A/N: And now, for
the second attempt. Seeing as how my
first Songfic went over fairly well, I'm going to see if I can muddle through
another one… Scary, huh?
Don't worry, I'm still working on my other story, I'm just going to upload a
couple chapters at once, instead of just one.
Besides, both Songfics kinda sorta act as foreshadowing for my main
story, if you take the time to read everything… I'm not without my ways of getting people to read my stuff… Mweh heh heh heh!! * AHEM * If all goes
well, I'll also have another story (aside from my Songfics) to add to my
growing list of MM fanfics… Now, if
only I could get a fan following… Ah
well… I'm doing this 'cause I enjoy it, not because I seek fame.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: This is a Songfic using the song, Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way, as sung by The Calling. I do not own this song, and I do not own the characters involved in this story (X and Alia), as they are owned by Capcom.
Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way
Several weeks had passed since the last Maverick attack, and X had had a lot of time to think. Though, his thoughts didn't dwell much on the attack, or the nature of the Mavericks, themselves… No, his thoughts concentrated mostly on someone whom he felt serious feelings for. Someone who X had grown to rely on for answers to his soul… For, whenever he felt lost, he came to her… She seemed to have the answers, just lying there, in her eyes… Even in his dreams, as she haunted him, so did she tame his fighting spirit. Though, for all the good that it did him, his sleep was restless while he dreamt of her.
((Well he can't sleep at night.))
It just seemed that she was able to see him so clearly, so easily. In a way that he himself was not capable of… He had sought these answers for years, but he had never found anything… Until her. And now, he didn't know if he could move on without her. Over the time that he had known her, and she him, he had grown very fond of her. At times, she seemed like his little sister. However, she had grown to be far more than that.
He had been wanting to tell her for some time now, but he just could never muster the courage in himself to say those three words… X had cursed himself endlessly after that moment in the Stasis Room. He just couldn't understand why he hadn't taken the initiative then and there, and just told her… It did no good to worry about the past, not when the present and future were so much more important.
((And he can't do what's right.))
Ever since he had first seen her, he had known that he liked her. The feeling had just grown from there. X just wished that he could tell her… He wanted to be able to tell her that he had thought of her for so long, that he had allowed himself to … want her in his life.
Even in his thoughts, he choked on those three little words. It wasn't that he didn't want to say them, but… He just couldn't manage to muster the courage to do so. Which was rather funny, in a way. He had, after all, defeated Sigma on six occasions, often having to rely on sheer determination and courage to get through the next moment. Yet, this seemingly harmless act of affection scared him more than facing off against his best friend in a battle to the death. Why was that?
((It was all because she came into his life.))
He spent hours, sometimes, trying to screw up the courage, the sheer determination that he knew that he was capable of. Hours, sometimes, thinking of just exactly how he wanted to say it to her. How he wanted to profess himself to her… But, every time that he came near her, his knees turned to putty, and his insides into butterflies. The best he could do was a sheepish wave and a blush. He was certain that he looked entirely too foolish. Yet, still he used his free time, trying to come up with witty and impressive things to say to her…
((It's a deep obsession, taking up his time.))
X figured that eventually, he'd get to tell her. He just hoped that it wouldn't be too late. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her, even if he never really had her. She was everything to him. To suddenly lose this shining star, this steady fixture in his life, it would drive him over life's edge. He knew it. She was the last thing that stood between him and oblivion, anymore. If only he could tell her…
X didn't just want to have her in his life, though. He wanted to bring her into his life, but he also wanted, so desperately, for her to accept him into her own life. He hoped with all his heart that his feelings would be reciprocated… When he thought on it, he saw only the caring gaze in her eyes that she showed him. The tender affection that he supposed that he sometimes showed in his eyes… It was what he hoped to see was real, not imagined.
((She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs.
She's everything that he just won't believe.
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out,
Then she can see what he's been dying to say,
But things don't always turn out that way.))
X never doubted that he cared for her. She was too important for him not to. He sometimes wondered at the purity of his thoughts of her, at times. X was certain that his intentions were pure, and that his heart was true. However… There were times…
((And he must confess.))
He would catch himself gazing hungrily at Alia, wanting so badly to be able to see just once underneath that armor. At times, he woke up in a sweat that had nothing to do with bad dreams, and everything to do with needing a very cold shower. X was, of course, ashamed of himself when he thought to much on the subject. Yet, he admitted to himself that it was fun to dream.
((All the impure thoughts of his beautiful temptress.))
X often wondered what his life would be like without her. As if he had never known her. Would he know that he was missing something? Would he be aware that he was so close to oblivion? He was pretty sure that he'd suspect it, but he would never know for sure, as he wouldn't have had those lovely eyes to reflect his soul. Alia did that so easily, too. She was like the perfect mirror.
Through her, he saw himself in a light that he hadn't thought possible. And Alia didn't even know what she did for him. Though he longed to tell her, he always came back to the same problem. For all his careful plans, and all his gathered courage, he just couldn't tell her. He just couldn't seem to let it out into the open air.
((Although he keeps it all bottled up inside.))
Though, on the bright side of things, X supposed that it was better that Alia not know exactly how he felt about her. She might reject him. For all of his innocence, and boyish charms, he was a killing machine, after all. And he couldn't change what he was… X didn't think he could take her rejection, so, he kept his feelings to himself.
((Although he keeps it all safe within his mind, oh yeah.))
Yet, he didn't really think she'd reject him. It was just a terrible fear he had. He wanted so much to be accepted by her. So much to be able to tell her… X just wanted to be able to be with her. So badly, he could sometimes taste it, breath it… Other times, it seemed as if all hope was lost. Of course, he wouldn't let himself be driven down by that. He just had to tell her. He had to. … … … How, though?
((She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs.
She's everything that he just won't believe.
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out,
Then she can see what he's been dying to say,
But things don't always work out that way.))
For all the good ideas that he had, X just didn't know where to start. He didn't know how to tell Alia. He knew that he had to be serious, but at the same time, he couldn't be too serious, he might scare her away. Being funny was good, sometimes… He could remember some of the times when he had told poor, poor Alia some of the jokes that Zero had told him on missions.
He could still remember that laughing face, those flashing eyes. That brilliant smile… He loved that smile. In fact, he loved every part of her. He just needed to get past his feelings, so he could tell her. X couldn't very well tell her he loved her if he were grinning like an idiot, could he?
((So wipe that smile of your face.))
With an almost physical shock, X just realized that he had so freely used the phrase, "I love you". That was it! That was what had been holding him back, keeping him from telling her… He just wasn't comfortable saying it… But, now he was, and nothing could stop him from his goal… He just hoped he hadn't taken too long.
((Before it gets too late.))
Walking down the halls of Maverick Hunters HQ, X thought up a quick story for why he was bothering her at this time of night. After all, it wasn't commonplace for people to be summarily woken up by people who needed to talk to them. Having been prey to such an accident before, he knew well that he had better have a good excuse for waking her up this late.
X rounded the corner of the hall, leading into another hall. The hall that Alia lived in. He was almost there. Better think of something, fast.
((There's only so much time.))
He arrived at her door, his mind abuzz with activity. He knew that this was the moment. This was the time that he would tell her.
((For you to make up your mind.))
His words picked, and his heart ready, X leaned into the door, prepared to knock. He stopped, though, when he thought he heard something from inside Alia's room. He pressed his ear to the door, and listened for what he had thought was a moan…
X's heart fell as his fear was confirmed. It was Alia moaning, no mistaking it. He was too late. There was already someone else with her. Right now, even, there was someone with her. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair.
((She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs.
She's everything that he just won't believe.))
Brokenhearted, X stumbled back from the door, and leaned heavily on the opposite wall. He just couldn't believe it. How could he have been so wrong? He had been so certain that she felt the same for him…
((Take away his doubt, turn him inside out.))
Maybe… Maybe Alia had felt the same feelings for him. Maybe she still did, but she just couldn't wait for him anymore. That must have been it. X just couldn't believe anything else. He had to hold onto that last thin shred of hope. Maybe she was still waiting for him, just taking a little break in waiting… yeah. That was it.
Feeling only slightly better, X began the walk back to his own quarters… His thoughts dark and brooding…
((Then she can see what he's been dying to say,
But things don't always work out that way.))
… … …
… … …
… … …
Inside Alia's quarters, the lights were dimmed, and the scent of sweat and arousal came from the bed… She rose from it, untangling the sheets from her sweat covered body, and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
As she strode into the small bathroom in her quarters, she thought, Damned dreams are robbing me of my sleep! I'll admit, I don't mind having them, but I wish they didn't leave me feeling so worn out!
She leaned over the sink and pooled some ice cold water into her hands and splashed her face a couple of times. "Ahh!" She dried her face, and returned to the bed, though, this time, not to sleep…
She reached under the bed, and pulled out what looked like an old fashioned diary. It even had a lock on it. She deftly unlocked it, and grabbed the pen held within, and began writing.
"Dear Diary,
I had another dream about X. It was the same as the last ones… God he is so sexy!"
She continued writing her journal well into the minor hours of the morning, and then, finished, she replaced the locked book, and settled down to hopefully catch a few hours of sleep before she had to report to duty, and avoid staring at X's butt………
A/N: This was, hopefully, a bit more upbeat than my last Songfic, but I'm still just as nervous about screwing it up. This is still a newfound art to me, after all. I'm confident my words are right, but I'm nervous as all hell the story won't hold up. I hope that this appeased all of the X/Alia shippers that I might have made extremely sad from the last story. As usual, please Read & Review. If this one is successful, I've got a sequel in mind.