Author's Note: This is honestly one of the most personal one-shots I've ever wrote. I hope you enjoy it and ca one day, use the words in this story to help someone.
It's easy for someone who is confident with themselves to ask why she couldn't just walk out in public in that low-cut top, or those denim shorts. It's easy for them to question why she won t take compliments from her friends when they dish them out, but she will automatically agree when anyone puts her down.
It's hard for her to explain why, when someone says she looks beautiful, she disagrees, or smiles, but inside she is telling herself that they don't mean what they're saying.
It's hard, when thousands of toxic thoughts float around her head, waiting for their chance to put her down, or even make her cry.
And it's even harder to hide it from friends. Especially when they pop up out of nowhere unannounced, and catch her in the act of crying over how much she hates herself.
"Blair! Blair, you weren't on the steps at lunch and I - " the dark haired boy entered her living room suddenly, skidding across the floor and making her jump as she quickly tries to wipe her tears away. "- why are you crying?"
Too late. He'd already seen.
"I/m not crying! she said pathetically, knowing he wouldn't believe her. He knew her better than anyone.
Chuck frowned, "Then what are those tears doing on your face?"
"Um allergies?"
"Try again, you don't have to lie to me"
"Look Chuck, it's nothing, okay?" Blair sighed, wiping the remaining tears away from her cheeks and pulling the duvet up over her tiny body.
"It's not nothing if you're sad. Why are you sad?" Chuck sat down on the small sofa beside her, tilting his head to one side.
"I'm not sad, I'm just frustrated. "
"And why are you frustrated?"
"Because!" She suddenly snapped, a couple more tears dropping down her rose tinted cheek as she spoke, ""Well because, because I hate myself and I can t help it okay!"
The silence in the room made her wince. She'd never known the obnoxious, self-centered boy to be so quiet for so long.
"Wait... what?!"
"You heard me. Don t make me repeat it again" she mumbled, hiding her face away from his view. Chuck gently stroked his thumb down across her cheek, wiping her tears away as he moved to her jaw, turning her head back to face him.
"How could you hate yourself?" He asked incredulously, "You re perfect!"
"It's easy really. Your brain makes a list of everything it doesn't like about you, and then constantly reminds you all day every day, until it gets so bad you find yourself wishing for the sweet release of death" Blair states monotonously.
Chuck blinks, pausing for a moment before answering "I didn't know you felt like this."
Blair swallowed, glancing up at the concerned boy "How could you? I hide it well. The only reason I said anything today was because you wouldn't have left me alone until you found out the reason I was crying."
"I just don t understand why you would feel that way about yourself."
"Yeah well you wouldn't would you? " She looked down and started twiddling her thumbs around, "Y-You don t hate yourself. You don t wake up wishing you looked different, wishing you could change this and that, or w-wishing you were someone else. You're handsome, and you know it. You get validation every single day from everyone around you. They all adore you - of course you don t understand."
There was more silence, a smothering silence rather than comforting, and she wished she hadn't said anything at all.
"I want to help you."
Blair laughs, "Good luck with that, I've been trying for years."
"C'mon, please? I m not really sure how to go about this, but I mean if I tell you some things I like about you, do you think that may help a little?"
Blair didn't answer. It was a sweet gesture, and she didn't want to tell him that it probably wouldn't work.
"Fine, I'll take your stoic silence as a yes please Chuck. I like your smile, not that fake one you do when you're pretending you're happy, that real genuine one that reaches your eyes and makes them sparkle - oh! That s another thing, I like your eyes too! - and I don't know about you, but I also love how you're not afraid to stand up for yourself or your friends. I love it when you re really focused on something - like a scheme or whatever - you look so cute all concentrat-y and yeah! You're one of the most selfless people I have ever met, and you always put others before you. You're forever looking out for the people you care most about! And, let's not forget, you are absolutely gorgeous, you drive me insane just by existing - I hope you know that. Di-Did that help?"
"Marginally."
"How didn't that help? I told you so much about what I love about you - which is everything by the way!" Chuck looked so genuinely confused that Blair's heart melted.
"Look, I appreciate you trying for me Chuck, I really truly do. It s just I have this habit of assuming that whenever someone says something nice about me, they're either pitying me or lying. I find it hard to believe that someone could see me in a way other than I see myself. It's hard to explain, you probably think I'm crazy now as well" she laughs humorlessly, turning away from his gaze once again, until she feels a pair of arms wrapping around her. Her cheeks heat up as she feels Chuck's warm breath hitting her neck.
"W-What are you doing?"
"I'm cuddling you," the dark haired boy stated, trying to move even closer to her.
"Why?"
"If you don't believe words then maybe you'll believe actions. I'm cuddling you now, and every single day I'm going to show you how much I care about you. You deserve to be loved Blair Waldorf. You deserve to be loved by yourself. I hate that you feel this way, because I can't see anything other than a beautiful girl who seems a little broken. But I'm going to help you if it s the last thing I do. I love you Blair Waldorf, and I m not going to stop until you love yourself too."
And... done! Please read and leave a little review if you wish.