Summary: "…I just can't understand why one person would kill another…it doesn't make any sense…at all…"…and so, he tried to understand. Light KaiShin.

A/N: For Cinderella-chan (you know who you are, sweetie) ^^~! 'cause this is born due to her: "Maybe you should do an insane!Shinichi too. Flip it around a bit[…]. But I feel like Shinichi's mind is constantly under pressure, it could be getting fragile. If something big happened, it might just shatter." in her review for my AU series :3. Darlin~! I thank you deeply for this bunny idea *blows kisses and smooches*~!

…my ficcies are somewhat darker…gotta catch the fluffy bunnies back~!

Beware of OOC-ness, my shitty English. Blood, slight Dark!Shin and maybe confusion …the author's first time trying to write in the first person's POV.

Disclaim: I swear, never have and will never own.

Minds of The Criminal

I can never understand how the murderers' minds work. I try to find logic in their motives, yet still, I find nothing.

How can they kill someone so easily? They have so many reasons, sob stories for why they have to kill, love, hatred, revenges, wealth and someone dear to them, so on and so on.

Really, I cannot believe that this girl, no older than 19, killed her boyfriend because he had cheated on her, sleeping with another girl. She claims that she loves him, and yet, she can plan out a seemingly perfect plan to kill him. And here she is, broken and crying hard under my eyes.

Has she even thought about the boy's parents? She has no right, no right at all to steal his life, the life that the crying and on edge of fainting mother has carried for nine months and ten days then gave birth to him painfully, the life that the frozen and shocked father has taught how to drive the bicycle then car, the life of the couples' precious son that they has loved so much, spend how many sweat and tears for.

And then her own parents? What would they do and think when their wonderful daughter is a murderer and has to bear the punishment for the sin she has committed?

Now, she is crying and saying sorry…for what? I don't know, don't want to know.

And then, there was a case when the man claimed that he did all for his son. He killed the kind man that had helped him and his poor family before, so that his son could have the kind man's wealth…Did he ever think what his son would do if he knew the money he had was tainted with blood?

And so many more cases that I cannot remember all. And I am grateful for that.

Back to the subject, I still can never understand how they can kill and then look as if nothing happened, still acting so normally and can think of perfect abilities to shrug off the blood, the sin they have committed.

It's so hard to understand, really hard.

And so, I try my best to understand because, to me, the famous High School detective, Kudo Shinichi, there is nothing I cannot do.

Xxxxx

"Good morning, Shinichi~!" oh, it's Ran, my wonderful and lovely childhood friend. She is smiling and waving at me happily as I walk over to her. And it is a right thing to do to smile back, right?

And so, I smile, "Morning, Ran."

Her smile is sweet, really, I like it. Now, she is telling me cheerfully about the new dress she bought yesterday and I answer uninterestingly, keeping a bored expression on my face. Because, that is what Kudo Shinichi would do, no? if I were to show that I were interested in her ramble, which I am not, thank you, Ran would immediately know that something was wrong.

Well, nothing is wrong, right? Everything is happening as it should be. We will go to watch this new movie that Ran has been talking about nonstop, some action movie with some humor and romance in it. I find it kind of boring but if Ran wants me to watch with her then that's what I will do.

And another murder.

I solve it in around thirty minutes and as the police lead the female murderer away, the confusion as why she kills come back to me and it leaves me wanting to understand so badly.

Oh, Ran is talking to me, something about the blood makes her feel sick.

Why, dearest Ran? It is just liquid like water, maybe it's just a bit sticky and has a unpleasantly metallic smell, but don't you think the color is pretty?

But well, I just tell her that she will get used to it and try to cheer her up by buying her an ice cream. And my lovely Ran is smiling again, thanking me softly. Ah, it's nothing, Ran. You look absolute nice with the sweet smile on your lips but then, I believe that maybe you will look stunningly nicer with blood all over you, spilling from your full pink lips, from the cut on your slender neck or maybe from the deep wound on your stomach?

"Hey, Ran-chan~! Shin-chan~!" it's him. We turn to look at the grinning idiot, Kuroba Kaito, who is running to us cheerfully.

…he is nice, with his stylish messy brown hair and vivid violet eyes, I believe he is gorgeous enough, and so, I don't need to make him prettier with blood like to you.

"Hi, Kuroba-kun!" Ran smiles at him brightly, and I can't help but let my own smile tug at my lips.

I hate Kuroba. He makes me feel weird and confused. What's with this feeling that makes my stomach flutter? Whenever he looks at me with those eyes, something in me stir and my desire to understand the mind of the criminals lessens. He makes me get sidetrack with my mission to find out the truth, I hate him, with all my passion.

But I'm determinate to find out the work of the murderers' minds today and even with his presence, he is not stopping me.

…Huh? Oh, he is asking me if I want to have a dink with him and Ran too, of course. Hm…what would Shinichi do? Right, I know. And I'm nodding rather grumpily, saying that he will be the one paying.

Kuroba whines childishly but I know he is just acting. I can tell, because I act all the time. Around Ran, Agasa-hakase, my parents, the police and everyone around me. No one can see through my acting skill, I know that and I am so proud of it. Mother should be proud of me too.

The drink is nice, I suppose. Holding the cup of black coffee in my hands, I make sure I look as nonchalant as possible as Kuroba and Ran talk rather enthusiastically to each other and it is like I'm being forgotten but I don't mind, really, it gives me the space I need to observance the surrounding. The shop is small and gives a homely feeling with the bonsai here and there, the light shines brightly, lighting the place up nicely. I rather like the atmosphere here.

But I am not to be fooled. Small? Nice? Homely? This place might be but still, it can turn into a murder scene at any moment.

Look, see that waitress? She can be a murderer any moment now. By the annoying look she is sending the pervert that is trying to grope her, I believe she is planning how to kill him with his drink to get back at him for successfully groping her butt. What? It's possible, you know. I had this case weeks ago about a man killed his friend just because that said friend tried to flirt with his girlfriend. You don't believe? Suit yourself.

And there, look at that man at the coffee shop's corner. He looks rather thoughtful, he can be thinking about how much insurant money he can get if he kills his wife and makes it look like an accident.

That teenage girl too, she can kill, turning into a murderer just to prove herself that she's not scared of anything and she can do anything.

Everyone can be murderer with everything can be the murderous weapon. That's all need to be said.

And really, I am going to find out why. By figuring out how the criminals' minds work.

"-ichi? Are you listening?" ah, Kuroba calls me and I can hear the confusion and concern in his voice. Looking at him, I can see his violet eyes show how worried he was…why? Why is he worried? And about what?

"Sorry, just space out," I mumble then blink, "What were you saying anyway?"

And he brightens up like a kid, again, butterflies flap their tiny wings in my stomach but I pay it no mind.

Kuroba is saying something about hanging out again soon, Ran agrees heatedly while I nodded reluctantly, my inside trembles with excitement as he waves good bye and leaves, skipping in his steps…he is gone, disappearing into the crowd on the busy street and it is the time, finally, for me to find the answer for the question has been plaguing my mind for days, weeks, months and years.

"Hey Ran," I turn to my lovely childhood friend almost shyly, acting, of course, did I tell you how good at it I am?

She blinks at me innocently, her wide and crystal clear eyes look at me and I feel even more excited.

"I…Uhm…have something really important want to tell you…" I shift, acting, uneasily and the pretty girl blushes. Oh, I'm sure she's thinking that I am going to confess to her, how cute.

"S-sure," Ran says, her hands twist together nervously. My, my lovely and wonderful Ran is just so innocent and cute. That's why I want to see her drench in her blood even more.

"To my house?"

And she nods meekly…not much of a challenge but well, it makes my mission easier even though it's boring.

Xxxxx

…And here I am, have the pretty and wonderful Ran all teary, gagged and tied up in my house's basement.

Oh wow, her frightened wide eyes are so amazingly beautiful, they give me a thrilling feeling that runs down my spine pleasantly. I wonder if this is how the murderers feel when they have their targets, hopeless and fearful, under their control.

She is trying to say something and I cock my head to one side then crouch down in front of her, blinking at her.

"What is it Ran?" I ask, "I haven't told you the important thing yet!"

Gently, I pat her cheek and Ran flinches back, scared. Huh? Just twenty minutes ago, she still looked like some love-struck girl!...ah well.

"Are you scared?" I ask, smiling, trying to get her relax. Ran nods slowly, her wide and terrified eyes never leave me. It's fine, I like having them look at me anyway.

"Well, let's get to the business, shall we?" and I begin.

"I've seen so many murders, Ran…" tapping my chin, I say thoughtfully, "…And really, I wonder why…"

Ran looks confused, fearfully confused and I chuckle.

"Well, I wonder how the murderers can kill so easily…" I stand up and walk around the room, one arm across my chest to hold my other arm's elbow as the said arm's hand curls under my chin. My favorite thinking pose and I know Ran knows it, she is my best childhood friend after all.

"For a long time now…" and I walk over the table to pick up the knife, "And I want to find out why, real badly."

Walking back to the girl who is trying to get away from me as best as she can in her position. Her back soon touches the wall and she gets no where to run now…and like a predator, I smirk sharply.

She looks so scared, fragile and so hopeless…

"And I come to a solution," I say, slowly advancing on her, "That maybe I can understand if I am to be in their place!" I smile proudly, my solution is perfect!

"You'll help me, right, Ran?" I ask as I crouch down again before her, her eyes widen even more, "I'm your best friend and you like me, right? So you will help me, won't you?" I continue hopefully and excitedly.

See! Ran agrees! She just wants to agree the wrong way by shaking her head side to side rapidly. Wow, Ran, tsk, bad girl, no joking here!

"I know you will help me," I cooed and Ran shakes her head even more vigorously.

"So, shall we start?" I smile and trail the knife across her cheek gently, "The face and hair are the most important things to girls, right?" I wonder as Ran flinches back as the cold metal touches her flawless skin.

"Should I leave a mark here?" she shakes her head, slowly this time as she is afraid the knife might accidentally cut in.

"Ah well…I guess I can try another place…" and without warning, I slice down her arm, not too deeply but effectively enough to form a long line of red and I watch in amaze as blood spurts out and Ran's muffle cries of pain echo in the mostly bare room.

Tears roll down her cheeks and I ignore it in favor of raising the knife to my lips. I blink as a drop of the red liquid drops to the ground. What a waste! Quickly, I lick the knife clean, wow, blood sure tastes different from water…metallic and leave an unforgettable taste on my tongue…The murderers are sure having a great taste! Gotta admire them.

And what? What's with that horrified and painful look, Ran? Why are you looking at me like that? Like I am some sort of monster? I'm only finding the truth! You know my detective blood!

I blink at her and then smile as I saw the trails of tears on her cheeks, she is whimpering pitifully, unlike the strong-will Ran I have come to know and love…

"Aww, don't cry, Ran…I promise to be gentle this time!" I wipe her tears away with my thumb but the salty water keeps coming out from her eyes.

Then her eyes widen in hope and her muffle cries return…hope? And a sound of breath being sucked in sharply echos.

Slowly, I turn around and there he is, Kuroba Kaito, with widely vivid violet eyes looks at me in shock. Why do all people have the same reaction like that? How boring.

"…W-what are you doing, Shinichi?" no more Shin-chan eh? I smile.

"I don't remember inviting you into my house, Kaito," I say and stand up. Should I continue my Shinichi-acting?...well, no point.

In a blink of an eye, he is in front of me and yanks the knife out of my hand. I can only blink as he takes holds of my shoulders and shakes me like there's no tomorrow.

"Whatever you're high on, Shinichi! Snap out of it!" he yells into my face, making me frown. No, Kudo Shinichi doesn't do drug. That is an insult, and Kudo Shinichi doesn't take insults kindly.

Narrowing my eyes as I kick him hard in the shin and he only gives a surprised yelp of pain as his knees give up.

"No, I'm not high," I say coldly as I make the way to where my knife is to pick it up, "I'm just trying to find out the truth."

And I turn around to see Kuroba looking at me as if I grew another head…

"You call harming your friend finding the truth?" he whispers and I almost flinch back, it was the first time I've seen Kuroba this serious.

"She agrees to help me, she loves me, she wants to help me," I argue, trying to explain to him…and maybe even to myself about my action.

Kuroba slowly gets back to his feet as he narrows his eyes at me, "Really? But to me, she seems like she's in pain…Shinichi…what has gotten to you? Why are you harming your friends?" his eyes turn sorrowfully and I hate it, I don't know why…but it just doesn't fit him…

"Why are you doing this?"

"I…" swallowing hard, I step back, and anger suddenly runs through my body, "Go ask those murderers why they kill! Can't you see? They can even kill their loved ones! And I want to know why! That's why!" I almost scream but I hold myself back. I won't lose my cool, I won't!

His violet eyes softened and a look of realization washes over his face…I wonder what he has figured out and I haven't…

"Don't come here!" this time I do scream, stepping back hurriedly as he advances on me, his unwavering eyes set on me.

I never notice that I am trembling as I hold up the knife to defend myself…he still walks over to me, and he is smiling, what the hell? Since when did I become the cornered beast and he become the calm and collected predator?

"It's okay, Shinichi…" he says, softly as he pries my trembling fingers off the knife, "It's okay…" his voice is so soothing and I find myself letting him do whatever he wants.

"…Now…let go of this dangerous thing…" he says, smiling and throwing the knife over his shoulder…I've got nothing left now, nothing to defend myself, even my mind becomes too numb to think…what now…? What should I do…?

He raises his hand up and I close my eyes tightly, flinching back, expecting to be slapped hard…

But no, his hand gently wipes away the tear on my cheeks, when did they appear?, and I open my eyes to look at him meekly.

The slap comes soon after that. It was sudden, hard and painful…but I suppose I deserve it…

"That was for the slice on Ran-chan's arm. It might heal as time goes by but what you did to her will never fade away," he says coldly and I step back, not fast enough as another harsh slap is delivered to my other cheek…what?

"That," he continues, "For not sharing your burden with us."

My eyes open wide at that…what does he mean…?

"Why did you never tell us, Shinichi?" he asks, almost begging and pleading, "Why did you never show us your pain?"

"…I…what…?"

"…Shinichi, it's obvious that those murders make you become like this…" Kuroba murmurs, "They are getting to you…"

He smiles, so sadly and softly that makes me feel so ashamed…what is happening? What's wrong with me…?

And abruptly, I am pulled into his arms, my head presses against his warm chest as he hugs me tightly.

And to answer your question…" he says as his arms tightens around me and oh God…it feel so warm…nice and safe…

"It's because they are human…" he chuckles and I find it oddly endearing, "…And human are the most unreasonable and illogical creatures in the world…"

…Really? I want to ask him so as I hesitantly lean in closer.

"Each person's mind works differently from the other and always so complicatedly and somewhat stupidly too…" he digs his chin onto my shoulder and I have nothing to say…to be honest…even if he said that pigs could fly or fish could walk…I would believe in him nonetheless. And I don't even know why…

"So, don't bother trying to figure out, Shinichi, just accept it and move on…"

Okay…that sounds nice…maybe if I do that, my head will get lighter and no more headache…

"And…"

"…and?"

"You are human too…you don't have to carry the burden alone Shinichi. I'll always be here…for you…"

"…Okay…" I feel so tired…my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier…sleep sounds really nice. And his warm embrace isn't helping much…

"…I'm sorry…" I mean it, really...please, forgive me...and Ran too...I...I'm sorry...

He chuckles lowly and his chest rumbles under my ear, "Everything will be okay…Sleep, Shinichi…Sleep…"

And it's the last thing I hear before darkness claims me…

xxxxxX End Xxxxxx

….Ehm…what kind of ending is that! *scolds self*. Well, if you're still confused about anything, just ask ^^!

…Geez…well…this was started at around 0:30 am and finished at exactly 5:00 am with some short breaks between ^^. Yeah, I stayed awake all night~! And I'm high on coffee and chatting with Kaida-chan xD…Geez…I'm supposed to be studying not writing this!...well, I managed to finish with my Moral class' lesson…only the Biology one left…well! Forget it~!

Read and Review~!