prologue

It was black, the deepest black I had ever seen, like midnight, and tar. I was floating in the blackness, where was I? suddenly there was faint light, and a form, a person, coming towards me, then as he got close I recognized him, the sleek dark hair, the high perfect cheekbones, the stride, the elegant muscles in his arms, my breath caught, "Thomas" I whispered.

He nodded, smiled his sweet perfect crooked smile at me, "Thomas!" I yelled I flung myself into his arms, but then I froze, "wait…you're…dead" I ooked up at his handsome face and he looked sadly down at me and nodded, "yes Reed, I'm dead, but before you freak out, you're not. Not yet." I looked up at him, tears brimming in my eyes, "where am I? where are we?" I ask suddenly afraid, "I'm not sure, I just know I'm here with you, I think…" he paused thinking ," I think this is my chance to say goodbye, the chance Arianna stole from me, I'm sorry I left Reed." He whispered "I love you, but you belong to Josh now, you're not my girl anymore. Reed I am so pproud of you, I missed you, I was so scared right before I died, scared that you would think I had abandoned you, but you found the truth and now I can rest. Goodbye Reed Brennon, my love." He smiled, there was pain in his eyes, but also peace, he placed a kiss on my lips, his just as soft as I remembered, wrapped me tightly in his arms I remembered so well, he kissed my hair, then stepped back, brushed his lips, his fingers across my cheek, and closing his eyes as if savoring the moment faded, his handsome face fading, the darkness returning.

Chapter 1 (REED)

"Reed, oh Reed, come back, Reed please I'm so sorry, Reed…" I was sure I heard his voice, heard my name, I felt his hands, cradling my neck and lower back, I felt his tears on my skin, but I couldn't believe it, Josh had left me, I missed him, but why, if he didn't love me anymore, was he here holding me, I blinked in the hazy light, there were red and blue flashes everywhere distorting my vision, I stared into the pale face, the tousled blond curls, the tears running down his cheeks, "Josh? " I whispered surprised at the weakness of my own voice, "are you real?" I asked not trusting my eyes. He smiled down at me, "Reed, I love you I'm here. I won't leave you again, never!" he whispered. I smiled, and I felt myself slipping away again, "I love you too" I managed to croak, and having said goodbye, like Thomas had to me, I felt like if I did die it would be okay, as long as Josh knew I loved him…

"Reed? Reed! No Reed, come back, stay with me Reed, stay with me!" I heard his shouts in the darkness, "hold on reed, for me. Please hold on just a little longer!" his voice was urgent, marred by sobs, and cracking on some of the words, I tried to hold on, look at him, open your eyes and look at him! I thought to myself, the words echoing in the far reaches of my mind, I forced open my eyes, focusing on Josh. I felt them lifting me, josh held tightly to my hand, as they carried me away. Suddenly I was moving, there were sirens, so loud! And I felt each curve of the road as we approached the hospital, he clutched my hand, as if it were a lifeline, and right then, for me, it was. Sometimes everything would get fuzzy, I would feel the darkness waiting in my mind waiting to engulf me, lead me away, but I fought it, and just as the ambulance slowed, I felt the darkness fly over my mind smothering me, pulling me down into myself, and again everything was pure never ending blackness.

I was dead, I knew it by the warm numbness surrounding my body, the bright unnatural light, and the heavenly voice whispering in my ear. But if I was dead, why could I hear my heart beat? Feel my blood pulsing through my body, and why did the light suddenly hurt my eyes? Why was there pain in my chest? Then I managed to open my eyes all the way, his face was right above mine, his cheeks were stained with tears, his eyes rimmed in red and bloodshot. His lips were pulled into a grimace and his perfect blond hair spilled in limp curls onto his creased forehead, he looked so sad, so worried, so defeated, I realized he was holding my hand, I tried to speak but m voice wouldn't work, his eyes were open but he wasn't looking at me, with an immense amount of effort, I squeezed his hand, his head jerked down to me, his eyes were wide with excitement, and he grinned ludicrously "Reed!" he shouted, joy exploding into his voice, tried to smile, and managed to whisper his name, I gently gripped his hand and pulled it up to my mouth and kissed it, then I closed my eyes again, and felt myself fade intot he natural oblivion of sleep, taking comfort from the knowledge that Josh would be there when I woke up, he would always be there.

(Josh)

She was awake now, thank god! The bullet that phsyco had fired hit just above her aorta, lodging partially in her lung, when I'd held her there on the floor there was so much blood, and then she'd been so silent, I was sure I had lost here, but here she was, she was alive, and now I knew I loved her, I had to be with her, we had been forced apart, and it wasn't right, I knew we belonged together and this proved it. But there was the matter of Ivy.

Reed had been awake for 3 days, I asked her if I could leave for just a little while, she nodded, but looked afraid, "I'll be back soon." I promised. I went to Pemberly, I walked up 2 flights of stairs, and down to the end of the hall to the room next to Reed's, I knocked on the door, and after about ten seconds, it was yanked open, there stood my girlfriend, Ivy Slade, her black hair was tied in a braid down her back, she wore a midnight blue cable knit sweater, and a huge smile, "Josh! Where have you been?!" she exclaimed, but when she saw my face the smile died instantly "Ivy, you know what happened, and you know I was at the hospital." I took a deep breath "I love Reed, Ivy. I know I thought I loved you, and I did, and do- in a way, I'm really sorry, but she had my heart first, I guess she's always had it. We were forced apart, she cheated on me, but she was drugged, she forgave me for Cheyene, now I must do the same." Ivy gaped at me, I sighed but I kept going, "Ivy, she was stolen from me,it shouldn't have happened, this-us, should never have happened, I'm sorry I have to hurt you now. but I belong with her. I'm so sorry." I turned and started to walk away, I knew if I stayed that I would just get myself in a bigger mess, but she ran after me, "Josh! Wait, how can you do this? You love me…" she looked up at me tears shining in her dark eyes, I smiled sadly, "I'm sorry." And as I again tried to walk away another thought struck me "Don't blame Reed for this, she's so disoriented that she doesn't even know which way is up, this is all me. I'm sorry." I said again as I hurried out of Pemberly leaving Ivy sobbing behind me. But I felt free, Reed and I could be together now, there was nothing standing in our way.

(REED)

When Josh finally got back to the hospital he looked upset, I couldn't quite understand why, then it dawned on me, "Ivy?" I asked looking at the floor, so he really had left me, I understood now, he loved me, but he was just here to take care of me, he was still going to be with Ivy, as distant as ever, and the sharp razors of pain would assault my heart anytime I saw him, but then he nodded, "I broke it off with her, she was pretty upset, but it couldn't be helped, and I couldn't lead her on." He sighed and looked at me lovingly, he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine, and I kissed him. We were like that when my mother came in, she was just like I remembered her, loud, angry, bitter, rude, and possibly drunk. She shouted at me about hospital bills, and how much of her time was being wasted seeing me here and how Josh was just sick pervert trying to take advantage of me, finally I couldn't stand it, "GET OUT!!!" I screamed "you're a horrible bitch! You are the worst mother I could ever imagine, if it's such a bother coming here then leave me alone! I know you don't love me, well I don't love you either, now get the hell out!" she glared at me, she looked like she was going to say something, but she just turned and left. I collapsed on the bed, pain rose in my chest, I knew I shouldn't have done, that, I had two more surgeries just that week, and I felt the stress crushing me already, mom was all I needed to deal with. As soon as she was gone I collapsed on the bed sobbing from the needles of pain. Josh looked pained when he returned to my bedside. "are you alright?" he asked fear edging his musical voice I nodded, "I just need some sleep, they said I can get out of here in 2 weeks if I go through the surgeries okay." He winced at the mention of surgery and I clasped his hand. I'm going to make it, though it sounded pitiful, even to me. "I'm going to get the nurse, to make sure, you're plugged in okay…" he dashed out and re-entered with a prune faced old woman dressed in white, she checked my IV, and all the other wires and tubes, then left us alone again, glancing warily at Josh on her way out. "are you in a lot of pain?" he asked softly, "no." I lied, really I felt terrible. My chest felt like a pin cusion edged with knives, and followed up with acid, but I just smiled weakly and tried to force a laugh, "a little steel never hurt anyone." I said trying feebly to joke, josh chuckled, but I could tell he was disturbed, so I hurridly changed the subject, "how's school?" I asked eagerly, "good, everyone's worried about you, but you are moving back into Billings, as president, as they haven't elected a new one, Noelle even traded rooms with Amberly so she could be with you, and now that everything's cleared up, all your 'friends' are really sorry." He looked kind of smug, not trying to hide his dislike for my friends, I shrug, secretly ecstatic about reentering Billings, my home, where I belonged.

(JOSH)

Surgery was a nightmare, both times she had a 28 percent of not making it, but both times she came out, exhausted hungry, and sore, but alive. And soon she was ready to come back to school, of course, being a billings girl, she got her hair cut, and had Noelle help her pick some clothes up before reappearing on campus. On her first day back, everyone swarmed her, hugging her laughing talking. It was mad, but she seemed happy to be back, and she was clear, all her problems were locked up in mental institutions. And she had me back. I was fine too, Reed was mine again, and I was able to accept Noelle as her friend now, she really was a half decent person, she spent all her spare time with Reed, helping her with her physical therapy, reminding her to take her meds, even doing some of her schoolwork for her. I had to admit all the Billings girls, as arrogant, bossy, and sneaky as they were had really pulled through, they were all so protective, and helpful, it was like they were different people.

And the guys left her alone now, even Gage, which was amazing, I guess they learned that she was mine, and that we weren't breaking up anytime soon, but I suspected this to be temporary…

(REED)

I was finally back in Billings, I had Josh back, I had Noelle back, and all my other friends, could life get perfect so fast? After almost six months of being stalked, losing the love of my life, my best friend, my other friends, my home, it was all perfect again in the space of 2 weeks. I was worried, things this good were always tainted underneath, and I knew I would find out where soon, but I didn't know when, but then I decided, that it was ridiculous, I'd never be able to find it before it was too late, so I just let myself enjoy the sudden return of my life.

I was walking past through the quad, with Josh, he had his arm around my waist and I leaned into his shoulder, we walked perfectly in sync and I reached up to kiss him, just as Ivy Slade came around the corner. We all stopped abruptly, Ivy looked from Josh to me and back, a sad tenderness touched her eyes when she looked at Josh, but when her eyes turned back to me, they were full of bitter fire, I shifted uncomfortably, and instinctively leaned closer into Josh. Her eyes were speaking to me. " How could you?" they asked "when we were just becoming friends how could you steal the guy I love?"

"He was mine first!" my eyes flashed back, and it was true, the day we broke up, Ivy had not only told me she was going to steal him, when she did, she tortured me with it. So even though she had called the police and possibly saved my life, I couldn't forgive her so I smiled at her, without Josh noticing, and turned his face to me and kissed him passionately, watching Ivy's face crumple out of the corner of my eye as she turned and hurried away.

"why did you do that? I didn't want to hurt her anymore then I had to." He half yelled when we broke apart, "she did it to me day after day when I lost you, so I thought just this once that I would teach her a lesson." I felt bad when I said it, realizing how spiteful and cruel that sounded, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again." I added. Josh took my hand and we walked to Coffee Karma for lattes.

After Josh dropped me off at Billings ii hurried inside out of the cold, only to be ambushed by my house-mates and champagne, along with gourmet desserts and an advance copy of a movie I'd been looking forward to seeing, "SURPRISE!" they yelled, and before I could even ask the occasion, Noelle was there with an arm around my good shoulder, " welcome to your welcome home party," she smiled, "we know it's overdue, but we wanted to make it perfect." I looked around, and noticed that the ceilings were strung with crepe paper, and there were tacky balloons, arranged ironically in tasteful bouquets on the walls, and in all the corners, I was in awe, it was perfect. Pretty soon we were all laughing away at the movie, and when it was over singing along to music, half drunk and loving it, when there was a loud crash upstairs, and the sound of shattering glass, then a dull wet thud, half of us rushed to the window, while the other half rushed up the stairs, and there was Ivy, dead on the ground, there was broken glass and blood everywhere, her eyes were closed, and her neck and legs were bent at weird angles. Then I noticed the picture, lying on the ground beside her broken body, one of her and Josh at a dance, arms intertwined kissing…

I leaned back against a wall closing my eyes, trying to ignore the bile rising in my throat. Ivy was dead….Ivy Slade, the girl who had stolen my boyfriend hated Billings, hated me, befriended me, /hated me, was dead. And I hadn't apologized…