The Rounder

It was very late into the night, not yet midnight, but very late still. A man places the ladder he is carrying against the upstairs window. Just as he starts to climb up, he hears a gruff "Hey." He looks down to see the local law enfocement's men, a short fat little man, staring expectantly at him. He steps back down the ladder and answers with a "Yes?"

"What are you doing?" the sheriff asks.

"I'm going to my room, good night," the man answers, turning to climb the ladder.

"Just a minute, where do you live?"

"Up there."

"Oh. Oh! You've lost your key, huh?"

Stupid English people. Can't even trust each other enough to not need to lock their doors. Where I come from, we don't even need keys. "That's marvelous. How did you figure that out?" the man responded in his perfected sarcastic nature.

"Well, I-" the sheriff looked abashed for all of two seconds before he realized he was being made fun off, "Say, have you been drinking?"

"That's my buisness."

"Well, have you got any other buisness?"

Might as well have some fun. "Yes, come to think of it, I'm a wild dragon specialist."

"Oh you're a-What's that?"

"Well, that is, I'm under contract with a chain of training academies and, should a customer come in and want a wild dragon, and we can't find one, I take a tame one out to the woods and agrivate it. Get it?"

"Oh yeah, you live near the woods."

Idiot. "I knew you'd get it alright, you'd have no trouble," the man said as he turned once again toward the ladder.

"Just a minute. How do I know you're not a buglar?"

Time for the ol' Haddock charm. "Why, you looking for a buglar?"

"There's one buglar I'd like to get ahold of."

"Well, won't I do?"

"Nah, he's shorter than you."

Lots of people are shorter than me. While the man had never been big in the muscle department, he had certainly been blessed with height.

"I thought maybe you were him when I first saw you."

"Well, what's his name?"

"Oh, um, Blinky Johnson."

"Blinky 'n Johnson?" That's even worse than Hiccup Horendous Haddock III. "No, no, that's not me. Must be two other fellows."

"You know, I could get promoted if I land that guy."

Uhg, what does he want? "Well, maybe I can help you find him."

"Say, you think he's up there?"

"I don't know. I'll go up and see."

"Just a minute..."

Well, I've got something no man can resist. The man, known as Hiccup, pulls out a few gold coins. "There you go, officer."

"Oh, well then."

Finally the sheriff lets Hiccup climb the ladder into his room's window. "Well, goodnight officer. I'm gonna give you all my buisness from now on."

Climbing through the window, Hiccup thinks to himself, Imagine, having to use a ladder to get into your own room. Then he looks around. The room is very richly decorated with paintings, statues, and expensive furnature. Say, this isn't my room. Turning back towards the window, he calls, "Hey, ladder!" but it's too late. He hears a bell ring and then hears someone coming to the door. Quickly he ducks behind a large dresser. A short, plump woman scurries into the living room and opens the door. Is everyone in this moronic country short and fat? he thinks from behind the dresser. While he can't see, he hears two voices. Great Odin's ghost, women, he thinks. If England has taught him anything, it's that, while the men are rude, vulgar, and idiotic, the woman are cowardly (he once saw a woman faint at the sight of a rat) and backstabbing. And they call us Vikings barbarians.

A tall (not as tall as him, mind you) blond woman wearing a large dress walks into the room. "I just can't believe it, Aunt Ethel. One of the most ridiculous things that has ever happen to me."

The short, fat-er, Aunt Ethel responded, "Men are all alike. I wouldn't worry about it."

Not all men, she thinks to herself. She could still remember the boy she had left behind in the place she grew up all those years ago. She wonders if he still remembers the promises they made to each other. She wonders if he ever moved on, if he ever found anouther girl, if they dated, if they kissed, if they got marr-

And she has to stop herself before she loses her composure. Of course, he did, She did. True, there was no real love but she realized that she would probably never get the chance to go back to her home. She would probably never see him again. They would both move on, and in the process, break the promises they made to one anouther.

"Well, I tell you, I won't stand for it. No man is worth it." Except for the one that I haven't seen in over five years. "Imagine, him taking me to the ball and dancing eight dances with that brunette."

Hiccup, getting quite board with this conversation and tired of hiding behind this dresser, peaks out. He gasps. Ducking back behind the dresser, he tries to convince himself that he is not going insane. He couldn't have seen what he thought he had. He peeks again. Nope, he's not insane. He had seen it correctly. A face that he had not seen in over five years. Astrid.

Five years ago, Astrid's parents were killed in the battle between the Berkians and the Outcasts. She had been sent to live with her aunt and uncle in anouther country. He hadn't known it was England. After she had left, Hiccup had lost that spark in his life. He had started drinking. He still taught at the academy but not with as much enthusiasm. His friends had tried to help him but he had pushed them all away. Toothless was the only one that he acted at all like himself around, but even when flying with his best friend, he seemed depressed.

"Please leave me alone Aunt Ethel."

"Oh, you're all upset, Astrid. You'll feel better in the morning." With that Aunt Ethel left the room.

As she left, Hiccup could hear Astrid murmer, "But I'll get even with him. I'll... I'll marry the first man I see I swear it!"

"WHAT?!"

With a startled yelp, Astrid spun around. What she saw suprised her. A tall, lean, and very handsome man with brown-redish hair, wearing Viking clothing was standing in the middle of her living room.

Apparently, it only just now occured to Hiccup what he had done. He slowly backed up to the window he came in by. "Sorry! I'm sorry. Sorry, um... yeah, sorry. I'll just be going..." He turned to climb out the window when Astrid reacted.

"Don't do that! You'll be killed!"

Hiccup stops. Uhg, what are you doing? Just go over and say hi. Five years have passed, you should have stopped loving her a long time ago. He trns and sees her face. But you haven't. He walks (more like shuffles) over to her.

"Um... Hi."

"Who are you? And what are you doing here?"

This came as somewhat of a shock to Hiccup. Astrid didn't recognize him. Sure, his friends had told him that he had changed. The guys, except for Fishlegs and Tuffnut and Snotlout, looked at him like he was a threat, while the girls, including Ruffnut, would giggle and blush every time he was around them. But surely he hadn't changed so much that Astrid wouldn't recognize him. What about his leg? Then he remembered. He had been sent here on, suposedly, a diplomatic mission. Really, it was that his father was hoping a trip would get his mind off of Astrid. But his leg had been made a custom boot that would fit like a glove and make it look like he had two feet.

"What?" he whispered.

"Who are you?"

By now Hiccup is a little angry. And more than a little upset. Astrid doesn't recognize him. And she was going to marry someone. And she was dancing with anouther guy. And all of that breaks the promises that they made to each other. Promises that he had worked extra hard to uphold. Promises that she had chained to him. Promises he had been keeping and she had been breaking. He could have been having fun with every girl under the sun (not that he would, but he could) and she doesn't even keep her promises. So you can understand why Hiccup is a little angry/a lot upset. And when Hiccup is angry/upset he become sarcastic. This situation is no exception.

"I'm the milk man. A little earlier than usual."

"The milk man?"

"Yes. No. Well, that is, I was out with a couple of friends and we were having some milk and stuff and I happen to get into the wrong room through the wrong window-er, door... Um, how've you been?"

"Don't try to joke with me. You're some desperate crimanal."

"Oh, am I? Well, what's my name?"

"How dare you come come in here at this hour!"

"Well I'm awfully sorry, but it was the only hour I had available."

"What are you talking about?" Astrid asked with a menacing growl.

"Now, please, m'lady," Hiccup defended and hinting at who he was, "Don't get rough with me. As you've already stated and I've admitted, I'm a desperate criminal. Should an officer walk in right now, I wuld be forced to destroy him, thus. Which would mearly ruin your reputation and spot the floor. Now the ladder being gone, I'll call my black one with no teeth and be on my way. Goodnight, Astrid."

Astrid was confused no one had called her m'lady since Hiccup. Probably just a coincidece. But what did he mean by "black one with no teeth"? And how did he know her name? She wanted answers and so she went to call him back. As she turned she couldn't help but admire his physic. He was a handsom man. She imagined he was a lot like Hiccup, except with two feet instead of one. His muscles, while not bulky, where very well shaped. And-Wait...handsome. Edward would definetly regret what he had done if she had a handsome husband. And all her previous thoughts fled her brain as she began to plan.

"I've got it!" Her outburst stops Hiccup and brings him back.

"What, my key?"

"No."

"Well, it doesn't matter now, I'm in."

She turned her head and Hiccup found himself caught in her blue eyes. "I wonder if you'll do?"

"Yes, I wond-Do what?"

"Let me study your face for a moment."

"Go right ahead m'lady. My face is an open book."

Astrid is breifly confused again. She used to say that about Hiccup. He couldn't lie for the life of him. She shakes herself out of her little trip down memory lane. "Sit down."

"I can only stay a little while-"

"I am going to marry you."

"-about 3 days, I imagine. I-You're going to what?!"

"I am going to marry you."

Hiccup is silent for a few seconds. In his mind he thinks, Play this right, and she'll be in for the shock of her life. "Alright, go ahead. I haven't a thing to do this afternoon."

"Now see here, I'm a buisness woman and in a hurry."

"Well, I'm sorry, I couldn't get here any sooner."

"For certain reasons, I must have a husband at once."

"You must? Well, I don't think I can afford to-"

"I am willing to pay whatever's right."

"I mean afford to socailly. My prices for matters of that sort are very reasonable. Although I would demand eight hours a day and Thorsdays off."

"You will remember this is a matter of buisness?" Astid turned to her desk and started to write.

"Here's where I get out." Hiccup stood and started toward the window, ready to call for Toothless.

"I have a large fortune-"

"Pardon?"

"I have a large fortune."

"Here's where I come back."

"And I need a man to manage it."

"Sure, don't fool with things like that yourself, you must get a man."

"So I will place it in the hands of the sheriff, he's a trustworthy man, and he will pay you a salary."

"Oh, you merly wish to rent me then, is that it?"

"Exactly! Now please pay attention, because I am entirely in earnest," she said while pointing to the seat. Hiccup, bemused, sat down. Astrid continued, "What is your idea of a figure."

Hiccup couldn't beleive what she was asking him. Her figure?! But he decided to answer honestly. "Beautiful. Perfect. Stunning. Exquisit. Other worldly. Flawless-"

"I mean what salary do you expect," she said sternly, but her cheeks were slightly redened. She couldn't explain it. She had never blushed when a man gave her compliments. Not unless it was Hiccup.

"Well, I don't know. What are they paying for husbands these days? Now is .80 a day too much, do you think?"

"Say 500 a month?"

"What was that?" She's really serious about this.

"Why, is it too much?"

"Well, yes! I mean no! I mean... 550, could you make it 550?"

"500 a month!"

"Well, alright. But I should have time to get a little sewing in and I must consult papa before I venture into a thing like that. It's such an important step in life."

"You understand that I shall only need you as an escort... in public. In private, I shall not recognize you."

"Well, in that case m'lady, I'm afraid it's going to cost you a little more money."

"That's my propostion. You can take it or leave it."

"I'll take it." I'm not going to let some other guy get my Astrid.

"You may go. But be here tomarrow at three o'clock for the ceramony."

"If I'm a little bit late, don't send for anyone else will you? Oh, incidently, what kind of ceramony is this going to be? I'm Norse after all."

"You may go."

Then Aunt Ethel came into the room. "Astrid, there's a message for you."

"Oh! Thank you, Aunt. Excuse me."

After Astrid left the room, Hiccup started to look around the room.

While Hiccup was gone Astrid came in with a smile on her face, reading the letter she had recieved. It read:

Dear Astrid,

The brunette I was dancing with was my sister from London. I will see you soon.

Edward

So that's who the brunette was. Astrid didn't know he had a sister. He never said anything. Well, she was happy now. The man she loved (or, more accuratly, had convinced herself she loved) was still loyal to her.

"Oh, Astrid?" Her thoughts flew from her brain as she turned and saw the man from earlier still in her house.

"Oh it's you."

"Yes, still me."

"Well, I regret to say sir that our contract is off. You may go."

"Now, wait a minute, Astrid. You can't do that. That isn't a nice thing to do. You sought and won my affection of your own free will, I didn't ask for it. And now you want to take our beautiful dream and give it a kick in the pants. I won't stand for it."

Astird was getting fed up with this imbosal. "Will you go?"

Hiccup was begining to lose his cool. "No, I wont go! I love you!" Astrid stares wide-eyed at him. Hiccup realizes his slip-up and tries to salvage the situation. "Um... How can I help but love you with those wages?"

Astrid is reeling. "Why... Why should you say that you love me?" Nobody has said that they love her since she left Hiccup on the docks. She remembers it to this day.

"I wish I didn't have to go," Astrid mummbled into Hiccup's vest.

"You and me, both. Oh Odin, I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you too."

"Astrid, can you promise me something?"

Astrid looked him in the eyes. Those green eyes that reminded her of days spent lazing around the forest, looking up at the sky through dark green leaves. "As long as you are willing to make the same promise."

"I am."

"Then go ahead."

Taking a deep breath, he started. "Will you wait for me? Will you not give youself to anouther man? When you can, will you come back and be mine?"

Astrid stared at him. "Hiccup... Are you asking me to marry you?"

Hiccup blushed brigh red, but gave the same answer he had when she had asked him if he would keep the location of the dragon's nest a secret in order to protect Toothless. In that determined voice that he used very rarely he said, "Yes."

"I promise." Hiccup looked so happy at that moment that it was contagious. Astrid smiled, a smile that was so big that it hurt her cheeks. "Do you also?"

"I promise. I made you something. It's not much." He pulled out a small, blue and gold axe charm. It was attached to a silver chain.

"Hiccup, it that made out of..."

"Yeah. One of Stormfly's scales. I know they didn't want you to bring her or your axe, so I made you something to keep them close."

"Hiccup, thank you," she said as she took the necklace.

Astrid heard her name being called. She turned to see the cheif waving her over. It was time to leave. "Well, I geuss I better be going."

Hiccup looked at his feet. "Yeah," he said sadly.

Astrid picked up her luggage and walked up the gang plank. After setting her stuff on the deck, she turned and looked at Hiccup. She couldn't bear it. She ran back down the plank and kissed him with everything she had.

After finally breaking from the kiss, she turned and ran back onto the ship. Just before sailing out of earshot she heard him shout at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO!"

She sent the remainder of the vouage in her room, so no one would see her crying as she held the charm in her fist.

It now occured to her that Edward had never said those three words to her, nor had she to any one else. Why would this man say those words to her and with such passion?

"Why? I've loved you since you were six. Carrying your little hatchet everywhere. Having your hair up in pigtails. Gee, you were beautiful, even then."

"Yes, I was happy then."

"You were a little bow legged then-"

Astrid lept to her feet, remembering herself, and her mission to get this man out of her house. So focus was she, that she didn't even hear the rest of his sentence.

"-but it only added to your charm."

"Now I'll give you just five minutes to leave this house!"

Time for anouther hint. "I can do it faster than a storm flies."

Astrid paused. That had sounded like he was hinting at something. Storm flies... storm flies... storm flies... Well, she could think about that later.

"I hope you will be gone by the time I get back. Meanwhile I am sending word to get an officer," she said, temper barely held in check as she stormed out into her bedroom.

"But Astrid-" The door slammed shut. "Our first quarl. ...Well, it had to come sometime. I'm generally divorced by now." Then he saw the note.

After reading it he said aloud, "So Edward, this is the angel, eh? I've often wondered why brilliant women, such as Astrid, fall for snakes like this. Say, if I had her and we were back on Berk, I'd never drink again."

While talking to himself, he didn't hear a certain man walk into the room. "I wouldn't touch anouther drop of... well a little mead wouldn't hurt anyone I'd imagine."

"Who are you?" a well dressed man carrying a cane asked him.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I am Edward. Now answ-"

"Ah yes! Edward! We were just talking about you. Won't you sit down?"

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Well I'll explain that. So you're the little fellow who's going to marry my wife, eh?"

"You're wife?! You don't mean Astrid, do you?"

"Yes, that's her."

"I-I don't beleive it."

"Well, the ceramony hasn't been performed yet, but she propsed to me and I accepted her. Or I proposed to her and she accepted me. Your choice."

"But that's impossible. It's proposerous!"

"I thought so too, but she wants it that way and, of course, I am her legal gardian."

"You're her what?"

"Exactly! You know, it's alright for you to go visiting around, thinking you're going to marry some wealthy woman. But if you want to know the truth of it, I've saved you from an awful bump. Because I handle all of her cash and you wouldn't get any of it anyhow."

"You mean that I wouldn't have anything to say about her finance?"

"Abolutely nothing! As her gaurdian, as soon as you married her, I would insist upon you going to work."

"Ha! That's rather foolish. Now look here-"

"I'm looking and I agree with you."

"No, I meant foolish about me working and all that! Now, come on, why can't we get togethor, you know?" Hiccup saw, out of the corner of his eye, Astrid walk back into the room. "Suppose you slip me 1000?"

Hiccup wanted to strangle this rat. "A what!?" But he had a better idea.

"1000?" Just then Astrid decided to introduce herself as she cleared her throat. Edward gave a sharp intake of breath. "I knew it."

"Why, Astrid, where have you been? By the way, Edward, that's a very good idea. Suppose we submit it to the lady."

"I knew it was a trick to expose me!" Edward raises his hand to strike him with his cane, but Hiccup caught his hand easily. If I was able to block your attack then something is seriously wrong with you!

"Pardon me, m'lady. Just a moment. Come Edward." Hiccup walked Edward toward the closent door. "Now, be a nice little boy and open the door."

Edward tried to get help as he was shoved into the closent. "Astrid, please, I can explain-" But the door was shut and locked. Hiccup walked back over to Astrid.

"I thought I did that nicely, didn't you?"

"You're pretty high handed aren't you?"

"No, I just needed a cane that's all."

The two were so deep into their conversation, they didn't notice the officer come walking in.

"How dare you say that you were my gaurdian!"

"But I-"

"Did you call?" the officer interupted.

"Hello! More buisness?" Hiccup asked for it was the officer from his episode with the ladder. Accually... this was still the same episode.

"Officer, arrest that man."

"What kept you? Anyway, officer arrest that woman." Astrid gasped. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Of course the officer will listen to him. After all, in this country women have little to no rights. And the English jailhouses aren't known for their hospitality. "Arrest that woman she hit me with her axe handle. I'm sorry m'lady, but the law must take it's course."

"Oh, no, please! No, no, no, no." Astrid begged. She hugged the man gently, fully expecting to grovel, but what happen next suprised her.

"NO!" Hiccup shouted, "Don't touch her, you coward."

"I didn't touch her!" the officer defended.

"Now listen officer, if you allow me a moment with this lady, I think I can make a good woman out of her. ...I think. Don't look at him m'lady, it's hard enough for me to look at him."

"Now just a minute-"

"Now listen officer, I know you fellows are very hard hearted about things of this sort, but I forgive you. And I have a little suprise for you. Take this key and look in that closent."

The officer went over to the closent and looked at it confused. "Turn the key, it's a door." The officer did as her was told and out popped Edward. Quickly the officer grabbed him and brought him to the other two. Edward shook him off.

"Don't do that. Oh, now Astrid, please I-" One glare from Astrid shut him up.

"So you wanted my money?"

"I'll handle this. Officer, lock him up."

"What'll I lock him up for?"

"Why, don't you know this man?"

"No."

"Do you know anything?"

"No."

"Well, here's where you get your promotion. This is Blinky Johnson." Everybody gasped. "Exactly, the famous bugler."

"But Blinky Johnson has a beard."

"I know. I shaved him." And Hiccup held a hand broom under Edward's chin. "See?"

"Well I'll be!"

"Take him away officer."

"Don't I get a say?" asked a panicked Edward.

"You can say it to the sheriff."

Turning back to Hiccup, he tried to convince him. "I'll take 500. 450. 25?" And that was all he got out before being wisked away.

Hiccup moved to the window and gave a sharp whistle. Then he moved to the desk and wrote a quick note. It read:

Dear Sheriff,

In a few minutes an officer will come in with a friend of mine and a hair-brained story about him being a bugler. It's merely a practical joke. Give the officer a promotion and let my friend go.

Thanks,

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Just after finishing the note, a bright red Terrible Terror flew through the window. "Give this to the sheriff." The Terror blinked and flew out, with the note, through the window, and out into the darkness.

Astrid had been able to read everything but the signature (in her mind the most important part).

Hiccup turned back to Astrid. He couldn't believe she still hadn't recognized him. Maybe she had forgotten all about him. In that case, he decided it would probably be best to leave instead of make her remember something obviously not worth remembering to her. "I'm afraid I must be going now. I hope that you won't think unkindly of me. I might have appeared a trifle unconventional, but I think that I have saved you from a misplaced fate. Because he decieved you tonight. And besides, he eats with his knife."

"Why should you save me? You, who drinks and laughs and scoffs at life."

"Astrid, let me tell you something. Pity the man who laughs and drinks. He laughs to keep from crying. And he drinks because he is alone. Afraid of the four walls of his room. Mocked by the dream of a home. Trying to forget promises that were made and broken, not by him, but by the second party, the one he was, and still is, in love with. The one that does not remember him face or his name."

Hiccup then went and started toward the window. "I'm awfully sorry. Goodbye, m'lady Astrid."

"Wait!" shouted Astrid. For in the time it took Hiccup to get from one end of the living room to the other to the window, Astrid had been thinking. There were too many coinceideses. All too familiar. His perfected sarcasm. The old pet name. His words "black one with no teeth" meaning Toothless. How he knew her name. His comment about his face being an open book. Her blushing as he talked about her figure. His declaration of love for her. Talking about her youth. Storm flies being a hint at Stormfly (she had wanted to bash her face in when she realized what she had missed). Him knowing about her axe and how she hit people with the handle. His sudden change in attitude the second she showed she was afraid of going to jail. His interaction with the Terror. And lastly, his long monolouge about promises being made and broken. The only person who knew all of this was Hiccup. So she decided to test him.

"Do you know what this is?" Astrid reached into her dress and pulled out a charm that was attached to a chain around her neck. Hiccup recognized it in an instant. It was the charm. He also recognized what the hidden message in Astrid's question was. She had waited. Her heart was still his. She just hadn't been able to come back and had thought there would be nothing to come back to.

"Yes. But do you know who I am?"

"Yes. And I am ready to come home, Hiccup." And they smiled.