Okay folks, I fell into the Xena fandom a couple months ago (literally!), became a complete Lucy's fan (just watching her sing makes me melt) and went to the Xena convention and Lucy's concert two weeks ago in London. Saying that I had a blast isn't even close to the truth :D
So here is the first (very short) chapter of my first Xena fic.
I honestly have absolutely no idea what way it'll go but well, couldn't get this out of my head.
So here goes, feedback, impressions, thoughts, everything welcome.
Disclaimer: they are not mine or 1) Xena wouldn't have died 2) Xena movie would have been made ages ago.
It hurts.
It hurts like I never thought it would. For all the times we both came back from the dead, I thought this one would be better. That it'd be easier.
But today I realize how wrong I have been and there is no way out of this.
Our routine hasn't changed: we are still walking and sitting side by side, even riding like old times the same horse, chatting until dawn, trying to make out forms in the stars.
But as close and connected as we are now, I miss her.
Isn't it paradoxal? Xena respected our vow: even in death, we wouldn't leave each other. That death wouldn't keep us apart.
Xena had to be dead to kill Yodoshi and she chose to stay dead so the souls Yodoshi held captive could remain at peace.
And she didn't tell me about any of it before it was too late.
How I hate her for this. How I hate her for this. How I hate her for putting the well-being of others, of some strangers, first. First before us.
And I'm the one to blame for it since it's thanks to my 'influence' on her that she was capable to sacrifice herself for the Greater Good.
How I hate myself for it all.
For crossing her path in the first place.
For changing her true nature.
If there was even a small amount of evil left in her, she'd have come back from the dead once more.
She'd have come back to me.
Now Xena is mine only since her soul would never leave me and I'm the only one who can see her, who can touch her.
She's with me every single time of every single day, noone can harm her, she is safe. But I feel guilty that I'm the one keeping her here.
Surely there are betters things to do in the other world than staying by my side.
Maybe she'd settle down somewhere, share the life of all the souls she saved. Taking into account all we have seen in the past six years, this possibility wouldn't surprise me that much.
But the idea of my warrior sharing someone else's life, away from me, hurts even more.
So what you should I do: go on or trash it?