this is literally only here because I can't stand to not crosspost even shitposts. I am truly sorry for anyone who ends up reading this.

"Elicchi, there's something I need to tell you," said Nozomi, ignoring the heat in her face.

Eli looked up from her desk. "What is it, Nozomi?"

Nozomi didn't hesitate. She charged forward, leaping at Eli and kissing her hard. Both of them fell backwards. "Eli, I love you. I want you. You're the only person I want my feelings to reach."

"Ouch! Nozomicchi, you pushed the desk into my crotch!" cried Eli in a strangely deep voice.

Wait, what?

Nozomicchi?

Nozomi bolted up. She pressed her hands to Eli's breasts. They weren't squishing like they usually did. They were solid, in fact.

Eli raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

"There's something wrong with these…"

Eyes widening, Eli pushed Nozomi off. She sighed. "Sorry, Nozomicchi, I can't keep pretending anymore." She began to pull her shirt off.

Speechless, Nozomi could only stare.

With a final flick, Eli's shirt was on the floor. Before Nozomi stood…a man in a blue basketball jersey. He had blond hair like Eli, but was significantly taller. Two Styrofoam balls rolled onto the floor.

Both stared at each other for what felt like an hour.

The man was the one to finally speak. "Nozomi, my name is Ryouta Kise. I've been pretending to be Eli for the past few weeks. I wanted to know what it's be like to be with a girl, but I didn't know that you hadn't told Eli how you feel. Sorry."

Nozomi frowned. "Couldn't you have just pretended to be straight, then?"

Kise grimaced. "Never!"

Dragging her hands down her face, Nozomi sighed. "So I kissed you, a boy. No wonder the kiss wasn't as wonderful as it'd imagined it would be."

Kise laughed. "I didn't really like it all that much either. But you have to admit, my disguise was pretty good, huh?"

"It really was, considering how tall you are," said Nozomi. "I can't believe I didn't notice that my favourite parts of you were made of Styrofoam until now."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Nozomicchi," said Kise.

Sitting down at the nearest desk and putting her face into her hands, Nozomi swore under her breath. "The cards never suggested anything like this. I-I don't know how I can ever face Eli again after the pass I made at you."

"But it wasn't really at Kise, was it?"

Nozomi turned to the desk beside her and shrieked. A blue-haired boy also in a basketball jersey was suddenly there. "T-There are more of you?"

"There are a lot of basketball players in this world," said the boy.

Nozomi then hit a realization. She looked back at Kise. "Hey, hold on! If you've been Eli for a while now, where did the real one go?"

Eli dribbled the ball down the court, dodging the other players. She leapt into the air, successfully slam-dunking.

"Yes!" shouted Eli, fists pumped into the air.

The basketball bounced into the benches, smashing a glass lantern.

"My lucky object!" cried Midorima.

"I knew she wanted to try basketball, but not like this," said Nozomi, shaking her head.

"I'll tell her to come back tomorrow," said Kise.

Entering the otherwise empty classroom, Eli saw Nozomi stroking a water gun.

"Heard you were hanging out with the Generation of Miracles yesterday," said Nozomi.

Eli's heart stopped. "N-Nozomi, it's not what you think!"

"I won't hesitate, bitch!" said Nozomi, pulling out a water gun and shooting it at Eli.

Eli dodged to the right, but her chest was already covered in water.

Within seconds Nozomi was on top of Eli, feeling her wet breasts up. "You're getting the ultimate punishment from me." And with that, she kissed Eli with an even more ferociousness than she had kissed Kise yesterday.

Because no matter what, the real Eli was unique.