A/N: This is a story I started about a year ago, and just decided to post. It's pretty good, and just for warnings there is a fancharacter or two, but you'll learn all about them. So anyways, this is a yaoi story for those who wanted to know and there will be multiple pairings. Oh, and I guess there is some hetero. Nicely balanced!!! anyways, consume!!

Chapter 1

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Panting...

That was all that befell the ears of the red haired one...oh, and moaning, he'd heard a lot of that during the night. He grasped the muscular arms of the one above him, his bright green eyes staring into those of his lover: pale amber, with luminous pupils the color of the most beautiful mercury, and his personality was as such. He reached up to stroke the pale, porcelain face that lingered just inches above his own, and as his fingertips touched his cold skin, a shuddering moan escaped his soft parted lips and his cool breath danced on the red haired one's face. Soft, greyish-blue hair hung around his seraphic face, brought down from the ponytail he normally wore it in.

The red haired one felt the other's smooth, cold skin brush against his own warm neck, causing an ecstatic chill to run through his bones. He heard the steel blue haired one whispering to him in that irresistable velvet voice, his cool breath dancing softly on his skin once more. He felt the luminous pupils burning into his own once again, and he stared into his mesmerizing orbs; captivated. The red haired one's hands lifted on thier own accord and took the seraphic one's face in his hands, bringing him closer so he could inhale the sweet scent of his cold skin and soft hair before embracing him in a tender, passionate kiss.

The red haired one traced the crimson markings on his face that stretched from the bottom lids of those gorgeous eyes to the corners of his pale, porcelain lips. He felt the seraphic one's long, delicate eyelashes brush against his cheek as he pulled back from the tender kiss. The red haired one jolted suddenly, tightly wrapping his ankles around the seraphic one's muscular neck. An unfamiliar sound escaped his throat; it was much too high pitched to have come from him, wasn't it? He saw the seraphic one smile gently, his teeth white and glistening in the soft moonlight. The red haired one felt the seraphic one's cold fingers brush over his delicate brow and he shuddered in ecstasy.

He closed his pale green eyes momentarily to focus on this act of love with the other; he couldn't think about even trying to concentrate on this when he was looking into those burning amber eyes and those luminous pupils...

The red haired one felt his leg muscles relax and his ankles slide down the other's back a little bit and he moaned gently, eyes rolling back slightly. He would have given anything to stay in this moment with the seraphic one, the ancient rhythm of mating more powerful than anything either of them could ever conjure. A shuddering sigh escaped his throat as the seraphic one broke the rhythm and pushed into him slightly, taking the red haired one's wrists in his cold grasp and pressing his unyielding lips to the other's. A sudden, low-pitched moan escaped the throat of the seraphic one, and the red haired one let out a welcomed gasp as a soft warmth flooded his insides, followed by the brief suppression of his lust.

The red haired one felt his cold hands grasp his legs and slide them down his broad shoulders until his legs lay in a submissive position, his beautiful eyes gazing down warmly at him. " I love you..." he whispered, unintentionally seductive...

Axel awoke with a start, glancing over at the clock on his white nightstand. He groaned and sat up, a dull throbbing making itself known in his temple. He pressed his fingers to his temples to ease the throbbing and he clenched his eyes shut. Another dream about him... he thought, opening his eyes as the throbbing subsided. I miss him so much...it's almost unbearable...

The shrill beeping of his alarm clock startled him out of his thoughts and he growled, slapping the alarm clock across the room. He sat, glumly thinking about the seraphic one in his dream when he felt warm moisture slipping down his cheek. He lifted his hand subconciously to wipe it away, and as the realization dawned on him that he was crying, he rubbed his eyes angrily and got out of bed. He slipped on his pants and robe, walking into the bathroom to style his hair.

As he walked into the bathroom, he glanced into the mirror. His hair hung stringy around his face and seemed a much darker red than usual. He ran a hand through his long hair and realized that his head was soaked in sweat. " Might as well wash it," he grumbled, wrapping a towel around his shoulders. He turned on the faucet and waited for the water to warm up. His thoughts drifted back into his dream, wishing he could go back and relive it all over again...

He shook his head and his sweaty hair slapped him in the face. A longing sigh escaped him and he kneeled in front of the tub. He rolled up the tight sleeves of his robe and dunked his head under the faucet. The hot water felt good on his sweaty scalp, and he sighed. He squirted some shampoo in his hands and proceeded to scrub his scalp. He rinsed his hair and wrung the water out of it. The towel he had wrapped around his shoulders he used to wrap around his hair. He quickly dried his hair to the point it was damp with the towel, then he looked in the mirror again. He looked over to the right and saw a green ponytail holder lying on the sink. He hestitated, then picked up the ponytail holder and put it around his wrist. He gathered up all his hair and wrapped the ponytail holder around it, then gazed in the mirror.

He felt the tears coming in a bittersweet way, and he removed the ponytail, proceeding to spike his hair. He looked in the mirror a final time before slipping on his boots and gloves.

As he walked down the steps from his room, he ran into Demyx, who of course was his usual bubbly self. He walked alongside him, cheerfully jabbering his head off, oblivious to Axel's mood. After a while he became aware that Demyx had shut up and that he was staring intently at him. " Dude...are you ok man? You don't look so good."

" Sorry Demyx. I've got...a lot on my mind right now."

" Well, let's talk about it! Maybe it'll make you feel better."

" It's not that easy, Demyx. In fact, it's not your burden to bear." Axel said, looking away. " Awww, Axel...come on. You're depressing me by just looking at you." Axel didn't respond. " Axel..."

" Demyx..." he said, forcing back tears, " Don't talk about it anymore...ok?" Demyx nodded and let Axel walk ahead of him. Demyx's brow furrowed. What's his problem? I barely said three sentences to him and he's yelling at me. What's he got to be all depressed about.

Axel sat in his chair, barely listening to Xemnas droning on about something unimportant. The only thing that mattered to Axel right now was remembering those eyes...

" AXEL!" Axel snapped to attention to see Xemnas and Saix glaring at him. " You have my apologies, sir. I...haven't felt myself this morning."

" Well at least try to look alive and interested." Xemnas snapped. Saix nodded his approval. Axel twitched. There was something about that prick that just made his blood boil...and he knew exactly what it was. He turned to the blank paper in front of him and began to aimlessly doodle. Hours became minutes and when Xemnas finally dismissed them, he found that he'd drawn four pairs of light-colored eyes with silver pupils...

He gasped and quickly rubbed them out, breathing a sigh of relief when no one seemed to notice. Larxene was waiting to ambush him by the door, but reconsidered when she saw the murderous look on his face. His arms remained crossed tightly in front of him as he passed Larxene. " Axel...?" she said and reached out to touch his shoulder.

As she touched him, his hair bristled and he pulled his arms tighter around himself. She jumped back, startled by this sudden display of defense. She snatched a glance at one pale, green eye as he glared at her; his eyes looked scared and longing for something, or perhaps, someone. He finally averted his eyes, staring down at the ground again and he glided away from her. She watched Axel as he glided away; his movement looked dead and lethargic, not graceful and refined as any good assassin's should. His stance remained awkwardly unbalanced, shoulders hunched, head down and arms wrapped tightly around himself. He looked like a hedgehog curled up in defense.

She walked over to Demyx and Zexion, who were eyeing Axel as well. " What's wrong with him?"

" I dunno," Demyx replied, " He's been that way ever since I saw him walking down the steps. He said something about it ' not being my burden to bear,' or something like that." Zexion sat silent and reflective, finally closing his eyes and shaking his head sadly. " A few years ago, before you guys got here, something bad happened to him here. Between him and another member of the Organization. I don't know the gritty details, but it's all knowledge at least. The older members stay really hush-hush about it."

" Must've been bad...especially if it's affecting Axel like that."

" Rumor is..." Zexion's voice lowered to a whisper. " ...He found the Soultouch. With another member."

" Soultouch?" Larxene asked, raising an eyebrow. " Yes. The Soultouch is the closest thing a Nobody can get to love."

" So he...fell in love with another Organization member? What's so bad about that?"

Zexion shook his head. " Like I said. I don't know all the gritty details. I just know the basic."

" I wish I knew how to pump Vexen for info. Maybe we could find a way to make him feel better." Zexion and Demyx nodded. " I know you're definitely not getting any info out of Axel that's for sure." Demyx said. Larxene was silent. " Axel..."

Axel sat down on a bench well away from everyone, eyeing every member with distrust. A high pitched squeak echoed from a few inches away. Axel jumped up and pointed his chakram at the squeaking object. A small chibi sat on the bench next to him. The tiny hedgehog squeaked again and stood up. " Man, take it easy! It's just a little chibi!" Xigbar hollered from across the room. A couple other members snickered and went on their way. Am I really that out of whack? That I failed to notice a chibi, even as small as it is? Axel straightened up and the chakram disappeared. What's wrong with me...

" I'm going up to the library...I'm going to try to straighten my thoughts up and relax for a bit before we have to fight the kid again," he mumbled to Larxene. She nodded and replied, " Actually I may come up there with you. To keep you company." Axel looked at her for a long time and then finally he nodded. Axel kept his eyes to the floor as they walked in silence to the castle library. Axel pushed the gilded doors open and walked in, plopping down on the sofa while Larxene followed.

" What's been up with you today? You're depressed, spacey, and you almost killed Chibi. What's wrong, Axel?" Axel's eyes lowered again. " Axel...answer me!" She sat down next to him and wrapped her arm around his neck. " Axel...you can trust me." Suddenly Axel quickly removed her arm and stumbled away from her, his eyes wide. " Stay away from me...don't touch me..." he muttered as he sank to the ground. " I don't want to be touched..." Larxene got up and stood next to him. " Get AWAY...!" he screamed before stumbling to the other side of the room. " I can't trust you Larxene...I can't trust anyone..."

" Is that why you hate Saix? You told him something that wasn't supposed to be repeated and he ratted you out, didn't he?"

" Who told you?!" Axel demanded. " No one. I figured it out on my own." Axel seemed to relax and his head flopped to one side. " I won't tell anyone. Not even you. I swear it."

At that, he struggled to his feet and stalked off, leaving Larxene to mull over the pieces of the puzzle. He stomped angrily down the stairs and stalked back off to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him. Once he was alone, the tears couldn't be stopped. They rolled down his cheeks in rivers, and his head began to swim with all the anger and sadness. Turning to his bed, he was about to flop down, but stopped short. On his bed lay a single blue rose with a little note attatched to it. Hands trembling, he picked up the flower and read the note attatched. It read: Always and Forever.

" Always and Forever? Could it be...?" Axel sighed and shook his head. " Saix is probably playing a cruel joke." He stroked the soft petals with his fingers and lifted the rose up to his face, inhaling the sweet scent. " Well, cruel joke or not, the rose is beautiful...just like the ones he used to give me." Seeing the rose brought back bittersweet feelings, and he gently kissed the rose. If you can hear me, if we're still connected at all, Axel sighed, looking up at the moon. Please come find me.

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