Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon..Also I do not own The Cranberries 'Ode To Family' ... Love those CD's.
Ode To The Kido Family
Shanni_C
Author's Notes: The is a Joe fic. All about he, and his family. Twinges of Jyoumi.. Very little. Death. Sadness. Despair. All in this fic. Well enjoy. ^_^
The man was old. He was wrinkled, and feeble. He hacked and coughed, and I turned away in disgust. I could see that this would not be a pleasent last visit. How could I feel remorse? He was cruel to me, and my brother. Yet, I felt atwinge sympathy, the man was still my father, and he was dying. He who had slapped me, discouraged me, had hated me, but had not loved me. He asked me to be here. I saw him through the hospital's window. It was his last days. Did I dare enter? Who knows what he has in store for me. Why not go out hurting me again? He always knew just what to say. I ventured into the room. There were tears in my eyes from the smell of his room. Jim was already in there. I walked over to my brother, and gave him a hug. Jim was crying. He looked very rueful. We all had reasons to be regretful. Some more than others.
I walked over to his frail body, and held his hand. He was sleeping, but his eyes began to twitter open. He whispered my name. I sat up a little, eager to hear what he was going to say. He just smiled at me. Grinning so smugly. How could he be smiling so happily? He was dying! He was a vegetable, an in a few days, maybe hours he would be dead. He motioned me to move closer to him. I leaned over, half curious, and half fearful. He coughed a bit, but thankfully it was to his side. He then turned back to me, holding my face, he moved in a kissed my cheek. That display of affect suprised me. He looked as if he were trying to say something to me. There were tears in his eyes. I did not know why. They could have been tears of joy, or sadness.
I remembered times, he would say I was nothing. Nothing at all. He would remark how Jim was always the more obedient child. It wasn't that. Maybe it was ebcause Jim didn't do everything he wanted him to. Jim was his own man. I however cowered in fear whenever I saw him. I was submissive. That could be why my father neve respected me as much as Jim. I didn't stand up for myself until later when I was a grown man. Pathetic huh?
Understand the things I say
Don't turn away from me
'Cause I've spent half my life out there
You wouldn't disagree
The problem with us was that we never communicated. Everyttime I angered him, Jim had to become a peacemaker. I suppose his only wish was to see me make peace witht he man that caused so much pain to me and my family. He would not listen. Even when I became engaged he still would not talk to me. Finally when Jim did coax him to talk, it was only to say that I was still at the age of 25, an unimportant member of society. I wasn't doing my share. He boycotted my wedding! He refused to see me married. Jim, and I were the only people top carry the Kido name. His legacy, and he dared not show at my wedding! I suppose he had his reasons. he hated Mimi. He despised her. How could he hate such a beautiful flower? Even though I tried to get him to accept her. She tried. Hell, we both tried, but for naught.
Finally, my father spoke. The silence was shattered. "Jyou, I've made mistakes." I looked into my eyes. I stared back. It felt as if his beady orbs were peicing my skin. Peering into my soul, searching for weaknesses. I was begginning to feel awkward in the room. He didn't seem to notice that I was uncomfortable. "I've done terrible things." He said shamefully. "I've hurt you and your brother." He said tears flowing down his weatherbeaten face. He grasped my hand. It felt cold, and clammy, and he squeezed it, and stared at me. "I'm an old man, and I am dying. I donot want to leave, knowing I haven't rectified the problems I have with you and your brother." "I understand father," I whispered. Could he actually be sincere? Or was it my imagination? "I'm sorry for ignoring you?" He said, his breath heaving. He coughed a while. I remembered when he ignored me. Ignored my cries, and everything else that I needed.
Do you see me? Do you see?
Do you like me? Do you like me standing there?
Do you notice? Do you know?
Do you see me? Do you see me?
Does anyone care?
He had ignored me. He paid alittle more attention to Jim,. but we both were neglected. Jim did try to be there for me, when I was younger, but he had his own problems to deal with. His own demons to face. I'm not exactly sure how Jim felt, but I felt alone. I thought I was invisible to him.I sometimes wondered if hje liked me, or even loved me. Sometimes they way he would yell, would convince me that I was hated by my father. I looked at him, he looked as if he had fallen asleep. I sat in the room, waiting ofr him ot awaken. The room was depressing. The colrs were drab, and smell was hroible. I smiled. I was thinking like my wife now. The colors were drab? If Mimi saw this then she would have a feild day redesigning it. While he was sleeping, this game em time to reflect. What would I say when he was done talking?
Unhappiness where's when I was young
And we didn't give a damn
I thought of mymother. It was nopt always unhappy in our house. When my mother was there it was pleasent. My father still had his temper, but my mother kept him in check. Back then, he liked me. At least I believed he did. I was very young when she died. Before she passed away she told me to try to be all that I could. The typical, you can do it speech. She told me to follow my dreams, and live my life to the best of my abilities. Take what you are given, and try to make the best of it. To a six year ol.d this idea was a bit complex. When I was sad, she would comfort me. That was so long ago. Now she's gone.
To see life as fun and take it if we can
My mother, my mother she hold me
Did she hold me ,when I was out there
My father, my father, he liked me
Oh he liked me, does anyone care?
My father woke again. He smiled at me. "I'm sorry. I don't hate you, or your brother. I haven't been the best father, but I do love you.I'm sorry I didn't come to your wedding. That was a horrible mistake." He said "I know father, I love you too." I said holding his withered hand. "I'll miss you." I whispered. I never thought I'd say tl my father, but it was true. I would miss him. We did not have the best relationship, but he was still my father. People think I have the best life. A beautiful wife, big house. Nice cars, but that's all vanity. There's more to it. I have father I haven't spoken to in years.
Understand what I've become
It wasn't my design
And people everywhere think
Something better than I am
"Bring your brother here." He said smiling. I nodded and exited from the room. I tried to hurry. Where was Jim? I know he didn't leave the hospital. Wherever he was, he had better hustle. I went to the cafteria. I saw him eating with his girlfriend. I told him father wanted to see him, and we both rushed back into his room. I turned the knob, and buirst through the door. What I saw stopped me short. Jim slammed into me, and we both tumbled to the ground. We scurried up, and stared. Was our father dead? Could he have purposelly led me out the room, because he knew he was aboutt o to go intot he hereafter. the Great Beyond?
"Jim is he-?" I looked at my brother with tears in my eyes. "Dead." He said I looked into my brother's eyes. it felt as if I were eight years old again. When Jim would hug me, when I hurt, or scared. "Come here little brother." He whispered. He hasn't called me that in years. I slumped into the chair next to his bed, and cried. My father was dead. Gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I wanted to tell him things. I wanted to tell about my adventures in the Digital World. Gomamon. Everything. I couldn't now. Jim walked over to me, and hugged me. I was 25 years old, and crying in my brothers arms. I felt so wimpish then. I'm a grown man dammit! Bawling like a child.
"I'll go get the nurses." he said walking away. I touched my father's face. It was still warm. He had only be dead for a few minutes. I guess I could say goodbye to him now. I breathed in deeply, and wiped the tears away. I'll miss him. I was angry that he made me leave so he could die alone. Even when facing death he was a cruel man. He kept me away, so that I couldn't share my goodbye. I didn't even get to tell him about Gomamon. The other kids, or even taht mimi was a DigiDestined.The only person that even knew that I was a chosen child was Jim. He didn't evn tell my father. I suppose it's best that he never knows. I still wanted him to know of my adventuires. How I had the most anazing time. When I was there I was scared but I enjoyed the time spent there, for the most part. He'll never know. He'll never know his grandchildren.
But I miss you, I miss
'Cause I liked it. I liked it
When I was out there
Do you know this ? Do you know
You did not find me, you did not find
Does anyone care?
Jim came back with the nurses. He frowned, and we walked out the room. Out of the hospital, and to our cars. We would say our goodbyes, and head home to our own faimlies. I didn't want ti thatw ay. I did not want my brother to lose communication with me.We were all that was left. I stopped him.
"Hey, Jim.. Do you want to come visit me?" I said with a smile. "Sure why not little brother. Race you there." We both grinned. I hugged him, and we both got into our cars. trying to beat traffic, heading to my house. It was great to have someone you love with you. I sure am glad that Jim, has been there for me. I don't know if I oculd take it, if he were not.
End
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