"Forsythe?" Penelope stopped in the doorway of the Blue and Gold office, a lavender piece of stationary held in her hands. "You're the one who arranged this meeting?" She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"Afraid not." He hopped off the desk he was sitting on, knocking over a few of the trinkets sitting there. A framed 4x6 of Alice and Hal fell face forward against the wood and Penelope bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. "I got a letter too." He pulled an identical piece of stationary from the inner pocket of his varsity jacket and read, "'Meet me at the Blue and Gold during fifth period. Come alone and don't be late. Snacks will be provided.' I honestly thought Hal was trying to weasle a favor out of me with some of his mom's cooking."

Penelope frowned at her piece of paper. "'Meet me at the Blue and Gold during fifth period. Don't tell a soul.'" She looked up at him. "Why doesn't mine say anything about snacks? And how come they didn't tell me to come alone?"

"Because who the hell would you bring with you?" Hermione closed the heavy door behind her and spun on her heel to greet the other two. "Bulldog, fellow River Vixen." She nodded at them each in turn. "It was I who called this meeting. Your mission, should you choose to accept -"

"Snacks?" FP interrupted. "You said there would be snacks. I'm missing lunch for this."

Hermione's shoulders slumped. "You had lunch last period."

"Yes, and I didn't eat to my heart's content because I was saving room for the promised snacks."

Penelope pouted and leaned against a desk. "Why wasn't I promised snacks?"

"You're both ruining my pitch!" Hermione whined. She walked around to the other side of the large desk and started rifling through drawers. "Pick your poison. Oreos, a cherry Blow Pop, or what appears to be a ziplock bag of Mrs. Cooper's snickerdoodles."

"Oreos," FP called out. Hermione tossed him the package.

Penelope bit her lip. "Those are Hal's snacks. We shouldn't."

"But we are."

She sighed. "The lollipop is probably Alice's, right?"

"Yes, and it's probably intended as foreplay for things you'd never do," Hermione laughed. She extended the lollipop towards Penelope.

FP laughed, a few cookie crumbs flying out of his mouth. Both girls scowled at him. "Come on now, Minnie. You know Penelope probably isn't as innocent as she seems."

"As if!" Penelope took a step closer to him, hands planted on her hips. "I am plenty -"

"Enough!" Hermione waved the lollipop between them. "I called you both here for a reason, now have a snickerdoodle and shut up, both of you! I need your undivided attention."

FP popped another Oreo in his mouth and Penelope pressed her lips together and took a seat at one of the desks. Hermione hopped up on the large desk in the front of the room, her feet dangling several inches above the floor.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it," she said slowly, "is to help me crash a Baxter High party and steal their playbook for the big game next week."

FP paused with a cookie halfway to his mouth, his eyes darting to Penelope. She bit the inside of her cheek again, but could feel her lips curling into a smirk.

"Well?" Hermione extended her hands and remembered the lollipop in her hands. She tore the wrapper off and stuck it in her mouth. "Look, between the three of us, this is a solid plan!"

"A solid plan." FP rubbed the side of his nose. "Look, Hermione. You don't understand football. You don't understand playbooks. You -"

"Yes, but you do!" She brandished the lollipop towards him like a sword. "You have the sports knowledge and the cool jock persona. And I know parties and flirting!"

"So I guess you won't be needing me then." Penelope stood up. "I need to get to the library anyway."

"No, no, no!" Hermione waved her lollipop in her direction as well. "You are the key to all of this, Penelope! You're our ticket into that party!"

Penelope let out a nervous laugh, sitting back down slowly at the desk. "Your ticket? I mean - what?" Her voice grew higher as she spoke. "That's so silly, Hermione. Why I've never - Greendale? I've hardly ever been. All I know about Baxter High is," she swallowed and pulled the collar of her sweater away, "is that we've been there to cheer a few times. I don't even - what makes you think -"

"Oh, drop the goody two shoes act, Pen." Hermione took the few steps towards her and leaned down in front of Penelope, lollipop stick dangling out of her mouth. "We all know you make your rounds at Baxter High parties every weekend."

"I'd never!" she gasped. "I mean I'd - who's we all?"

Hermione banged the desk. "Well I've seen you at those parties with my own two eyes!"

"So have I," FP said dully. He twisted an Oreo apart and licked the cream. "I honestly didn't think it was a secret."

Penelope let out a another nervous giggle. "I - I have some friends on that side of the river, okay? It's nothing big. It's - it's - you guys can't say anything to anyone!" She turned to the door to make sure no one was there. "Please? I mean, I have a good reputation and -"

"Not that good," Hermione scoffed.

She glared at her. "Do you want my help getting into that party or not?"

Hermione perked up at that. "So you will help?"

"I can get you guys into the party, but that's it."

Hermione bit into the lollipop, a loud cracking resounding throughout the room. "You'll get us into the party and charm the pants off any airheaded football star who gets in our way. Capice?"

"I am not taking anyone's pants off!"

"It's just an expression." Hermione turned to FP, pulling the empty stick out of her mouth. "And you, FP? You in?"

FP slowly licked the cream out of his sixth Oreo, not looking at either girl. "And what exactly am I getting out of this?"

"What are you getting out of this?" Hermione tossed her hands in the air. "You're the quarterback! You might be captain next year! You steal this playbook, win the big game against Baxter High next week, and you're a hero!" She puts a hand on his shoulder. "You will be captain next year for sure."

"God, Hermione." He shrugged her hand off and took another Oreo from the package, no licking the cream this time. "First of all," he said through a mouthful of cookie. Hermione took a step back. "I'm a running back, not a quarterback."

"What's the difference?"

"Second of all," he held up two fingers, "I don't want to be captain next year. Captain is a thankless job. And third of all," he held up another finger, "we're not losing to those bitches from Baxter High. We're going to win anyway, so why am I going to waste my time stealing their playbook?"

"Baxter High is a great team and you're lying if you say you're not a little afraid you guys can't beat them."

FP licked his lips. "Okay, sure. They're a good team. But that doesn't mean I'm -"

"Plus," Hermione smiled brightly, "it's going to be a blast. The three of us," she gestured to Penelope, "who would ever suspect us of working together? We're going to take those Baxter High Ravens by storm and we will be the heroes of Riverdale High!" She put her hand out, lollipop stick still there. "Now who's with me?"

FP rubbed the back of his neck. "I have plans with Fred tonight, sorry."

Hermione clicked her teeth, hand still extended. "FP, he ditched you last weekend to take me to the roller rink."

"Okay, one time he -"

"Didn't he bring Sierra to a concert last month when he was supposed to bring you?" Penelope chimed in.

"Who told you about -"

Hermione poked his chest with her lollipop stick. "And don't forget how he spent all of homecoming chasing Mary while you sulked off in a corner and -"

"Okay, okay!" FP placed his hand on top of Hermione's. "I'm in. Fred will get a little taste of his own medicine." They both turned to Penelope, still seated at a desk with her hands folded. "Pen?"

"Don't call me that, Forsythe." She got up and slowly walked to them. "Just because we're working together does not mean you get to nickname me."

"So you're doing it?" Hermione bounced up and down. "You're in?"

"Yeah, okay." She placed her hand gently on top of FP's. "I'm in."

Hermione let out an excited little squeal and smacked her other hand down on top of Penelope's, sandwiching them all together. "Yes! Now we're going to need two cars. Penelope, bring yours."

"I can bring the Shaggin Wagon," FP offered. Hermione shook her head.

"That bucket of bolts is only good for one thing and it's not working as a getaway vehicle." Her eyes glazed over and a smile crossed her lips. "Don't worry. I have the perfect thing in mind."

"No," Mary said flatly.

"Mare!" Hermione whined, stamping her heels on the carpet. They were in a nook in the school's main office as Mary sorted mail into the teacher's cubbyholes. "You haven't even heard the whole plan!"

Mary rolled her eyes as she shoved a stack of envelopes in Principal Featherhead's box. "You want me to help you steal the school van so you have a getaway car when you steal the Baxter High Raven's playbook." She raised her eyebrow. "Was there more?"

Hermione pressed her lips together, smearing her lipstick. "I mean, sure, that's the gist of it. But I have details! A plan!" She put her hand on Mary's shoulder. "A script! I wrote a script, Mary, so Penelope doesn't embarrass me too bad. And all I'm asking you to do is -"

"Commit grand theft auto."

She clicked her teeth. "Don't be so dramatic." She took her hand off Mary and pouted. "Your record is squeaky clean and you're a model student. You'd get off with a slap on the wrist and maybe a little community service."

Mary shoved the final piece of mail into a slot and let out a long sigh. "Well when you put it that way," she paused to rub her chin, "still no." She spun on her heel back to the main part of the office. "I'm taking off, Ms. Bryant!" she called as she reached behind the counter for her bookbag. Hermione offered the school secretary a quick smile before chasing out after Mary.

"Just hear me out!" Hermione ran to keep up with Mary's long legs and quick stride. "If you -"

"My brothers have this game for Nintendo." Mary slowed down a little so Hermione didn't have to run, a surefire sign she was contemplating the plan. "So you're this guy named Dave and your girlfriend gets kidnapped by a mad scientist."

"Wait, what?"

"It's a video game. Pay attention." Mary hiked up her backpack and looked straight ahead as she walked. "So you have five friends but you can only choose two of them to break into the mansion with you to recuse your girlfriend. Everyone has a different skill set, so you need to make a very important decision in the beginning of the game on who's coming with you because the game is entirely different depending on who you choose. Also," Mary placed her hand on the door leading to the gym, "there are aliens. You get what I'm saying?"

"Absolutely not." Hermione wrinkled her nose. "Who am I in this situation? Am I the girlfriend or the mad scientist? Or the alien? Where'd the aliens come from?"

Mary sighed. "You're Dave! And you already chose FP and Penelope to go on this little mission, so have fun." Hermione broke into a grin. "What? What's funny?"

"You're jealous!"

"I am not!" A flush crawled up Mary's cheerks. "I am not jealous!"

"You are!" Hermione poked her arm. "You think I've traded in one redhead for a lesser model." She reached up to pinch Mary's cheek. "Do you think Penelope could ever replace you?"

She squatted Hermione's hand away. "What I'm saying is three is already a crowd and four is a mob. I'm not helping."

"But Mare -"

"But Mare what?" Mary pushed the door open and headed to towards the locker room. "I don't know know how to steal a car! That's not my skill set. Why wouldn't you ask, I don't know, maybe Hal? He knows a lot about cars. I bet he could hotwire it for you."

"Oh please! Hal would never partake in something this devious. Well," she tilted her head, "he is dating Alice now. Maybe he would. But no! It must be you. No hotwiring. Probably takes too long."

Mary sighed. "You know what I bring to the table? I can tutor someone in chem or drive drunk people home after a party or sort mail for -" She stopped and Hermione crashed into her back. "Damnit. That's it. You want me because I can nab the keys for the van right out of the office."

"Ding ding ding!" Hermione tried to bop Mary's nose and got whacked away again. "Exactly! Mary, it is hardly stealing if you have access to the keys! You're borrowing it! For school business!" She linked her arms through Mary's and turned her around, back towards the office. "Remember, a win for the Bulldogs is a win for the entire school. A win for Riverdale! And don't you love you town, Mary?" She nodded. "We're doing this rotten little town a public service, I tell you. We'll be heroes!"

"They are idiots." Alice tossed back her and laughed. "This will be a riot."

"What will?" Hal walked through the door of the Blue and Gold office. Alice perked up when she saw him and swung her legs off the desk.

"Hello Mr. Editor in Chief." She waved a piece of purple paper towards him. "Your lead reporter has a hot scoop for you."

The side of Hal's mouth twitched as he dropped his bag next to her on the desk. "Hot scoop? Is that what you're calling yourself now?"

"You want to hear it or not?"

Hal opened on of the drawers of the desk and Alice swung her legs around to the other side. "Lay it on me."

"A select group of River Vixens and Bulldogs," she poked him so he'd look up, "are going to try and steal the playbook from the Baxter High Ravens."

"Well nothing wrong with a little rivalry between competing schools, right?" He looked back down and opened another drawer on the desk. "We are playing them next week."

"That's not all!" Alice put her finger on his chin and tipped his head up so he'd meet her eyes. "It seems they're going to use the school van as a getaway vehicle."

Hal rolled his eyes. "Well that's just impractical. That van is almost as old as we are, the transmission is shot to shit. Plus, it's stick which," Hal chucked, "come on. No one appreciates the art of driving stick."

"I don't think you're comprehending what I'm saying." She got off the desk and tugged at Hal's shirt. "Hermione is orchestrating this shitshow where she's going to steal the school van and storm a Greendale party." Alice waved the purple paper in his face again. "And I have the proof right here!"

"The proof?" Hal's eyes crossed as he took the paper from Alice. She paced next to him as he read. "Alice, this is nothing. It's jiberish. It's written in code."

"Yes!" She snatched the paper from his hands. "Code in case one of them lost it and one of them obviously did. My guess is FP."

"FP?" Hal tried to look at the paper again but Alice held it away. "How do you even know -"

Alice stared down at the stationary. "F is code for FP."

"That's - no. F could be anyone. F could be Fred."

"And why would Fred care enough to sabotage a football game? No, this is FP. H must be for Hermione - the obvious brains behind it - and P is for Penelope."

"Okay, slow down there." Hal put a hand on Alice's shoulder and she turned around, her lips set and ready to disagree with him. "Penelope would never steal the school van."

"Of course she wouldn't." Alice shrugged his hands off. "Hermione is getting someone else to steal the van. It seems like Penelope's job is to flirt with the Raven's team captain." She pressed her lips together hard. "Oh god, I'd pay good money to see Penelope flirt."

"This is - no, Alice." He walked back to the far side of the desk and began looking through drawers again. "P must stand for some other River Vixen. Priscilla? Patti? And it doesn't matter anyway because it's not like we can write an article about Riverdale High Students commiting crimes." He slammed a drawer shut. "Especially not a crime against the school."

Alice planted her hands on her hips. "Hey dumb-dumb. You don't actually think I was suggesting we write about this, do you?"

"Well you said -"

She took a slow stride towards him, a playful gleam in her eye. "No. I was thinking maybe we could use this to our advantage." She put a hand on his chest. "You know, have a little fun of our own. Spoil their plan."

Hal's eyes darted to Alice's hand. "And how are we going to do that exactly?"

Alice's fingers crawled to the back of Hal's neck. "We are going to steal that van instead."

"What?" Hal's face dropped. "Alice we can't steal the van. Why would we - how would we even?"

"You know how to hotwire cars!" She bounced in her boots as she spoke, eyes still gleaming. "So we steal the van so Hermione can't! And I know," she pokes his chest, "you're going to say something about this being mean but we're actually doing them a favor. Hermione doesn't get caught at her feeble attempts to steal a van and no one gets their asses ran out of Greendale for crashing a house party."

Hal shoved his hands in his pockets. "I mean, I don't know Alice. What's the point? Just for a laugh?"

She pouted. "Of course for a laugh. And because it'll be fun! And hey," she placed her hands on either of his forearms and squeezed, "have I ever told you how hot my boyfriend looks in a t-shirt bent over an engine. A little grease smudged on him maybe. Me mopping sweat off his brow. Trying to impress me with all his knowledge of engines."

Hal's jaw went slack. "No. No, you've never told me about your hot boyfriend and how hotwiring cars may or may not impress you."

"Well it's true." She ran her hands up Hal's arms and linked them behind his head. "Not to mention," her voice dropped low, "there is nothing I find hotter than you having some fun. So what do you say?"

Hal looked to the floor. "There has to be more fun away to spend our night," he muttered. "I mean what if we get caught? What if -"

"We're not going to get caught!" Alice laughed. "We're going to take the van for a joyride and bring it back. By the time Hermione goes to get it, she'll be too down and out to think of a new plan and call the whole thing off."

"Hermione's never done anything to me. Why would I want to mess with her?"

"Hermione's called you a bedwetter in third grade and made you cry."

"That was," Hal rolled his eyes, "okay, that was a really long time ago. She hasn't done anything to me recently so why should I ruin whatever mess she wants to get herself into?"

Alice shook her head and unlinked her arms from behind his neck. She took a few short strides across the room and gave the wastepaper basket a kick. "Well go ahead. Look inside."

"Alice, what -"

She gave it another kick. "That thing you're looking for is right in there."

"I -" Hal followed her the few steps and looked down. His mouth fell open as he reached into the basket and pulled out what he'd been looking for. "How? How could she? This was a brand new pack of Oreos!"

"Further proof," Alice snatched the empty packet from his hand, "that FP is in on this too. You think Hermione would dare eat those all herself? It was him. He's a human garbage disposal. Not only that, but someone ate my last Blow Pop too!" She kicked the garbage again and sure enough, the candy wrapper was among the scraps of paper.

Hal sighed. "Okay, lets do this. If anything, it's justice for my Oreos."

"If anything, lets see if the back of the van is roomier than your car." She dropped the empty package in the trash and wrapped her arms back around Hal. "Lets give them hell."

"What the hell, FP?" Fred leaned against the side of the van. "We were supposed to go to the movies tonight! Now you're ditching me for a girl? Really? This is betrayal at it's finest."

"Hey, I didn't even want to go to the movies tonight." FP leaned out the window of the van. "You don't even know what this movie is about! You just want to see if because you think Michael J. Fox is cute."

Fred pouted. "Michael J. Fox is cute but that's besides the point!" His shoulders slumped. "Doc Hollywood is going to win an Oscar, just you wait and see. Who are you even going out with tonight? How'd you make a date for a night you knew we were doing something?"

FP gritted his teeth. "It's not a date, Freddy. All I said was I have plans with some girls. That doesn't mean a date."

"What's it mean then? An orgy?"

FP couldn't help but smile. "Why? You want to join?"

"Stop making jokes!" Fred hit the side of the van. "At least tell me who they are. Oh no, are they cheerleaders? Tell me they're not."

"As a matter of fact, they are both River Vixens."

"What's going on with you?" Fred asked earnestly. He leaned into the frame of the window but still didn't climb inside. "You never cancel plans with me. This really hurt that you'd ditch me to - to chase some skirts!"

"Really? Like you didn't just ditch me last week to -"

"That was Hermione!" Fred pleaded. "You know she's the love of my life! Hermione doesn't count!"

"I don't count what?" Both boys looked to the end of the row of cars where, sure enough, Hermione stood with both hands planted on her hips and a purse on her elbow. Hiram popped up behind her a second later with a stack of books, his eyes narrowing at the sight of the two other boys.

"You said it wasn't Fred!" Hiram shifted the books to his other arm. "God, the least you can do is be honest with me, Hermione. That's all I ask."

Hermione's heels clicked on the asphalt as she made her way to the van. "I already told you, it's not Fred." She peered through the window and gave FP a smile. "Give me a ride to my place? Penelope is meeting us there later and Mary is currently," she glanced over her shoulders at the other two boys, "taking care of the other thing. Shall we go?"

"Him?" Hiram's eyes grew wide. "You're skipping out on me for FP Jones? Are you feeling okay, Hermione? Did you hit your head?"

"Everything isn't a date," she said matter of factly. She took the books out of Hiram's arms and flashed him a smile. "I'll see you boys on Monday. Toodles."

Fred and Hiram watched the van back out, the two people inside both conveniently avoiding their gazes. Fred held a hand up to his chest.

"My best friend and my best girl just ran off together." He swallowed. "I think I just felt my heart shatter into a million pieces."

Hiram rolled his eyes and started walking towards his own car. "Don't be so dramatic, Andrews. If Mary and Penelope are doing whatever with them, I really doubt there's anything going on."

Fred watched Hiram take a few steps before jogging to catch up with him. "Still sounds like an orgy to me."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing." Fred sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "And damn, Mary is normally my back up date too. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Hiram fumbled through his pockets for his keys. "You've got two perfectly good hands."

"Very funny." Fred leaned against Hiram's car. "And Alice told me she and Hal have plans for tonight so I can't even hang out with her."

"Fuck." Hiram paused with his key up to the lock. "I was going to stop by his house and see if he wanted to do something."

"Looks like we're both going to be bored tonight." Fred pursed his lips together. "Unless - nah, it's stupid."

Hiram's ears perked up. "Everything you say is stupid. Don't hold back now."

"Well, we could hang out. Me and you."

"The two of us?" He laughed. "What would we even do?"

Fred smiled. "Hermione mentioned Penelope meeting up with them, right?"

Hiram nodded slowly. "Yeah, but -"

"So if Penelope is going out tonight, that means Thornhill is probably empty."

"I suppose so but -"

"My dad did a ton of work on Thornhill this summer. Including installing their new pool."

Hiram broke into a grin. "Hell. Let's go commit a little breaking and entering then."

"You read my mind, Lodge."