The song is Make it Stop (September's Children) by Rise Against. Its a truly excellent song, so give it a listen if you don't know it already.
…...
Bang bang go the coffin nails,
Like a breath exhaled, then gone forever.
I stand at the edge of the open grave, watching the coffin being laid in the earth. Why? For the love of God, why didn't he tell me? I can't help but wonder.
It seems like just yesterday,
How did I miss the red flags raise?
I keep blaming myself. Everybody keeps telling me I couldn't have known, but honestly. He was my best friend. And I didn't see. I didn't stop it.
And I... I wanted to be more than his best friend. But I was too scared to say anything... and now he's gone.
Think back to the days we laughed.
We braved these bitter storms together.
His smile, his laugh, his aqua eyes... they're burned into my memory. I still cant believe I'll never see him again. Play with that silver hair again. Fantasize about kissing him... it's all over.
After everything we went through... why? Why couldn't I save him? I fall to my knees beside his grave, wanting to cry, but unable to. For some reason, I can't seem to let the tears fall.
Brought to his knees he cried,
But on his feet he died inside.
He always seemed like he could handle anything. Like he would never let someone bring him down. But I guess... I guess everyone has their breaking point.
"Sora, come with me, honey. Its time to go."
I hear Kairi's words, but I cant seem to make myself move. After a moment, someone slides their hands underneath my arms, and pulls me up.
"come on, Sora. You can't just stay here."
I hear his voice behind me, and I realize its Roxas who has lifted me up. I let him lead me away. Away from the hole in the ground. Away from what is left of the boy I loved.
What God would damn a heart?
What God drove us apart?
he leads me to the car, where Namine waits. She sits beside me, and she holds my hand, but I cant seem to do anything but sit there.
Make it stop,
Let this end,
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
Its come to this,
A weightless step,
On the way down singing
"Sora..." Namine whispers. "it's going to be okay."
what a stupid thing to say. Of course its not okay. It will never be okay again. Not now that Riku's dead.
Bang bang from the closet walls,
The schoolhouse halls,
The shotguns loaded.
Riku knew he was gay. He wasn't a flaming, fluttery homosexual, but he wasn't exactly hiding it, either. He had been waiting for the right time to tell his parents. Apparently, when he finally did, it wasn't the right time. His mother told him he was a disappointment. His father told him to leave and never come back. They decided that they had no son anymore.
Push me and I'll push back.
From a nation under god,
I feel its love like a cattle prod.
He spent weeks couch surfing, unable to find a place that would take an eighteen year old high school student. He just didn't make enough at his part time job to pay rent anywhere. He finally wound up staying in a really crappy, cheap motel on the edge of town.
Born free but still they hate.
I'm born me, no I can't change.
Riku knew what he was, and he wasn't ashamed. But once the kids at school found out... well, he'd always been on the outside. It just became one more thing for them to be cruel to him about. And I... I did nothing to stop it. Because I wanted so badly to fit in. I let them tear apart my best friend.
Its always darkest just before dawn,
So stay awake with me,
Lets prove them wrong.
He called me. At 2 am, he called me and asked me to come over. But I had a test the next morning. I didn't go.
At 11 am, I got a call from his parents, telling me that housekeeping had found him, and he had slit his wrists. They had rushed him to the hospital, but he was dead before they got there.
The cold river washed him away.
But how could we forget.
The gatherings hold candles,
But not their tongues
At school, they had a moment of silence in his honor. But right afterward, the gossips started in on tearing him apart. The things they said... Sora couldn't bear to hear them, their vicious, cruel words.
And too much blood
Has flown from the wrists
Of the children shamed
For those they chose to kiss.
Oh, Riku... why didn't I go to you? Why did I just let this happen? Oh, god, Riku. I'm sorry.
"I'm so sorry, Riku..." Namine looks at me, as finally, the tears begin to fall.
…...
it's been a month since Riku died. A month. I've been to his grave at least twice a week. I can't bear this. I don't want to live without him.
Make it stop,
Let this end,
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
I sit on the ledge, eight stories up, right over a cement platform. If I let myself fall, I'll die. I sit there, working up the courage to push myself off the ledge.
Its come to this,
A weightless step,
On the way down singing
Someone looks up. Screams. I realize it's Kairi.
Leave, Kairi. I don't want you to see this.
She keeps screaming for help, until people come out. They see me. Phones are pulled out. People stare.
I didn't want an audience for this.
Beside me I hear the window open. Roxas pokes his head out.
"Sora, please. Don't do this. Do you really think Riku wants this?"
Who will rise to stop the blood?
We're calling for, insisting on,
A different beat, yeah,
A brand new song
I realize he's right. Riku would never want this. I have to live my life, not just for me, but for Riku now. Because to kill myself over him... that would dishonor his memory. And I cant do that to the man I love. Never.
I come in off the ledge. Roxas wraps me in a hug. "don't you ever consider doing something like that again. I already lost one friend. I can't lose two."
now how can I argue with that?
Make this stop,
Make this end,
This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin.
But proud I stand of who I am.
I plan to go on living.
I'll live my life. I wont hide in the closet anymore. I won't let my fear of being different prevent me from being who I am, or helping another in need, ever again. I will stand tall and proud.
For Riku. Always for Riku.
Make this stop,
Let this end,
All these years pushed too the ledge.
But proud I stand of who I am,
I plan to go on living.
…...
This fic is in memory of an amazing girl, a good friend of mine who committed suicide.
Rest in peace, Darien. I'll always love you and miss you.