DISCLAIMER:
Once Upon a Time is property of Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis.
The following stunts are performed by people either possessing or having been exposed to magical forces. Do not try any of this at home.
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ANY GIVEN SUNDAE
Sarah/Ingrid is behind the counter of the ice cream shop. She's been eating baked beans – raw. She has just finished her fifth can in a row.
"Oh, hi there!" the beautiful Snow Queen smiled. "Psst! The Sherrif's Office is on to me, so I've decided to leave them with a little surprise."
She lifts up her skirt and sticks her ass into the massive walk-in freezer. After five seconds, she slams it shut and sneaks out through the back door.
"She's got to be here!" Emma says as she kicks down the door.
"The freezers have no power," Charming says. "How does she- what the?!" He bends down to pick up an empty can of beans.
Emma draws her pistol and approaches the main freezer. "She sure kept a lot of chocolate ice cream in here-"
She takes one sniff and passes out.
THE FARMHOUSE
Grumpy and Will Scarlet are just outside the Farmhouse surrounded by a herd of pigs.
"Hi! I'm Leroy!" Grumpy says.
"And I'm Will! What have you got there, Leroy?"
Grumpy produces a bag of fairy dust. "We've got a dozen pigs here, two liters of fairy dust, and a nitrogen flip-up rig used by the stunt crew of Once Upon a Time. You stand on it, press a button, and 500 pounds of gas is released at once, sending you into the air."
The two of them start sprinkling fairy dust onto the pigs before loading them onto the rig.
"And ready to launch in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…!"
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GOLD'S PAWNBROKER
Mr Gold is standing behind the counter while Henry is in the back of the store doing menial tasks such as sweeping and polishing.
"I know all too well why my grandson wants to work for me. It's so he and Regina can find out who wrote this book. Well, I don't know who wrote the book, but one thing's for certain," he holds up the old story book and turns somewhere in the back, and starts scribbling with a permanent marker.
"And young Henry Mills, the true believer in both his natural and adoptive mothers, struggled to come to grips as he reached that vital age when a young boy grows up to become… A Lady!"
From the back, the sound of Henry dropping his broom could be heard.
"ARRRRRGH!"
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THE SHERRIF'S OFFICE
Ruby is standing just outside Emma's office while Elsa is inside going through the records.
"Hi guys, it me, Ruby. Most of you know me as this town official 'It Girl', but ever since she arrived, that's all changed. So, I'm going to answer every teenage boy's question they ask whenever the watch Frozen – 'What's Elsa's dress made of?'"
Ruby walks over to the air conditioner and increases the temperature to 30 degrees celcius.
"What the hell?! Elsa screams. "Why is my dress melting?!"
STORYBROOKE MINES
Kristoff and Grand Pabbie are standing outside the mines. Kristoff is holding a jackhammer.
"Hello!" Pabbie cheers. "My adopted grandson here has been kind enough to offer me a makeover."
"Are you ready?" Kristoff asks.
Pabbie strips naked and braces himself as Kristoff places the jackhammer against Pabbie's stomach. An hour later, Pabbie's short, squat body is turned into a well-endowed, muscular specimen that would rival Michelangelo's David.
"Not too shabby, eh?" Kristoff asks.
Pabbie immediately starts posing. "Yeah baby! Bring on the girls! I've got rock-hard abs and a package that never goes soft!"
As he poses, a flock of pigs zoom over head.
"What in sam hell…?!"
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Please rate and review, as well as look through my other stories. I've just updated my MK/OUAT crossover entitled "Once Upon a Tournament". Thanks for reading.