And Suddenly...
By: Zilaria
Summary: Clare Centric view on what was really needed at the time of need. Hints of Shoujo Ai
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters
It happened so suddenly. Everything just happened so suddenly. Her face against mine with her wide silver eyes piercing deep into my soul.
"Run! Run and don't stop until I tell you to!"
I couldn't move at first, paralyzed by the quickness of her breath against my face. I had never seen her like this, not without composure.
"Clare!"
Her face was now closer, her lips almost pressing up against mine, and her grip, almost excruciatingly painful now screamed of her urgency.
This is the moment where it all stopped. Life, me, her. It all goes in slow motion, and on some days when I look back, I wish I had kissed her. I wish I had taken her last breath before I got up and ran as far as my weak body could carry me.
I can see myself in that moment every night. So close, her lips almost up against mine, asking, begging for me to just reach and gently touch.
I don't think of it as her having interest in me but more as a comfort. She needed it from me. That comfort that I thought it was ok. That she was doing the right thing by going against her protocols.
Sometimes I believe that she was slightly insecure. Crazy, considering she was always so confident on the outside. Knowing what to do or say at the right times, but now that I look back I see it, the flashes of insecurity, the need for assurance.
Every night I have that dream and everyday that I wake I just wish that I could have kissed her, told her it was ok, and that she was doing the right thing. That this organization was as fucked up as she believed and that she was right, she deserved freedom and I had deserved to be saved.
It wasn't how it really went down. She never lost her composure. She never leaned in close to me to tell me that I mattered and I didn't run.
But that doesn't matter. She needed me and I was too young, too scared and too helpless.
I'm not now.