HELLRAISER TWILIGHT

The Utter Parody

Author's Note: To those of you terrified or who despise Twilight; Relax. I can guarantee you it's honestly far from the actual saga itself. It's probably by far another fun parody you'll get hooked. ;)

Summary: When Kirsty Cotton moves down wto her father's little hometown, the last thing she expects is- no not some sappy summer romance- but encountering demons! Well, maybe some sap, considering she finds herself falling in dangerous love with one of them...PINSTY!

Warning; Somewhat- most likely extremely OOC. Contains fluff, madness, sarcasm, dirty humor, Twilight and teen angst bashing, and some kickass stuff.

Disclaimer- Look I only own my OCs. Hellraiser belongs to Clive Barker and Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

*Sigh*...Alright. Time to come out of the closet, I am indeed a Twi-Hard. Just not the insane type. I love Harry Potter as well, and Hunger Games. I consider all of them wonderful books, but lets face it- Twilight has the most errors and flaws out of the three of them.

Prologue

Dying Sucks

KIRSTY'S POV

Hi.

Not exactly sure if that's quite the best introduction.

But where else can I exactly begin?

Oh, well I'm Kirsty Cotton.

At the given moment, I'm at a point in which I'm...well...how do I put this gently for the sake of kiddies?

I'm dying.

It's not fun either.

The blame goes to my bastardous Uncle Frank that I hadn't seen in years- or without skin ever before- and now was the cause of all this madness.

Well, not like the others were necessarily helping,. Despite this burning sensation of agonizing pain blinding my vision and distracting my mind, my ears can faintly pick up some of the conversations going on around me. not only that, but I'm certain I smell smoke somewhere as well. Oh God! They didn't set the place on fire did they? !

"Change her into one of us!" I hear Dreamer happily squeal for her suggestion.

"Great another mouth to feed..." Feline bitterly huffs.

"SHANA! ! !" everybody shrieks at her in a parent-like manner or in disgust. The tone overall from the group was more ro less a 'You're Not Helping!' type, and I hate to say it but I agree.

God it hurts so much! The feel of the stab wound feels like poison against my abdomen, and I screech once again! It's like someone is pouring salt or some chemical all over me, and the feel of the warm liquid- my blood (EW!) isn't helping out either. I feel bile rise against my throat, tempted to get sick but I keep growing too weak to do that.

"What? !" Feline cried before groaning. "Okay! Fine! Do what you want!" she sarcastically says, no longer even bothering.

"Burn baby! Burn!" I hear Pistonhead happily cheer as if some hyper pyromaniac, and I'm certain the next sound I hear is a facepalm- and fi it was you'd know for certain it came from none other than Dreamer.

"Can you all focus? ! For Leviathan's sake, Kirsty is in DANGER!" I hear an all too familiar voice cry out in stern concern. His voice makes me melt...God HOW do I become cheesy while dying? ! I'm a bit too busy screaming to to think about my lips brushing against his icy...soft...lips...

Huh, so the saying about love driving you to madness really can happen.

"Didn't ya just hear me? ! I said save up the time and make her into one of us!" Dreamer piped up, frustrated about she had been ignored before.

"WHAT? !" I hear him, Xipe Totec to be exact but also in another name as Pinhead, gasps as he grasps ahold of my hand.

"DEAD OR NOT I KNOW YA HEARD ME LOUD AND CLEAR! ! !" the petite dreaming Cenobite stomped.

"Sheesh don't throw a temper fit." Feline hissed in a catty manner...well that's a bit stupid to say, considering her physical appearance (mainly to name her knife claws for fingernails) IS like a cat.

"You're one to talk!" Pistonhead shot to his consort's defense, in accusation towards Feline.

"Excuse me Party Boy? ! You better shut your mouth before I take those pistons and shove them-"

"Um...guys?" CD telepathically and nervously jumped in.

"Shut up!" Pistonhead and Dreamer growled.

"Don't tell him to shut up!" Feline nearly lashed for her own consort's defense.

"Stop it! This fighting is tearing us apart!" Butterball cried out.

"I'm going to tear all your souls apart now if you don't silence now!" Pinhead threatened to the group.

'Uh GUYS! ? ! I think we got kinda carried away with the fire...' CD added, in a bit of a slight obnoxious tone but almost as if I get the feeling they should have taken notice to that anyways before. Personally I'm still on the part about they set the place on fire apparently!

But really guys? You chose to start an argument NOW?

"Oooh! Kirsty will look SOOOO cute as a Cenobite! And so pretty too! I can already see that now once again. Had a dream about her future appearance anyways, and Leviathan I think I already envy her now already! Just think Pinny! You and her are gonna-"

"Don't spoil their lives!" somebody, I couldn't tell who, cut off Dreamer from going onto one of her bubbly rants. Aw damn. I'll admit, I was kinda interested hearing what my future was going to be. That is- if I still have a chance at having one. Gosh to think I never even gave the proper goodbye to Daddy...

"Kirsty please...stay strong my child..." Xipe softly pleaded, cradling me close.

"JUST. FUCKING. CHANGE. HER. GAH! ! !" Dreamer cried at the top of her lungs, beyond excited and now just plain annoyed. She had been ecstatic to befriend me, and I understand the concept of 'Best Friends Forever' but now I see she seems to take the 'forever' part at a hasty and rushed level. Should I be worried?

Ow...painful realization-to-that-I'm-dying moment came again. Ow.

'Her fate's in your hands now.' another telepathic voice streams in suddenly. Hey! What'da ya know? Turns out Chatterer decided to show up this little disaster party, and I can see his consort Nikoletta standing nearby as well- her blue eyes widened in surprise and horror.

Huh...ya know if I squint, I think I can see Angelique nearby. Maybe Xivine too. I dunno. If so, she most likely came for the entertainment of watching me to die.

What? She hates me, it really isn't that hard to tell. I mean like hates me. The undying firey passion type for...apparently something I did wrong. Feline just dislikes me, but then again according to what Pinhead had said Feline dislikes/hates 99.9% of the world naturally anyways. But Angelique- yikes, I'm too scared to even say 'Hello' to her.

"Don't turn this into some childish melodrama act now Chatterer!" Pinhead snapped, unamused by the comment.

'Sorry.' if he had te honest normal face, he'd probably be making some sheepish grin.

I feel myself grow even weaker, too weak to even moan in agony anymore.

I'm scared to die. I don't wanna leave my Daddy, my family, my friends, my new demonic friends, Xipe...

To think it all started with-

Well, looks like I'll have to start from the beginning...

Heh. Half parody/half serious. What can I say? The difference between Kirsty and Bella? Oh so many to name- let's start with the basic. Kirsty has a PERSONALITY. :). And an OOC one too LOL.

Oh, my OCs are Xivine and Feline BTW. There'll be more of an expansion as to who they are later unless you're my friends and know them from the other fics they're in.

Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter comes soon!