Renji bolted upright in the futon, his eyes wide as he started panting in air with vehemence. His body was drenched in sweat from the horrid nightmare, every muscle tensed to the point that his body shivered all over. He looked out the window to see that the stars still held sway to the sky, the moon a round and gleaming light amidst the canopy. His sigh came out as a growl, his hand coming up to his face as he choked. Every night since (your name) had been so badly hurt, he'd been having the same damn nightmare. It never changed, the hollows swarming by the multitudes as they ripped you and your grouping to pieces. The blood had sprayed like raindrops, the others getting slaughtered as you fought desperately to stay alive. Even using your bankai proved to be useless against the onslaught, there had simply been too many to handle. Even as Renji and the other squads ran to where you had been fighting, you kept at it trying your very best to survive. Renji had watched in horror as the Hollow at your blind side struck, it's long nails piercing through your back and up through your ribs as a scream was cut short from your frame. Your (eye color) orbs went wide as red came spewing from your lips, Renji's own issuing a roar of fury and loss as he charged. The Hollow that had it's nails inside you dissolved in the next second, your body falling back as Renji caught you in one arm to swing his Zabimaru with vehemence. The Hollows were destroyed by the second as Renji kept roaring, his Zabimaru following suit to bring the battle to a close. He'd held you tight to his front the whole time, his hand in your (hair color) locks to press it to his chest. The pounding of his heart had been the only clear sound, even to the scream of his fury as the cracking and breaking pace against his ribs thundered like his rage. Renji sank to his knees heaving in air once the last Hollow was felled, his grip on his sword coming away to come to grip tight to your back. Hot water dripped into your hair and over your face, the taste of salt apparent as a few ran into your still open mouth. "(Your name)! No! We're too late! I'm too late! NO!" His scream was now one of what neither of you had ever believed to be possible, the cry etched with defeat and regret. The very sound cut through the air, the cry echoing over the area as you took a long and very painful sounding gasp of air. Your lungs rattled as Renji went stock still, his grip on your back loosing immediately to press into your neck hard. The action has your head tilt up to meet his gaze, the tears streaming from his eyes dripping over your face as he choked in disbelief. "You- MEDIC! SOMEONE GET OVER HERE!" Your body just got colder by the moment, the next breath of air gurgling to bring more red as you gave one name. "Renji..." Then everything froze in time as your air gave out, Renji's fingers twitching against your neck as your heart stopped it's threaded pace. His eyes had gone as wide as allowed as your own went vacant, your body going limp as he choked out, "NO! (your name)! HANG ON FOR ME! DON'T DIE! PLEASE!" Captain Unohana had come running up as Renji kept shouting, his eyes locked on yours as he begged and pleaded for you to stay.
Renji could feel the tears trekking down his face at the memory, his air coming out on a sob as he thought he'd lost his entire world. But then a hand laces into his from underneath the bedsheets, the sound of your voice bringing him from the memory back to you and the present. "Renji...? Are you all right...?" He looks over at you as you lay half under the blanket he'd thrown off in his panic, the bandages over your front still a painful reminder of what he'd failed to prevent. It had been three weeks of torturous agony since that horrible day, every available hour spent in lingering sadness. Whether it had been at your bedside in the coordinated relief station while you recovered, or wishing he was still beside you while he worked or tried to sleep here at home. Captain Unohana had cleared you for going home, as long as you were on strict bedrest and were well tended to. Renji had readily agreed to take the time off in order to take care of you here at home, but it still did not dissuade the guilt or the grief. He looks down at you, his eyes still watering as he chokes out, "Yeah. Just a dream. Don't think too much on it. Sorry if I woke you." You give him a knowing sigh, the words holding little strength as you state, "That's not all your apologizing for is it...?" Renji can't help tensing up at this, the truth of it like a slap in the face. "(Your name). Your right. As usual. I do have a lot to apologize for after all." He looks up into the night sky, his hand nearly crushing yours as he admits, "It was a stupid mistake. Sending only a rag tag team of soul reapers instead of three full groups with a few Lieutenants as you suggested. I should never have let Captain Kuchiki tell you that you were being a worrisome girl. I should have stood with you on what we both knew was right. But I didn't, and I've regretted such ever since I opened my mouth against you. It nearly cost me everything I hold dear. Everything I want to protect and be strong for, and I nearly let it slip right through my fingers." His gaze drifts back to you, and it's full of shame. "(Your name). I am so sorry. Please forgive me for being such a stupid ass." You give him another hard sigh, the action making your kimono come off your shoulders. Though the bandages cover you so nothing of note really shows, Renji still goes a little flush at the sight of your kimono being so open. This gets you to give a chuckle of amusement, your hand in his squeezing as tight as you can. "No need... to apologize... Renji... I love you... So I forgive you... How long have... you been having... these kinds of nightmares...?" You tug his hand slightly forwards in encouragement, Renji noting the meaning to lay back down and face you. His eyes still hold such shadowed grief, misery and anguish causing the depths much turmoil as tears continue to fall. "Since I fell asleep sitting next to you in recovery that night. And every night since, just as I deserve as a punishment." You frown to ask another question. "Is it true that... you'd been using me... as your pillow... whenever you fell asleep... at my bedside...?" He nods to go even more red, his discomfort making you raise an eyebrow. "Renji...?" He gives a hard huff of air, avoiding looking into your (eye color) eyes to mumble out, "It was nothing. Okay? It was stupid. I-"
You start giving hard coughs that stops him dead, his eyes finding yours in worry and fear of all things as you shiver and cough a few more times. You give a few pants of air at the pain such movement laces through your healing chest, asking him more forcefully than before, "Please, Renji..? I want to know.. Please tell me... Even if it's stupid..." His eyes are so full of sorrow and your pain and harm breaks his heart into glass powder, his hands reaching out to take you into his arms and hold you to him. His strength you have always seen shatters as he starts to cry, hugging you close as he chokes, "I was scared, okay?! I thought that any moment your heart would stop beating again! It didn't matter that everyone said you'd be fine! it didn't matter that they had hooked you up to the monitors to keep track of your vitals! I was scared beyond all reason that I'd lose you! So I kept my head to your heart, if only to know beyond all doubt that you were still with me! I've been going absolutely mad, the only assurance I could find being the sound of your heart still beating inside you! It was the only thing keeping me going, knowing that it's pace kept the woman I love so much going!" Renji notes how you go stock still in his arms, and his own frame goes rigid in response. His eyes find yours to note they are full of shock, your words clarifying as you breathe, "You've never said... that you love me... This is the first time... you've said those words... Renji..." He jerks as if you slapped him, he air hissing through his teeth. "Which was so stupidly macho of me! I should have said such the moment you said those words to me the first time! But now I'm telling you! I love you (your name)! I love you with all of my heart and soul!" You blink in astonishment, then you give him a glowing smile. His eyes go a little wider as you start crying, your joy too great to contain as you tell him, "Renji...! Oh Renji...!" Renji goes bug eyed when you roll yourself over to hug him to you with what little strength you have, your arms lacing over his waist to hug him as tight as you can in elation. Then your lips find his to kiss him deeply, and he goes as red as his hair in response. But then his heart melts under your given moan of enjoyment, his hands reaching up to press you to him gently. Your taste is like sunshine, each breath a relished sensation against his lips, the beat of your heart against his own the most wonderous treasure he holds in his keeping. After a moment of kissing and panted breaths, he lays you flat once more. It's clear that your about ready to pass out, each breath laced with fatigue as well as joy. He isn't that surprised when you hold your arms wide in invitation, smiling to lay his head to your chest as you hug him close. "Renji... I love you... Don't ever forget that... But you should rest... If you haven't slept very well..." You fall asleep in moments, your frame going slack as he places a kiss to your heart. "Thank you, (your name). I will never let you stand alone ever again. I love you." Then he too joins you in slumber only this time the nightmares hold no sway against the sound of your heart.