One More Breakfast: I Need You
It was small.
It was beautiful.
It was round.
It was brown.
Shinji gaped at the bagel lying on the plate.
His stomach moaned with hunger.
What if it's Misato's?
What if it's Asuka's?
Who gives a shit?
Shinji ate the bagel.
Then his conscience took over.
Words flashed before his eyes.
"IN A WORLD WHERE
BAGELS EXIST
BUT I DO NOT
DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?"
Shinji screamed. He apologized to the writers for eating the bagel and begged for a reprieve from their usual psychological torment.
He was not so lucky.
"YOUR MOTHER
GAVE YOU BAGELS
ONE TIME
DO YOU NOT REMEMBER?"
He screamed again.
"KAWORU WANTED TO GIVE YOU A BAGEL
BUT YOU SQUISHED IT
AND HIM."
Yet another scream.
Shinji writhed in pain on the floor.
The bagel's words echoed in his mind over and over again.
"MISATO GAVE YOU A BAGEL
THERE WAS A BITE OF BAGEL IN HER MOUTH
WHEN SHE TOUCHED YOU INAPPROPRIATELY
TO SUPPOSEDLY MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER
IN EPISODES 25' AND 26'
BETTER KNOWN AS THE END"
Shinji wondered why, in a post End of Eva timeline, he would be in Misato's apartment, and why she would be still alive.
Then it hit him.
This was the seventeenth manga spin-off series.
Angelic Days, The Shinji Ikari Raising Project, and that other one were just the beginning.
So many alternate universes.
And he took the bagel in all of them.
He screamed again.
Asuka emerged from the closet and kicked him.
"How disgusting," she said. "Or do I just feel sick?"
The True End of Evangelion
A Note from the Author
Really surprised by the mostly positive response to this. This was really just something I wrote out of boredom while waiting for a CD to finish burning. Being written in under 10 minutes, it's not the best; I acknowledge that wholeheartedly. It is, at its simplest, a compilation of highly exaggerated versions of what struck me as both the most ridiculous and the most brilliant aspects of Evangelion - the large messages of emotions and thoughts, the abstract imagery, the many spin-off series created for alternate views of the characters (though these are, of course, non-canon), and the incredible ambiguity of just about every single thing in the show. Please don't take this as an insult to NGE - I really do love the series.
Also, at the suggestion of a reviewer, the story's rating has been changed to T. Frankly, though, I wonder if anyone under 13 actually watches NGE, because most of the series would fly directly over the heads of many kids that young (as would certainly have been the case with me, had I seen it at that age).
Hope you enjoyed it (you probably didn't). I'll write more pointless shit later, though probably not for NGE, as I think I probably tapped all of that already. XD
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything related to Evangelion. Not the characters, not the series, not the movies, not the comics, and not any of the spinoffs.