Hello. As promised, here I am, delivering my new fanfiction featuring Thor and Loki. Mainly Loki. Preferably Loki.
To those that don't know me from other fandoms, um, hi? I hope that you find my writing satisfactory and at least give me a 'pass'. I've been out of action in fanfiction so long that I almost forgot what it felt like to pull ideas out of my head and put it down in a way that actually makes sense to other people!
I wrote this while listening to 'Let it go' by Demi Lovato and Idina Menzel from Frozen. God help me, I can't help loving that song!
This is part of the Salty Ice Crystal Series, focused on Loki angst/hurt/comfort. Requests and suggestions are welcome, but I cannot guarantee that I will attend to every request or suggestion.
Salty Ice Crystals Series
Desperation
Falling. Darkness.
The void wrapped around Loki like a mother cocooning her child in warm blankets, covering every inch of him. But there wasn't warmth. Or any love in it. Not even barest trace of comfort remained in Loki Odinson's soul.
Laufeyson, Loki corrected himself vehemently as the cold forced him to revert to his original form for comfort. But that didn't provide much help either. The cold was too much for even his Jotunn form. Loki shivered, curling into himself as worlds rushed by. The speed at which he was falling decreased slowly, but the wind was still whipping him mercilessly on all sides, making it difficult for him to get into a position that at least offered him some comfort, no matter how small.
Loki didn't know how long he fell, it could have been days, even months, years perhaps. All Loki had to accompany him was his thoughts, and even those were slowly beginning to turn into those of a madman.
Hunger and thirst did not bother him. He had become numb.
Loki's body shriveled and blackened, his eyes sunk, his skin drained of all color, and yet he remained alive.
Why?He wanted to scream. Why can't the Norns just grant me that one simple wish? Is it too much to wish for death?
With nothing else to do, Loki couldn't keep his thoughts from straying. Stray rocks bumped into him from time to time, but he was so lost in his thoughts that he couldn't even respond.
Odin. The man had raised him, did nothing to reassure him that not all Jotunn were evil, didn't even pay more attention than that was needed by a relic. But Loki was no relic. Loki had feelings. Loki needed attention. Loki craved attention. And yet Odin remained blind. He may only have lost an eye, but he lost both eyes in the matter of emotional needs. Particularly Loki's.
And hate festered in Loki's heart against Odin Allfather Son of Bor, King of Asgard and Protector of the Nine Realms.
Frigga. Oh, sweet Mother. Loki almost wept at the thought of her. She would be horrified, and her kind and gentle heart would be broken…would it? Loki did not doubt for a moment that her love and concern for him was genuine, but he was still not of her own flesh and blood, and of a race that maimed her husband and killed many of her people. Nay, she would not grieve long for him. But Loki would grieve for her lost love.
And unbound love rose in Loki's heart for Frigga Allmother, Daughter of Fiorgyn, Queen of Asgard and Goddess of Love, Beauty and Marriage.
Thor. His brother, his enemy, his once-best friend…Loki was confused. Whatwas Thor to him? Should he hate or love Thor? As far as he knew, Thor had no knowledge of this great, big lie. That oaf truly believed that he was Asgardian, and talked freely about slaying the Jotunn in front of him. Loki had even cheered along with him. But his time on Midgard had changed him into a stranger that wore Thor's face. Was Thor not the one who hollered for blood, was he not the one who wanted all the Jotunn killed? Why did he destroy the only chance for him to see his beloved Jane Foster again just to save an unworthy race? This Jane Foster must have done something incredible to change Thor in just three days. Mother, Loki and Odin had spent centuries trying to do the same thing and failed miserably. Perhaps he should remain true to his word and visit Jane Foster if he could. It would be amusing to see Thor provoked so. Thor would see that Loki would always prevail, just like him.
And limitless desire unleashed itself in Loki's heart to prove himself worthy to be equal of Thor Thunderer, Son of Odin, Crown Prince of Asgard and Protector of Midgard.
What could he do to fulfill his desires?Loki thought. The answer came to him quickly. It was simple, and Loki laughed at himself for not thinking of it earlier.
He would anger Odin to no end by taking a couple of random lives that won't make a huge impact. Preferably killed in cold blood.
He would make Frigga proud of him by getting a whole realm to rule by himself. He would build countless palaces there for her. Preferably with unknown technology so she would not be bored.
He would prove himself Thor's equal by ruling a whole new realm similar to the one Thor was protecting. Preferably the very same one so that they would see that Thor's protection doesn't matter.
The choice was obvious.
Loki would attack Midgard by force, kill a couple of people (for Odin), rule it and delve into the technology Thor still hasn't figured out yet (for Frigga) and protect it with all he has (for Thor).
One last question remains. How?
Another chunk of rock bumped into Loki, but Loki doesn't care. It would be just a few more bruises or maybe another fractured rib to add to his collection anyway.
But that is no ordinary rock. And Loki's prayers were answered.
"My, my, it seems that we have a Jotun here. And it's still alive. Our new children are going to enjoy playing with it." Thanos cooed to Death as she smiled slowly, hand resting on her large belly. "Indeed, dear."
Loki swallowed and licked his lips. His mouth was dry from not having spoken in who knows how long, but after a few tries, he showed them that his title of Silvertongue was not earned in vain.
"Greetings, Lord and Lady. I believe that I have intruded on a private moment, but that is of no consequence. I have a plan to propose. Indeed, your fame has spread so that I have covered much distance and overcome many hardships just to come here and negotiate for an alliance."
Thanos drew away from Death, who pouted slightly, folding her hands on top of her large belly. Loki couldn't imagine just how many monsters would be in there. It was a strange sight. Death was having Life in her courtesy of Darkness. Loki's mind was flexible though, and he wrapped it around that thought quickly.
"Very well. I will hear you out. My dear lady here is due any time now and we are searching for something that they can play with once they're born. It has to be resilient, so that it would last longer, right, dearie?" Thanos placed a hand on his girlfriend's protruding belly. Death gasped and moaned. Loki flinched uncomfortably away as Thanos leaned in for a deep kiss and Death responded with such ferocity that the huge belly was almost squashed between them.
Once they remembered their uncomfortable audience, they separated slowly. Death gave a low groan and retired to her own realm, leaving Thanos and Loki alone.
Loki didn't wait for Thanos to give him the 'go ahead'.
"Give me an army, and I will give you the Tesseract." Loki stated simply. He could have clothed it in more elaborate words, but he was too drained and tired. The display of intimate love between Thanos and Death had brought Loki to his knees emotionally. Loki wondered if he would ever get love like that, even if it was just the barest touch of skin on skin, for just the shortest of seconds.
Thanos let go of his physical form, manifesting into pure darkness. "And how do you intend to get your hands on the Tesseract? It is lost, as I last heard."
Loki did not shiver. It would be showing weakness. "It is on the realm I am about to conquer. I have travelled and done my research. It is giving off magical pulses so strong that I could feel it even in As-even worlds away."
If Thanos noticed the slip, he did not say anything. The darkness thickened. "Failure is not an option." He said at last. "If you fail, we will hunt you down, me and Death."
Thanos switched back to his physical form again, towering over Loki. He touched a finger to Loki's chest, and Loki could practically feel the darkness slipping inside him. He gasped, trying to fight it, but his eyes glowed blue briefly before fading and it was too late.
"Very well, my Lord. You shall not fail."
Thanos smiled, satisfied. "You'd better not. For the army I am about to give you is going to be our children."
Loki's body nodded without his consent. Inside, Loki was screaming helplessly. This deal was dangerous.They would be hell bent on revenge if Loki happened to fail.
"In the mean time, you shall be myplaything."
What followed made Loki scream so long and loud that he might have lost his voice, he did not know. Death gave birth at last, after three torture sessions. It was during the fourth session that Death had laughed so hard that she fell off her chair and broke her water. They named their children the Chitauri.
The real Loki retreated further and further into himself, unwilling to feel the pain both physically and mentally. He longed for something as sweet as normal pain. Normal torture. Not what this sadist threw at him.
In the end, Loki's soul curled into himself, and Thanos had full reign of Loki's body.
Loki Laufeyson was now deemed fit to be sent to Midgard.
What jolted Loki's soul out of its trance was a smack. Then a second. Loki blinked, disoriented. The next thing he knew, he was face to face with the floor, his body aching all over as usual. A green thing was standing over him, a green abomination. Loki concluded that it was the one that smashed him all over.
What have I done this time?Loki thought desperately. He lay there, an expression of shock on his face, thinking about his next course of action.
In the end, Loki chose the coward's way out-he tried to run.
But his battered and beaten body would take no more of it. It failed him as he had to crawl over to the steps, hauling himself up every painful step.
A rustle.
Loki turned around slowly, so that he would not cause more pain. Thor was there, and Loki's heart leapt at the sight of him. But an arrow was pointed threateningly at him, so Loki daren't make any sudden moves.
"I think I'll have that drink now, if you don't mind."
The words slipped out of his mouth, almost as if he was a robot, and Loki hated it. Loki Odin-Laufeyson is not to be used just like some mere puppet!
But, to his horror, Loki had no control over any part of his body other than his eyes. And he used them to their full extent. He pleaded with them, used puppy dog eyes, but finally the only emotion that could be seen in his eyes was reluctant acceptance of his fate.
And no one noticed.
Not even Thor.
Not Father.
Only Frigga.
She came to him after the trial, comforting him, holding his hands. Even though Loki couldn't control them, Loki could feel her warm touch and Loki cursed himself for not being stronger, for not being so foolish as to think that he could strike a deal with the most ancient and twisted being in the world.
"What is it, my son?" Frigga had a hand behind Loki's head, ruffling his hair fondly. "I know you're lying. Your mouth may say hurtful words, but your eyes tell a different story."
A tear slipped from Loki's eyes just as his mouth (curse it!) spat accusations at his beloved mother.
"You're not my mother!"
Frigga looked taken aback for a moment, then smiled sadly before leaving. "You don't know what you're saying, Loki."
Yes, I do! I do and that's not me saying it! THAT'S NOT ME! Loki screamed soundlessly, sliding back down the glass wall and curling in on himself. He started to sob.
When did his life become such a mess?
When did he become desperate enough to make a deal with Thanos and Death of all entities?
When did it all start to go wrong?
When will anything ever be right?