee," she commented, feeding him another grape.
"Ya serious?" Jayne replied, tryin' not to think about how tasty she looked, tendin' to him in nothin' but her skin. "Do I getta call him 'Small Frye' then?"
"Yes…poor ge ge," she said, smiling before she placed a grape between teeth and leaned forward to offer it to him.
He cupped her head with his hand and suctioned the grape from her mouth, lickin' the inside o' her bottom lip and makin' her shiver with all kindsa o' upmarket sinful feelin's.
"I agree," she said as soon as she regained her equilibrium. "You are much more suited to being a Cobb. A Cobb you shall remain."
"Thank God," Jayne said, haulin' her on top o' him. "Just can't see myself answerin' to the name o' Tam."
"As long as you answer to this Tam, I will be satisfied," she vowed. "Goodbye!"
Jayne grasped her hips an' settled her on his lap. "Okay, River-girl, before we get down to more o' this death by sexin' – which is a mighty fine idea, by the way – ya gotta tell me what all this 'goodbye' gǒu pì is!"
She smiled at his bewildered expression. "Everytime I let go of something that makes no sense, has no authentic validity, or just does not work, I say 'goodbye'. It's a way for me to have closure."
He considered her words for a moment.
"So when ya said goodbye that last time, after the shower…?"
"Just in case," she whispered, taking his face in her hands and kissing his lips gently.
"In case o' what?" he pressed, pushin' her hair from her face.
"In case, after you found out about what I had done, you didn't want me anymore," she said, her voice small and timid as she turned her face into his hand.
"Well ya'd better just gimme that goodbye right now, darlin'." Jayne wrapped his arms 'round her, pulled her close. "Ain't no way in the seven hells – even that special one, mind ya – that I'll ever not want ya."
"Are you sure?" she asked, burrowing into his warmth.
"Ain't a smart man," he said, strokin' her long, soft hair. "Ain't got the good sense the Lord an' Lady gave a mule sometimes, but I got me 'nough brains to know that yer the only woman I'll ever love, ever kiss, ever let borrow my guns. No questions, no regrets, no ruttin' take-backs, just the two o' us, an' all the barroom brawls, family feuds, marital tussles an' gorram superior ovaries that'll ever involve."
"Together forever?" she asked, gazing at him.
"'Til we're both lyin' next to each other, side-by-side in the cold earth," he swore, deadly serious before he cracked a smirk. "Prob'ly even after, if I have anythin' to say 'bout it."
She gave him a smile, a slow-buildin' thing o' beauty that lit up her face, kindled a bonfire in her eyes as she gazed up at him with all the love in her heart, her body, her mind and her soul.
"Goodbye," she said, her voice sure an' steady as she let that feng le notion go once and for all.
"Sweetest goodbye that I ever did receive," he whispered before settlin' down to the task o' makin' good on his word.
"xiān měi" – "tasty / delicious"
"go se" – "crap"
"pi gu" – "butt"
"hú li jīng" – "vixen / witch / enchantress"
"dong ma" – "understand"
"mei mei" – "little sister"
"ge ge" – "big brother"
"Wàng ēn fù yì!" – "ungrateful / kicks a benefactor in the teeth"
"bitte wunderkind" – "little wonder-child"
"Shè zuì…shè zuì quán dōupèi ǒu" – "I forgive you…I forgive you everything, my mate"
"Wǒ ài nǐ" – "I love you"
"Shān méng hǎi shì" – "I will love you forever"
"gǒu pì" – "bullshit / nonsense"
"feng le" – "crazy"