Wait and Wake

by sunwitches

First, he saw the moon, then he looked lower where a veranda was. Suddenly, the whole world around him stopped, and so was his breathing. In the midst of the everyday festival life revolving around him, everything was in a halt. The veranda looked brighter than ever and he could've sworn, something shined brighter than the moon that day. Its not something. Its was... "Zura!"

"Gintoki, don't you think those girls are beautiful?"

"So what? They're just lumps of flesh."

"Their kimono looks so nice... I wonder what it feels like. To be stared at, admired, loved..."

"Zura."

"Its not Zura, it's Katsura! Don't they make you want to—"

"Does it matter? You can be whoever or whatever you want. If you have time to think of a beautiful end, then live beautifully until the end."

Those words stuck to them and becoming part of their wake up call every morning on that day onwards. Katsura was only a young adult, already sure to become a Yakuza prince. Their body was never questioned if it's worth to become a samurai, their teacher said so. Yakuza comes within spirit. Katsura knew but once they saw those beautiful group of women passing by leaving a trail of perfume in the air that made the whole world turned black and white, leaving them in crystal clear colours. From their face to their beautifully arranged ornaments placed within their hair, to the patterns of their silky kimono, and not to mention their grace and charisma just walking by. It was more than just their looks, it was something inside them also. It made Katsura wanted more in the world was to be part of them.

Their clan misunderstood straight away whenever they come to town and noticed how they looked at those women, assumed that they wanted to bang them or have them for sake. Gintoki knew better and it made Katsura vulnerable to open up what they wanted.

"If you have time to think of a beautiful end, then live beautifully until the end."

Was all he said in return. Katsura wanted to feel what it was like being centre of it all and be praised and adored. The feeling of a fairy tale love for a courtesan with their loyal guest. Katsura didn't notice how Gintoki never stared at the courtesans because he had been staring at them as if they were more beautiful than any expensive courtesan in that city.

After the war of clans, Katsura took the chance to runaway. They could start a new life and live beautifully until the end. Thats what they had always wanted and that was when they ended up in Yoshiwara. They met Tsukuyo that helped them transform into a beautiful courtesan. As for Gintoki, he was taken care by a notorious Yakuza who was one of the four Devas of Kabuki District, Otose. Gintoki was forced to pay taxes but he never pays up in time and oddly, Otose didn't mind that. It was as if Gintoki was her own son. Years after trying to get back up again he grew his own Yakuza clan, Yorozuya. Otose still manages him of course, since it was her area after all. Gintoki had plans for his clan but plans go astray of course. He had kids which he adopted, Kagura and Shinpachi. He was happy living big (and with lots of debt) with his Yorozuya family.

The boss of Yorozuya planned to go to the city or Yoshiwara to visit an old friend, Tsukuyo, followed by his two kids, Kagura and Shinpachi in each hand. Its his way to show them how far his success has gone through. He offered this city more than just protection, he offered shelter and a chance to feel like any other city. Tsukuyo came to visit a week before but he wasn't around but Kagura was. She was inviting Gintoki for a get together with everyone.

The streets at night felt like walking through suns at every building, filled with colourful folks with their laughter and fights in the air. Before all of this, the city was locked up; completely sealed under a fortress with no light coming through except when it's at night. Now, the doors above were never closed so the city can breathe and grow, with flaws and all. Gintoki felt proud about this and also happy that he helped the city come back to life.

Just as he walked with his two children trying to keep up with his large gap of steps, he felt a sudden urge to look up.

And he did.

First, he saw the moon, then he looked lower where a veranda was. Suddenly, the whole world around him stopped, and so was his breathing. In the midst of the everyday festival life revolving around him, everything was in a halt. The veranda looked brighter than ever and he could've sworn, something shined brighter than the moon that day.

Its not something.

Its was...

"Zura?!"

Just like that the colours and noises came rushing back, he could finally feel the rough tug from his kids concerned to what he saw—who he saw.

"Gintoki..."

Again, everything else just went to some box, he couldn't explain it. He could clearly hear his name being called out. "Zura!" He shouted and he rushed right into the building with the courtesans and their clients gasped and curse when he bust through them. His heart was beating fast, unusually faster. He knows this because it's his body and he knows what he's like when he's running. There was something in the way of his gut. He also knows that person high up this very building was—

"Zura."

His breathing was shaking; he could feel his body going numb the moment his eyes rapidly blink to reassure if he was really seeing this.

"Gintoki, what are you doing here?"

"Shouldn't it be me asking you—"

Just then he noticed something about Katsura. They were...

"Beautiful."

"Wh what? Gintoki, you shouldn't be here."

That really stung him.

"I can't see an old friend?"

"I didn't know you had friends, Gintoki."

"Say that for yourself huh, Zura?"

They laughed, his heart jumped.

"Its not Zura, it's Katsura. Gintoki, please leave."

There goes another sting and his senses came back when he felt tugs from his shoulders.

"I'm coming back."

Katsura had their back facing him as his body goes backwards, leaving the room. He could hear faintly, "Please don't." And another stinging pain stroke him.

On the way down from where he was, he felt heavy everywhere, from his head to his chest, even his feet it felt like he had to drag himself down floor by floor. Once he reached outside, he saw Otae and Tsukuyo carrying Shinpachi and Kagura, respectively. His two kids pouted just as he was reaching out for Kagura to carry her.

"What kind of dad just leaves his kids out, huh?"

His daughter has quite the lash in her speech. He just returned a chuckle as he picked her up from Tsukuyo to which she said, "He probably needed to take a dump, so typical." To which he returned a glare.

He had his back turned to where Shinpachi was, Otae helped to put Shinpachi over his shoulder. His tiny arms wrapped around his neck. He had something to say to with his tiny hands followed by Kagura's pulling the ends of his curls, "We could be dead right now! Don't you ever leave us like that!"

"I'm sorry! I just saw a huge bug so I came running to kill it."

"No! I want to keep it! Sadaharu 79..."

"Kagura, no, we already have a big puppy that won't even pee where he should be. Now, can you both stop tugging my hair!"

"Not until you give us candy!"

"I want candy jerky!"

"Young lady, that's disgusting."

After dinner, Gintoki carried his kids in each arm and by habit kissing their heads as he walked.

The dinner was pleasant as always with other clans joining the fun, full of boozes filling the room with laughter. It was nice but Gintoki couldn't stop thinking about Katsura, standing by the balcony looking so beautiful with the moonlight against their pink lips. The lights of this city still as bright as ever as if the city never sleeps which is true. Although he wished the city just sleeps away today because he can't stand the cries of his kids if they wake up all grumpy from the noises. Tsukuyo came running to catch up with leftovers in her hands.

"Ah... thanks but as you can see..."

Gintoki shrugged showing his two kids in each arm, hands are full at least to say so.

"Come on Gintoki, this is like your home as well, just stay the night. For the kids' sake."

"They would really love that. You shouldn't spoil them so much, you know."

"Says the father of the year."

She picked up Shinpachi into her arms, leading him back to the building they had dinner earlier.

Which by the way, owned by a well known courtesan—well, used to be known actually. Her name is Hinowa with a son named Seita. It was tragic to what happened to them, back before the doors of the sky were destroyed. Gintoki gave them a chance to live together as a family and also this city given a life it always needed.

Gintoki was given his own room and it was actually pretty much his room since every time he visits, he always stayed in it with his kids especially late at night. The kids slept soundly next to him, hugging each other. He couldn't help himself thinking, "Zura would love Kagura for sure."

It instantly reminded him, he promised to come back. Was it a promise, though? It counts as one, right? Either way, he was already making his move; quietly leaving the futon and tucked in the kids again. He took very soft steps back with his eyes on his kids, worried they might wake up to him leaving. Luckily, they didn't and he felt the door just behind him.

He couldn't just simply run from there knowing his friends are in these rooms next to his. He had to sneak all the way out to the entrance and damned it all, Tsukuyo was still up with Hinowa, Otae, Otose, Catherine, and of course miss all detection mode Tama was up and about.

"Fuck..." he cursed under his breath, peeking from the corners for an easy way out. He could crawl his way out, now that he thought about it. And so he did, crawled all the way under the tables, carefully not to hit them directly and cause a goddamn ruckus. Just as he was one line closer to the exit, he noticed three pairs of feet and he looked up with a defeated look and sigh.

"Gintoki, why are you sneaking around?" Tsukuyo was first to ask.

"Hmm, this is strange even for you, Gintoki. If you have business, you could have said so!"

Otae and her unadorable concern was biting his time.

"His heart rate is rising, body temperature dropping, blood pressure rising, Gintoki san you have to sit down."

Tama, shut up.

"This boy, whatever you're sneaking out for, isn't business is that right?"

Ding, ding! Otose, you just know it!

"Just look after the kids, alright?"

That was all he left them to wonder. Otae and Tsukuyo could guess why he stepped out so suspiciously. Especially Tsukuyo, she knows about this city more than anyone in that room and her girls of the Hyakka clan have eyes all around the city. She knows about Katsura but she doesn't know why Gintoki acted so suspiciously about it. He couldn't have taken interest, right?

He isn't someone who's easily taken in by anyone emotionally. Sex, yes, she knew how he had a few with some people from all the drunk talk whenever he's here.

Who is this Katsura to Gintoki?

The building looked just as bright and just as noisy as the morning when Gintoki came here. His heart was pounding, aching to go back up there just to see Katsura again. He made a promise to come back for them, wholeheartedly at that. He remembered Katsura asking him not to but he's a stubborn old Yakuza boss who doesn't listen to anyone.

With one foot in, he was welcomed by spears by the Hyakka, blocking his way in. "Hey, this isn't 7 1⁄2... well, thanks for the heads up!" He turned around and there it was, Tsukuyo. She was smoking with her pipe, a grin stretched from her face. "Look, I'm still a little bit drunk so I took a wrong turn, okay." Another lie but Tsukuyo wasn't budging. She huffed her air of smoke right to his face and said, "You can't be seen with them, Gintoki. The one who will get hurt will be you."

"I don't know a what you're old woman mouth is babbling about."

"Be my guest as always, Gintoki. Don't say I didn't warn you. Girls, let him through."

Gintoki was naturally stubborn about anything so that didn't surprise Tsukuyo but about this courtesan? She knew how Gintoki can be reckless when it comes to those under his protection or his own members under Yorozuya but this was odd. The vibe he was giving off was as if 'try and stop me' which scares everyone.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Gintoki."

He left her with curiosity but mostly concern for her city if Gintoki is acting around like this. Rest assured, it wasn't because the city was in danger again. Gintoki was simply in a personal business but she couldn't see through that, in fact, she would find it unbelievable.

Gintoki made his way through the lines of courtesans that kept persuading him to stay a night. Well, he didn't plan that far this whole stay the night with Katsura, he needed to know how they are, how they've been doing. He needed to hear it with his own ears. If only his ear drums stop focusing on listening to his heartbeat pacing up though. He was nervous and growing more anxious the closer he goes up to where Katsura was. It didn't help ease his nerves seeing more Hyakka girls lining up by the halls, the closer he got.

Just when he reached the floor, he crouched down the very next second. He knew straightaway from the tattoos, the uniform, the specific scars, it was all from one clan, the Suteku. It was one of many rivals to the Yorozuya, a dangerous one at that too. Others are more bark than bite, this clan however, vowed to break anything in sight of their rivals. The fact that they were in his city under his protection, shows that they don't care for boundaries.

He could just rush himself all the way in but that will risk his life. He went back down and into a room where two folks were busy to which he said, "Play safe" just before he left them for the window. He climbed his way up very carefully and made a risky jump to reach the balcony where Katsura's room was. He got himself all the way up and quietly with his back against the wall, sidestepping his way to the door.

There were two voices, no, there were another three or four chuckling... the two main voice, one he knew who it was.

It was Katsura.

Katsura is a courtesan so it's their job to entertain their clients, right? Gintoki knew that, he knew how it works especially in this city but his heart wasn't on the same page of understanding. He felt furious, so furious he wanted to bust into the room and kill every person who was near Katsura.

He could hear Katsura's voice, moaning, breathing, and sighing. He wanted to destroy the room if he could. He doesn't know why he needed to feel like that. It felt like torturing days go by when he waited for two hours until the room was clear from the Suteku clan. He made his way in, quietly sliding the doors open. The room was lit up but Katsura wasn't anywhere to be found. He walked inside further and he could smell a perfume of strawberries that made his chest close to burst. Did Katsura wear this perfume on them all day?

Now that he thought back, they did and he didn't even notice from the world just slipping right out of his senses.

"Gintoki? I told you not to come here!"

That voice startled him yet it calmed him down instantly when he turned to see it was Katsura.

"A 'hi Gintoki, how are you? Would you like some sake? How was your day?' Would be nice, Zura."

"Its not Zura, it's Katsura. Its dangerous for you to stay here Gin—"

They had their hands on his chest, shoving him out of the other doors. He could feel his cheeks burning just from Katsura's unwelcome touch. He only went back a few steps until he restrained his movement that made them to use their elbows trying to make him move. He stared from above Katsura's head, how beautiful the ornaments placed into their hair even with the messiness from their previous business encounter. And the smudged stain of pink lipstick across their lips made him itch to just put his thumb over and pull—

"Zura, how are you?"

"That's not important, Gintoki, please leave."

"This is actually a nice style of hair for you. Looks pretty with all those uh... stick poking things."

"Gintoki, please—"

"Is that strawberry scented perfume you're wearing? Smells nice, it's my favourite."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I wanted to see an old friend."

Katsura gave up pushing him that moment as their hands dropped as they turned around. Again they asked Gintoki to leave followed by "don't ever come back". To which Gintoki said, "I'm stubborn, you should know this. I'm not leaving."

They sat down refusing to talk like Gintoki wanted. That didn't break Gintoki at all. In fact, he went over to the center of the room where a table was, with a tray of a sake bottle and cups. As he poured the sake, he glanced over to Katsura. They weren't wearing makeup anymore. Their hair was a bit messy but they looked so beautiful, messy and all. Gintoki took the tray and brought it over to Katsura, sat right in front of them. He passed over one cup but they weren't taking it from him so he held up Katsura's hand—it was soft and slim under his rough hands of scars. He unintentionally rubbed his thumb over the back of their palm that caused them to snatch away.

Their face wasn't showing much but their shoulders were bright red from their neck. Gintoki apologized with his face starting to burn up. His excuse was the sake kicking in fast but that wasn't it at all.

"Gintoki, please stop, just leave when you still can."

"Just one round of drink. And I'll leave."

He meant it and they could see it from his face. Usually Katsura would ask a lot of how Gintoki was but they were more concern trying to make him leave. Gintoki didn't mind if he had to, he will come back for them.

After a round of sake, Gintoki remained seated on the floor, twirling the cup within his fingers.

"You have a stain on your face," he would say and reached out to rub the smeared lipstick on Katsura's cheek. Time slowed down again for Gintoki the moment he touched Katsura's cheek and unknowingly he placed his thumb over their lips. They were surprisingly soft under his dry thumb; it was almost too inviting for him to—

Knock! Knock!

"Katsura! Are you still up?"

A woman's voice followed by knocks were behind the door of this room. Katsura nervously got up, pulling Gintoki up and pushed him into a closet and closed it.

"Coming, Mei!"

They rushed for the door, unlock the locks. The woman only wanted to check in on them for a quick talk and that was it. They both said their good nights and the door was shut. They made their way back to the closet and opened the doors to let him out. "Leave. Now."

Katsura pressed on and Gintoki ignored and headed to the tray of sake and sat down. He poured another and Katsura sat opposite if him, wondering why was he so stubborn to stay.

"Gintoki, please leave. Its dangerous for you to be seen with me. I warned you through the Hyakka girls, did you not hear it? Gintoki, please leave."

"I'll leave if you drink and talk with me. 5 minutes, that's all I ask. I will leave like you wanted. Just, talk with me. And stop trying to shoo me out until we're done talking, alright?"

"...Alright, and then you'll leave?"

"I promise."

Katsura brightened up and that made Gintoki's heart skip a beat seeing them smile. They talked about what they've been up to since they separated; Katsura finally living up to their dream like they wanted and Gintoki told them about his kids. That really sparked up their interest to talk even more, asking more about him just like Katsura would.

"Two kids? Can I see them?"

"In the morning, I'll take you to them."

"Gintoki no I can't—"

Gintoki pulled out his wallet from his kimono, flipped it open and small pages of photos being stapled together dropped down. There were a lot of blurry photos of him trying to take of himself and the kids, there's also pictures of Kagura and Sadaharu, and pictures of Shinpachi with a wooden sword too big for his size.

"The picture isn't what you call picture perfect but this is us. This little one with the buns is Kagura, and the glasses is Shinpachi. They're little devils but they're mine."

"Your daughter seems to really follow up to your style, isn't she?"

Katsura intently stared at pictures of Kagura copying Gintoki's pose; one arm exposed and resting inside the other half of the kimono. They couldn't help but chuckle at how cute both of them were and unknowingly Gintoki was staring.

"She's a lot stronger than me, to be honest. One time she fed me mud bento. She's quite persuasive."

"Gintoki, you should be more careful... she's the little leader, isn't she? Shinpachi must be the older one, trying to be all tough and independent, is that right?"

Gintoki had this look, a very warming look watching Katsura go through his wallet for the pictures of his kids. Just a glimpse, he imagined of what it would be like if Katsura was with him and the kids; like one big family but that's…What was he thinking again? He felt like he wanted to be closer to Katsura and—

"5 minutes are up and actually passed that... so, Gintoki, just as you promised."

They handed back the wallet to which Gintoki took it with their hands made contact. He just stared at Katsura and wished strongly in his heart that he could stay.

"Thanks for the drinks, Zura. Next time I expect better treatment." He teased and it successfully made Katsura fight back by taunting him, "If I give you the service you deserve, you wouldn't be able to think about anyone else, Gintoki." And he said, "I look forward to it tomorrow then."

Just as Gintoki leaves, Katsura snapped back to what they intended in the first place; to shoo him out from ever coming back. He only returned a laugh from all the jabbing Katsura made.

"Wait for me, Zura."

"I won't, and please, don't come back."