Spangle

A 180 Degree Turn

I

Riku fidgeted in his seat, the soft cushion was something he had grown unused to after his long absence from home. The theater was stuffy too, too small a space for him after having spent so long in an endless realm of…He shook his head, refusing to return there, even in his thoughts. Beside him Sora and Kairi laughed at something in the plot of the movie; Riku sighed with boredom at the simplicity of his friends. He turned his head on his hand slightly to look at Sora beside him, the younger boy's back was to him, his hands in the giant bucket of popcorn he and Kairi were sharing. Riku breathed deeply and sat up very straight, lifting his arms in a pretend yawn as he gingerly lay his right arm over Sora's shoulder.

"What are you doing…?" Sora leaned over a bit and whispered so that Kairi couldn't hear him over the loud dialogue of the movie. Riku's breath caught in his throat, a feeling that he didn't experience often and didn't like now of all times. The question had been delivered on such a plaintive tone, even for Sora it was asked too lightly, too open-ended and Riku found himself without words to respond to it for once in his and Sora's shared life.

"I said: what are you doing?" Sora asked again, his tone becoming a little more desperate under the confusion as Kairi was starting to catch on that Sora's mind was not on either her or the movie and she nudged him slightly without looking to try to regain his perspective.

"Uh…I…Um, nothing." Riku choked on the words, they tasted so foul, full of a weakness that he never thought he'd posses. He quickly lifted his arm off of Sora and pretended to massage a crick out of it. Sora blinked his big, slightly vacant blue eyes at him and turned back to Kairi and the popcorn. Riku sighed and slumped back in his seat, even in the dark of the theater those blue eyes were so a light and clear. He smacked himself gently on the forehead and rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of the new memory of the blunder and the thought of those gorgeous blue eyes staring right at him.

The rest of the evening passed slowly for Riku, his mind focused on his desire to avoid looking at Sora or Sora and Kairi together, for every time he did he was overcome with a feeling he couldn't quite describe. Jealousy? No, it didn't burn in the back of his head and his eyes like jealousy did. Embarrassment? No, he had no knowledge of ever having regretted his actions or words so embarrassment was never something he had accomplished. Perhaps it was a mixture of the two, or maybe it was something else, something that couldn't be described in words alone.

"Are you going to finish that?" Kairi's words were muffled from the last bite of sweet pork dumpling in her mouth. Her chopsticks were pointing at Riku's plate, where he'd left his shrimp dumpling barely touched.

"Huh?" Riku snapped out of his stupor and stared at the girl beside him with a look that would have been better suited on Sora's face.

"I said…" Kairi swallowed before speaking this time.

"I heard you." Riku cut her off and snatched up his dumpling with his chopsticks, plopping it on Kairi's plate with a soft "thup".

"You okay?" Sora put down his tea after finishing the last sip and stared across the table at Riku, ignoring the munching sounds coming from the girl at his right. "You seem pretty down, I thought you were doing better since we got back, Dr Nygori said so."

"I'm fine." Riku muttered, he still hadn't told Sora that he had been skipping his visits with the island therapist for the last three weeks. He hated Dr Nygori anyway, what did she know of his time as Ansem, or of what it was like to wander the darkness, suffering alone and hopeless? Riku picked up his tea and sipped it slowly, trying to calm himself down, wanting to escape even the slightest memories of what had happened six months ago in that dark, dark world that belonged only to the Nobodies.

"Okay…Say wasn't it funny when the dog jumped on the roof and then barked down the chimney and the guy thought it was a demon trying to get into the house?" Sora smiled through his words, unable to keep a straight face.

"Oh yeah, that was so funny!" Kairi swallowed the last of the shrimp dumpling and laughed with Sora, the sound burning Riku to the core.

"Yeah…Hilarious." Riku managed to fake a smile and let the words tumble lifelessly from his mouth. He stared across the table now, suddenly unable to keep his eyes off of Sora. That face, those eyes, they complimented that smile so well, Riku's grip tightened on his tea cup as if it could somehow break the spell that he was suddenly under. He stared for what felt like an eternity, the sound of laughter muffled by the pounding of his heart in his ears. He saw every detail of Sora in this moment, and every one was as beautiful as the last sun set of summer on the Island, from the curve of his cheeks when he smiled to the way his tall hair moved yet never changed to the soft texture of his body, still girlish but slowly becoming strong like his own. Riku suddenly wanted nothing more than to touch that hair and kiss those cheeks and…That body…Oh god the things he suddenly wanted to do to it; he felt the desire burn in his gut like lava. He began to sweat, his heart racing so fast he thought it would escape right out of his chest like a dying Heartless. The louder the pounding in his ears the more tightly he gripped the tea cup. Louder and louder the pounding got and with every beat the desire seemed to well up in his chest and burn his lungs, his stomach, his very heart.

The tea cup shattered in his hands, and the hot tea pouring over Riku's fingers and palms seemed to snap him out of his trance. Sora and Kairi stopped laughing and stared at him.

"What was that?" Sora sounded more surprised than usual. He stared deer-in-the-headlights at Riku's hands, which were now turning red with first degree burns form the tea.

"Riku's teacup breaking," Kairi spoke matter-of-factly, as if this sort of thing happened to Riku at every meal she shared with him.

"What you do to it, Riku?" Sora smiled at his friend, teasing him.

"Oh god, please don't smile at me again…" Riku's thoughts started to reform and he quickly busied himself with wiping the hot tea off of his hands as an excuse not to look at the smile that left him so transfixed. "Nothing…It just, I don't know, broke."

"I always knew you liked your tea hot, but that was too much." Kairi laughed lightly with Sora, but the boy seemed to find it less funny. Riku sighed and tossed his soiled napkin on the table.

"Hey! Can I get another cup of tea?" He called out to a passing waitress, but it was just another excuse not to look at Sora. The waitress grimaced slightly at the tone of the command but went back into the kitchen to fetch the tea anyway. Riku kept his head down his face burning red as the sensation of the spell Sora had unwittingly had him under slowly wore off, panting slightly as his heart returned to its normal range. Sora and Kairi seemed to fail to notice his predicament and had long since returned to their chat about the movie, Sora acting out some of his favorite parts and Kairi laughing at every flick of Sora's hand and facial expression and every time she did Sora's smile seemed to get brighter and merrier. The waitress Riku had commanded came over to their table and haughtily thunked his new tea down on the table in front of him, Riku ignored her and she sniffed indignantly as she turned quickly to attend to other guests. This time Riku did not touch the tea.

After the meal Riku discreetly went into the manager's office to pay for the ruined tea cup. Sora and Kairi stood outside the restaurant in a pool of light from one of the few street lamps on the island. Kairi pulled the fluffy faux fur collar of her coat up around her cheeks against the wind and looked up at Sora before reaching over to him and fussing with the collar of his coat, pulling it up to his ears so they wouldn't get cold. She gently touched the red bead on Sora's new earring as she moved her hands away from him and stuffed them into her pockets to protect her from the chill in the sea air.

"You know, I got you that earring," she looked up over her fluff collar at Sora.

"I know, but it was Riku's idea to have our ears pierced," Sora said absent-mindedly, staring instead at his reflection in the restaurant's dark window, craning his neck above his collar so that the light caught the red bead. "He has a black one you know."

"Yes, I know." Kairi turned to look at the two of them standing in the window, frowning for just a moment before fixing her wind-battered hair style.

"Do you think Riku's really okay?" Sora turned suddenly and asked Kairi directly. Kairi turned and looked at him, smiling in his lovely blue eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine, he seems like the same old Riku to me. Why; do you think something's wrong?" Kairi tried to think of some way to turn the conversation away from Riku.

"Well, he's been acting kinda weird lately. Like tonight in the theater he…" Sora was cut off by the ringing of the bell on the restaurant door. Riku stepped out; pulling his trench coat over his shoulders his brow was furrowed, making him look very cross.

"Thirteen-hundred munny for a tea cup…What a rip." He grumbled as he walked over to the pool of light where Kairi and Sora were waiting.

"Aw, no big deal for you, mister munny bags you've got that great job over at the jewelry store." Kairi seemed to flutter her eyelashes a bit at Riku when she mentioned that he had a rather decent income and access to many shiny, expensive things.

"Whatever." Riku scoffed at the remark and started walking down the street towards the neighborhood the three lived in.

The walk wasn't long, only about three miles, but Riku could hear his friends chattering behind him the whole way. He knew without even looking that Kairi was hanging on Sora's arm, smiling up at him, her head resting just below his shoulder. Sora may have even put his arm around Kairi's waist now, the two walking as one, hips touching. The thought stung Riku behind his eyes and caused his spine to prickle with thousands of tiny hot needles. He hunched his shoulders and pulled up the collar of his trench coat, trying to hide the hurt look on his face and keep his pace steady. Another twinkle of laughter rose up behind him and yet another pang of that strange feeling stuck itself to Riku's ribs. He was so caught up in trying to keep a steady pace that he walked right by Kairi's house.

"Um, Riku?" Sora's voice pierced the concentration that Riku had worked so tirelessly to build up. He turned and realizing his mistake, hurried back to stand on Kairi's stoop.

"Damn cold…" He muttered his excuse, "just want to get out of it is all." Kairi ignored him but Sora raised a confused eyebrow.

"Since when did you get cold?" He asked and Riku suddenly felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

"Good Night boys." Kairi's voice interrupted Riku's defeat. She leaned forward slowly and kissed Sora on the lips. Sora happily accepted the kiss, but didn't seem interested in returning it, as if the whole matter of Kairi wanting him was trifle. But Riku felt the kiss burn like Kairi had just poured acid in his eyes. A feeling like the one from at the restaurant suddenly returned and the silent night came alive with sound, at least for Riku. Time slowed and all he could do was stare at the two kissing. The world spun and he wanted to vomit as the inside of his head screamed but his throat remained numb, dry and empty. He started to pant to try to keep up with his heart, now banging in his chest at blistering speed. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head; why couldn't that be him kissing the soft lips of the Keybearer? Why was she able to and not he? What made her so worthy to touch him like that? She wasn't worthy, he should hurt her, no, kill her. He should throw that disgusting hag off of those perfect lips and claim them for his own. Riku's eyes burned like he might cry, but he clenched his jaw in a reflex carefully honed over his whole lifetime to keep the tears from coming. His body shook and he clenched his fists inside of his coat pockets, praying with all his might that that damned kiss would stop, just stop and never happen again. After what seemed like hours, Kairi released Sora and went inside her house, leaving Riku alone with Sora for the first time the entire evening.

As they walked down the street towards Sora's house, the younger boy babbled on about the movie, about how excited he was to be going to visit the King and invited Riku to come along and about Kairi. Riku simply nodded and grunted his responses to all of this, but accepted the invitation to see the King. They reached Sora's house after only two blocks and Riku suddenly found himself wishing that it had been two-thousand. He followed Sora up to the front door and the two stood there together under the porch light.

"Riku?" Sora turned after unlocking the door and looked up at his best friend.

"Yeah?" Riku had regained a great deal of control over himself in this situation, even though standing so close to Sora had reignited the flame in his chest for the third time that evening.

"Are you sure you're okay? I know you haven't been to see Dr Nygori, I only said that to make Kairi think you're still going to her." Sora was showing a great deal of insight all of a sudden, which caught Riku off guard.

"I'm fine, buddy, really." Riku forced a smile at Sora. Sora returned the smile and the sight of his blue eyes shining in the dim light nearly made Riku's knees buckle.

"I just want you to be okay, we've been through a lot together and I just want for you to be okay." Sora had reverted to his old self and Riku relaxed a little. But what Sora did next threw Riku's entire soul for a loop. Sora came forward and gave his friend a warm hug, "you're my best friend, Riku."

Riku's body was suddenly on fire, every inch of him burned and his toes curled in his boots at Sora's touch. He felt every strand of hair on his body stand on end and his heart beat so loudly that it must have left a ringing in Sora's ears he was so close to Riku's chest. Riku held his breath in a desperate attempt to keep from panting, his lungs slowly burning in his chest from the heat in his heart. His palms became slick in his pockets and his neck broke out in a series of cold droplets of sweat. He could feel his pulse race in his throat and suddenly he felt as if he was going to choke on his own tongue in his throat. The insides of his thighs even started to heat and sweat and the sensation blurred Riku's vision. He felt light headed all of a sudden, as if he might faint from the shear heat that was welling up all over his body. He had to escape or he was going to pass out right in front of Sora. He couldn't have that, Sora would think him weak and then the two of them would never have time like this again. Riku's mind was in a whirl, he felt the clammy hands of panic gripping at the back of his neck, he had to do something. Sora was still holding him and in a split second Riku's hands shot out of his coat pockets and gripped Sora's arms. Riku threw the younger boy against the door of the house and, before he could even think of anything else, pressed his lips hard against Sora's.

Instantly the fire cooled, leaving Riku feeling as if he had just dove into the deepest part of the ocean that surrounded the islands on a hot day. His sweat evaporated, and the heat in his chest went with it. His heart, still pounding in his chest, slowed to a steadier beat. Riku felt relief like he had never felt before, a relief that was almost equal to him seeing Sora finally awaken from his long slumber, equal to what it was like to return to his normal form, to see the light again, to come home to the islands and see his dad alive and well and go out with Sora to the Island again. But it was not to last.

Sora was shocked by the force of the kiss and he groped madly for the handle of his door, which fell open the second he touched it. He stumbled away from Riku into the entry hall of his house and stared at his best friend with huge vacant eyes, his hand absently wiping the kiss from his mouth. He said nothing but slowly closed the door on Riku, his glassy, shocked eyes staring until the door was finally closed. Riku heard the sound of the bolt being locked, and the little house door may as well have been the Door to Darkness at this point, so hopeless was the sinking feeling taking over Riku's body. This time, the tears did fall and Riku hung his head and cried silently as he walked slowly to his own house next door. He slowly ascended the steps to his front door, picking up the mail that his father had failed to get, probably because the man was too weak from recovering from his illness to notice that it had even come. Riku unlocked the door and stepped into the silent house. He sorted the mail on the kitchen table for his father to find later, a bill here and there, a post card for him from his mother on her trip to the land across the sea, a letter from his father's doctor, probably test results. None of this meant anything to Riku now. He hung his coat up in the hall closet and quietly went upstairs to his room, being careful not to wake his father. He shut the door to his room behind him and sighed, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"What am I going to do about seeing him at school…?" Riku asked himself as he fell face first into his pillow.

To be Continued

Spangle