Who Do You Think You're Talking To?

by EquinoxKnight01

Huey and Riley trade places in order for the other to take their test for them. Huey has problems with his Math class and Riley needs to pass his Black History test. Anyway, they trade places and as the day of the exam progresses, the both of them, in disguise, "assume" all of the wrong things. Because when you "assume", ya make an ass out of you and me. Joke's older than Granddad.

1. Chapter 1

(A/N Hey guys. To start off, I have no idea how I suddenly got into Boondocks. Maybe because it's an awesome and funny show? Anyway, I had this idea and I'm just going to write it, even though I'm already overreaching myself with all my other in-progress stories. You might've seen my crazy self reviewing on other Boondocks fics. Now you're gonna see me writing Boondocks. Same difference.

Oh yeah! I'm the Tom Dubois of writing Boondocks fanfics. I don't know how to interpret the character's talk in the show into writing and I might make them sound like proper Negros. My bad.

Disclaimer: I do not own {The} Boondocks. This story is non-profit.

OooOooO

"Fuck that noise!" The fifteen year-old Riley Freeman slammed the door to the room he and his older brother shared. Riley had just come home from a shitty day at school only to have Granddad scream at him to wise up and get his grades up. Riley almost lost it and cursed Granddad out when the retiree threatened to take away Riley's 1970 Dodge Challenger. Spending all the money he had questionably gained over the years since he was eight was saved up to buy his first car. Riley had spent half a year working with Ed and Rummy's crazy asses to hook it up with all the latest upgrades.

Huey Freeman didn't break his pace as he was typing away at the computer. Since he was in high school, Huey had gotten off school an hour ago and has tuned himself into the computer for algebra help. It was his senior year and only one thing was keeping him away from graduating. 12th grade Math. Huey wasn't even listening to Riley's problems, he had his own. He was 18 and still didn't know his basic algebra. Huey cursed and tore off another page of incomplete equations and crumbled it up to throw in the trash.

"Granddad can try 'n take my ride 'n get himself in a hospital!" Riley threw his back at the door and flopped onto his twin-sized bed. "So I'm failing my History class! So what? Not like I'm gonna need that in life…"

Huey turned in his chair and stared at Riley, hard. "Please tell me you're joking. How can you be failing Black History?" Huey gave Riley the most incredulous stare he could muster. "My own blood…" Huey turned back to the monitor, shaking his head. "My hope is dwindling."

Riley glared at the back of Huey's head. "Fuck you too, hater.

"Charming." Huey opened his math book to a random, skipping the beginner's section, and attempted to calculate the first problem he saw. He sighed and focused on the equation. If six times four is less than or equal to 3 over 8 divided by 1200, what is x if y is 0? "Ugh!" Huey slammed the book closed and tossed it away. In what world does that even make sense?! Huey fumed.

"You mad, bro?" Riley snickered and got up to see what was causing his genius older brother so many problems. He got to the corner and looked down, seconds from laughing his ass off. "Math? Are you serious- Hey!" Riley ducked and barely dodged the Algebra for Dumb-Asses book.

"Shut up." Huey was hunched over his desk, massaging his temples. He didn't need sympathy from his failing obnoxious brother right now.

"Fuck that. Ya smart-ass was clowning me when you don't even know two plus two!" Riley picked up both books and smirked as he walked over to Huey. He threw both books on Huey's desk and got a piece of paper from his printer. Then Riley got a pencil and wrote the world's simplest question on the paper. "Two, do I have you?" Riley held in his laughter as he baby-talked to Huey.

"Go away."

"Alright, just checking. Two plus two equals what?"

"Four." Huey lifted his head to glare at Riley.

"Want a cookie?" Riley snorted and walked away from him.

Huey's jaw set but an idea came to mind. "I'm glad you at least know the basics, but I doubt you can solve real high school math." Huey picked up his math homework for that night. "You probably wouldn't be able to solve these advanced problems…" Huey waited for Riley to take the bait.

"Psh! I do this shit before breakfast!" Riley walked over and snatched Huey's homework from him. "Move, dumb-ass!" Riley yelled, referring to the computer desk's chair.

Huey got up and hid his smirk as his plan started coming together.

XxxXxxX

20 minutes later…

"Thanks for doing my homework, Riley." Huey closed his binder and turned in his chair to smirk at Riley

"Fuck you too." Riley glared at Huey from his bed. "Fuckin' Bugs Bunnyin' me." He muttered and lifted up his book bag to start on his own homework.

"You think you could take my Math test this Monday too?"

"You have five seconds to shut the hell up before I fill up your dumb-ass with air soft bullets, no homo."

"Right. But you know, I actually have an idea." Huey got up from his chair and walked over to the calendar on his side of the room. He confirmed that he had his last Math test for the year next Monday.

"Riley." Huey started calculating the possibilities.

"Nigga what?! I'm trying to remember the difference between Rosa Tubman and Harriet Parks!" Riley snapped and started copying notes.

Oh my… "Riley, put the book down. I have a plan." Huey walked over to Riley and shut the book for him.

Riley sent a scowl at him.

"What if I took your test for you. No matter how much you spend studying this weekend, you're not going to pass by Monday. Or this year…"

"One, your gay plan wouldn't work, 'cuz you gay! Two, I don't care how much of a ninja you are, they'll spot your afro a mile away!" Riley said as if he was considering the plan.

"You have any better ideas then?"

"Get your corny-ass laid!" Riley shouted and looked at Huey as if it was obvious.

"I meant the test."

"Look, I don't know if your clowning me or not but you would need to get your afro braided and read an autobiography of yours truly."

"Simple. You're not that hard to imitate."

"Prove it." Riley stood up and challenged him.

"Yo C-Murph, holler at dez nuts!" Huey shouted with the exact voice of Riley.

"RILEY, STOP YELLING BOY!" Granddad sounded from downstairs.

Riley's jaw set. Then he cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "Jazmine, I need your help in restoring the African race to it's proper glory." Riley had Huey's voice down. But his voice broke when he snickered at the end.

Huey's brow twitched in annoyance. "I don't talk like that."

"Stop hating on your own voice! That was gold!" Riley chuckled. "Besides, I don't like Cindy like that, so you failed too."

"Right. But back to the plan. You know it could work."

"Talking like each other won't change that you have a big-ass afro and I got braids."

"Then take out your braids."

"Hell no! Do you know how long it takes to undo 'em and then put 'em back?!"

"No. Who does your hair?"

"Mr. Rogers! The fuck do you think?! I do my own hair."

"I never would've guessed."

Riley rolled his eyes.

"Let's do this. I'll do yours and you do mine."

"Pause."

Huey sighed. "No homo."

"Fine. But this plan is still gay."

OooOooO

Morning - 20 minutes until Homeroom

Huey drove to school with difficulty. He had never driven a stick before in his life. He never learned how and Riley didn't teach him before he left for school. And because of the joke Huey told about Riley knowing everything there is to know about sticks.

But it didn't matter. For one, it wasn't his car and two, he wasn't in any hurry. He was only two more miles away and was currently driving at about 18 miles per hour. Huey ignored the blaring horn from the short bus behind him and kept driving until he finally got to the school.

While he was parking, Huey felt extremely uncomfortable in the clothes Riley mandated for him to wear. Black jeans, a white muscle shirt that was obviously two sizes smaller, and white sneakers. To top it off, Riley gave Huey a black bandana to put over his mouth. The bandana was black and had the lower half a skull as it covered Huey's mouth. Huey had trouble breathing with the combination of clothes. And the ice cold chains he had one his neck wasn't making it any better. Huey didn't care if he was in character or not as he got out of the car, the glare he was sporting was something Riley might do.

Huey locked all the doors before getting out. He clicked the alarm button and walked away from the vehicle only to be tackled to the ground. Almost.

"What's your problem-" Huey started but stopped himself for two reason. He had to try and talk like Riley from now on and because it was just Riley's partner, Cindy McPhearson. Huey tried again. "I just got out of my car and you're already hopping on my dick, white girl?!" Huey's brow twitched in annoyance. It was the beginning of the day and he already knew he wouldn't be able to talk like that any longer. Huey started walking towards the school's front doors.

"Psh, you wish!" The sixteen year-old Cindy straightened herself and caught up to Huey. Today, Cindy had one a dark red snorgtee with a picture of a hand with the middle finger extended out, the text above it stating: "Secret Handshake.". She still had her twin braids.

"Nah, my future doesn't involve any white girls." Huey was skeptical that sentence even made sense.

"Yeah." Cindy said and gave Huey a hard shove before he could register the edge in her voice. Then Cindy ran the rest of the way to the front doors. Now right at the doors, she turned and beamed at Huey. "Come on, dumb-ass! You're going to be late for class!" She swung open the doors and got inside.

Huey expected all the other teenagers on the courtyard to point and laugh but it was only silence. As Huey looked around, he saw that no one was laughing or even having eye contact with him. They all bowed their heads and walked on, minding their own business. "Hmm." Huey walked into the school to get the first day as Riley Freeman over with.

OooOooO

Early Afternoon - 3rd.4th Period - Lunch

Riley turned into the school's parking lot and revved the engine a few times as he passed by the cheerleaders. They stared at him and started giggling. He gave them the bird and they went wild. Riley shook his head and wondered why Huey acted gay all the time when he had a whole squad of cheerleaders willing to be his baby mommas.

Riley shook his head and parked the bike by the rakes. Riley started looking for a lock, but didn't find any on Huey bike and figured that nobody would be stupid enough to steal a fucking ninja's bike, so Riley just clicked the key's remote and the bike beeped once and hissed. The fuck? Riley stared at the bike as if it was about to transform into some Autobot or something. Then he just turned on his heel and walked to the building.

Today, despite his usual swag threads, he had to dumb it down with tan cargo pants and a maroon rugby shirt with a white collar. Being Huey meant he couldn't be as flashy as he usually was.

Once at Huey's locker, Riley put in the combination Huey had told him before he left this morning and unlocked the locker. He put his hand in his pocket and retrieved Huey's school schedule to see which books he had to pick out for the day. Riley tuned in the code and almost had a heart-attack. Right as he opened the locker door, a random sword started falling down. Riley slammed the door just in time before he got cut into ribbons.

After he calmed his nerves, Riley slowly opened the locker back up and then he snatched the sword by its handle. He was debating whether or not the whole switching plan was just a joke Huey was playing on him. Instead, Riley put the sword back and started going through the locker for the right books. He made a mental note get Huey back for almost killing him.

As he was picking out the books, someone poked his shoulder. Riley whipped around and almost knocked out Jazmine.

"Hey, Huey!" The seventeen year-old Jazmine Dubois said with a bubbly smile. She outgrew her two puffs and started fashioning it into just one big puff in a ponytail fashion. Today, she had on black skinny jeans with a blue snorgtee stating "I'm an OM-NOM-NOM-IVORE".

"Sup." Riley squinted and leaned in to get a closer look at Jazmine's shirt. Damn… Riley never gave Jazmine a second glance but now that he was, he liked what he saw. Jazmine grew out.

Jazmine's face flushed. "Uh, Huey? What're you doing?"

"You rockin' that rack, Jaz." Riley leaned back with a smirk on his face.

Jazmine blinked at the blunt answer. Then she squinted at Riley suspiciously. "Are you feeling okay, Huey?"

"Yeah, I'm chill. Why?" Riley realized he was smirking and dropped it. If Jazmine discovered his disguise, it would be obvious that she would spill to her teachers for Huey's sake.

"Well, I didn't see you today in Homeroom or English this morning. And you're acting weird." Jazmine tilted her head with a expectant look.

Even if Riley was acting like Huey, that didn't mean he was going to be waking up in the morning like any goodie-goodie. "Oh, uh, I was preaching on the corner of Martin Luther King Jr. Street?" Riley tried reassuring himself more that Jazmine. That's what Huey would do, right?

"Oh." Jazmine smiled in realization but then furrowed her brows. Apparently, her naivety went down and her bullshit detector went up over the years. She took a quick once-over of Riley and then her eyes widened. "Wait-"

Shit… Riley panicked but then he thought of one of his golden rules. Riley reached into Huey's locker and pulled out the katana that almost cut him earlier. When in doubt, whip it out!

Then he assumed exactly what Huey would do…

"HATER! HATER! HATER!" Riley bolted from Jazmine and started swinging the sword while running down the halls.

OooOooO

3rd/4th Period

Huey had just got his tray from the lunch line. He usually ate at his usual table with Caesar, Hiro, and Jazmine but then he saw Cindy waving at him. He sighed and made his way over. Huey was glad the day was almost over. All he had to do now was take the 6th period Black History test and he was home free. The first thing he would do would be taking off the suffocating muscle shirt.

"Aw man, Riley! Did you hear?!" Cindy was clicking away at her phone.

Huey sat down and tore open his milk. "Sup?" He took a sip.

Cindy was grinning from ear to ear. She laughed one more time before flipping her phone's screen towards him. "Check it out. Huey's going mad Pokemon in this video!"

"HATER! HATER! HATER!"

Huey did a spit-take all over Cindy's phone. He started violently coughing.

"Aye!" Cindy dropped her phone and started shaking Huey's milk off her hand. "Drink much, dumb-ass?!"

Huey ignored her. He was heated. You wanna play like that, huh? Huey quickly stood up from his seat and spun around. Then he punched the lights out of the nearest person.

"YOU GAY!" Huey shouted at his victim. Then he started after every other guy, yelling at them after shutting them down.

"YOU GAY TOO!"

OooOooO

Principle's Office - 5th Period - After lunch

Riley crashed through the window that was behind the principle's desk. Then he brushed the glass off and hopped onto the principle's desk. Riley threw his open-palmed hands in the air.

"I had a burrito made by lunch lady snooki!

Don't look in the school garden, Principle wookie!

I just took a smelly as hell dookie!

Revolution!"

Then Riley walked around and sat himself down only to scowl at the principle.

Huey was ready to kick Riley's ass right then and there. Not because of crashing through the window but because of that God-awful speech Riley got from Duey.

Riley dropped the stance and hopped off the desk to take a seat next to Huey. He smirked at him and held his fist to Huey. "Black power." Riley snorted, waiting for Huey to pound him back.

Huey glared at the gesture and promptly ignored him, averting his eyes towards the opposite direction.

Riley snickered and stared away from him too.

"Riley and Huey, I'm just going to get right to the point…" Principle Falk leaned forward and clasped his hands together on his desk. "Boys, what the hell?!" Principle Falk would momentarily lose his years of patience whenever he had to deal with Riley in his office, but now he completely disregarded it with both of the Freeman teenagers in his office.

"Hater?" Riley started. But got tackled to the ground by Huey.

"Shut the fuck up!" Huey yelled. Apparently, he wasn't the only one that loses his cool when around Riley for more than one minute.

Principle Falk sighed and called in the school's security.

_End_

(A/N So that's part one. You know, to show you what to expect from this story.

Readers: "Shows that you don't know how to write a Boondocks story…"

Equinox: "Well then!"