Waking

Written on: 05/19/19
Posted on: 05/19/19

A/N: Sequel to Stranger in 10 Years (AU type, I intend to keep Stranger in 10 Years as it is, this is fic is just a "what if" sequel)

I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way.

— The Letters of Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf.

I.

It had been two hours past he met her. Two hours since he finally met her. Two hours since he lost her. He knew at this point he was already falling apart or that he had already fallen apart then the realization crossed his mind. He had only lost her for two hours, with certainty that she had already left, and he was as broken as a sole survivor yet she had lost him for ten years without even an ounce of certainty of their relationship. She was left hanging with uncertainty, loneliness, and heartbreak. He laughed at his misery and pathetic display, how come he never felt this grave emotion the past ten years? Had he been so complacent of Sonoko's love for him that he never would have thought she had moved on with life?

He sat on the driver's seat of the car he had rented, hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel as he stared through the front window. The skies were fair and the weather was not all too bad, it was almost perfect weather yet Makoto could not help but curse as it seemed that the world rejoiced in his misery.

If only I tried harder, if only I looked for her more, if only―

But such are these words for they are all lost in a sea of possibilities.

Makoto slammed his fist on the steering wheel in sheer frustration. It was his fault, it was his lack of―lack of what?

Maybe he did not love her as much as he thought?

And it horrified him. He did not… love her enough?

Love with all of your heart, do not love with only a part of it, a former master of him once taught him that to love is to give oneself whether it is towards a hobby or towards a person. No one thing or person deserves to be loved with half the passion.

Makoto's eyes widened, he was sure―he was truly sure he loved her with all his heart, he was sure! And yet why… why did he have to lose her?

Incompetence. Selfishness. Ignorance.

He shook his head, never in his life had he let overwhelming negativity cloud his thoughts.

He decided to finally start the engines, turning the air conditioning on then the radio.

Now welcoming, Akihiro Tohoten-Suzuki alongside the lovely Sonoko Tohoten-Suzuki! Greetings and thank you for coming to the conference.

Makoto's breath hitched.

Mister and Missis Tohoten-Suzuki, there have been mixed responses still regarding the coexistence of the Tohoten corporations and Suzuki corporations, might you have any say regarding the matter?

"Ah,"

It was his voice, the voice of which who had whisked his love away from him.

"Well, we can't expect the world to agree with each other," he began, "however Sonoko and I, along with the respective executives of our corporations, have planned and agreed that this is for the betterment in not only the economy and business world within Japan but as well as overseas."

Overseas, you say?

"Yes! The Tohoten corporations are more well endowed and known for its marvelous architectures and medical innovations in other countries whereas the Suzuki focuses on the economic and tradings within Japan. With our collaboration, we aim for Japan to broaden its affiliations for a better outcome."

Makoto could feel his legs shaking then going numb, it was her voice―it had grown mature and calmer but still held the slight rise of her tone when she smiled. She had definitely grown to be the perfect leader of a corporation. If only this car had a TV maybe he could also see what happened during this Live Conference.

We've heard, although this is old news, that the marriage between you and Mister Tohoten was arranged, is that true, and how do you feel about it, Miss Tohoten-Suzuki?

"Well, of course, like any other girl they'd feel nervous, but I knew my place, I'm very lucky that the man I've married is a patient and kind one, hehe! Akihiro knows I have a temper and that I'm impulsive and I'd riot if my arranged husband would control me!" She laughed as if whole and from the pits of her heart.

Makoto's heart shattered, her laugh and her smile were his―all his.

"It'd be a shame, Sonoko is a one of a kind, I'm glad that my mother has arranged this, I'm very lucky as well that I was wedded with a strong, passionate and love filled woman whose intelligent and open-minded."

The string of praises earned cheers and whistles from the audience, and this only further fueled Makoto's anger mixed with despair.

Oh? It must be fate that you were arranged together, we're glad it went well despite the situation… however, it has come to notice that you, Miss Tohoten-Suzuki, was in a relationship before this, were you forced to break your past relationship or was it out of your own will?

Both Makoto and the radio fell silent.

"That was a tale once upon a time and when flowers are left untended, they wither..." Her voice became soft, almost inaudible on the radio.

"But it does not mean it no longer exists."

Makoto's tears fell once more, his head resting by the wheel.

How metaphorical, you are truly an enigmatic and passionate person, Miss Tohoten-Suzuki!

Whatever that went on on the radio fell mute in his ears, he could not help but wallow in his depression as he thought of Sonoko's words. When flowers are left untended, they wither, but it does not mean it no longer exists.

Makoto would have thought that this meant she still loved him, but it could be taken another manner. When love is lost, it dies, but it does not mean it did not exist once upon a time. She had loved, waited and now she had withered.

He shook his head, quickly changing the channel as he pressed on the gas pedal and left the airport and momentarily stay the night in a hostel before moving back home.

He should be happy, the suggestion crossed his mind. He really should be relieved that someone had finally filled in the loneliness in Sonoko's heart and that the man was kind, and that he was in the same financial status as Sonoko was and so there would be no complications in their relationships. Had he and Sonoko pursued their relationship it would create difficulties as their lifestyles were far too different. Makoto should be relieved that Akihiro was a patient man who had let Sonoko be herself and give her freedom and equal treatment, he should be relieved that Sonoko was smiling and laughing rather than spending those lonely nights crying out for a name that wouldn't come back any time soon or came too late.

He should be happy, but he wasn't―not even the slightest.

II.

Makoto does not even notice he had passed his hotel almost an hour ago. He cursed under his breath as he tried to find where to turn. The skies were beginning to turn dark from the time and because apparently there was a storm upcoming. Shit. Makoto clicked his tongue in sheer frustration as he made a U-turn and retraced his tracks.

Not before long the downpour came, strongly at that, the raindrops were practically akin to bullets shooting the windows of the cars. Makoto could hear it loud and clear hitting against the car. He turned the windshield open on automatic as he let the lights a little bright. He looked back at the time, there were only 20 minutes left before the hostel would decline his booking he had to hurry.

He pressed on the gas pedal with more pressure, increasing the speed as he drove through the slippery road under a thunderstorm, luckily enough the streets were clear.

But this did not last long until a cat slowly crossed the street.

Makoto's eyes widened, his eyes staring directly at the cat's obsidian hues.

"Shit!"

He immediately turned his car in order to avoid hitting the cat. In an attempt to slow down he had hit the breaks and the impact had made the car stumble and turn until he hit by a cement wall and streetlight. Gas and smoke emanated and oil leaked from the car. Makoto felt dizzy as he was basically upside down inside the car, he looked sideways, his gaze catching the sight of a cat who was walking towards him.

"You're safe..."

A laugh, almost empty, choked out from his sobs as blood trickled from his head. Eventually, his eyes closed and fell into unconsciousness―the last noises he could have heard were the sirens as well as other cars hailing to a stop. Footsteps and wheels of a stretcher growing louder towards him but they were all muted by a singular sound, the cat's meows.

III.

So, do you love her?

Her?

Her.

Yes, yes I do.

Enough?

I don't know.

That's not an answer.

But, really, I don't know. Maybe I think I did but it seems it isn't.

Will you still love her?

Always.

What makes you think so?

I've whisked her away from danger multiple times, and even if the man now who holds her does not harm her, I will take her and we'll run away.

What if she does not want to?

I'll return her.

You are an odd man.

I want her but I don't want to own her.

I understand.

…

Hey?

Yes?

Can you tell her I'll be waiting?

Why?

Because I don't want her to come here so soon.

Foolish lovesick fool.

Huh?

It's time for you to wake up.

What…?

IV.

"Kyogoku-kun, Kyogoku-kun!" A voice, elderly one at that, echoed and eventually grew louder.

His body was being shaken awake and not before long he saw a dimmed yellow light and the familiar face of his teacher. His distant gaze and half-lidded eyes shot open in alert as he stood upright instantaneously, the teacher had luckily moved backward in the nick of time before their heads would have knocked each other at the instant motion.

"S… Sensei?"

"Yes, it's me, you're here in the Dojo, Kyogoku-kun, are you alright? You have been screaming and crying in your sleep." The elder asked, evidently worried.

Makoto looked around, looked at his hands then looked at the side, seeing his vague reflection from the glass doors of a cabinet. He looked young, he looked like the person he knew he was.

"I… I'm fine, can you tell me what day and year it is…?" He asked, his voice regaining it's usual polite tone.

The other nodded, "It's the thirty-first of November of the year XXXX today."

Makoto sighed in relief, it was the right time, the right world. Everything was a dream, then? That was utterly awful.

Then―he realized.

"Sensei, have I… have I contacted Sonoko-san as of late?"

The elderly man blinked twice, pondered for a while then shook his head, "I don't think so. You've been working hard as of late and when it's time to retire you head to bed quite early."

Before Makoto's sensei was able to continue, he stood up, bowed and immediately left. He was not going to let himself do the same mistake as he did in his nightmare, definitely not! He was already getting paranoid, he could not remember the last time he contacted Sonoko due to his dream mixing up with reality.

He rummaged through his bag, drawers and other belongings to find his phone, it took a while and finally, he found it. He saw it blinking and he could tell it was an unopened message, assuming it was from Sonoko. He hurriedly opened his phone and saw there were almost a hundred or so unopened emails and more so for missed calls. He felt himself go pale and sweat go cold as he opened the latest mail, it was sent to him just two hours ago.

Makoto-san, I miss you.

Makoto did not hesitate and immediately clicked on the call button, he brought his phone up to his ears, once the dial began to ring his heart paced and he waited in anguish and anxiety for Sonoko to pick up.

The moment there was a click! noise, Makoto knew that he reached her, a heated flush rushed to his cheeks almost tinting his tanned skin with a reddish hue as he immediately spoke before Sonoko could have.

"Sonoko-san! I apologize I haven't contacted you at all, I apologize!" Immediately he spewed a string of apologies, "I'm sorry, Sonoko-san, I―"

"Makoto-san?! Are you alright, have you been taking care of yourself?!" Came her voice, loud and clear, breaking free from the apologies and making sure her words were loud and reached Makoto, "Makoto-san, you haven't been overworking yourself, haven't you?"

Makoto's breath hitched, his teeth sinking into the flesh of his bottom lip. "I… I have been well… Sonoko-san, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you've finally called, right? That's what matters! I miss you, Makoto-san. I was worried." A paused, "Worried that you've hurt yourself, worried you've forgotten about me, worried you've left me for good―it's been over six months since you last contacted me... "

"Sonoko-san..."

"I… I'm sorry too." Sonoko's voice became quieter, Makoto could almost visualize her expression, her gaze looking down, her pale cheeks flushed.

Makoto's eyes widened, why… why was she apologizing when there was nothing she had to apologize for.

"Why?" He was almost hesitant to ask.

"I… I'm sorry I keep bugging you… that I constantly want to talk to you. I'm sorry I get mad, overly emotional and depressed when you take long to reply. I'm sorry for the times I play you with my love-love strategies to catch your attention, I'm sorry that it might have pissed you off and made you feel as if I don't trust you... I'm sorry I come off annoying, needy and impatient." Her voice became choked up, her tears wouldn't stop and she had started to sob, her words slurring and her tone sporadic in between sentences. "I'm sorry if you don't want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. I'm sorry if I think about you too much and too often. I'm sorry if I tell you about my pointless drama and insignificant ideas when you don't really care or understand and because my mouth never stops running you just listen, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm forcing you to stay and listen. I'm sorry if I come off as being clingy and desperate, but it's just me missing you. Makoto-san, I'm so sorry, I―"

Makoto felt his heart drop stories off, it felt as if his subconscious had jumped off a bridge, the ocean of despair swallowing him and drowning him. His heart ached, twisted and knotted in guilt, there was no need at all for Sonoko to apologize, more so for these reasons. He mustered up the courage and spoke, "I love you, Sonoko-san."

A gasp, then an audible Eh was heard from the other end of the line.

"You don't have to apologize, it was my fault in the beginning, I overlooked your needs for affection and had overestimated that simply loving you was enough, I need to show it more in a way that isn't just accustomed to me. All I know is to protect you and love you and I'll do better, I'll reply every now and then, I'll make sure to share stories of what's happening here too to you. I lacked giving you attention when I know you needed affection, you needed to feel loved, not just know it. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize this. Please never apologize for these reasons, I love you, Sonoko-san, and I'm sorry I've made you feel that way."

There was silence, it was as if a vacuum had sucked in all possible words from Sonoko's lips. Makoto wasn't anxious though, he leaned his body by the walls of his room, and arm crossed over his abdomen as a smile was drawn on his lips, he knew better now, especially after what happened from that dream.

"Sonoko-san, this few weeks, it's actually hiatus break for me here. You're right, I've been overworking, I'll come back to Japan and stay there for a few weeks. I promise we'll try to come in terms and talk about it once we meet again." The first step, he had to be present and he'll make sure that this time he comes back to her.

"Really?" Makoto could tell that Sonoko was already smiling through her teary expression.

"Really."

"I love you, Makoto-san..." Her voice was slowly losing its heaviness and was returning to its familiar enthusiastic tone. "Please let me know once you're at the airport, okay?"

"I will, I love you too. Good night, rest well, and don't forget to cover yourself with a blanket, tonight's night in Japan is colder than usual." Makoto's tone was familiar, one of slight bashfulness as he knew that Sonoko might be wearing something… revealing for her nightwear but he wanted to make sure that Sonoko would be in full good health.

Sonoko chuckled then giggled, "Of course, Makoto-san! You too! Please stay safe, and good night! Mwah, mwah, mwah!"

But she wasn't cutting the call.

"Sonoko-san aren't you going to end the call?"

"Nope, not until you say Mwah! Back." then her laughter came next.

Makoto blushed, face reddening times ten as he stuttered, "O-Oh..." he couldn't dare hang up, right? He coughed then hummed deeply, "M… Mwah..." His voice grew softer and more withdrawn and he could only hear his love's giggles on the other line.

"Hehe, I love you so much Makoto-san! Good night!" Then she ended the call.

Makoto smiled, despite the heat radiating from his face.

This time, this reality, he was not going to let himself be the way he was in his nightmare, he'd make sure of it.

V.

After asking permission from his sensei, he had neatly packed and readied and booked for the earliest flight possible. Soon as he was dropped off at the airport, he bid goodbye to his sensei, he would meet him again after a few weeks anyway. The car eventually sped away and he held his luggage. He was to walk into the airport when a stray cat caught his eye.

It looked far too familiar, the way he was drowned in those obsidian hues.

He heard it meow and it clicked.

It was that cat in his dream.

He was about to walk towards it until he was blocked by other people. Once they passed by the cat was no longer there. He blinked twice, it must have been his imagination. He sighed then went to the airport, he was going to meet Sonoko in a few hours, and this time he wasn't too late.

Hope you all enjoyed, it was pretty quick but I hope it was fine, leave a review if you'd like ^^