Author's Note: This is a story inspired by an idea from Obersten: in which Edward has seen the Gate multiple times and gets rather messed up in the head because of it.. (obersten . tumblr post/125165259445/an-idea-for-ed-who-has-seen-gate-too-many-times)

Brother is staring off into space again, I hate it when this happens, just when we think we have a plan for the day, he goes rigid and pale. I've tried to ask him why, but he just shrugs it off as "Nothing for you to worry about Alphonse." Had I the eyes, they would be narrowed slits. He's lying.

Does he even know that I know about the nightmares and the muffled chatterings in his sleep? He's being stupid and reckless. I hear him sometimes, trying to sneak off in the dead of night, to do things, strange, horrifying things.

He did some strange thing with a squirrel that got hit by a car in Central once. He looked both ways, making sure the coast was clear and scooped up the dying animal on its last breaths and clapped, putting his hands to its tiny furry chest. What was he hoping to gain? He was mouthing what had to be ravings, no human should be doing that, let alone an alchemist.

The poor creature's body swelled and pulsed with an unsettling yet familiar purple and red light. Whatever he hoped to succeed, he seemed to have failed, the now pulpy mess of what was once the dying critter was all over his gloves. I felt sick, despite not having a stomach.

The staring off into space happens sometimes when he's giving a report to Colonel Mustang too. He just goes blank and opens up his journal wildly, as if he is in a trance, and writes things down furiously, nodding at some unseen entity. Then he shuts it loudly and continues his shouting match with the Colonel in full force as if nothing happened.

The next experiment was with a cat and a raccoon. I did not see the transmutation itself, but Edward smiled when he came back to the room with a bizarre creature in his hands that hissed, snarled, and meowed? "A new pet, Alphonse." He said nonchalantly and placed it in my lap. I whispered apologies to the poor wretch while Edward was sleeping that night.

My dear older brother, has gone completely, and utterly, mad. Sure, he used to sneak off at night but not for this long. He's been using cadavers recently. They seem to hold some strange amount of souls in them, how else would they scream and whimper?

"Alphonse…" Edward whispers. "I have found a way to get your body back…"

He has returned. I try to get away but he's already taken away the main parts of my armor required for mobilization. I'm trapped, suddenly there's a flash of that horrifying light again and my vision, goes dark.

"I've done it. I've succeeded. It may not be the original body, but it'll have to do." A hoarse whisper heard through my new ears.

I opened my new eyes and swallowed. "What have… " I stare down, a body is not meant to have this many various patches, or... alchemical marks. "...you done?"

There are other nestling voices within this so called flesh, my eyes are watering and I don't know why.

"Only what is best, Alphonse, only what is best. The dead ones, they don't exactly have the capacity to live, but living, breathing, beings, make it easy to make a shortcut. I'm glad I have such a good memory to remember the parts you need!"

I took a deep breath, for what felt like the first time in a long while and screamed.