AFTER SIMILITUDE
By plumtuckered
A/N - Phew! This was one heck of an episode!
I felt compelled to write this after reading some responses to "Similitude" in which people felt Trip and Sim were one and the same person. Interchangeable, if you will. I disagree with that sentiment strongly hence this story. If I were given a choice of saving someone I loved or his/her copy, I'd pick the original every time. If that makes me cold- hearted well then I guess I'm cold-hearted. I also disagreed with those who felt the crew would be awkward and stand-offish toward Trip.
I wrote this rather quickly so I apologize for any typos.
Reviews are welcomed and appreciated!
As always, these characters do not belong to me but to Paramount.
Commander Charles Tucker looked down upon his own face now stilled by death. He blinked. They'd called his clone Sim - HIS clone. His exact duplicate created solely for the purpose of saving his life. The commander blinked again - solely to save HIS life.
Trip's head spun as he tried again to grasp what had happened while he'd slept. He'd awakened to two worried but relieved faces hovering over him in sickbay. Both the captain and Dr. Phlox had tried to tell him briefly what had happened. Trip had no recollection of the explosion that had mortally injured him. The last thing he'd known was being in T'Pol's quarters for his neuro-pressure treatment.
Then, despite Phlox's attempts to hide it, Trip had seen the body. When they'd told him who it was and what that person had done, Trip had felt sick to his stomach. He simply wasn't worthy of that kind of sacrifice.
The chief engineer watched as Lieutenant Malcolm Reed and Ensign Travis Mayweather covered Sim, sealing the man forever in his tomb. Trip could hear the captain's voice but he could no longer make out the words he was saying. He saw Malcolm look over at him as the casket was launched into space but Trip couldn't return the glance.
Then Phlox was at his side, guiding him out of the armory and into the corridor.
"Lets get you back to sickbay, shall we?" the Denobulan coaxed gently.
Trip just nodded and allowed Phlox to lead him. He knew there were others around him - Malcolm, T'Pol, Hoshi, Travis - but they were merely blurred shapes in his peripheral vision. He felt the captain take his arm and his voice telling him to take it easy.
When the darkness began to crowd him, Trip couldn't fight against it.
Captain Jonathan Archer watched as his friend's eyes slowly opened. Trip looked momentarily confused until he managed to focus on Jon's face.
The captain smiled. "Welcome back---again."
"What happened?"
"You passed out. I never should've allowed you to go to the funeral."
Trip sighed and looked at the ceiling above his bio-bed. "I needed to be there, sir," he replied. "I think I owed him that much."
"Maybe you're right," Jon agreed gently. He placed his hand on Trip's forearm. "How're you feeling?"
"Tired. Where's the doc?"
"He's in the back," the captain replied. "Do you want me to get him? Are you hurting?"
Trip shook his head.
"Trip," Jon began.
"I'm tired, sir. I'd just like to get some sleep if you don't mind," Trip interrupted. The engineer closed his eyes and shifted slightly on the bed.
Jon patted the younger man's arm gently. "Alright, I'll come back later to check on you."
Trip nodded, his eyes still closed. "I'll see you later, sir."
The captain moved away from the bio-bed but turned and looked back. Trip was staring up at the ceiling again. Jon sighed then stepped out of sickbay.
Dr. Phlox moved out of the shadows as the doors closed behind Archer. He stepped to the commander's bedside and checked the monitors over the young man's head.
"Are you alright, Commander?" asked the Denobulan.
Tucker nodded, his eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Nothing to talk about, Doc," Tucker answered crisply.
"Isn't there?" Phlox prodded.
The engineer turned his head and focused anguish-filled eyes on Phlox. "No, there isn't." He rolled onto his side his back to the doctor.
"Very well then, I'll be in the back if you need me," Phlox replied gently. He turned to go then paused. "I don't know what you're feeling right now, Commander, but I do know you need to talk about it. I'm here when you're ready."
Tucker remained silent for a long moment. "Thanks, Doc. I'm just real confused right now is all," he finally replied quietly.
"They came everyday to visit you, you know."
The commander turned over and looked up at Phlox. "Who?"
"The crew," Phlox continued. "They visited you everyday. One by one they'd file in here to be at your side." The doctor moved back to the bio- bed. "They'd tell you about the progress on the repairs then they'd tell you about Sim. They'd include you in all the decisions even though you couldn't answer."
Tucker's eyes glistened suddenly with tears. "I thought I was only dreaming."
"You weren't," Phlox smiled. "Captain Archer visited every night. He'd pull up a chair and sit with you for hours, reminiscing with you about your various shared adventures." Phlox adjusted Tucker's blanket absently. "And Sub-commander T'Pol would come in during the early morning hours when she thought I was sleeping," the doctor chuckled lightly. "She just sat with you and watched you."
The engineer closed his eyes spilling tears down his temples to soak into the sheets.
"I just thought you should know that, Commander," Phlox said then he turned to go.
"I thought---I thought," Tucker stumbled, searching for words.
Phlox turned and smiled warmly down at his patient. "You thought Sim had replaced you."
Tucker nodded.
The doctor patted Tucker's arm gently then pulled the blanket up under the engineer's chin. "You were wrong. Now try to get some sleep, hmmm? I'll turn down the lights."
Jon climbed the stairs to the catwalk that ran the perimeter of engineering then he paused at the top. Sitting with his back against the railing, his legs stretched out in front of him was Trip. The captain had gone back to sickbay only to discover that his friend was gone. He'd known right away where to look for his wayward engineer.
Jon approached Trip slowly then lowered his body to sit next to the younger man. "Hey."
"Hey," Trip replied.
"What're you doing here, Trip? You should be in sickbay resting."
The engineer shrugged. "I wanted to see how the repairs were coming. The crew's done a great job here."
Jon looked at the bulkhead that remained flayed open from the explosion that had injured Trip and rocked the ship only a couple weeks ago. "Yeah, your crew's the best in Starfleet."
Trip looked at him.
"They are still your crew, Trip. Nothing has changed."
Trip's eyes wandered back to the damage. "Everything's changed, Cap'n."
Jon sighed. "I did what I had to do, Trip. I hope someday you'll understand that."
The commander drew his knees up to his chest and rested his arms across them. He contemplated his hands but remained quiet.
"Talk to me," Jon urged.
Trip kept his silence then finally he sighed. "I never wanted anyone to die for me, Cap'n. You should have known that."
"I did know," Jon replied quietly. "But when Phlox first told me about the symbiot, we both thought he'd live out a full life. Well, his full life anyway. Even then the decision was a tough one to make, create a life to save another one," the captain explained. "But Enterprise needed its chief engineer and it was the only way I could save you." Jon looked at his friend. "It was only after Sim had grown that Phlox discovered he wouldn't survive the surgery."
"What happened when he found out?"
Jon hesitated and his stomach tightened. "Sim did some research, found some reference to an enzyme."
Trip looked at the captain in sudden apprehension. "An enzyme?"
Jon nodded. "A group of Lyssarian scientists claimed they'd discovered a way to extend the symbiot's lifespan."
Trip sat up straight. "Did they?"
"Phlox said that there wasn't enough proof, Trip."
"But Cap'n," Trip began. "If there was any chance----."
"I had to trust Phlox," Jon interrupted. "And there wasn't time to synthesize the enzyme without losing you."
"So you made him give up his life for me?" asked Trip, his voice shaking.
"In the end, it was his decision."
"In the end? What the hell does that mean?"
Jon turned away unable to look his friend in the eyes anymore. "I did what I had to do, Trip. I had to save you."
Trip snorted in disgust. "Because Enterprise needed her chief engineer? Hell, Cap'n, if Sim was my exact duplicate, he could've taken my place! He would've had the same knowledge I do!"
"But he wouldn't have been you!" Jon shot back angrily. He turned back to Trip and held the younger man's blazing eyes. "He wouldn't have been you!"
Trip's face fell.
Jon swallowed the sudden rush of emotions. "I couldn't lose you, Trip. You! Yes, Enterprise needed her chief engineer but I needed you, too. And so did this crew!" Jon searched Trip's eyes for a reaction. "Phlox gave me a chance to save you and I took it! If that makes me a selfish bastard well then I can live with that!"
Trip stared at him, his whole body trembling. "Would you have made him do it, Cap'n?"
Jon's shoulders sagged. "I don't know," he replied weakly. "I told him I would."
Trip dropped his head back against the railing and covered his face with his hands. They sat in silence the only sound, Trip's ragged breathing.
"What would you have done, Trip?" asked Jon finally. "If it had been me." He waited for a reply but when one didn't come, Jon started to stand. A hand grabbed his arm stopping him and he sat back down.
"The same thing," Trip managed. "I would've done the same thing."
Jon felt the tears well up in his eyes and he fought to blink them away. He saw the same battle in his friend's pale face. "Thank you for that, Trip."
Trip stared at the man he'd called friend for close to a decade, the man who loved him enough to sacrifice his principles for him and maybe even a life. For him, Trip Tucker. Trip felt suddenly very undeserving. He silently thanked Sim for not forcing Archer to make that final decision.
The engineer looked away and cleared his throat. "So how much like me was he?"
"Sim? He was like you in a lot of ways but different," Archer began. "Its hard to explain. Phlox could probably tell you about him more than anyone else. He spent the most time with him."
"The crew didn't?"
Archer shook his head. "They did when he was young but when he started to look like you do now, I think it just became too painful."
"Then he was all alone?"
"No, I wouldn't say that. He worked with the crew and even became part of it. Saved our asses from that particle field, too. Everyone liked him but he wasn't here long enough to forge the close friendships you have." Archer looked at him and allowed himself a small smile. "He wasn't you, Trip, and no one pretended that he was."
Trip shook his head. "What a screwed up situation," he said.
"Sim said the same thing," Archer replied with irony. "Trip, I think you should know why Sim ultimately gave up his life." The captain paused briefly. "He did it for your sister."
"Lizzie?"
Archer nodded. "To Sim, Lizzie was very much his own sister. He didn't want anyone else to die like she did."
Trip tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. The man who was his exact copy chose to end his life in the name of his sister, Trip's sister and Sim's sister. Trip knew he would have done the same thing. He closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest, thanking Sim yet again. He felt Archer squeeze his shoulder in a gesture of comfort.
"Come on. Lets get you back to sickbay," Archer said.
Trip allowed Archer to help him to his feet. He felt exhausted and he leaned heavily on his friend.
They made their way to the stairs then slowly descended them. As they walked through engineering, Trip met the eyes of his crew. They greeted him, smiled at him warmly, and welcomed him back.
Trip felt overwhelmed. "I promise you I won't let Sim's sacrifice be in vain, Cap'n."
"I know," Archer replied. "And I'm certain Sim knows that, too."
"I hope so."
They entered the corridor to find T'Pol and Phlox walking towards them.
"Sorry, Doc," Trip apologized sheepishly. "I just needed to get out of there for a while. See how my engines were."
Phlox smiled as he ran a scanner over Trip. "No harm done, Commander. But I recommend we get you back to bed."
T'Pol moved to Trip's side and lifted his arm over her shoulders. She gripped Trip's wrist with one hand as her other arm slipped around his waist. Trip didn't resist her help as his legs felt suddenly weak.
"Thanks," Trip said.
T'Pol looked up at him. "It certainly didn't take you long to return to your old habits, Mr. Tucker."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Pushing yourself to exhaustion," T'Pol replied. "Immediately after Dr. Phlox releases you to duty, we will begin your neuro-pressure sessions again."
Trip smiled and he leaned on T'Pol a little more. "I'd like that, Sub- commander," he replied. "I'd like that a lot."
THE END
By plumtuckered
A/N - Phew! This was one heck of an episode!
I felt compelled to write this after reading some responses to "Similitude" in which people felt Trip and Sim were one and the same person. Interchangeable, if you will. I disagree with that sentiment strongly hence this story. If I were given a choice of saving someone I loved or his/her copy, I'd pick the original every time. If that makes me cold- hearted well then I guess I'm cold-hearted. I also disagreed with those who felt the crew would be awkward and stand-offish toward Trip.
I wrote this rather quickly so I apologize for any typos.
Reviews are welcomed and appreciated!
As always, these characters do not belong to me but to Paramount.
Commander Charles Tucker looked down upon his own face now stilled by death. He blinked. They'd called his clone Sim - HIS clone. His exact duplicate created solely for the purpose of saving his life. The commander blinked again - solely to save HIS life.
Trip's head spun as he tried again to grasp what had happened while he'd slept. He'd awakened to two worried but relieved faces hovering over him in sickbay. Both the captain and Dr. Phlox had tried to tell him briefly what had happened. Trip had no recollection of the explosion that had mortally injured him. The last thing he'd known was being in T'Pol's quarters for his neuro-pressure treatment.
Then, despite Phlox's attempts to hide it, Trip had seen the body. When they'd told him who it was and what that person had done, Trip had felt sick to his stomach. He simply wasn't worthy of that kind of sacrifice.
The chief engineer watched as Lieutenant Malcolm Reed and Ensign Travis Mayweather covered Sim, sealing the man forever in his tomb. Trip could hear the captain's voice but he could no longer make out the words he was saying. He saw Malcolm look over at him as the casket was launched into space but Trip couldn't return the glance.
Then Phlox was at his side, guiding him out of the armory and into the corridor.
"Lets get you back to sickbay, shall we?" the Denobulan coaxed gently.
Trip just nodded and allowed Phlox to lead him. He knew there were others around him - Malcolm, T'Pol, Hoshi, Travis - but they were merely blurred shapes in his peripheral vision. He felt the captain take his arm and his voice telling him to take it easy.
When the darkness began to crowd him, Trip couldn't fight against it.
Captain Jonathan Archer watched as his friend's eyes slowly opened. Trip looked momentarily confused until he managed to focus on Jon's face.
The captain smiled. "Welcome back---again."
"What happened?"
"You passed out. I never should've allowed you to go to the funeral."
Trip sighed and looked at the ceiling above his bio-bed. "I needed to be there, sir," he replied. "I think I owed him that much."
"Maybe you're right," Jon agreed gently. He placed his hand on Trip's forearm. "How're you feeling?"
"Tired. Where's the doc?"
"He's in the back," the captain replied. "Do you want me to get him? Are you hurting?"
Trip shook his head.
"Trip," Jon began.
"I'm tired, sir. I'd just like to get some sleep if you don't mind," Trip interrupted. The engineer closed his eyes and shifted slightly on the bed.
Jon patted the younger man's arm gently. "Alright, I'll come back later to check on you."
Trip nodded, his eyes still closed. "I'll see you later, sir."
The captain moved away from the bio-bed but turned and looked back. Trip was staring up at the ceiling again. Jon sighed then stepped out of sickbay.
Dr. Phlox moved out of the shadows as the doors closed behind Archer. He stepped to the commander's bedside and checked the monitors over the young man's head.
"Are you alright, Commander?" asked the Denobulan.
Tucker nodded, his eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Nothing to talk about, Doc," Tucker answered crisply.
"Isn't there?" Phlox prodded.
The engineer turned his head and focused anguish-filled eyes on Phlox. "No, there isn't." He rolled onto his side his back to the doctor.
"Very well then, I'll be in the back if you need me," Phlox replied gently. He turned to go then paused. "I don't know what you're feeling right now, Commander, but I do know you need to talk about it. I'm here when you're ready."
Tucker remained silent for a long moment. "Thanks, Doc. I'm just real confused right now is all," he finally replied quietly.
"They came everyday to visit you, you know."
The commander turned over and looked up at Phlox. "Who?"
"The crew," Phlox continued. "They visited you everyday. One by one they'd file in here to be at your side." The doctor moved back to the bio- bed. "They'd tell you about the progress on the repairs then they'd tell you about Sim. They'd include you in all the decisions even though you couldn't answer."
Tucker's eyes glistened suddenly with tears. "I thought I was only dreaming."
"You weren't," Phlox smiled. "Captain Archer visited every night. He'd pull up a chair and sit with you for hours, reminiscing with you about your various shared adventures." Phlox adjusted Tucker's blanket absently. "And Sub-commander T'Pol would come in during the early morning hours when she thought I was sleeping," the doctor chuckled lightly. "She just sat with you and watched you."
The engineer closed his eyes spilling tears down his temples to soak into the sheets.
"I just thought you should know that, Commander," Phlox said then he turned to go.
"I thought---I thought," Tucker stumbled, searching for words.
Phlox turned and smiled warmly down at his patient. "You thought Sim had replaced you."
Tucker nodded.
The doctor patted Tucker's arm gently then pulled the blanket up under the engineer's chin. "You were wrong. Now try to get some sleep, hmmm? I'll turn down the lights."
Jon climbed the stairs to the catwalk that ran the perimeter of engineering then he paused at the top. Sitting with his back against the railing, his legs stretched out in front of him was Trip. The captain had gone back to sickbay only to discover that his friend was gone. He'd known right away where to look for his wayward engineer.
Jon approached Trip slowly then lowered his body to sit next to the younger man. "Hey."
"Hey," Trip replied.
"What're you doing here, Trip? You should be in sickbay resting."
The engineer shrugged. "I wanted to see how the repairs were coming. The crew's done a great job here."
Jon looked at the bulkhead that remained flayed open from the explosion that had injured Trip and rocked the ship only a couple weeks ago. "Yeah, your crew's the best in Starfleet."
Trip looked at him.
"They are still your crew, Trip. Nothing has changed."
Trip's eyes wandered back to the damage. "Everything's changed, Cap'n."
Jon sighed. "I did what I had to do, Trip. I hope someday you'll understand that."
The commander drew his knees up to his chest and rested his arms across them. He contemplated his hands but remained quiet.
"Talk to me," Jon urged.
Trip kept his silence then finally he sighed. "I never wanted anyone to die for me, Cap'n. You should have known that."
"I did know," Jon replied quietly. "But when Phlox first told me about the symbiot, we both thought he'd live out a full life. Well, his full life anyway. Even then the decision was a tough one to make, create a life to save another one," the captain explained. "But Enterprise needed its chief engineer and it was the only way I could save you." Jon looked at his friend. "It was only after Sim had grown that Phlox discovered he wouldn't survive the surgery."
"What happened when he found out?"
Jon hesitated and his stomach tightened. "Sim did some research, found some reference to an enzyme."
Trip looked at the captain in sudden apprehension. "An enzyme?"
Jon nodded. "A group of Lyssarian scientists claimed they'd discovered a way to extend the symbiot's lifespan."
Trip sat up straight. "Did they?"
"Phlox said that there wasn't enough proof, Trip."
"But Cap'n," Trip began. "If there was any chance----."
"I had to trust Phlox," Jon interrupted. "And there wasn't time to synthesize the enzyme without losing you."
"So you made him give up his life for me?" asked Trip, his voice shaking.
"In the end, it was his decision."
"In the end? What the hell does that mean?"
Jon turned away unable to look his friend in the eyes anymore. "I did what I had to do, Trip. I had to save you."
Trip snorted in disgust. "Because Enterprise needed her chief engineer? Hell, Cap'n, if Sim was my exact duplicate, he could've taken my place! He would've had the same knowledge I do!"
"But he wouldn't have been you!" Jon shot back angrily. He turned back to Trip and held the younger man's blazing eyes. "He wouldn't have been you!"
Trip's face fell.
Jon swallowed the sudden rush of emotions. "I couldn't lose you, Trip. You! Yes, Enterprise needed her chief engineer but I needed you, too. And so did this crew!" Jon searched Trip's eyes for a reaction. "Phlox gave me a chance to save you and I took it! If that makes me a selfish bastard well then I can live with that!"
Trip stared at him, his whole body trembling. "Would you have made him do it, Cap'n?"
Jon's shoulders sagged. "I don't know," he replied weakly. "I told him I would."
Trip dropped his head back against the railing and covered his face with his hands. They sat in silence the only sound, Trip's ragged breathing.
"What would you have done, Trip?" asked Jon finally. "If it had been me." He waited for a reply but when one didn't come, Jon started to stand. A hand grabbed his arm stopping him and he sat back down.
"The same thing," Trip managed. "I would've done the same thing."
Jon felt the tears well up in his eyes and he fought to blink them away. He saw the same battle in his friend's pale face. "Thank you for that, Trip."
Trip stared at the man he'd called friend for close to a decade, the man who loved him enough to sacrifice his principles for him and maybe even a life. For him, Trip Tucker. Trip felt suddenly very undeserving. He silently thanked Sim for not forcing Archer to make that final decision.
The engineer looked away and cleared his throat. "So how much like me was he?"
"Sim? He was like you in a lot of ways but different," Archer began. "Its hard to explain. Phlox could probably tell you about him more than anyone else. He spent the most time with him."
"The crew didn't?"
Archer shook his head. "They did when he was young but when he started to look like you do now, I think it just became too painful."
"Then he was all alone?"
"No, I wouldn't say that. He worked with the crew and even became part of it. Saved our asses from that particle field, too. Everyone liked him but he wasn't here long enough to forge the close friendships you have." Archer looked at him and allowed himself a small smile. "He wasn't you, Trip, and no one pretended that he was."
Trip shook his head. "What a screwed up situation," he said.
"Sim said the same thing," Archer replied with irony. "Trip, I think you should know why Sim ultimately gave up his life." The captain paused briefly. "He did it for your sister."
"Lizzie?"
Archer nodded. "To Sim, Lizzie was very much his own sister. He didn't want anyone else to die like she did."
Trip tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. The man who was his exact copy chose to end his life in the name of his sister, Trip's sister and Sim's sister. Trip knew he would have done the same thing. He closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest, thanking Sim yet again. He felt Archer squeeze his shoulder in a gesture of comfort.
"Come on. Lets get you back to sickbay," Archer said.
Trip allowed Archer to help him to his feet. He felt exhausted and he leaned heavily on his friend.
They made their way to the stairs then slowly descended them. As they walked through engineering, Trip met the eyes of his crew. They greeted him, smiled at him warmly, and welcomed him back.
Trip felt overwhelmed. "I promise you I won't let Sim's sacrifice be in vain, Cap'n."
"I know," Archer replied. "And I'm certain Sim knows that, too."
"I hope so."
They entered the corridor to find T'Pol and Phlox walking towards them.
"Sorry, Doc," Trip apologized sheepishly. "I just needed to get out of there for a while. See how my engines were."
Phlox smiled as he ran a scanner over Trip. "No harm done, Commander. But I recommend we get you back to bed."
T'Pol moved to Trip's side and lifted his arm over her shoulders. She gripped Trip's wrist with one hand as her other arm slipped around his waist. Trip didn't resist her help as his legs felt suddenly weak.
"Thanks," Trip said.
T'Pol looked up at him. "It certainly didn't take you long to return to your old habits, Mr. Tucker."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Pushing yourself to exhaustion," T'Pol replied. "Immediately after Dr. Phlox releases you to duty, we will begin your neuro-pressure sessions again."
Trip smiled and he leaned on T'Pol a little more. "I'd like that, Sub- commander," he replied. "I'd like that a lot."
THE END