I remember the first time I was kissed, and I remember it very clearly. It was the summer of 1969, it was a hot and sticky day and me and the man in question had taken a walk to the pier. Sirius, that was his name. A tall, dark haired pale man whose olive green eyes captured the very essence of reality. He was almost 4 years older than myself, but I felt like our love felt no boundaries. I was 17 going on 18- I wore hair bands in my hair and pretty frocks. I was a child still in looks and personality. Innocence belonged to me then- even up and past the moment of this kiss. The kiss- if I remember correctly- was the sweetest thing a girl of my age could have tasted. It was so gentle and soft yet I felt like it had the passion to set eternity on fire. Sirius was ever so kind, ever so sweet- it is hard to believe that the man I loved both loved woman and men. It was almost heart breaking to learn, eight months into my relationship with him that he had found someone else. A man. Sirius had told me we should stay friends, I agreed. I knew I would have regretted saying no, because as if I knew what was about to come- Sirius died shortly after leaving my house the night I found out. He was beaten to death by thugs because of his sexuality. It was hard for me to stand by his grave when it was time to say goodbye- for he was my first love and the only true friend I had ever received. It was after the funeral, that I decided there was nothing left for me in Miami any more and that it was time to move back to West Virginia.

4 years on and life had not changed much. I grew away from men, I did not want to be hurt again the same way I had. I found a job at a diner in town, I began volunteering at Sunday School for the littlens. My social detachment from men meant that I had no friends. I spoke to some members of our church but I never knew their names. Sometimes, days would drag on forever and these were the worse days because these were the days where I found myself crying over Sirius, over life, over the love that was never fully flamed. I often considered hurting myself to take away the pain but I was to much of a coward to do so. I guess it was that trait that failed me in the path of finding someone else after Sirius but, how could I trust men after he had treated me; though he treated me so kindly and lovingly, he had lied- and in my books that was the worst thing a man could do before murder and rape. It was these things I thought about when I prayed to God at my bedside every night, hoping that he or Sirius would hear.

"Dear Lord..I pray that tomorrow is brighter. I hope that you take these words into consideration Lord, since I do wish to find someone yet I am not to sure in doing so since the last time my love was taken from me by you. I hope for a good reason since I am losing the will to live...I am losing it Lord..and I am afraid and I need help from someone other than my mother...Thank you Lord...Amen" I whispered quietly before I climbed into bed.

I lay there for a while, the silver light of the moon shone across my ceiling, and watched as curious shapes and patterns were created by clouds crossing in front of the silver disk. Slowly, yet surely I slipped into a dream. I found myself right back at that pier with Sirius. His lips, gently pressed against mine- the smell of pine cones and cigars hovering round him like an aura. I kissed back, warmth enveloping me as the sun gently set and our bodies grew closer. We kissed, gently, for a few moments before he pulled back and uttered "I love you Tonks" I tried to utter I love you back but it just came out as a quiet sigh. He then smiled before fading into nothing- leaving me alone on the pier. I woke up, to the sunlight on my ceiling. Night and sleep had passed so quickly, yet to day did not feel any different than it did yesterday. I wondered if God had answered my prayer or had he just dismissed it. Leaving me alone in the world for yet another day.

It was Sunday and that meant Church. 7 am I woke up- so I could get dressed and be greeted by the reverend before others. It meant I didn't have to wait in line with all eyes staring at me- the gossip going round that I was 17 and Sirius was 21 when we first kissed. I hated that, the gossip. It was all the wives who were 10 to 20 years older than I, all of whom were stuck in the old ways before the American Dream. They were the people who squashed the dreams of others and made those people reaching out for those dreams feel worthless. I slowly sat and stretched my arms, welcoming the sun even though soon I would most likely be glad to see it go. It didn't take me long for me to pin back the strands of dark brown hair out of my face- it took me even less to get dressed in my Sunday dress. I say dress, it was more of a short sleeved button up silk t-shirt and a knee lengthen black cotton skirt. It was the only thing I had, really. I didn't earn much at the Diner- so I didn't splurge on extravagant white dresses for Church. I saw no need to- it was distracting.

Once dressed I walked downstairs and out the house towards the church. It wasn't far and soon I saw our reverend standing at the door. Except, this time, he was not alone waiting at the door expectingly. There was another man with him. Both were in deep conversation. Oh no..I thought to myself as I walked closer. The man our Reverend was talking to was a stranger to me, I knew nearly every face in town but this man was new. As I got within a meter of the two men, the reverend looked up and smiled pleasantly at me. It took a fraction of a second for the man to turn to look at me. I almost fell head over heels at that point. The new man was no older than 25, maybe a bit older, and his face made my heart skip a beat. His face was a slightly square, with a pointy chin to even it out. His eyes were coffee bean brown and sparkled with friendliness and yet, with some cautiousness. He wore a tweed suit and black dress shoes. I trailed my eyes up him again and found myself staring into his eyes. I couldn't;t help but glance at the long thin scar that cut across his face like someone had taken a piece of chalk and decided to draw half a cross on it. The man chuckled slightly and I found myself blushing, returning my gaze to further down, towards the floor.

"Good morning Nymhadora" spoke the Reverend

"Good Morning, Arthur" I replied shyly

"I was just telling Remus here about your work with the children,,,," Arthur smiled turning to Remus "Remus, this is Nymphadora Tonks the woman I have been telling you about"

Remus smiled and held out a hand "Nice to meet you Nymphadora- names Remus, Remus Lupin"

His voice drawled out a deep southern accent, which made my heart flutter like a hummingbirds wings. I slowly took his hand, and felt his warmth transfer to mine. I blushed harder as I thought deeply about how stupid I must look. A girl, merely the age of 21, standing there blushing as red as roses in her so called Sunday best. I shook his hand once before returning it to my side. I tried to smile a bit but I ended up smiling the gawky smile I do when I am afraid or embarrassed or I like someone very much.

"Nice to meet you...but please- call me Tonks"