...Tepid Snow...
A/N:A little angsty, a lot AU. Set sometime after season 6, but before season 7 (as in, let's just pretend the whole last episode didn't happen)
Disclaimer: They're not mine, but the characterisation and situation is.
She looked out at the snow covering the ground, and could feel a tear roll down her cheek. Why was she even crying? She didn't know anymore. All she knew was that it had been a year. One whole year since December 25th last year. A whole year to get back to work, doing what she originally became a Forensic Anthropologist for. She couldn't believe it had been a whole year. It seemed much, much longer, even though she knew that it was the same. 365 whole days. 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes. She remembered how he had taught her about a song based on how many minutes there were in a year. Rather stupid, she had thought. It was just another of those pointless songs circulating current popular culture based on the human emotion of affection and love.
Not something special.
Nothing at all.
Then why did she buy the song, and have it on repeat? It was so frustrating, not even knowing. But she did. She actually did know. She just refused to believe it, or else she might just die there and then. Rational thinking is not my strength today, she thought to herself as she sipped a glass of wine. Not beer. Not anymore. Too many memories of them.
Them.
It was strange to think back on it all. Realising that the only time she had been truly happy was those few short years together. Reaching onto her coffee table for the bottle, she accidentally knocked a book off of the table. Picking it up, she realised it was Sweets' book. She almost threw it away from her.
Piece of crap. Always trying to piece things together that were never there.
Love.
Them.
Her and him.
Hah. She remembered the first time he had said it. They were on their way out to dinner from solving a case. She remembered it was around the same time she had gotten a scalpel in her arm. He had held her, and told her he was there. And then afterwards, he had said it. Three simple words.
I love you. He didn't even know if he meant them. The surgery, the brain tumour. It could have been anything. But he caught himself. Saved himself. In a 'that a girl' kind of way. But now, looking back, that was the first time that he had actually almost believed himself.
Stupid.
So stupid.
This time, she actually did throw the book away from her, sending it crashing into the wall, a page or two ripping and falling out. Another tear. She looked away, out to the street. Out of the window.
The second time, he really did mean it. And she knew it, too. After all that time, there was a growing feeling, escalating, trying to break free. But she was scared. Too scared to lose him. He had wanted to give it a shot. He wanted them to be together. She wanted them to be together. But she couldn't. Possibly the hardest thing she had ever done, she said no.
No.
She hadn't told him then, nor would she ever, that when he asked her to be with her, the first thing that she thought of was a wedding. Their wedding. It was a plan for her last book, the one that she had deleted. Agent Andy and Doctor Reichs were going to get married. She knew somewhere deep down that her subconscious was already in love with him. But it took the man to actually say it out loud to make her realise that it could never happen. She was afraid of herself. To not be able to love him enough, like he deserved, even though she knew that she loved him.
The first time she had ever seen him cry.
And it was her fault.
She hadn't cried in years.
That night, they held each other and cried in each other's shoulders. They went out to dinner. Her shout. Instead of sitting across from him, they sat next to each other. She had closed her eyes, and leaned her head against his shoulder. He held her hand.
I am so sorry. She couldn't say them out loud. It was stupid. He couldn't hear her. Not anymore.
Another tear.
She didn't get to say it back.
Until it was too late.
Until he was lying in the middle of the street.
All that blood. Too much blood.
More tears.
The Christmas Case. It was what they dubbed it before it happened. After, it was just known as That Day.
Her arms still felt heavy. Heavy from carrying him all that way. The white dress soaked with red. She still had the dress. Locked away, not touched since that day. She knew it was illogical to keep it. What use was a ruined dress using up valuable storage space?
The third time, it was the last. The last time he said it. But he had said it with such a furious passion that she almost believed they could make it work. She saw it again. But this time, she knew it was too late. She knew that this was the last time.
I love you, Temperance Brennan. I always have, even if I didn't know it, but now that I do, I know I always will.
It was too late.
His eyes scanned her face with such ferocity it was almost scary.
But the blood...
And then, it was the end.
It was too late.
She was too late.
She hadn't uttered his name in one whole year. She hadn't written, either. She was just working quietly. Just like she had always wanted.
A year.
A whole year.
A whole year since the 25th of December.
"I love you too, Seeley Booth." She whispered, before closing her own eyes. "I love you."
A/N: Reviews and feedback are always appreciated!