A/N: Hiiiii.. So be honest. Did you miss me? ;) .. Aaaanyways, I finally decided to start writing again and I think that i'm a bit rusty. According to the person I let read it first, my writing sucks now.. So work with me here LOL. This first chapter is basically just to establish the story, so its a little short. Future chapters will be longer I promise. So let me know what you think?
Chapter 1: The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
I sighed to myself and rubbed at my temples in annoyance as I walked up the hall towards the one place where I could get at least a little silence and solitude. It seems that all I ever did these days was try to steal a few moments to just be alone. I was in a rehab center, so obviously yes, I did have problems, but that didn't mean I was going to try and kill myself or anything. I really don't see the need in having a twenty four hour babysitter.
"Demi!" I heard someone shout behind me, making me grimace and stop in my tracks before slowly turning on my heel. I sighed in relief when I noticed it was just my friend Jennifer and not that wretched babysitter again. "You forgot your journal at group" She panted out while trying to catch her breath from the short run.
"Thanks Jen" I said with a little smile as I took the worn book from her hands. "I was just in a hurry to get out of there". I heard Jennifer let out a little chuckle as I rolled my eyes at the thought of group sessions.
"Trust me.. I definitely know the feeling" She replied before letting out a little groan as she turned to head back. "I'll see you at dinner.. I have a counseling session that I'm late for" She finished with a little wave over her shoulder.
"Have fun!" I yelled seeing her wave turn into the middle finger. I grinned and shook my head as I turned and walked through the doorway to my room. My grin slowly slid from my face and a heavy weight settled in my chest as my gaze landed on the dark haired figure that was sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Umm.. H-Hi Dems" She stuttered out nervously while wringing her hands together. I watched as she took a deep breath and gulped a little before bringing her eyes up to meet mine. The side of her mouth twitched trying to give me a little smile, before she gave up on that and just stared at me again.
"Hi Dems?" I asked incredulously. I watched her flinch a little at my tone of voice, and I only felt a little bad that it actually gave me some satisfaction. "You don't talk to me for over a year.. And all you have to say is Hi Dems?" I finished with a sardonic laugh as I walked towards my desk and threw my journal down.
I saw her jump as the journal made a slapping sound against the desk. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she met my eyes and gave me a little shrug.
"I don't know what else to say" She squeaked out nervously before shifting around under the intense stare that I was nailing her with. "What do you want me to say Demi?" She asked quietly.
"Oh gee.. I don't know" I started sarcastically. "How about I'm sorry.. How about I'm a selfish bitch and a horrible friend.. How about anything explaining where the hell you've been Selena, to think you can just waltz in here and say Hi Dems like nothing happened!" I practically yelled out the last part earning me a surprised look from the girl in front of me. I crossed my arms over my chest defensively and stared down at her as I waited for a response.
"I am sorry Demi" She replied with a little sigh. "But you have to be fair.. Things go both ways" She added in quietly as she stood from the bed and took a step closer to me. I instinctively took a step back and saw her face fall a little.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I spat at her venomously. I watched as her jaw clenched and she crossed her arms over her chest too.
"You know exactly what it means" She burst out with suddenly, giving me an attitude that you rarely see out of her. "You didn't exactly try to keep this friendship together either" She finished with a little huff. I smirked as I watched her chest heave slightly. It was nice to know that I could still get to her if I wanted to.
"I didn't try?" I questioned with a sarcastic laugh as I leaned back against the desk and tilted my head to the side. "So it wasn't me that tried calling you like thirty times a day for a month after you left?" Her jaw clenched again.
"I.." She started to talk but I interrupted her.
"Was it me that wouldn't pick up or return your calls? Was it me that left without so much as a goodbye? Was it me that left my so called best friend when she need me most?" I asked in an accusing tone, taking a step closer to her with every question. I watched her gulp nervously as I hovered over her. "No Selena.. That was you" I stated loudly before walking past her to look out the window. I took a deep breath as I tried to will myself to calm down a little.
"I did call Demi.. You didn't pick up either" She spat back at me. "I left you a voicemail and if I remember correctly.. You didn't return my call either" She grabbed my arm roughly and turned me around to face her. I glared down at her and felt her fingers loosen their hold on my arm.
"Exactly.. Your CALL" I said ripping my arm out of her grasp roughly and stepping away from her again. "You called once.. After months of nothing" I continued as she moved her gaze away from mine and looked at her feet guiltily. "Well I deleted you Selena.. I didn't even listen to your message." I confessed watching Selena's face take on a look akin to that of someone being slapped.
"Well then.. " She started before taking a deep breath. "You deleted this.. I was selfish when I walked out on you. You trusted me and I broke that trust. What you told me scared me. I'm so sorry for the way I reacted, and I love you.. " She mumbled the last part quietly. I swallowed trying to keep the tears that were threatening to fall at bay. I wouldn't let her see me cry over her.
"There wasn't a day that we were apart that my heart wasn't with you Demi.." She whispered out as I watched her reflection in the window. She ran her hands through her hair slowly and cleared her throat before turning and walking towards the door.
"You're too late" I began, trying my best to keep my voice from wavering. I watched as she stopped walking, but she didn't turn towards me. "I'm leaving here tomorrow.. I'm not sure if I'm going home or not.. I don't know if I can handle it." I heard her take a deep breath as she straightened her back. "But unlike you.. Wherever I go.. I'm taking my heart with me" I assured her. I watched her reach up to her face and I wondered if maybe she was wiping at tears before she finally walked out the door and left me alone.
I let my arms fall to my sides and my breath hitched in my chest as I backed against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. I pulled my legs into my body and finally let the tears flow freely from my eyes. I could feel the hole in my heart that I had tried so hard to fix being ripped open again.
"I thought you didn't care?" I heard her voice say making me take a deep breath and steady myself before peeking over my arms. She was standing in the doorway fidgeting with the hem of her shirt nervously and avoiding eye contact. She should have known that I didn't need to see her eyes to know she was crying though.
"I don't" I croaked, my voice muffled by my arms before I lifted my head up and sniffled.
"Then why are you crying?" She questioned with a quirk of her brow as she slowly walked over. I pushed myself up off the floor and wiped at my tears before shrugging as I didn't know what she was talking about.
"What happened to us?" I whispered quietly as she came close enough to me to be able to smell that intoxicating scent that was just so.. Selena. "Why did you leave me?" I finished bringing my eyes up to meet hers.
"I'm sorry.. I wish I could explain it" She said quietly as another tear trailed down over her cheek. "Can't we just be friends? .. Like before?" She begged making my heart break a little bit more before I put my defenses back up to protect it.
"I don't think so Selena.. Not like before" I answered making more tears slide down her cheeks. My hand twitched at my side. Even after all this time I had to fight the urge to wipe her tears away and make everything okay. "Before is gone" I finished making her face fall as she nodded.
"I understand.. I should have known that there was no way that you could care for me anymore" She whispered after taking a shaky breath. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before opening them to stare into those deep brown eyes that I used to get lost in so often.
"Best friends forever right? .. That's what sucks" I confessed making her give me a confused look. "I still do care Selena.. I just can't trust you" I finished watching her nod her head slowly. My heart fluttered nervously as she reached out and brushed her fingers against my hand before squeezing it lightly.
"I'm not going anywhere this time" She tried to assure me, and I so desperately wanted to believe her. But my head was screaming at me not to. "Come home Demi.. And I'll be there.. I promise" She slowly pulled her hand out of mine and looked at me expectantly.
"Okay" I sighed out with a little shrug of my shoulders. I didn't trust that she would actually be there. My heart wouldn't let me after what happened the last time.
"Okay" She repeated back at me before doing her best to give me a smile. The corner of my mouth twitched up just enough to satisfy her before she turned and grabbed her purse off the bed. "See you in a few days then" I stared at her back as she walked out the door.
"Yeah" I whispered to myself as I sat down on the corner of my bed and put my head in my hands. I hope I didn't just set myself up to get hurt again.