whoops i forgot to post this here
have some cute hunter shenanigans in a world where everyone liiiives
It starts like this:
They have morning briefing scheduled every day so Touga can get a recap of any and all cases currently pending. Unfortunately, even the biggest meeting room in the Association is too small for all the hot headed personalities in the Association, so most days, arguments (and in one memorial occasion, a free for all brawl) break out before Touga's even had his first cup of coffee.
Briefing goes especially smoothly today, which should have clued him in on something about to go terribly wrong, but he is naïve on the cruel ways of the universe. He gets an acceptable update to all of their cases, and innocently thinks that is that.
Their meeting room is not build to hold so many hunters at a time, so briefings are cramped, with people squashed on whatever semi-level surface they could perch on for the duration of the meeting. Hunters aren't exactly the most well socialized bunch, so when the briefing ends, there is usually a stampede to get out of the room as fast as possible.
Touga's been doing this long enough, he knows to wait around until the crowd thins out to make his escape. But on this day, Touga has a lot on his mind, and thus didn't notice a younger hunter trying to rush his way outside of the room the same time as him until they collide.
"S-sorry, sir!" the rookie squeaks, face draining of all color.
Touga barely hears the apology. He's too focused on the fact that the small, velvet lined box that he previously was toying with in his pocket has now been knocked onto the ground, and the fact that every single hunter in the room is staring at him in shock and disbelief.
"Wait," says Himawari, a young hunter who has only made the cut a few years ago, "wait. Hold on. Is that what I think it is?"
"No," says Touga. He hopes that his firm, authoritative tone will dissuade any more questions.
He is so wrong.
"Yes, I believe it is," says Tomoe, her age one of the leading mysteries of the Association. "How wonderful. Are you planning on proposing tonight, President Yagari?"
"Proposal?!" Kaito cuts in before Touga can do anything, say anything to deny Tomoe's allegations. "No way! With who?!"
"Yeah, it's not like the President has time for dating, he's always working," Takeshi chimes in. Touga swivels his head around to glare at the young hunter, and Takeshi hunches his shoulders and blushes hotly at the attention. "N-not that there's anything wrong with that…"
"You're all dismissed," says Touga, desperately hoping that it will work. "Everyone, get back to work."
Of course, no one can hear him with Dr. Yoshitaka of the Association's medical division loudly overpowering him with, "I mean, Takeshi-kun is right. The President is always working here, or working on peace proposals with Headmaster Cross at the Academy. There is simply no time to meet anyone."
"Wait, seriously guys? You're still debating this? Isn't it obvious?" From the blank looks on the hunters in the room, Tomoe rolls her eyes. "It's Cross. The fiancé is Cross."
"Ha! Yeah right. Where does Tomoe-san get these sorts of ideas?"
Touga sighs quietly, and doesn't say a word. Which makes everyone turn their attention from the box (still on the ground) towards him (who wishes he was anywhere but here).
"Wait." Kaito looks at Touga uncertainly. "It's…it's not true, right?"
"Noo," someone says at Touga's second, more poignant silence. Touga's pretty sure it's Zero, who has been largely silent up to this point. "Nooooooo."
And that's how the entire Association finds out about his plan to propose to one Cross Kaien.
Takeshi
I don't see what the problem is?
Kaito
The problem is this is OUR TEACHER and Zero's adoptive FATHER we are talking about here.
Takeshi
And ur point?
Kaito
Ok. So. Ur me. U have all these innocent memories of ur wise, not sex drive having teacher.
These beautiful, innocent memories r now forever tainted by the thought that all this time he has been BONING THE HEADMASTER OF CROSS ACADEMY.
Zero
Ughhh
Takeshi
Ok, 1st off stop being so age-ist
Old people bone
They like doing the do too
Zero
Ughhhhhhhhhhhh
Takeshi
2ndly u of all people should be happy. Zero, Boss is finally going to make an honest man out of ur dad!
Zero
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"—hope you have a plan for this, proposals are quite memorable, and the Headmaster looks as though he's a bit of a romantic at heart—"
Touga stares bleakly at the wall, and wishes that his office has windows. Less defensible, yes, but so much easier to jump out of, and then he'd be saved from the ignominy of listening to this.
"—remember when I proposed to my wife, hired a barbershop quartet to sing in the background while I—"
Could a man be driven to the brink by well-meaning advice? Yes, Touga thinks madly, yes he can.
"—flowers, and dinner. Definitely some candlelight, it lends a certain ambiance and would definitely do some wonders in hiding some of those frown lines—"
"Jinmu," says Touga. He doesn't even care about how desperate he sounds at this point. "Jinmu. The—the budget. You wanted to meet—regarding the budget."
"What?" Jinmu looks startled, his train of thought broken. "Oh, right."
Praise be, Touga thinks.
Unfortunately, his relief is short lived.
"Before we get to that, what do you think about streamers and balloons?"
"I suppose it was inevitable," Kaito says, rather gloomily. "I mean, it's not like they go out or anything. They pretty much spend all of their waking moments together…since we were kids, now that I think about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"It's just crazy to think about," says Kaito, completely ignoring Zero. "They've never shown a hint of being anything more than workplace acquaintances."
Tomoe, who had been rifling through nearby filing cabinets in a shameless display of eavesdropping, sighs explosively at this and gives up on all pretenses. "Boys!"
"What is that supposed to mean?" says Kaito, scowling at her.
"It means," says Tomoe with exaggerated patience, "you two are completely blind. The Headmaster is here almost every day, even though he has a full time job in running the Academy. And when he is here, good luck on getting our Boss to notice anyone who is not Headmaster Cross. Plus, don't even get me started on their business dinners."
At this, Zero frowns at Tomoe. "What do you mean by that? They're just eating dinner, and talking business."
Tomoe leans her hip against Zero's desk, ruffling his hair, which Zero reluctantly submits to because Tomoe fights dirty. "It's adorable that you don't know. Please, always stay this innocent." She tilts her head, staring at Zero with a thoughtful expression on her face. "I gotta ask, is it the marriage part that gets to you, or the fact that this is making you think of the both of your father figures bumping uglies with each other?"
Zero's expression twists almost immediately. "Ugh."
"Ah, the latter then."
Takeshi rolls over from his desk to park himself next to Kaito, shit eating grin on his face. "Zero here thinks that anyone over the age of forty is sexless."
"Aw," says Tomoe, "that is definitely not true. Look at me, for example."
It's Kaito's expression that changes at this proclamation. "Wait. Wait a minute. You told me that you were only a few years older than me. How old are you exactly?"
Takeshi reaches over an thumps Kaito across the head. "You don't ask a woman her age! Have some manners, son!" He swivels away before Kaito can retaliate, and ends up next to Zero. "And as for you!"
Zero looks at him warily. "Please don't talk about old people sex."
"Old people have sex!"
"Damnit," Zero mutters. He sneaks a glance towards the exit, but Takeshi has neatly blocked off all avenues of escape.
"Listen, my friend," says Takeshi with all the gravitas of a wise man imparting life changing advice to his disciples. "Listen. I have something very important to tell you. People have sex. Just, squishing their private parts together, bodily fluids spewing all over the place."
"I have never heard of a more unsexy description of sex," says Kaito in horror, looking vaguely ill.
"Do you have a point to this," says Zero.
"Yes. My point is sex is everywhere, and Boss and the Headmaster are definitely doing it. A lot. All the time. And especially during their business dinners."
"No!" Kaito snaps. "No, this is exactly our point! Yes, fine, boning is a thing of life. But, there is a line, and the line is thinking—and talking, damnit Takeshi—about our parents and mentors knocking boots! Are we two men not justified in our speechless horror?"
"Fi-ine," says Tomoe. "We'll stop discussing this. At least while you two are in earshot."
"Thank you," says Kaito. "That's all we ask."
They've only enjoyed about thirty seconds of peace before Himawari bursts into the room, going straight towards Kaito and Zero's desks. "Can you believe the Boss is going to propose to the Headmaster? Isn't it just to the sweetest? So, who do you think tops?"
Zero only sighs, and thumps his head against his desk.
"I believe congratulations are in order."
"Kuran," Touga greets tonelessly when he sees who his secretary has ushered into his office. "News travels fast. And I haven't asked yet."
"Gossip travels fast," Kuran corrects. "And he'll say yes. He's quite taken with you. And I'm sure you will make him happy."
"Oh." He'd never thought he would be in a situation where a pureblood could cheer him up and give him courage, but, here he was. Life was strange. "Thank you."
"I'm only speaking of the truth," Kuran demurs. "Ah, speaking of which, you know the Headmaster is practically Yuuki's father. With you now about to be married into the family, shall I call you stepfather?"
Yuuki
Σ(゜ロ゜;)
Zero
?
Yuuki
o(-`д´- ｡)
dont u ? me!
why didnt u tell me?!
Zero
?
tell u what
Yuuki
That President Yagari is gonna propose to the Headmaster!
(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
Zero
ugh
Yuuki
!
ur not happy for Headmaster?
Zero
I am!
but…you know…
Yuuki
what?
dont tell me takeshi was actually right and ur quietly freaking out about all the sex theyve been having lol
Zero
ur talking to takeshi?!
why?
Yuuki
uh cause he's cute ⌒(ゝ。∂)
dont change the subject!
Zero
Yuuki
omg
wait
takeshi was right?
Zero
whatever
not a big deal
i mean headmaster has 2 kids, people lose their sex drive when they have kids
Yuuki
or…maybe…the fact that our beloved father is a father might be a turn on…
Zero
ugh, no Yuuki
Yuuki
omg maybe yagari-san even calls him daddy in bed ⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽
Zero
NO
YUUKI NO
Yuuki
or do u think that the headmaster calls yagari-san daddy?
yea it could be like mutual daddy kinks or something
Zero
GOODBYE
Touga storms into the bullpen and bellows, "No more proposal ideas! No, I will not be baking the ring into a cake, no, I will not hide the ring as the prize at the end of a scavenger hunt, and no I will not buy a puppy for the specific purpose of using the poor animal as a carrier for the engagement ring!"
"Well, obviously those are bad ideas," Takeshi says, sounding affronted on Touga's behalf. "I mean, the Headmaster is obviously a cat person, right?"
He's seriously considering cancelling the dinner when someone knocks on the door to his office.
"Come in," Touga calls, praying it's not Jinmu with another forty page report on correct proposal etiquette.
Thankfully, it's only Zero who cracks the door to his office open and pokes in his head. "You got a minute?"
"Yes, sure," Touga says, infinitely relieved. Then he remembers that Kaien is, for all intents and purposes, this young man's father. Despite Zero's standoffish attitude sometimes, he really does love the Headmaster, and the Headmaster loves him. Zero would never outright tell Kaien he didn't like his choice in partners, but Kaien would never be happy without Zero's explicit approval.
Knowing this, Touga wonders if he had maybe jumped the gun on this. Maybe the romantic dinner he was planning to spend with Kaien should be time spent with Zero to butter him up into approving this union.
"So," Zero says when he sits down in front of him, "you're going to propose tonight."
Touga's mind was still spinning with how many dinners, exactly, is he going to need to get Zero on board with this. Wait. Did this also mean that he would be required to bribe the younger Kuran with food too? Exactly how much money did he need to spend on bribing the kids? With all these questions running through his head, it was no wonder he nearly missed what Zero had said. "Well, that was the plan."
"You're not going through with it anymore?" Zero sounds surprised. "Why not?"
He's trying to put, I need some extra time so I can properly bribe you and Kuran into giving us your blessings, in a way that won't end up with Zero punching him in the face, but he takes too long and Zero ends up drawing his own conclusions.
"You're not second thinking the proposals because you don't think your plan is good enough, are you? Because whatever you have planned is fine."
Touga snorts. "You don't even know what i have planned."
"I think I have an idea. Private, home cooked dinner?"
"How did you—"
Zero grins. "Marvels of modern technology." At Touga's raised eyebrow, he elaborates, "The Headmaster texted me five times today. Apparently he has plans for dinner, and I'm supposed to fend for myself for tonight." His amused smile fades into something smaller, more genuine. "He's going to say yes. He likes you, a lot. I can't believe I never put two and two together before today, but he's the happiest when he's with you."
"Oh." Zero saying this, it must have meant that he approved. "That's—good. I—am happy, too. With him."
"I know," Zero says. "That's why I know you would never hurt him. That said, if you do ever hurt him, I will get Yuuki and her prick of a brother to help me hunt you down."
The fact that the threat was delivered so serenely made Touga's blood run cold. "O-of course," he says, and is thankful his voice doesn't shake.
"Good talk," Zero says. "Good luck tonight."
Touga is left speechless as he watches Zero walk out of his office, gently closing the door behind him. When had his student turned so scary?
"Oh," Kaien says with surprise when he walks in, "you're home early. I hope I haven't been keeping you or this lovely dinner you have prepared waiting long."
"No, of course not," Touga says as he sets the table. You're right on time."
Kaien beams at him, and smiles even wider when he sees the chocolate cake sitting on the counter. "My! Perhaps we can start with that before dinner?" says Kaien with a hopeful lilt to his voice.
Typical, Touga thinks with fondness. "Dinner first. Then we can negotiate dessert."
"Spoilsport."
Dinner is lovely. Dessert, even better, with all those suggestive looks Kaien keeps shooting at him from across the table. Maybe now, Touga thinks, fingering the box in his pocket.
He draws up his courage. "Kaien. We've known each other for a long time, and I—"
"Yes."
"I—" Touga stops, surprised. "Wait, what?"
Kaien beams at him and says, "Yes, of course I'll marry you!"
Obviously, Touga is happy, but he's also a hunter who never knows when to give up when given a mystery. "How did you know—damn it, my hunters. Which one of them told you?"
"Sorry," Kaien says apologetically, though the bright grin he's wearing on his face says otherwise. "Your employees do love gossiping."
"I am going to kill them." Touga shuts his eye. "And you—you knew. This entire time. And you didn't say a word?"
"It's just—you had this entirely planned out. I mean, you made a chocolate cake! Well done, you must have known I'd marry you in a heartbeat with you making that."
Touga huffs out a laugh at how sincere Kaien is. "You just love me for my chocolate cake."
"Well yes. Amongst…other things." Kaien tilts his head towards the bedroom. "Shall I, ah, show you?"
The email gets sent out the next day, reading:
HE ACCEPTED. WE ARE OFFICIALLY ENGAGED. ENGAGEMENT PARTY NEXT SATURDAY, YOU'RE ALL INVITED. BRING BOOZE.
PS NO TAKESHI, I DID NOT NEED THE DAMN CATS.