This story is dedicated to Marije, because she helped me do my research and she is awesome in general.
Special agent Tony DiNozzo may have been using his federal superpowers to check up on her. He would deny it if anyone asked, but he worried about her. 'name' the box asks and he types in the name he has typed so many times before, 'Jeanne Benoit'. It is not that he suspects anything. For the last 2 years the page has told him the same words over and over again. 'Currently located in South Africa for work.' He still feels bad for her. Sucked in to a mess that wasn't hers to begin with. He patiently waits while the database is looking up his data.
Suddenly something flashes up on his screen. Returned 3 March 2010. Brought child, DNA test confirmed she is the mother. Tony closes his eyes real tight and opens them again. Still the same words. To say that he is surprised is an understatement. He closes the border security database and opens something else. He types in Jeanne's name again and there it is. Jeanne Benoit, mother of Joshua Lucas Benoit. He clicks on the boys name. The date he sees on his birth certificate that pops up makes him freeze. Born April 3th, 2008. He does some math and realizes that it is exactly 7 months after they broke up.
That means that she had been 2 month's pregnant at the time that they broke up and he doesn't like the sound of that. As far as he knows her she would have never cheated on him and that can only mean that he is a father. Father or a freaking two year old. He goes a page back and looks up her address. He wonders for a second why there had been no record of her leaving the country with a child be his mind is to unfocused to think about that. He writes down her apartment number and address before he runs out of the office. Ignoring Gibbs calling out to him. He takes his car and is at her apartment before he realizes that he has no clue what he is going to do, or say for that matter.
He knocks on her apartment door anyway and slightly enjoys her shocked expression. She tries to close the door again but he stops her.
"Gonna let me in?" he asks in a dangerously low tone as he sets his foot in her apartment, preventing her from closing the door. She opens the door without saying anything and he immediately spots the toddler standing the playpen, watching him. He recognizes the green eyes, they are similar to his own, and well, the boy is as good looking as a toddler can be, so there must be some of his genes in that kid. He stares for what must be a few minutes, trying to realize that it is really his offspring that he is watching.
"Never bothered to tell me that I am a father?" he asks her, his eyes still fixated on the toddler in the playpen. "An e-mail would have done the trick you know."
"I figured Gibbs would have told you by now." she said as if that explains all. "He knows it", she adds for clarification after she sees Tony's stunned expression.
"He knows?" Tony shrieks and has to sit down so he walkes over to the nearest couch.. Gibbs knows that he had a child and he simply never bothered to tell him.
"I asked him not to." Jeanne says.
"Please do explain." Tony says as he closes his eyes and leans back in the couch.
"His name is Josh." Jeanne says as she picks him up out of the playpen and sets him on the couch next to her. "I was two months pregnant on the day you told me about, well everything" she sighs. "My plan was to tell you after dad had gone, but well, everything went to hell in a hand basket." He gives a little laugh and she sounds bitter. "I didn't know what to do so I stayed with my mother until he was born. When he was a month old my father turned up death and well, you know about the investigation." Tony opens his eyes and studies her. "I asked you if any of it had been real, because if you really had been in love I would have told you. Given you a change to know about him, introduce you to him." He sighs because he knows what he said by the elevator on that horrible day, if it had been him in her position he probably would have done the same thing. "Gibbs came to visit me that evening in my apartment, I figured that he was trying to clean up some of the mess you left behind. He saw Josh and well, I begged him not to tell you."
Tony looks at her, still not believing that his boss could keep something like that from him.
Josh walks towards him, holding out his little hands, begging for attention. Tony picks him up and gives him a hug he is not really sure about what he should do but it feels right.. Absentmindedly he holds the boy and bounces him up and down, much to Josh' delight.
"What now?" He asks Jeanne as he looks at her. "We can work out a schedule for you." she says. He looks at her, because he doesn't really understand what she means. It just doesn't reach his brain. "Do things with him, visit him, get to know him." she clarifies. Tony leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose. Josh falls against his chest and giggles. "'gain!" he laughs. Tony just leans forwards and sets him on the ground. He stands up. "I need time to think." he says as he walks out of her apartment. "I will be back." he says before he closes the door, leaving Jeanne and a stunned Josh behind.
He sees red with rage by the time he arrives at NCIS. He ran up the stairs and didn't take the time to take a breath before he was standing in front of Gibbs' desk.
"You didn't bother to tell me I had a kid?" he yelled, losing all the respect he had for the man in one single second.
"My office" Gibbs says as he walked towards the elevator, but Tony didn't follow him. "My office now!" Gibbs barked this time while he stood at the elevator, waiting for it to arrive.
"No way" Tony huffs, and he didn't realize that this wasn't the best place or time to fight this out but this anger was consuming him and he had to get it out this instant.
"Gym. Right. Now" Gibbs hisses as he stalks down the stairs. That answer satisfies Tony a little because he follows his boss. He changes in to his shorts and shirt and waits in the middle of the ring. A few agents have gathered around the ring, nobody really wanted to miss the showdown of the year, if not the century. Gibbs climbed in to the ring, calm an collected, almost the complete opposite from Tony who was really tense.
He lunged forward as soon as Gibbs was standing. His fist hit Gibbs' jaw and it was obvious that Gibbs let Tony have that one. Gibbs stands back up again and waits for Tony to react.
"She asked me to." He said while he kept his body open towards Tony, following the nervous jumping of the man.
"Never stopped you before." He says as he jumps up and down, moving his arms and hands in a boxing motion. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't think it would have changed anything." Gibbs said, suddenly jumping forward, punching Tony lightly in the chest. Tony is taken by surprise and falls back, momentarily surprised. He quickly stands back up and started bashing Gibbs with his fists. It is not a fair fight and doesn't really fight back, he just let's Tony blow off some steam. He blocks all of Tony's punches like a pro and hands one out himself every now and them to let Tony thinks that he is still participating. After half an hour Tony falls down utterly spend, dead to the world. Gibbs sits next to him and waits until he starts opening his eyes again.
"Ready to have that conversation now?" he asks and Tony smiles. "Yeah boss, sorry" he says before rolling over and taking a gulp out of the water-bottle that Ziva rolled towards him. A towel flung against his head before Ziva cleared the gym from nosy agents. Tony isn't sure but he thinks she is holding a paperclip.
When he has gathered his breath and thinks he will be able to handle the conversation he starts. "So why didn't you tell me." he asks and Gibbs' sighs.
"She asked me too." he says but motions for Tony to hear him out. "she told me about her plans to go to Africa and what you had said to her in the elevator." Gibbs balls his hand and relaxes it again. "I wanted to tell you so many times." he confesses "But she was in Africa and it wouldn't make a difference. "
Tony draws his knees up to his chest, making himself as small as possible. "I don't know what to do boss." he says, and for a moment he looks just like a lost teenager.
"What would you like to do?" Gibbs asks him, "Because this right now, this is about what you want."
"He is my son Gibbs." Tony says. "I always swore that I would be a better father then my own father was for me. Apparently the DiNozzo's are not doing to well in that department. "
"Then go to her tonight, talk about it. If you like it or not, she is his mother and has more rights than you in this current situation."
Tony is quiet for a while before he jumps up, "Gonna shower boss." he says as he jogs away. He might not be sure yet about the right course of action but he will figure out.
Everyone in the whole building seemed to avoid him that afternoon, which was probably a good thing, because he was still agitated about the whole situation. Gibbs even sent him home at four. Because apparently they could do more work at the moment with him not around. Tony knew that it was just Gibbs' way of letting him go early.
He drove home, took a shower and changed in to jeans and a hoody. He wanted answers and he wasn't going to get them if he was just sitting around. Jeanne didn't look surprised when he stood in front of her door this time. She looked calm and collected and probably had given things some thought.
"Dinner" he says "my treat." Jeanne smiles but points at Josh. "I don't have a babysitter." she apologizes but that was not what Tony meant. "We can take him with us." he states "I am not dressed for something formal."
Jeanne gives in after some thought and starts packing a bag. Diapers, food, a bottle, some toys and finally a buggy. "We can take my car, it already has the car seat in it." Josh doesn't walk over to Tony like he had that morning, he just holds his mothers hand and stays close to her. They decide on a small family restaurant, a place where a toddler wouldn't be odd.
Josh sits in the highchair next to his mother while Tony sits on the opposite side of the table, he doesn't know how to start a conversation like this so he ask her how she has been and she asks him the same. They keep up fake smiles until their main course is served.
"Pretty messed up isn't it?" he asks while taking a bite of his lasagna and even though the situation is very serious he can't help but smile and neither can she. "I owe you an explanation." he says. "I should have told you this years ago, but I owe you this much."
He looks up at her but her eyes are avoiding his, in stead of looking at him she looks at Josh, but he knows that he has her attention. "It all started years ago, the father of my former director was killed and she believed that it was your father or one of his 'staff'. From then on everything she did became about catching your father, and being the director of a federal agency helped her with that. She ordered me to seduce you, date you and get close to you and eventually your father. I am not an idiot and knew it was wrong, but she threaten to fire me, and I didn't want to lose the job I have at NCIS."
The sips at his drink and waits for some sort of sign from her, but she is still focused on Josh.
"At first I didn't like you, at all." he admits with a smile "You where everything I was never interested in, smart and successful. But somehow I fell for you. I wanted to tell you so many times that I was so much in love with you but that my motive wasn't real, but I couldn't. Then things blew up, literally and I lost a co-worker and my heart broke, I had to tell you that I loved you. Well, then your father came by and everything was shot to hell. I was kidding myself as I thought that we could have a happy end."
Jeanne sighs and looks at him, her eyes are still as brown as they used to be. "Nothing new so far." she says as she raises an eyebrow.
Tony chuckles: "When you gave me the card you gave me a choice. I choose work because I knew that things between us could never be the same again. When your father was killed and you came by I told you that none of it was real, because I hoped to make things easier for you. I was the biggest lie I have ever told." He has finished his plate and pushed it aside, leaning back in his chair, looking at the woman who has changed his life forever, and his child, but he still isn't able to wrap his head around that. "Since I am all honest with you here, I loved you, hell, I think I still love you. I haven't dated or had sex at all in the last two years, I wasn't even interested in woman."
He looks at her, waiting for her to respond and the minutes she takes to think feel like weeks.
"I always knew that you loved me." she says "But too many things happened, you told me that you weren't the person I thought you was, I found out my father was a criminal and I was pregnant on top of that."
Josh started crying and she picked him up, cuddling him before strapping him in his buggy to get him off to sleep, the few minutes giving them both some time to think.
"I tried to pretend that I didn't really love you. But I do."
Tony is quiet as he realizes what she is saying.
"Where do we go from here?" he asks her because he doesn't know. Unfortunately neither does she. "I would like you to know the real me." he says. "and I don't think I can ever let you go again, so would you please do me the honor of getting to know the real me?"
He looks at her, his eyes honest and sincere, but inside he prays. He doesn't deserve a second change, he knows that, but he still hopes that she is willing to give him one.
"In have changed." she says in stead of giving him an answer. "I will be harder for me to trust you, I have a child now that comes with responsibilities, I still work at the hospital."
"I want to know the real you." he says. "I am more than willing to help you out with Josh." he offers. "Babysitting and everything you ask me to." He isn't going to offer her money, she would take it as an insult, but he still wants to be involved. It is also his son after all.
"The stakes are higher this time." she says and he knows. "I really hope we can work this out." is his answer before he asks for the check.
As Tony leaves her apartment that night he can see a flicker of the future that is waiting for him; a loving wife, a son and maybe even more children, a nice house but most off all, happiness. He whistles as he drives away. He came with nothing but it felt as if he is leaving with with a change at everything.