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A/n I'm not sure if I like Agent Seaver or not. I woke up with this story in my head and it just begged to be written. Please enjoy this little one shot.
A Moment of Weakness
She opened her eyes to total, black darkness. She lay in a bed, but whose bed. She couldn't see the large red numbers on her alarm clock. Her heart began pounding in her chest. Where was she? How had she gotten there? She shifted her leg and kicked something. Her body froze. She was lying in a strange bed with someone or something.
She blinked her eyes rapidly trying to slow her breathing. The panic attacks she'd had for years after her father went to jail had finally stopped three years ago, but now one was coming on vigorously. Her chest tightened painfully and her head buzzed as though full of angry bees.
Remember what your therapist said. Take a few deep breaths and remember that the worst time in your life is over.
If she could see, then maybe she wouldn't feel like her heart was about to jump out of her chest. The night before came rushing back as she carefully reached out an arm hoping to encounter a lamp. She remembered vaguely that the room had matching night tables and lamps. She really hadn't paid too much attention because the night's activities had distracted her away from the décor.
She found the lamp without knocking anything to the floor. She touched it and it came on with a very low golden light. She stared at the lamp in surprise forgetting her urgency to get out of his house. She'd never seen a lamp that you could just touch and it would go on.
Stop musing about lamps and find your clothes!
She got out of bed as quietly as she could without looking over her shoulder at the person next to her. His breathing, punctuated with a light snore every now and then, kept throwing her heart into panicked thrumming. The sheets ruffled too much in the silent house, but his breathing never changed its slow, deep rhythm.
She located her panties and bra at the foot of the bed. Her suit jacket and shirt lay thrown across a chair. Her skirt was a mystery though and she had to look around including at the figure on the bed to find it. She tiptoed around the bed, nearly falling over one of his shoes. Her skirt lay partially hidden under the edge of the bed. She had to crouch down for it, which put her eye level on his sleeping face. She tried not to look at him, but she couldn't make her eyes behave. He looked so peaceful and somehow much younger than his age.
He's going to wake up and then you'll have to talk and you don't want to talk about this.
She grabbed her skirt and moved as far away from him as she could get too dressed. If she could make it out of the house… He suddenly snorted and turned over to his back. Her heart began pounding like a hammer on a blacksmith's anvil. She froze in the act of yanking on her blouse, but he didn't wake up. When her heart finally slowed back to normal, she realized she didn't know where she'd left her shoes and bag.
She managed to find her way from the bedroom and into his huge living room. The light there wouldn't be seen from the bedroom she hoped as she looked for her shoes. They stood near the couch where they'd begun the biggest mistake of her life. Oh God… How had she let this happen?
She should have known better than to leave that bar with him. It had started out as a harmless night after her second case with the team. Emily invited her to go to their usual hangout. She'd wanted to decline because she was the new girl and it wasn't right for the new girl to assume they others would want her at their hangout. Emily wouldn't take no for an answer and insisted. The night wound down until only she and David Rossi remained there together. Then he'd asked her back to his place for a drink. She said no in her head, but her mouth said yes and there they were.
She realized after grabbing her bag that she didn't have a way back into town. She'd have to call a cab. Damn… She looked at her watch and saw that it was four in the morning and she had to be to work in five hours. Double damn it! She called for the cab and decided to wait outside despite the cold. When she got home, she could decide what to do next.
CMCMCMCMCMCM
When Rossi stepped off the elevator on the sixth floor, he automatically scanned the bullpen for Agent Ashley Seaver. Waking up that morning and finding her gone from his bed hadn't surprised him. If their positions had been reversed, and he'd ended up in her bed, he would've done the same thing. Still… He wished he'd taken her home from the club instead of charming her into his home and more drinks. He'd known from the moment they met after all those years that she'd say yes if he asked. He shook his head. Knowing it and making it happen were two different things and he shouldn't have acted on his knowledge.
She walked out of the break room with Emily so he continued on to his office, greeting other agents that weren't on his team, while avoiding the agents that were on his team. If he could get his head into work and off his huge mistake then maybe this wouldn't turn out to be the disaster it could be.
His plan to forget turned upside down when Ashley - Agent Seaver - he corrected himself, knocked on his door ten minutes later.
"It's open…" He called out.
He didn't look up until his door shut firmly. No one on the team ever shut his office door. He looked up and just managed not to drop his pen out of shock.
"Agent Rossi…" She stopped cleared her throat and began again. "Sir… I understand from Emily that you made the decision for me to finish my remediation here under her supervision. I feel that my actions last night break the trust you and Agent Hotchner have placed in me. Therefore I'd like -"
"Don't say it Agent!" He said much more forcefully than he intended. She didn't flinch, but held out the envelope in her hand with Hotch's name on it.
"I wanted you to know first." She interrupted him.
"I said I don't want to hear it. You are not going to leave now. I won't allow it."
"Sir… I behaved inappropriately with you. You're my superior and we -"
"I know what happened last night Ashley."
She flinched at the use of her first name.
"I was there." He reminded her. "I was the one that asked you over for drinks. I knew you'd say yes. I took advantage of you because I could. I've been married three times for a reason."
To his utter surprise, she smiled at him. "I had such a crush on you when I was younger. I hadn't seen you since you caught my father, but you were my hero. I thought that when I was old enough I'd find you and we'd get married and have a family."
He ignored the blush forming on her cheeks as she spoke.
"Agent Seaver… Please sit down." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk.
She sat and he leaned back in his chair. She waited as he collected his thoughts.
"I could tell you that what you experienced as a young girl is normal. You lost your father and you needed a new father figure. I fit the bill because I was a hero in your eyes. You don't have to be embarrassed about it.
She laughed to his great surprise. "I know the psychological implications sir. You have to admit this is an unusual situation. How many young girls with a crush on an older man, act on the chance to have an intimate encounter with the object of her old crush? What I did was wrong and I should leave the unit."
"I'll remind you again that you weren't the only one in that bed last night. I could have stopped at anytime."
"I should've said no." She argued.
"Yes…" He agreed. "You should've said no, but you didn't. You're an adult Ashley, you made an adult decision."
"It was a mistake Agent Rossi. It will not happen again." She handed him the envelope. "I'm sorry." She said softly.
"I'm not sorry." He said.
She stared back in surprise. "What?"
"I'm not sorry that we made love Ashley. You're right to say that is was a mistake. It doesn't change the fact that both of us enjoyed something beautiful."
"It was nice." Seaver admitted."
He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Nice?"
She laughed. "Got you!"
"Very good Agent Seaver. I deserved that." He clapped his hands together twice.
She sat back in her chair and frowned. "It doesn't change the fact that we broke a major rule. I should finish my remediation elsewhere."
"You can go if you like." He said casually. "You'd probably be better off. I am the reason for most of the frat rules around here."
"I know," she agreed.
"Let me guess… Dr. Reid told you."
Her eyebrows climbed into her forehead. "How did you know?"
Rossi chuckled. "He doesn't have an off switch sometimes, but he's a good man and profiler."
She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned forward again. "What are you trying to say?"
"I've seen the way he looks at you." Rossi said matter-of-factly."
"He's nice and kind of cute." She began. "Wait just a minute. Are you trying to steer me to someone younger and more appropriate?" She asked. "He works here too you know. Same rules apply."
"You didn't say no." Rossi pointed out.
"Okay… I get it. I'm going to go back out there and ignore both of you."
Rossi stood up. "Ashley?"
She got to her feet. "What?"
"You're a very gifted young woman. The BAU needs you. Don't make any rash decisions." He slowly and deliberately tore the envelope and its contents into small pieces. He let them fall into the trash basket next to his desk where they drifted down like snow on a deserted city street.
"Thank you." She said holding out her hand.
He shook it and opened the door. "Get back to work. We have a briefing as soon as Morgan gets here."
He watched her go back down to the bullpen and something in his heart broke off and shattered. "You picked a lousy time to do the right thing old man." He said softly.
He sighed and went back to work. He'd never felt older and more confused by his motives than he did at that moment. After their next case, he would head to his cabin with Mudgie and spend a couple of days putting his universe back together.
THE END