Puck man
Ever felt that life is wasted, that what we do is not enough to fully satisfy reality? Every night I would spend my time wandering the streets of Glasgow, in and out of the back alleyways and the main streets. Spending hours at a time memorizing the different routes and the different places that I was able to access. This was a tedious task, which eats up my spare time. Some people feel that life is not just about wandering aimlessly around the hidden parts of Glasgow. But it takes the time from the difficult parts of my life. Being a man, struggling with life and people around, you start to feel alone, separated from society. But the loneliness was just an escape, the mazes put me in a place where I could search endlessly without thinking of work or relatives around me, It's a place of delight when I am in peace.
Walking in and around Glasgow's city secrets might seem bizarre, but having a place of serenity allowed me to get to focus less on the real world, but more on the creative world inside my head.
I have got a 'prescription' pills to help the people in my head. The pills really do help, but make my sight so much worse. So with the knowledge of the area so embedded into my skull I can really find my way to interrupt my thoughts on the inhabitants of my brain. Another side effects my slurred speech, making it very hard, if not impossible to talk to people. Many of the real people around my life say that I have got a serious illness, that the colour of my skin is going an etiolated shade of yellow, most likely caused by the anxiety, brought about by the unknown things in my head.
Well, I say that these things are in my head, but when I'm out and around the mazes of Glasgow, and I'm on the Pellets, I am not as sure as I should be that the things inside my head are always 'in my head'. In the inky night, I start to make out figures, but quite far away, with bright primitive coloured clothes on. They are not quite visible, as though you could see right through them. Even though, being out in the place I know best, there is still an uncertainty that every night will be the same. At the start of my problems I was just understanding my surroundings, I would wander around aimlessly some nights with very little worry. Sequentially the following nights that came in, and I started to struggle with the things inside my head.
By the hundredth night, the mazes seemed hard to get around, it was not the fact that I was unfit to get around, but the place that I felt I knew was no longer familiar to me with every turn. Without the knowledge of the streets, but I made sure that my snacks for the night remained throughout. The different fruits keeps up my morale whilst keeping me well nourished. Every night as my sight is beginning to leave me I make sure that I have brought something to eat. It is also used to help the Pellets go down.
But once I have eaten, that's me, I have nothing left to keep me going through the night. That's when it gets interesting. With all of the colours around blending together, and the shades mixing together making an abstract picture with nothing quite in focus.
I look around, towards the end of the night, and see that they are right behind me. Just being able to see the things in your head walk around your place of comfort just make you, at least me, quite aggravated in the way that you are unable to control them or confine them. When they start to roam my own territory, I get tense and defensive. If you were to ask me, afterwards, why I get so uptight about this, the moment would be too late. Because only in that instant do I feel so uncontrollable. And when the light comes out and the sun eradicates the darkness, it wipes out those things. This helps me to erase my problems, those figures from within my head, but only till the next night.
Some of the nights that I was out in Glasgow were intense. From night to night the difficulty when getting around was increased, the streets were closing in and I was unable to rely on my main senses. I was unable to see properly it was just an intense cyan. and communication with anyone that could help was such a great endeavor to follow out, I felt so fickle. And as the days past I found myself bathing in the dew of the morning, each new dawn brought less memories of the night before. When it was time for work I was definitely not ready, my head was not in 'working mode' but always kept tranquility. It is especially worse when you know that what you are going to have to face the following night is equally grueling.
As soon as I finish work and dinner, I dashed to the streets to recover. There was nothing quite like the streets of Glasgow. All the different gritty parts of the walls and the ground make Glasgow so unique. My first Pellet descending the depths of my throat and I began my journey through the back allies of the city.
But this night felt different, something was not right this time. I know it seems weird to doubt the quietude of my innermost being, it was nice to return to some of the easier nights that I remember. But I needed to make sure that I don't get complacent.
A bright red light beamed from the behind of my head. The street lights blinked off. There was no exit. The beam of light flowed through my body and consumed me. I was overwhelmed so much emotional anger. It was not anger over anything specific, but a great deal of hate towards myself. It really ravished me. It had now become less of a physical battle between nature, but a mental debate between the people of my brain and I, the controller of my brain. More energizers flowed down, changing the aura from the deep red to a calming blue. I swallowed my problems, then darkness fell.
I set out for my final night. I could not handle anything anymore. Nothing had been clear for a while now. The consequent mornings have been non-productive. Life has not been anywhere near what I have wanted it to be. I'm always unprepared, mind scattered. So one last night for the good times, keeping the memories alive.
The night sky was so beautiful with streaks of pink and orange, painting the walls and the streets of Glasgow. The overpowering colours was the backdrop for a finale. I took one final dose and let all the colours; red, pink, orange and a creamy cyan merge together like a water running down a painting. And as the last night finished up, I knew that it was game over, I broke down. I could not handle it, the thing within my head cornered me in. I knew it was eating me up. This was for the best. I said my last goodbyes, then...Blip.