black hole
1shine
James realizes he's a disappointment and not just a good natured joker when his father tells him to stop his teasing bullshit and James can't. He tries. He wants to be good in school like Fred and he wants to make his mother smile with his accomplishments like Rose and he wants to show everyone that there's more to James Sirius Potter than what he's projecting right now but he can't.
Maybe it's because this is all there ever was to James Sirius Potter. Maybe this is all there ever will be.
He tries not to let it bother him, tries to continue with his shining (he's a star, after all, and a damn bright one, if he tries hard enough), but he doesn't quite manage to.
2fizzle
He's secretly never liked being named after dead two people, especially ones as popular as his namesakes. "Just like James," people would ruffle his already messy hair and say with a smile on their faces. "Just like Sirius."
What if he didn't want to be like them? What if he wanted to be just James, to just walk through a gathering at his house and not be called over and examined and declared to have seen named properly. What if the reason why he plays pranks on Hugo and Lily and every other breathing relative within range is because he's trying to outshine his namesakes so that maybe one day, he'll be just James and not just like James and Sirius?
He doesn't want to shine anymore, doesn't want to put in the effort, because every spark he tries to set forth to help him burn his way across the skies just fizzles and dies.
3supernova
James runs.
He doesn't want to be the first son of the famous Harry Potter.
Gravel is kicked up behind him as his feet hit the ground and the sound is deafening.
He doesn't want to be compared to his much more talented, much more ambitious cousins.
His knapsack beats against his back with every heavy footfall, matching the pace of his pounding heart.
He doesn't want to be a disappointment, something someone can just shake their head at and sigh.
The gate is in sight, and behind him is the Potter house and he doesn't want to say he's running away from home because it never really felt like home to begin with.
He places his hand on it and Harry appears just beyond it, tired and weary from another day at the office.
"Going somewhere, James?" he asks.
James can't say anything but, "Just for a walk, pops."
When Harry is out of sight, James sinks down against a tree on the side of the road.
Someone told him once that a star is at its brightest just before it burns out.
That is not the case with him.
4die
Everything he touches dies.
Dreams, ambitions, potential, friends, enemies. They all die.
He watches as they die.
"You'll never play professional Quidditch," to his brother. "You're not good enough."
"This cake tastes terrible," to his sister. "Did you use mud instead of chocolate?"
"I hate you," to his reflection in the mirror when he wakes up every morning and when he goes to sleep every night. "You are not special. You are not unique. You are just like them."
He still looks out the window, down the path to the gate that he almost ran out of. He wonders if he ever would've really run away.
He thinks he would've, if only to find a place where it was okay to shine bright the way he used to before they tried to dim him down, and not be this black hole that only pulled things closer to destroy them.
-FIN-