A/N: This story is dedicated to my mother, who has as big a crush on Snape
as I do! Just think.... if she married him, I could be his daughter. But
wait! You can't marry your stepfather! Curses, there's always a catch.
Anyways, on with the story.
Chapter One:
Snape sat brooding in his office. He had just finished teaching a class of first years and it was his lunch break. As if he felt like eating. He gazed at the cold, damp stone wall and let his mind wander. He thought about the reason why he went to death eater gatherings to spy for Dumbledore. It was the only thing he felt was useful that he could do. Nobody would care if he died (including himself), so he might as well risk his neck. That was probably what everybody would see in the Mirror of Erised, his dead body.
He was snapped out of his stupor by the sounds of students tromping to their classes. Why couldn't they behave like humans instead of small elephants? He glided out into his chilly dungeon classroom, thinking he'd rather be teaching first years than these annoyingly impudent seventh years, especially that Ms. Granger.
Suddenly, he heard a scream. He slinked out to investigate, afraid that one of those first years had finally managed to kill themselves. He walked in the direction of the commotion. From the bottom of the staircase he saw one of the Slytherin third years was jinxing a Hufflepuff first year. As he strode up to break up the squabble, he forgot about the third stair from the bottom that vanished on Fridays. Guess what day it was?
He fell through the stair with a quite audible curse word and crumpled to a heap on the floor of the tiny chamber. Reaching for his wand, he tried every spell he knew to get the stair open again. None worked, so he decided to sit down and rest. Today was going really wonderful. He scowled in the darkness and murmured, "This is as bad as it gets." He didn't realize how wrong he was...
Hermione Granger was on her way to potions class right after lunch. She hurried down the staircase, remembering to jump over the third stair from the bottom, remembering that today was Friday. She was exhausted after pulling an all-night study. She was already at the end of her rope today and she felt that if one more thing happened she would blow up. Ron was being so annoying at lunch today, teasing her about her former crush on Professor Snape that ended in her third year, four years ago.
Suddenly, she felt a tug on her bag and whipped around to see Draco Malfoy running up the stairs with her arithmancy book! She raced after him, but in her haste she forgot about the trick stair. With a small yelp she tumbled into that same chamber, right on top of Severus Snape. As the chamber was about the size of two people and nothing else, you can imagine that it was pretty close quarters.
"Oh crap! I'm going to be late for Potions!" Hermione said aloud. Snape turned to face the girl, realized who it was, and said, "Well, Miss Granger, since I am here I shall remember to take 5 points from Gryffindor after the bell rings. What delightful company, the Hogwarts resident know- it-all."
Before she could stop herself, Hermione retorted, "And I am equally as happy to be in a very small room with a very greasy git. Tell me, Professor, do you use cooking oil or lard in place of shampoo? Judging by the smell, I'd say it was the latter."
She clapped her hands over her mouth in horror of what she just said, but Snape chuckled and said, "Ah, so the lion has a tongue as poisonous as a common garden snake. You'll have to be better then that to outsmart me, so I shall take 10 points off of Gryffindor for your impudent remark. I could stoop to your level by saying that it seems to me that you use garlic paste and vinegar for your dental health products because your breath smells quite vile, but, alas, I shall restrain myself in the thought of preserving my dignity."
Chapter One:
Snape sat brooding in his office. He had just finished teaching a class of first years and it was his lunch break. As if he felt like eating. He gazed at the cold, damp stone wall and let his mind wander. He thought about the reason why he went to death eater gatherings to spy for Dumbledore. It was the only thing he felt was useful that he could do. Nobody would care if he died (including himself), so he might as well risk his neck. That was probably what everybody would see in the Mirror of Erised, his dead body.
He was snapped out of his stupor by the sounds of students tromping to their classes. Why couldn't they behave like humans instead of small elephants? He glided out into his chilly dungeon classroom, thinking he'd rather be teaching first years than these annoyingly impudent seventh years, especially that Ms. Granger.
Suddenly, he heard a scream. He slinked out to investigate, afraid that one of those first years had finally managed to kill themselves. He walked in the direction of the commotion. From the bottom of the staircase he saw one of the Slytherin third years was jinxing a Hufflepuff first year. As he strode up to break up the squabble, he forgot about the third stair from the bottom that vanished on Fridays. Guess what day it was?
He fell through the stair with a quite audible curse word and crumpled to a heap on the floor of the tiny chamber. Reaching for his wand, he tried every spell he knew to get the stair open again. None worked, so he decided to sit down and rest. Today was going really wonderful. He scowled in the darkness and murmured, "This is as bad as it gets." He didn't realize how wrong he was...
Hermione Granger was on her way to potions class right after lunch. She hurried down the staircase, remembering to jump over the third stair from the bottom, remembering that today was Friday. She was exhausted after pulling an all-night study. She was already at the end of her rope today and she felt that if one more thing happened she would blow up. Ron was being so annoying at lunch today, teasing her about her former crush on Professor Snape that ended in her third year, four years ago.
Suddenly, she felt a tug on her bag and whipped around to see Draco Malfoy running up the stairs with her arithmancy book! She raced after him, but in her haste she forgot about the trick stair. With a small yelp she tumbled into that same chamber, right on top of Severus Snape. As the chamber was about the size of two people and nothing else, you can imagine that it was pretty close quarters.
"Oh crap! I'm going to be late for Potions!" Hermione said aloud. Snape turned to face the girl, realized who it was, and said, "Well, Miss Granger, since I am here I shall remember to take 5 points from Gryffindor after the bell rings. What delightful company, the Hogwarts resident know- it-all."
Before she could stop herself, Hermione retorted, "And I am equally as happy to be in a very small room with a very greasy git. Tell me, Professor, do you use cooking oil or lard in place of shampoo? Judging by the smell, I'd say it was the latter."
She clapped her hands over her mouth in horror of what she just said, but Snape chuckled and said, "Ah, so the lion has a tongue as poisonous as a common garden snake. You'll have to be better then that to outsmart me, so I shall take 10 points off of Gryffindor for your impudent remark. I could stoop to your level by saying that it seems to me that you use garlic paste and vinegar for your dental health products because your breath smells quite vile, but, alas, I shall restrain myself in the thought of preserving my dignity."