Title: Change
Summary: The most recent Number makes Reese wonder if people really can change their nature.
Disclaimer: Person of Interest is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.
Spoilers: 2.04 Triggerman
A/N: Of the half-dozen ideas that came to me while watching this episode a couple of times, this one demanded a draft be written before I went to sleep last night.
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I'm more than half asleep in bed, and forgetting the lingering discomfort from the bullet I took to my chest earlier, I start to roll over on to my left side. Immediately, I remember why that was a particularly bad idea, remember why lying anywhere other than on my back means a jolt of pain. Rolling back to a supine position, I slowly inhale and exhale a few times to push the rest of the receding ache away to the back of my mind.
My thoughts begin to lazily drift during those moments, and I smile slightly when it occurs to me that Finch would probably have kittens – or puppies, in deference to Bear – if he knew just how bruised my chest was. Bullet-proof does not necessarily mean injury-proof, but what he doesn't know... My friend definitely doesn't need anything more to worry about right now.
A whirlwind of thoughts eventually stirs within my mind about the latest Number. I spend I don't know how long trying to calm them, but it's no use, and they continue going around and around. It's a good thing I'm not a stranger to lost sleep.
One thought in particular seems determined to stay, to remain violently swirling around in my brain: can a killer change?
Finch doesn't think so, but then again he thinks there's some sort of distinction between me and Riley; that I'm not a killer anymore. He seems to believe that just because I work on the side of the angels now, that I'm no longer just like our Number – a murderer. That just because I shoot out kneecaps instead of hearts or brains, I'm somehow better than our latest Number.
But he's wrong. So very wrong.
I'm still a killer.
I will always be a killer no matter what Finch says. No matter how hard I try to balance my ledger by helping and protecting people. That designation, that stain, can never be erased from my soul. It's in my nature.
Riley said he knew who he was, and so do I. There's no getting away from it no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do. It's something that constantly threatens to overtake me, and it's also part of the reason why I was so determined to get Harold back from Root. I'm afraid that, without him, the killer inside would win, would take over, and the small amount of progress that I've made would be erased forever.
Finch may think I'm not a killer, but that desire, that inclination is still within me, and tonight I proved him wrong once more. The proof died by my hand tonight.
Riley was trying to change, trying to overcome his nature, and a low-life killer murdered him for no reason other than greed and misplaced temporary loyalty to a man who fed his desire for money.
It's probably a lost cause in the end, but I'm still trying to change, to evolve, to not be the 'bad code' that Harold told me about earlier. I feel I succeed more than I fail now which gives me a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, it's possible.
Maybe someday Finch won't be the only one to not think of me as a killer.
Maybe someday I'll even believe it too.
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The end.
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A/N: What did you think of 'Triggerman'?
No beta for this one, so hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes.
Thanks for reading!