I never imagined my life would turn out like this. My name is Rose Marion Tyler. I am now 20 years old or at least I think I am. I had a better life that this. Back then I was a better person, someone who was alive. Now, I'm just a fraction of who I use to be. Broken you might say, torn from him and incomplete is what I say.
Life inside the TARDIS, Time and Relative Dimensions in Space, is timeless. I've been a companion of the last Time Lord for, I guess, a year and a half. A lifetime of adventures throughout time and space, but lasted not long enough for the both of us.
I was just an ordinary shop girl working at Henrik's department store down Regent Street, that's in London, when I first met him. He was a completely different being then. The Doctor, my Doctor with the North accent and there was my other Doctor with the not ginger hair. He saved me from the Autons back in the basement of Henrik's. From the moment he grabbed my hand in his strong and protective grip, and said "Run", I was intrigued by this stranger who didn't fear the living plastics chasing us.
After we defeated the Nestene Consciousness, I officially become his companion onboard his ship leaving my poor Mickey to cry and to take the blame for my disappearance. From there we had too many close encounters with death, he had to endure the slaps from my mum, being separated by forces, and it was all worth it. I would not have traded it for the world and I only had one regret since. That is I should have told him sooner.
He was everything I ever wanted in a friend, confident, and was hoping, lover. He's the Doctor. He would place himself in harm's way to make sure that everything will be alright tomorrow. He's smart, funny, heroic, selfless, cheeky, witty, and most of all, lonely as I found out throughout our time together.
It's funny though. We each lost someone dear to us only to get them back in Pete's world. Mum lost my real dad, Mickey lost his Gran, Pete lost his Jackie, I lost the Doctor, and the Doctor lost me.
Now, here in Pete's world, everything is different. Everyone is happy but me. Mum has this Pete, Pete has my Mum, another Tyler baby is on its way, and Mickey has his Gran back. I have no one. Though I did have the Doctor, he was everything for me. I helped save the world one last time but I couldn't hold on, my grip loosened on the lever. I should have held on or at least fall into the Void.
Here in Pete's world, there is no Doctor. No TARDIS. No Bad Wolf following us anymore. No one needs to be saved. No more traveling. Just how Mum wanted me to be all along and that would be doing domestic once more. The Doctor would laugh to see me working at the shops again…being all domestic. I remember how he use to hate domestic situations, he probably does. I miss that about him before he changed and became the spunky Time Lord he is now.
It's still painful to think about him. I can still feel his hand slipping into mine or him slithering the device around my neck transporting me to Pete's world. I hated him for that, but back then there was a way I can get back to him. Now the holes are all patched up and there is no way back to him unless the universes collapse. I would do anything to see him again.
I remember that day clearly. It's been a little over three months since what I call "My Doomsday", but it's deemed "Battle of Canary Wharf". Everyone seems happy, well everyone but me. I think Pete doesn't like me, I heard him once saying I was the daughter of a dead man, not his. You should have seen my mum slap him for that one. Ha. Made me reminiscence the time she slapped the Doctor for miscalculating what day we'll be back and it was a long year for my mum and Mickey.
I wish I could hear him calling me again in my head. I had just started gotten over the fact that I'd be stuck in Pete's world for life and then one night I heard him calling out to me. Of course I told mum, Pete, and Mickey that night. We went packing that night just to say one last goodbye to the Time Lord I love and I would go with or without them. We traveling everywhere looking for the place I saw in my dreams and we came across a beach in Norway. It was called Dårlig Ulv Stranden. The translation of it brings back fun times with the Doctor, Bad Wolf Bay.
Then I saw him. He was faint, looking like a ghost. Thoughts and questions surfaced in my head. I wonder how much time it was for him. How long would it take until he would replace me like he did with Sarah-Jane? Will she be younger and prettier than me? With his trusty Sonic Screwdriver his image bolded and he looked real enough to touch or even hold. Then I thought about how he'll live now without me instead of my selfish thoughts. Will he be alright? Is he going to do his own laundry now? A 900 year old alien can't even wash his own knickers right. What will he do now? Where will he go? What sort of adventures will he do after saying good-bye?
Before all this and before the Daleks and Cybermen, I told him I'd be with him forever. I wish that were so. It's just so painful to know the one you love is alive, but you can't be with them. It's different than them being in a different country; try a different universe with a parallel world. In a different country you can at least reach them, talk to them, or even see them. I can't. The one thing my Doctor can not do.
I saw him on that beach looking ever so lonely again, it broke my heart. Thinking about it, it made me ashamed to be bawling my eyes and heart out to him while he stood and watched me. If only I didn't fumble with my words or mess up with my breathing, I would have heard what he had to say at last.
"And I suppose, here's my last chance to say it. Rose Tyler…"
He was gone just like that. We only had two minutes. Two minutes I would never forget. He just disappeared like a ghost. It was almost surreal. So many possibilities of what he could have said to me, if we only had at least ten more seconds.
Afterwards, we've gone back to Pete's place and I just lay on the bed he gave me. I thought about my life onboard the TARDIS with him. I miss the hum of the TARDIS or the little metal sounds it'd make at the oddest times. I miss him fiddling with the control panel or adjusting it. I even miss the hammering he'd make if he couldn't fix something. I miss the smell of the TARDIS and the Doctor.
His laugh.
His cheeky smile.
It's become too painful for me now…these thoughts that once gave me comfort have become bitter memories of how happier days use to be.
The Beast was right though. I did die. My body may still be functioning, but what made me, me, died.
Me Mum's tried to set me up on some dates with some blokes she met at the market, but I only go to keep her happy only to break their hearts when I tell them I don't want a relationship with them. It's true though, I already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with even if he doesn't do domestic. I don't mind. I just know I'd never see him again.
Just like Reinette.
School girl feelings aside, I respect her. Her boldness and intelligence. Though it had made me angry and not to mention jealous to see the Doctor barge through the last time mirror knowing that he couldn't come back. He was just being his typical Doctor-self, saving a special person in his heart. He had come back only to return to her and find out that he had missed the last few years of her life. She probably had spent her time sitting by the window looking at the stars waiting for her Doctor to come for her. At least she was prepared. She was accepting of her fate. I wasn't and still not.
If I could find the Bad Wolf again, I would. I doubt it now though. There are no more mentions of Bad Wolf except in children's fairy tales and the bay where we last saw each other. That chapter of my life is closed, but I'm not willing to go forward yet.
If there was a chance of Bad Wolf making a surprise visit here in Pete's world, I would send him a message, a different one than last time. A message that he is not alone.
Please don't blame yourself. I don't want you to be like how you were after the Time War. I just want you to not be alone anymore. Move on like you always do.