i posted this story on tumblr last year and thought it was worth putting somewhere else for better keeping? idek but hey look its about nageki and its sad

major character death and angst ahoy

Hey Nageki, it's Hitori again.

There were smashes and crashes all around, as lab equipment fell to the floor and people rushed to reach the doors. Smoke billowed and danced against the ceiling, swirling, grey, thick, dusty. Alarms were going off everywhere, their incessant loud screeching resounding through every inch of the facility. Footsteps, running footsteps were everywhere. Nobody wanted to stay here, of course they didn't. Nobody wanted to die.

Just checking up on you, heh. You didn't answer my last letter again, but I thought y'know, why not send another? It would be worth it.

There was fire everywhere. It clung to every fabric it could find, setting all fibres alight. White lab coats turned to black, and fuelled the flames, their white cotton strands turning to ash in the air. Items fell and shattered. There was chaos, absolute chaos in every inch of the facility.

Except for a small area, in the middle of the room, where everything seemed to become slow and hesitant, relaxed, almost. Sadness. But release.

I mean, you're worth a lot more letters! So it's okay.

You're crying. Is it the smoke, or the situation? One could not tell from a distance. But you know. You really know.

Footsteps all around. Footsteps running away. Away from here, away from you. Just like before. But you're used to it by now. Get lost, begone. Go away. Be silent. Leave me alone. It's how I belong. I'm not lonely. I don't like you. I hate you. I hate everything, I hate you, I hate this place, I want to go home, let me go home, I don't like it here, why can't I go home…

You're worth all the letters in the world, you know.

He crashes in, his scarf falling off and his eyes strained and wet. He's hurt, but he won't turn back. He's coming for only one thing. He won't leave it behind. He'd rather burn in this hell than leave right now.

He's running around, or at least trying to. He's stuck and he can't see what he's doing. The smoke is so thick and black and acrid, he can't see a thing. He can't tell if he's crying or just hurt. He can hardly breathe, but he can't leave. Won't leave.

"Nageki!"

And you'll reply someday, because you know, you might just be really really busy right now. With school, you know? Maybe you've got a lot of friends. I hope I'm not bothering you with these letters, that would make me feel lame, haha.

He's here for you.

He's taking you home.

But you can't leave. You can't leave anymore. You could never leave in the first place. How cruel, especially when you want to go home more than ever. You want to be safe so badly. Your heart hurts because you can hear him now, and you can't tell if it's really him or just what you wish was him. You're sorry. Sorry for being this way, for being stupid. This will make up for it, though. This will make everything alright again.

Yeah. You'll reply. You'll reply.

He's dreamt of you as many times as you've dreamt of him. His fingertips in your hair, the close moments, the hugs after nightmares. The constant worrying, the comforting smiles. You've dreamt of them countless times, and so has he. And you can almost taste home again. Let's go. Let's go home.

You feel yourself falling, your legs no longer serving you. Everything's scorched and fading. But it's alright. You're going home.

His hands are reaching out for you. They're hot, they hurt. His palms are burnt. There are arms that slide around you and rock you to sleep, through a distant clamour of bad things left far behind. You've never felt more safe, your eyes closed shut and your lungs just as closed, your body hot, hotter than anything you've ever felt before, burning, hurting. You're aching. Everything's so far away. The chaos doesn't even feel close anymore, it's miles away from you now. Your throat is screechingly dry, raw, tasting of blood, but only for a second before your mouth is numb. You can't hear a thing. Except his voice. That wonderful voice.

"Nageki! Nageki!"

He sounds so upset. Don't be upset, things will be better now. He'll be happy soon. Just like you. You can feel him around you even though everything is so far away. Hitori, you're here. You're here and I couldn't ask for anything more…

"Listen to me! Don't go, alright? We'll get you some help. It's okay, just don't go! Nageki, don't go!"

You love him so much. So, so much.

Write to me soon, okay? I'm worried about you. Haha, you replying is all I've written about this time. Sorry.

Thank you.

"Nageki!"

I miss you Nageki. I really miss you.

I love you.

"Nageki!!"

Love, Hitori.

And then you sleep. You sleep, finally. Held in ways you dreamt of for months. Loved. Swept over the hills and far away, through a path of dusty old books and tear-stained letters, of country millet and bedtime stories, of soft linen sheets and the sweet, sweet, forever cherished scent of love. Everywhere around you, farewells from a long time ago, when goodbye only meant 'I'll be back soon'.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye.