Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own Evangelion, that's Gainax. I don't own Alice in Wonderland either, that's Lewis Carroll.

"SHINJI YOU IDIOT!"

Asuka-chan in Wonderland

Chapter 1: Down the Bunny Hole

"This is entirely your fault!" Everyone's favorite red-head pilot glared at the teenage boy before her. "If you had gotten a better grade on your high school exams, we wouldn't be sent to this stupid tutor!"

"Sorry, sorry." Shinji replied, trying in vain to discover an escape route from the German girl's fury. Seeing as they were in a cramped car, there was no way to avoid the Second Child's wrath.

Misato grinned mischievously as she listened to the commotion in the back seat of the car. Perfect! Everything's going according to plan. I'll get those two out of the way, and I'll finally get some peace around the apartment. Drinking party time! Outwardly, she cheerfully said, "Come now! This will be fun. Besides Asuka, you did just as horribly as Shinji on the exams!"

Shinji sighed in relief as the burnt of Asuka's anger was turned onto Misato. The rest of the journey passed in peace, well relative peace, among the Katsuragi household. Of course, we all know this peace includes Shinji's cowering, Asuka's screaming, and Misato being, well, Misato.

"Good afternoon!" A tall blonde haired woman with a heavy British accent greeted as they pulled into the driveway of her tall, Victorian mansion. To be more specific, she had a parasol, a white dog, and an English style blue dress with lots of white lace. "I am to be your tutor, and I'm looking forward to getting to meet the two of you." Quietly, her kind tone disappeared and she snapped coldly to Misato "I thought I explained quite clearly in my advertisement that I didn't take adolescent, hormonal teenagers! I only take cute, pre-pubescent children!"

"Relax! They're fine kids! Besides, I'm a government official!" Misato retorted.

The tutor lady, whom I will hence force dub, Jane, quickly pasted a sugary smile onto her face and beckoned imperiously to Asuka and Shinji. "Come this way younglings."

Misato waved cheerily and said her farewells. The moment her car disappeared, Jane turned to Asuka. "You, girl. Go into that maze and find yourself something useful to do!" She pointed to a happy looking maze that apparently materialized out of nowhere. "As for you," She looked at Shinji. "I have some chores I need to have finished!"

"FINE!" Asuka screamed and stomped off into the Maze of Doom. "Stupid British woman!"

Upon entering the maze, Asuka was promptly lost. Steam could be seen coming out of her ears. After wandering around in circles for half an hour, she was thoroughly bored. Then, she saw someone. Rei. Now, Rei was dressed quite, peculiarly. She was wearing a two piece bunny suit, along with knee high boots, fishnet stockings, and bunny ears. In her hand, she held an old fashioned watch, and she was muttering in her perfect monotone, "I'm late. I'm late. I'm very late." (Note: Watch the fan boys get nosebleeds from this! ;)

"What the hell is Wondergirl doing in that getup!" Asuka exclaimed, her anger forgotten, giving away to another emotion…curiosity.

So Asuka followed bunny girl Rei through the maze, and was just in time to see the First Child disappear through a hole in the maze walls. "Well, this has got to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done." She told herself and crawled through the hole.

To her surprise, there was nothing on the other side, and she fell straight down. "DAMN THAT DOLL!" She screamed as she plummeted down.

After falling down for a long time and getting really bored, she finally touched ground, feeling like every inch of her was bruised. Cursing the fact that she had chosen to wear a white and blue dress that day, she got up and walked towards a passageway she saw in the semi-darkness. The passageway led to a large chamber that was filled with light. Every last inch of the wall was covered with doors. Asuka checked all the doors, but one particular door caught her interest. It was a small door, behind thick, violet, velvety curtains. Unfortunately, it was locked. Looking around, she found a glass table that she could swear wasn't there before. On it was a small golden key. The key fit perfectly in the door, and looking inside, Asuka saw a really pretty garden. "Wow! That's such a pretty place. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of this damn day there!"

Then the light bulb blinked on. "This door is too small for me to crawl through! Shit!" Asuka cried, following up with several German swear words.

Suddenly, on the table, a bottle of juice appeared. On it a tab hung that said 'Drink Me.' Asuka looked at it suspiciously. "Oh well, the worse it could do is kill me." Upon saying this, she took out the stopper and swallowed the whole bottle. Suddenly, she found that everything had turned to giants. "Drat! What happened? Oh well, I'm the right size for the door now, so who cares."

Asuka ran to the door, but it was locked and the key was back on the table. Now, knowing our one and only Asuka Langley Soryu, she was extremely peeved. Her anger went up another notch, and it was all she could do not to break everything in the room. Without warning, a small box appeared on the floor next to her. It was very ornate, and on it were the words 'Eat Me.' Having nothing better to do, Asuka ate one, and finding it very tasty, finished off the box.

To Be Continued…

Author's Note: Okay, new and revised version of the first chapter. Sorry for the complete lack of updates, but school's been really busy, and I moved too.