Disclaimer: Don't own... don't sue me.
Summary: Everyone has an important announcement to make.
AN: Grr... this just jumped me, I swear. I couldn't control it and here it is. Please review and such... I might consider adding to it but I'm not sure currently. We'll see how it goes.
Annoucements
Dumbledore stood and faced the crowd of students.
"Uh hem," he cleared his throat. "I would like to make an announcement, please."
The Great Hall quieted as all eyes focused on the elderly man.
"I would just like you all to know," he stated, stroking his beard. "I am not dead."
Everyone gasped and held a hand over his or her open mouth. Each pair of eyes shifted down the head table as a greasy haired man with a crooked nose rose.
"And I didn't kill him!" Snape yelled, exasperated.
The students smiled and stood, giving the two men a round of applause for no real reason. It was one of those standing ovations that takes a minute to be fully completed and you know that no one really wanted to stand but they did because everyone else did.
"I have an announcement too," Harry exclaimed, climbing up onto the Gryiffindor table.
"What is it?" asked Colin Creevy excitedly.
"Draco and I are together," he proclaimed as music started playing.
"We started out as foes now we like to rub toes," Harry sang.
"I love his ugly hair and dreadful need to care," Draco joined in from the other side of the room. He followed Harry's lead and climbed up onto his table.
"Our eyes met one day," Harry continued.
"And now we're oh so gay."
"You thought we hated each other..."
"But we didn't, you mother!"
"It was just repressed anger..."
"And our song is getting lame-er."
"Hey," Harry scolded. "That didn't even rhyme."
Draco jumped off of the table and skipped over to his boyfriend. Harry stumbled down and caught the blond in his arms.
"Break it down!" Draco commanded pointing off into the distance.
The lights immediately tuned off as a spotlight focused on the two boys.
They then started dancing, leaping, and hip thrusting.
Draco grabbed his ankle and started hopping around in circles. He tripped and collapsed on the savior of the wizarding world, tumbling to the floor.
The music screeched to a stop and the lights turned back on.
"Well," Dumbledore said, clearing his throat again. "Well..."
Just then the doors burst open and a black furry dog pranced in. He galloped up to the front of the room and transformed into none other than Sirius Black.
"I'm not dead either," announced the man. He turned to the headmaster and smiled. "I heard you from outside, you old bugger."
The crowd rose again for another round of applause but only because they were all so confused.
"Oh," and Sirius added as an afterthought. "And I'm gay as well. It's just so fashionable these days."
Remus entered at that moment and rushed to the shaggy haired man. "And of course, he couldn't be gay without me," Remus explained, placing his hand on the other man's buttock.
They pranced off together, hand in hand.
"And I don't look anything like that Gary Oldman fellow!" Sirius called over his shoulder.
Dumbledore cleared his throat again, trying to regain control of his school.
But, alas, that was not possible.
At that very moment, Voldemort walked in the doors with a frilly pink apron on.
Everyone screamed and hid under the tables. Harry was very brave, however. He strode up to the monster and pointed his wand at him.
Voldemort ignored the meddlesome boy and addressed Dumbledore.
"Albus, you said you'd be home for dinner hours ago," he whined.
Harry gaped at the dark lord and then looked at his headmaster questioningly.
"What is he talking about, sir?" Harry asked.
"Um... well... you see... I... well..." Dumbledore stuttered.
"You see, Harry," Voldemort explained, sitting the boy down. "I didn't really kill your parents and I'm not really evil. I am, in fact, your headmaster's husband. You see... well you see, your parents were offered a free trip to Tahiti and they never returned. So, we thought of this very elaborate plan to make you think that they were dead and I was evil."
Harry squealed like a little girl and fainted.
"Oh baby!" Draco exclaimed, running over to Harry.
He kissed him passionately as fan girls gawked.
Harry woke up, staring and Draco and then at Voldemort.
"Why... why would you do that?" Harry asked.
Voldemort placed his finger on his pursed lips and thought.
"Hm... well I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time," he reasoned aloud.
"And this isn't really a school for Witchcraft and Wizardry," Dumbledore announced. "This is really a cult for the devil. Fear us all, you heathens!"
And with that, peppy music began to play and the credits started rolling.
THE END?