A dog's life
"At last, the shikon jewel is mine!" shouts Inu Yasha. "With its power I'll become a full fledged demon." As he holds the jewel over his head it begins to glow. The glow surrounds him and he is engulfed by its brilliance. In one bright flash, Inu Yasha is gone.
Inu Yasha comes to and struggles to his feet. He notices a change. He now has four feet, well, paws. "What the hell?" he thinks. He staggers to a stream and looks in. " OH MY GOD, I'M A DOG!" He screams but all that comes out is senseless barking. He looks around and sees the jewel lying on the ground. " Stupid jewel, I wanted to be a demon, not a dog!" He suddenly is aware that he can't talk, just bark. "Great," he thinks to himself. " Not only am I a dog, but no one can understand me. I know, I'll throw the jewel into the well. Surely Kagome will know that it means I'm in trouble and she'll come to rescue me." He picks up the jewel in his teeth, which is the only way a dog can, and drops it into the well.
"Goodbye, Grandpa. I'm off to school." Kagome leaves her home and heads toward the school. Suddenly, a strange look comes over her face. "Strange, I sense a jewel shard. But it can't be, I gave all the jewel shards to Inu Yasha for safekeeping. He promised not to use them until we talked." She is pulled into the family shrine and the well. "The feeling is so strong, it can't be just one shard." She climbs down the ladder and begins to dig. " Oh no, the jewel is back together. That means Inu Yasha has done something stupid." Magically, she is sent to feudal Japan. She looks up and sees the face of a big, hairy dog. As she climbs out of the well, she says, " Where's Inu Yasha? He wouldn't just throw the shikon jewel into the well and leave." All this time the dog is bouncing around her feet and yelping. "Quiet, boy." Kagome says. The dog jumps up and puts its muddy paws on her white blouse. " Down boy, SIT!" And to her amazement, the dog falls flat on his face! "Inu Yasha?" Kagome starts to giggle.
" Thank goodness", Inu Yasha thinks. "Now she can use the jewel to get me back to normal." But, Kagome has other plans. " Well, Mr. Smartypants, have we been playing with something we shouldn't have been playing with?" Inu Yasha hangs his head and whimpers. "Well, I know just what to do..." Inu Yasha perks his ears. " You can come and live with me!" Inu Yasha's jaw drops. He begins to shake his head, but it comes out looking like he's shaking off water. "Good, it's all settled. But first, are you housebroken?" Kagome giggles. She tries to pick him up, but he's too big to carry. She finally grabs two handfuls of hair, which doesn't make Inu Yasha happy, and dumps him into the well.
Back on the other side, Kagome has to think of a way to break the news to her family that she's bringing a dog into the house. "You wait here and don't wander off. I wouldn't want the dogcatcher to get you. Kagome enters the house and leaves Inu Yasha out back. " I hope they say no, I hope they say no, I hope they say no,..." Inu Yasha thinks to himself over and over. Meanwhile, Kagome is trying to convince her family they need a dog. "He's a good watchdog and I've always wanted a pet." "Remember the gerbil twins, Lindsey and Lauren?" Mother says. " That's not all my fault, Souta was supposed to feed them, too. Besides only one of them died." " That's because Lindsey ate Lauren, then you fed Lindsey that red hot fireball and it drown trying to cool its mouth. Then there was the boa constrictor you named Shawna, remember? You squeezed it to death? And that talking parrot you had to have, Elizabeth? You wouldn't let it get a word in and it ran away?" "OK, OK, I get the idea! Sheesh!" Kagome says angrily. " Please mom, just give me a chance. One week, OK?" " Alright," Mother says. " One week, then if you don't take care of him, he goes, OK?" "OK."
Kagome goes around the house and finds Inu Yasha with his paws together and his eyes closed, praying. "Guess what? Mom said you can stay, isn't that great?" Inu Yasha just growls. She leads him into the house. " That thing better be housebroken!" Grandpa glares at Inu Yasha. " We're just not going to get along, are we old man?" Inu Yasha thinks. " This is Souta's room, you stay here. I'll see you after school. Bye!" Kagome leaves. " So this is hell." Inu Yasha thinks.
A little while later, Inu Yasha wakes up. " Uh-oh, I gotta go!" He wanders around the house trying to find the bathroom. He pokes his head into one room then another. He looks in the bathroom and finds Grandpa on the toilet. " GET OUT OF HERE, YOU MANGEY DOG!" He throws a magazine at him, missing him by inches. Inu Yasha ducks out of the door. " Jeez, old man, what crawled up in you and died?" He looks at the magazine. " Playboy? You are a horny old guy, aren't you?" Inu Yasha waits outside the door for what seems like hours. " Come on, old man. Did you die in there?" Just then, Grandpa comes out. " Stupid dog!" He kicks at Inu Yasha who growls back. " Thank goodness!" Inu Yasha goes into the bathroom. He tries to stand up next to the toilet. " I forgot, I'm a dog! Oh man, I gotta go! What am I gonna do? Oh, Geez!" Inu Yasha couldn't hold it any longer. He raised his leg and let it fly. " PHEW! What a relief!" Inu Yasha thinks. But, Grandpa chooses that moment to look for his magazine. " WHY YOU MANGEY DOG! I KNEW IT!" He raises his cane and pummels Inu Yasha. Kagome finds him in the yard, unconscious. After a long discussion, Kagome has a talk with Inu Yasha. " Outside, You're supposed to go outside! OK!" Inu Yasha staggers to his feet and nods.
Things seem to go smoothly for the next few days, though no one can understand how Kagome housetrained Inu Yasha just by talking to him. He just lay around the house and slept. Then, one day, it happened. Inu Yasha had to go, so he went to Kagome's mother to be let out. " You need to go out, Boy?" She opens the door and sees the next-door neighbor's dog in the yard. She slams the door. " Oh no you don't! We don't need any puppies! Grandpa, come here and take Inu Yasha out on the leash. I'll call Dr. Mick and see if he can neuter him before Kagome gets home. Won't she be surprised!" "Neuter?" Inu Yasha thinks. "What's a neuter?" Unfortunately, he finds out!
" Hello, everyone! I'm home!" Kagome yells from the door. Inu Yasha is lying on the floor, looking miserable. " What's wrong, Inu Yasha?" " If you only knew what those bleep-of-a-bleeps did to me!" He thinks. "Oh, he's just upset because we had him fixed today." Mother says. " What do you mean 'fixed'."? Kagome says nervously. " You know, castrated." "YOU MEAN YOU CUT OFF HIS..." "Yeah", says Grandpa. "Right down to the root. Heh, heh." " OH MY GOD! INU YASHA!" She runs to him and hugs him. " Yeah, now you want to cuddle." He growls. " I'm so sorry. I should have turned you back. I promise, I'll make it right." Says Kagome with tears in her eyes. "How are you gonna do that? My manhood is a rat's chew toy by now!" Inu Yasha thinks.
True to her word, Kagome tries to find a way to reverse the jewels spell and undo the castration. Inu Yasha, on the other hand, has lost all hope of either coming true. He's developed a taste for Alpo and rawhide chew toys. He drinks from the toilet and even learned to beg, roll over, and play dead (he still won't sit on command). But, Grandpa is still a problem. " Stupid dog! Won't come when I call! I'll show him!" Grandpa leaves and returns a few hours later with a surprise for Inu Yasha. " The man at the pet store called it a 'shock collar'. He said you use it to train dogs to obey by shocking them when they don't follow commands. Now let's see that dog ignore me. Heh, heh!" " Now Grandpa. Don't torture Inu Yasha. You know he doesn't like you." Mother says. " It's not torture, it's training." Grandpa walks over to Inu Yasha and tries to put on the collar. Inu Yasha growls at him, but he manages to get the collar fastened around his neck. "There, now let's see what it will do!" Grandpa hits the "high shock" button on the remote. "YIPE, YIPE, YIPE!" Inu Yasha goes screaming through the house with Grandpa close behind pushing the button and laughing. " Grandpa, stop it!" Kagome yells. "You should have more respect for your elders, young lady!" Grandpa yells back. He goes to his room grumbling but not before jolting Inu Yasha one last time. " I'm sorry, Inu Yasha." Says Kagome. " I'll get the collar off when he goes to sleep." " By then I'll be crispy! I've got to get out of here before they think up something else to cut off or electrocute!" Inu Yasha runs through the door and out of the yard with Kagome close behind yelling, " Inu Yasha, come back!" "Not on your life! I'm free!" He didn't see the cement truck and the driver didn't see him. But, Kagome saw both. She ran up to the squashed remains of Inu Yasha. " Poor Inu Yasha!" she says through her tears. Her mom runs up behind her. " I'm sorry, Kagome. Is there anything I can do?" She looks up at her mom and says, " Can I have a goldfish, now?"
THE BITTER END
"At last, the shikon jewel is mine!" shouts Inu Yasha. "With its power I'll become a full fledged demon." As he holds the jewel over his head it begins to glow. The glow surrounds him and he is engulfed by its brilliance. In one bright flash, Inu Yasha is gone.
Inu Yasha comes to and struggles to his feet. He notices a change. He now has four feet, well, paws. "What the hell?" he thinks. He staggers to a stream and looks in. " OH MY GOD, I'M A DOG!" He screams but all that comes out is senseless barking. He looks around and sees the jewel lying on the ground. " Stupid jewel, I wanted to be a demon, not a dog!" He suddenly is aware that he can't talk, just bark. "Great," he thinks to himself. " Not only am I a dog, but no one can understand me. I know, I'll throw the jewel into the well. Surely Kagome will know that it means I'm in trouble and she'll come to rescue me." He picks up the jewel in his teeth, which is the only way a dog can, and drops it into the well.
"Goodbye, Grandpa. I'm off to school." Kagome leaves her home and heads toward the school. Suddenly, a strange look comes over her face. "Strange, I sense a jewel shard. But it can't be, I gave all the jewel shards to Inu Yasha for safekeeping. He promised not to use them until we talked." She is pulled into the family shrine and the well. "The feeling is so strong, it can't be just one shard." She climbs down the ladder and begins to dig. " Oh no, the jewel is back together. That means Inu Yasha has done something stupid." Magically, she is sent to feudal Japan. She looks up and sees the face of a big, hairy dog. As she climbs out of the well, she says, " Where's Inu Yasha? He wouldn't just throw the shikon jewel into the well and leave." All this time the dog is bouncing around her feet and yelping. "Quiet, boy." Kagome says. The dog jumps up and puts its muddy paws on her white blouse. " Down boy, SIT!" And to her amazement, the dog falls flat on his face! "Inu Yasha?" Kagome starts to giggle.
" Thank goodness", Inu Yasha thinks. "Now she can use the jewel to get me back to normal." But, Kagome has other plans. " Well, Mr. Smartypants, have we been playing with something we shouldn't have been playing with?" Inu Yasha hangs his head and whimpers. "Well, I know just what to do..." Inu Yasha perks his ears. " You can come and live with me!" Inu Yasha's jaw drops. He begins to shake his head, but it comes out looking like he's shaking off water. "Good, it's all settled. But first, are you housebroken?" Kagome giggles. She tries to pick him up, but he's too big to carry. She finally grabs two handfuls of hair, which doesn't make Inu Yasha happy, and dumps him into the well.
Back on the other side, Kagome has to think of a way to break the news to her family that she's bringing a dog into the house. "You wait here and don't wander off. I wouldn't want the dogcatcher to get you. Kagome enters the house and leaves Inu Yasha out back. " I hope they say no, I hope they say no, I hope they say no,..." Inu Yasha thinks to himself over and over. Meanwhile, Kagome is trying to convince her family they need a dog. "He's a good watchdog and I've always wanted a pet." "Remember the gerbil twins, Lindsey and Lauren?" Mother says. " That's not all my fault, Souta was supposed to feed them, too. Besides only one of them died." " That's because Lindsey ate Lauren, then you fed Lindsey that red hot fireball and it drown trying to cool its mouth. Then there was the boa constrictor you named Shawna, remember? You squeezed it to death? And that talking parrot you had to have, Elizabeth? You wouldn't let it get a word in and it ran away?" "OK, OK, I get the idea! Sheesh!" Kagome says angrily. " Please mom, just give me a chance. One week, OK?" " Alright," Mother says. " One week, then if you don't take care of him, he goes, OK?" "OK."
Kagome goes around the house and finds Inu Yasha with his paws together and his eyes closed, praying. "Guess what? Mom said you can stay, isn't that great?" Inu Yasha just growls. She leads him into the house. " That thing better be housebroken!" Grandpa glares at Inu Yasha. " We're just not going to get along, are we old man?" Inu Yasha thinks. " This is Souta's room, you stay here. I'll see you after school. Bye!" Kagome leaves. " So this is hell." Inu Yasha thinks.
A little while later, Inu Yasha wakes up. " Uh-oh, I gotta go!" He wanders around the house trying to find the bathroom. He pokes his head into one room then another. He looks in the bathroom and finds Grandpa on the toilet. " GET OUT OF HERE, YOU MANGEY DOG!" He throws a magazine at him, missing him by inches. Inu Yasha ducks out of the door. " Jeez, old man, what crawled up in you and died?" He looks at the magazine. " Playboy? You are a horny old guy, aren't you?" Inu Yasha waits outside the door for what seems like hours. " Come on, old man. Did you die in there?" Just then, Grandpa comes out. " Stupid dog!" He kicks at Inu Yasha who growls back. " Thank goodness!" Inu Yasha goes into the bathroom. He tries to stand up next to the toilet. " I forgot, I'm a dog! Oh man, I gotta go! What am I gonna do? Oh, Geez!" Inu Yasha couldn't hold it any longer. He raised his leg and let it fly. " PHEW! What a relief!" Inu Yasha thinks. But, Grandpa chooses that moment to look for his magazine. " WHY YOU MANGEY DOG! I KNEW IT!" He raises his cane and pummels Inu Yasha. Kagome finds him in the yard, unconscious. After a long discussion, Kagome has a talk with Inu Yasha. " Outside, You're supposed to go outside! OK!" Inu Yasha staggers to his feet and nods.
Things seem to go smoothly for the next few days, though no one can understand how Kagome housetrained Inu Yasha just by talking to him. He just lay around the house and slept. Then, one day, it happened. Inu Yasha had to go, so he went to Kagome's mother to be let out. " You need to go out, Boy?" She opens the door and sees the next-door neighbor's dog in the yard. She slams the door. " Oh no you don't! We don't need any puppies! Grandpa, come here and take Inu Yasha out on the leash. I'll call Dr. Mick and see if he can neuter him before Kagome gets home. Won't she be surprised!" "Neuter?" Inu Yasha thinks. "What's a neuter?" Unfortunately, he finds out!
" Hello, everyone! I'm home!" Kagome yells from the door. Inu Yasha is lying on the floor, looking miserable. " What's wrong, Inu Yasha?" " If you only knew what those bleep-of-a-bleeps did to me!" He thinks. "Oh, he's just upset because we had him fixed today." Mother says. " What do you mean 'fixed'."? Kagome says nervously. " You know, castrated." "YOU MEAN YOU CUT OFF HIS..." "Yeah", says Grandpa. "Right down to the root. Heh, heh." " OH MY GOD! INU YASHA!" She runs to him and hugs him. " Yeah, now you want to cuddle." He growls. " I'm so sorry. I should have turned you back. I promise, I'll make it right." Says Kagome with tears in her eyes. "How are you gonna do that? My manhood is a rat's chew toy by now!" Inu Yasha thinks.
True to her word, Kagome tries to find a way to reverse the jewels spell and undo the castration. Inu Yasha, on the other hand, has lost all hope of either coming true. He's developed a taste for Alpo and rawhide chew toys. He drinks from the toilet and even learned to beg, roll over, and play dead (he still won't sit on command). But, Grandpa is still a problem. " Stupid dog! Won't come when I call! I'll show him!" Grandpa leaves and returns a few hours later with a surprise for Inu Yasha. " The man at the pet store called it a 'shock collar'. He said you use it to train dogs to obey by shocking them when they don't follow commands. Now let's see that dog ignore me. Heh, heh!" " Now Grandpa. Don't torture Inu Yasha. You know he doesn't like you." Mother says. " It's not torture, it's training." Grandpa walks over to Inu Yasha and tries to put on the collar. Inu Yasha growls at him, but he manages to get the collar fastened around his neck. "There, now let's see what it will do!" Grandpa hits the "high shock" button on the remote. "YIPE, YIPE, YIPE!" Inu Yasha goes screaming through the house with Grandpa close behind pushing the button and laughing. " Grandpa, stop it!" Kagome yells. "You should have more respect for your elders, young lady!" Grandpa yells back. He goes to his room grumbling but not before jolting Inu Yasha one last time. " I'm sorry, Inu Yasha." Says Kagome. " I'll get the collar off when he goes to sleep." " By then I'll be crispy! I've got to get out of here before they think up something else to cut off or electrocute!" Inu Yasha runs through the door and out of the yard with Kagome close behind yelling, " Inu Yasha, come back!" "Not on your life! I'm free!" He didn't see the cement truck and the driver didn't see him. But, Kagome saw both. She ran up to the squashed remains of Inu Yasha. " Poor Inu Yasha!" she says through her tears. Her mom runs up behind her. " I'm sorry, Kagome. Is there anything I can do?" She looks up at her mom and says, " Can I have a goldfish, now?"
THE BITTER END