I have an english exam tomorrow (4th June), and one of the components is descriptive writing. I have written this in the hope that I might get better by tomorrow... O.o'
PLEASE review, I need to know ho wI can improve my writing. I'd love to get an A, so I can wave it in my English teacher's face. ^^
So please, some (mild) flames and criticisms. ^^
Matt, Mello and Near in Wammy's house a particularly stormy night. I didn't really mention their names or put in any speech, because it is supposed to be descriptive... o.o
The wind howled through the corridor. On an antique mahogany table, a citadel of flowers stood proudly in their vase. As the gale reached them, they flew from the table and landed with an ear-splitting crash. This was echoed immediately by a deafening rumble of thunder.
A small boy poked his head cautiously out of his bedroom door, with another head following just after. The first of the two, a slight, handsome boy, had shoulder-length hair, shimmering and yellow as a golden ring in the sunlight. The other, with a flaming red mass of messy hair and orange goggles over his eyes, was less delicate, and had a broader outline. Despite their contrasting appearances, it was obvious the boys were the closest of friends. It was their curiosity of the chaos outside that had driven the pair to investigate. They were to be detectives, after all. The blinding lightning that followed shortly after the thunder illuminated the brief terror on the two boy's faces and they recoiled into the warmth and safety of their room once more.
After a heated discussion between the children, they both ventured out again, with the red-haired boy in front. He secured his goggles. He blonde boy followed close behind him, almost using the other as a shield. They crept along the hallway to poke at the obliterated vase. Another gust of the gale-force wing startled the two, making them yelp in fear. Another boy, younger, smaller, peeped from behind his huge mahogany door. There was an instant feeling of displeasure emitted from the blonde at the sight of this new arrival to the scene. He glared at the young boy, his crystal blue eyes penetrating the slate of the albino child. Despite this obvious dislike, the boy's expression did not falter, or betray any other emotion for that matter. Another gale flew down the corridor, rustling the hairs of the boys; through the snow white, golden yellow and fiery red. The white-haired child turned to gaze towards the source of the wind; an open window at the far end of the passage. He started to walk towards the window, battling against the frequent rushes of invisible power that surged at them. As he reached the window, he winced slightly as the black rain from outside washed over him, a bucket of ice in his pale face.
He tugged on the pane; it refused to move. The rusted hinges protested against his every attempt to close the window. The other two boys watched as the ghostly child pulled and strained in his hopeless attempt to save the hallway from further damage. The longer the child tried, the more soaked he became from the pouring rain that was flowing through the still open window. The red haired boy started to walk down the corridor to help the other in his feeble attempt. The blonde, who obviously had a great dislike for the white-haired child, let his mouth fall open in shock. This feeling of horror was totally ignored by the red haired child. He joined the young boy at the window quickly. He re-secured his goggles to protect his eyes from the floods of rainwater that were gushing relentlessly through the window.
Despite it's best attempts, the window could not hold against the two boys putting all their weight onto it. They sighed with relief and looked on at the window, panting after their hard work had finally paid off. The water attacked the glass ruthlessly, still trying to get inside the building. A flash of lightning made the two boys jump out of their skins. They turned to each other and laughed at their fear. A door slammed shut, with a bang almost as loud as the thunder, at the other end of the passageway. The two boys were snatched from their gleeful fun as they turned to see that the blonde boy had vanished into his bedroom. The older of the two looked sadly at the younger. It was his loyalty to Mello that made him leave Near stood by the window. Matt ran down the corridor calling his friend's name. As he entered his bedroom, the white haired-child sighed as he gazed longingly down the corridor. He walked sadly back to his room, glancing at the shattered vase and the once joyful flowers now strewn across the worn carpet.
The lonesome snow-haired child slid silently into his empty bedroom.
Review please! CX