A/N: Even if you're not diabetic, you may want to grab some insulin from somewhere, or, at the very least, a sick bucket, because some parts of this story are so sickeningly sweet it puts candyfloss to shame. With that said, enjoy!

Thanks to ButtonsMagoo, who is writing an Enchanted fic, and who let me pinch one of the songs from the film. If you haven't heard So Close, go find it!

Disclaimer: Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own The Mighty Boosh and all associated characters. Enchanted belongs to Disney, and the song from it, So Close is owned by... someone who isn't me and sung by John Mclaughlin. Life on Mars? is David Bowie's, and I also don't own Sex and the City, or Friends.

xxxx

Thursday.

Howard - to Vince's surprise, and something else which greatly confused the shiny, happy man that he couldn't put his finger on – actually had a date. But, about two seconds ago, Vince had inadvertently laughed in his face when Howard had told him that he'd met her at the library, and that she was wearing a dress in a fetching shade of nutmeg with pink leggings.

"Howard?"

Howard, who was currently sat on his bed brooding, cast his eyes towards the window as Vince walked over to him.

"What do you want?"

Vince sighed and set himself down next to his grumpy friend.

"Don't be like that. I didn't mean it – honest! Come on, what's her name?"

Howard regarded him warily for a moment, then sighed. "Annabelle."

Vince grinned. "Pretty name."

"Yeah."

Vince moved closer to Howard and playfully shoved him with his shoulder. "So, where are you taking her?"

Howard smiled, looking a bit brighter now. "I'm taking her out for some hot jazz."

"Hot jazz?! Howard – are you mental?"

"Hey! She likes jazz!"

Vince pondered this for a moment, then, very cheekily, said, "Is she mental?"

Howard stood up and stomped towards the door. "Forget it. Talking to you is obviously an impossible task!"

Vince flew after him, unable to stop the smile on his face. "Howard! Howard, come back." He pulled on Howard's shirt sleeve until he stopped.

"What?" he snapped, frowning at the smaller man.

"I'm sorry, Howard. You know I'm only joking."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, course you do! Listen, when's your date?"

Howard studied Vince for a moment, and then gave in. "Tonight."

Vince looked horrified. "Tonight?! But it's already after six!"

"So?"

"So, we've got lots to do!"

Howard put a hand up to stop his friend. "Oh, no – no way. I'm perfectly capable of getting myself ready, thank you very much."

"Oh, but Howard..."

"Sorry, little man, but Howard TJ Moon has a look – a strong look, a bold look, a look which mustn't be messed with by your sticky, glittery hands."

Vince snorted, then frowned. "Sticky?"

xxxx

Vince was still up when Howard returned at nearly two in the morning. Well, if still up meant sprawled half asleep across the sofa, eyes blearily trying to focus on an old episode of Sex and the City.

"Vince? What you still doing up?"

Vince blinked and rubbed his eyes, watching Howard remove his jacket and kick off his shoes. He smiled sleepily and sat up so Howard could sit next to him.

"I wanted to wait up so I could hear all the juicy details." He grinned. "You're back late."

Howard smiled and settled back into the sofa. "Who says I'm going to tell you anything?"

Vince poked him in the side. "You have to. It's your moral obligation."

Howard looked at Vince in mock horror. "Moral obligation? Where did you learn those words?"

"Oi!" Vince stuck his tongue out at his friend and proceeded to pout.

Howard laughed at the indignant look on his friend's face. "It was great. She was great, dinner was great and the club was great."

Vince leant over him, looking curious. "And...?"

"What?"

"Did you kiss her?!"

Howard picked at a bit of fluff on the arm of the sofa. "Maybe." Then he smirked.

Vince practically jumped on him. "You did! Aw, my Howard, all grown up!"

"Yeah, yeah." Howard was still grinning though as he pushed Vince off his lap, and proceeded to walk towards the bedroom.

"Where you going?"

Howard spun to face him. He thought it was obvious. "Bed."

"But – you haven't finished!" Vince scrabbled up and followed his friend into the bedroom, watching as Howard sat on the bed and pulled off his shirt, exposing his olive coloured polo-neck. Vince pulled a face.

"What?"

"Well, I was going to make a remark about your outfit, but then I thought, if she wears brown dresses with pink leggings, then you're actually rather suited to each other."

Howard rolled his eyes at him.

"You going out again?"

"Yeah, Saturday." Howard flopped back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling with a smile. "She wants to go dancing – proper dancing." Then, instead of his usual charade of insisting he could do anything that was thrown at him, his face fell and adopted a look of panic, and he sat back up, wild eyed, as if it was only just registering. "Vince, I don't know how to dance!"

Vince's face lit up and he sat down next to Howard on the bed, making it bounce a little with his enthusiasm. "I'll teach you!"

"What?"

"Yeah! It'll be genius!"

Howard looked at him incredulously. "Since when have you been able to dance like that?"

"What d'ya mean?"

"I mean – when have you even been known to do anything other than pull shapes and shake your arse on the dance floor?"

"Oh, Howard. How little you know me."

xxxx

Friday.

Howard and Vince stood in the middle of the living room, sofa and coffee table pushed back to create some room to move in. Howard was hopping from foot to foot nervously, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Vince – this is ridiculous."

"No, it's not. Just relax, Howard. Put your arm around me."

"What? No!"

Howard back away from Vince and started to pace the floor of the living room.

Vince sighed and sat on the arm of the sofa, running a hand through his hair and ruffling it slightly. He picked up the remote control from next to him and started shuffling it back and forth in his hands.

"Come on, Howard," he pleaded exasperatedly.

"It's weird."

"Wha – Howard. It's not weird, you muppet. I'm only teaching you to dance. You want to impress Annabelle, dontcha?"

Howard shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor. "Yes."

"Well then!" Vince slid off the sofa, chucking the remote to one side, and came to stand in front of his jumpy friend. He circled his arms around Howard's neck and pulled him close, causing the bigger man to adopt a look of panic.

"Howard – relax. You're never gonna learn if you don't loosen up. Now, take my hand, and put your other arm around my waist."

"Vince -"

"Just do it!"

They worked at it for a good couple of hours before Howard finally lost his patience.

"It's no good – I can't do it!"

"Yes, you can! It's just a simple box step!"

"How do you even know all this?" Howard huffed and strode over to the kitchen table, pulling out a chair and plonking himself down on it.

Vince sighed and pushed a lock of his silky black hair out of his eyes. "Look, how about we pack it in for today and try again tomorrow?"

Howard picked up a piece of paper from the table top and started unconsciously ripping pieces from it. "I don't know..."

Vince walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, not noticing when Howard flinched slightly. "You'll be ready for your date – I promise."

xxxx

Saturday.

As soon as Vince had flipped the sign round on the shop door, he hauled a protesting Howard up the stairs to the flat for his second dance lesson.

"We'll try the steps again, and then put them to music, 'kay?"

Howard's gaze swung over to the kitchen, settling longingly on the kettle. "Can we have a cuppa first?"

"No."

"Oh, but Vince!"

"No!"

Howard paused in his moaning, a frown falling over his face. "Have we swapped roles?"

Vince simply grinned and took hold of the resisting maverick's hands. "Your problem is you won't relax properly – you're wound tighter than a coil. Loosen up – don't be so afraid. Go with it. Embrace it."

Twenty minutes later, and Howard actually, finally, had some sort of rhythm going on, even if his hands were still resting rather awkwardly on Vince's waist and hand.

"That's it! Now you're getting it! I'll put some music on." Vince walked over to his CDs and scouted through them, teeth gnawing at his lip as he concentrated. "Hmm, no – no – no – no way! - no – nope – definitely not – huh, that might work." He put the CD in the player and then pulled Howard back towards him.

Howard's nose wrinkled as the song started. "'Life on Mars'? Is that the slowest track you own?"

"Yeah – I don't really do lovey dovey, romantic music. You can't really pull shapes to it."

They started to move, Howard moving more fluidly now.

"You know, I've got plenty of jazz that would be -"

"No," Vince said, pointedly. "Now, concentrate."

Another hour or so, after 'Life on Mars?' had been repeated countless times, and Vince was starting to feel a bit funny. Something was happening to him – something he couldn't decipher, and then, when Howard pulled away, saying he needed to get ready, Vince felt a strange pang in his stomach, one that made him feel slightly sick.

"Thanks, Vince," Howard said, softly, his smile seeming somewhat shy.

Vince smiled back rather unsteadily. "Well, we couldn't have you showing yourself up, could we?" He took a deep breath and a step back. "Now, don't moan, but I've put a suit out on your bed for you. Havana is a nice place – I don't want you blinding its patrons with your nineteen seventies carpet patterns." Vince fully expected Howard to be insulted by that, and so was quite shocked when his friend simply grinned at him and left the room.

xxxx

"Wow." Vince coughed and caught himself quickly, looking up at Howard with a smile. "I mean – you scrub up well, dontcha?"

Howard glanced into the mirror and frowned slightly. "Really? Is it okay?"

Vince looked him up and down, trying to keep his expression casual. Howard actually looked good – really good. He had on a black suit with a crisp, white shirt that was open at the collar, and a smart pair of shoes – an outfit that Vince had had no idea just how good it would look until now. Howard's hair was tousled, in a way that made him look sexily dishevelled, and Vince had to shake himself out of his gawping before it became too obvious and potentially embarrassing.

"You – you got time for one last dance? Just to make sure? I think I've found something a bit more suitable for you this time."

Howard turned away from the mirror and faced him with a lopsided smile, which, for reasons Vince couldn't fathom, made his heart flutter and his knees go weak.

"What is it?"

Vince waggled the CD at him.

"Enchanted?"

"Yeah, it was all I could find. Best not tell Bollo we know about his little Disney fetish. Although, it could come in useful if we ever need to blackmail him." Vince grinned and popped the CD into the stereo, skipping through the tracks until he found a suitable one. As the instrumental started, he held a hand out to Howard, suddenly feeling slightly nervous as they came together, setting the pace and breathing in deeply, eyes trying not to meet his friend's, who, now he was so close, smelt of some delicious cologne that Vince didn't even know he had – and it made him tingle, especially when Howard's breath ghosted across him, minty freshness mixing with the slightly zesty scent.

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

Howard looked down, his eyes roaming to meet Vince's, who took a few seconds to return his gaze, and when he did, Howard, who had actually been about to say something, lost all coherent thought and was left with trying to figure out just exactly when Vince's eyes had been replaced with two dazzling sapphires. Vince's electric-blue satin shirt brought the colour out so vividly, it was as a tube of blue glitter and stars had been tipped into them. Howard was quite taken aback by just how ethereal they made Vince look, like some kind of celestial being, and he almost forgot his steps as he forced his brain to concentrate.

A life goes by

Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine good-bye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

Surprised that the smaller man was still holding his gaze, Howard smiled at Vince gently, and was rewarded with a brilliant, if slightly nervous looking one, in return. Howard briefly wondered why this was, but was reassured when Vince tightened his grip on him slightly. He relaxed, enjoying the moment – perhaps slightly more than he should have been – and allowed the music to guide him, feeling more confident with every step. He was slightly taken aback at how natural dancing with Vince suddenly felt, and, without warning, thousands of butterflies started to buzz around his stomach, making his breath quicken and his legs feel like they'd been replaced with jelly. Vince was intoxicating him, and Howard wasn't sure how, or why.

Vince, for his part, was feeling pretty much the same, and it was confusing him greatly. Should dancing with Howard feel this good? Was he supposed to be feeling giddy and drunken and like his stomach was on a spin-cycle? The closeness of Howard, the intimacy and the smell of him was sending his senses into overdrive. Had he always felt this way about his best friend? Had it just been repressed until the time was right for it to come out? He smiled up at Howard, feeling completely overwhelmed at the dark glinting of his eyes and the heat behind them. Was it possible that Howard was thinking exactly the same as him?

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far... we are... so close

As the music started to build up to a crescendo, the effect Vince was having on him brought something out in Howard that he didn't realise he possessed, and of his own accord, he suddenly spun Vince round so his back was to his chest, and they swayed like that for a moment before Howard twirled him again, this time full circle, around and around, moving across the room with graceful ease, letting Vince go and then catching him again. Vince's face glowed, his dizzy smile and big eyes lighting up the room. Howard smiled back at him, everything around him blurring and fading until it was just him and Vince, and then the music began to soften again, and they slowed back down.

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We're so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far

It took a few moments for the two of them to snap out of their trance, and even then, it was a rather slow awakening, neither of them realising just how close their faces were until the haze started to lift.

Howard breathed in deeply, suddenly remembering he had a date waiting for him. "I - I'd better go," he said hesitantly, eyes still locked on Vince's, hands moving of their own accord to gently grasp the other man's upper arms.

Vince stepped back slightly so Howard's hands slipped from him. His brain was struggling with all the new emotions rampaging through his body, his heart was thumping wildly against his chest, and for some inexplicable reason, he found that he was having to hold back tears. Howard was staring at him, looking slightly confused, but all Vince could think about was the sudden feeling that was washing over him which was telling him he didn't want Howard to go. However, in the end he simply gave Howard a small smile and wished him a good time.

"You'll be fine – keep dancing like that, and she'll love you forever," he said, only catching himself once the words had tumbled out. Howard smiled back at him.

"Yeah?"

Vince couldn't quite decipher the tone of Howard's voice. On the outside, it seemed he was simply questioning whether his date would go well, but there was something else in that voice - something underlying, almost as if he were asking if...

"Yeah."

Howard nodded at Vince and picked up his wallet off the small table, tucking it safely into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

"Well, I'll – I'll see you later then. And thanks." He smiled gently at his friend, catching his eyes and holding them for a second before moving towards the stairs. "Good night."

Vince gave him a small wave from where he was now perched on the arm of the sofa. "Have a great time."

Howard couldn't help but wonder, as he made he way down the stairs and out the door, just why Vince had sounded so sad, and with a strange heaviness in his heart, he walked out into the cold night air.

xxxx

Vince had decided pretty soon after Howard had left that he wasn't in the mood for going out, and instead had shoved on a pair of his oldest and comfiest pyjamas - the flannel bobbled from where it had been well worn and loved, the whole ensemble slightly too big for his small frame - and settled down to watch the TV. When he looked up at the clock sometime later, he was annoyed to find that only forty-five minutes had passed since he'd been left alone. He flopped off the sofa with a sigh and wandered over to the window, looking up at the big bright moon and twinkling stars, feeling rather melancholy. Looking down, he saw a couple strolling hand in hand up the street, and he smiled slightly before turning away from the window and going over to the kitchen to flip on the kettle. He couldn't for the life of him work out just what was making him feel so low, and so to make himself feel more safe and comfortable, he lit a load of candles, placing them all around the living room, and switched off the light. The orange glow that filled the room instantly relaxed him, making him feel warm and cosy, and he settled back on the sofa with a hot cup of tea, the throw pulled over him and the telly playing yet another rerun of 'Friends'.

The front door opened and slammed shut about ten minutes later, and Vince didn't turn as he heard footsteps on the stairs, too transfixed on watching Rachel and Chandler fight over a piece of cheesecake. Instead he threw a distant 'Hey, Naboo,' out into the room. However, he did notice when Naboo didn't answer, and as he twisted in his seat, he was startled to find Howard standing at the top of the stairs, just staring at him. Vince shook his head and blinked tightly.

"Wha -what's wrong? Did you forget something?"

Howard was looking at him with dark eyes, the candle light reflecting in them, and he simply shook his head in reply, even though his expression was set in such a way that it made it seem like he desperately had something he wanted to say.

Vince swallowed nervously, the look on Howard's face doing something funny to his insides. "Howard? Is everything okay? Where's Annabelle?"

Howard's shoulders drooped slightly, and he looked away from Vince guiltily. "She's gone home. I – I couldn't..."

Vince frowned, concerned at his friend's behaviour. "Couldn't what?" he said, with a tenderness that not only surprised himself, but also made Howard look up at him in such a desperate way that it almost broke his heart. And Vince never got heartbroken. "Howard?"

"I – I -" Howard turned and made to go towards the bedroom, but Vince ran over and grabbed his hand before he could disappear, pulling Howard round to face him with more force than he'd intended, causing them to bump into each other, Howard's nose almost pushed up against Vince's forehead. Vince pulled back slightly to look up at him, the close proximity making his skin burn.

"Howard," he said, the name rushing out on a whisper. "What's wrong?"

But Howard couldn't talk – he simply started down at Vince, his eyes quivering with the weight of a thousand emotions.

Instinctively, Vince reached a hand up to Howard's cheek. "What's so bad that you can't tell me?" He could feel Howard trembling slightly.

"I couldn't – I couldn't dance with her."

"But – you were doing really well. Before you left – that was brilliant!"

"No, I didn't mean – I meant – I -"

A light bulb went off above Vince's head, and his eyes widened as he realised what Howard was trying to say, and, at the same time, he also realised why he'd been feeling so odd. Hoping he hadn't got it completely wrong, he brushed his thumb lightly over Howard's lips, feeling the bigger man shiver at the touch. Not wrong, then.

"Howard – Howard, it's okay," he whispered.

Howard looked away from him shamefully, but Vince wasn't having any of it, and he gently took hold of Howard's chin and pulled him back round.

"Howard, look at me. It's okay. I know - and it's okay. It's okay."

Focusing on Vince properly, Howard managed to regain some control over himself.

"Is it?"

"Yeah – it is." Vince smiled. "You're an idiot, ya know that?"

Howard's lips twitched upwards slightly, and when his tongue flicked out the lick them, Vince couldn't help but be drawn to the shiny wetness, and in a moment of complete delirium, he breathed;

"Kiss me."

Howard complied without hesitation and closed the small gap between them, gently pressing his lips to Vince's and holding him tight against him when he felt the smaller man's knees buckle.

The kiss was soft and sweet, until Vince raked his hands through Howard's hair, and Howard murmured Vince's name against his lips, and then, in a sudden fit of passion, tongues met in a heated dance and explored mouths, lips were nibbled and licked and sucked, tender words were mumbled incoherently and hands were trailed down arms and over backs and across cheeks.

Howard hooked his fingers in the band of Vince's pyjama trousers, and pulled him over to the sofa, only just remembering to mind the candles as he blindly stepped backwards. Naboo would not be happy if they ended up burning the flat down.

"Howard," Vince panted, as his neck was assaulted with a peppering of kisses.

"Mmm?"

"Dance with me."

Howard raised an eyebrow at him, but Vince just grinned naughtily and kissed him again.

And they diddance. All night.