I bid you welcome from the St. Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys graduating class of 2014.

We made it! Granted we lost a few along the way to stabbing, drugs, assault, guns, etc… But we are here! We are the largest graduating class with 73 graduates. Now I'll keep this short because I know that some of us have parole hearing they need to get too. As I look out at everyone I see the future leaders of our country. Mob bosses, heads of drug cartels, serial killers, thieves, and even a few mad scientists. Now this definitely was not an easy journey. We had chain link fences we had to cut through. We had more than our share of challenges, the Brawl of Last Tuesday, The Massacre of Monday, the Night of Broken Bones, Blood on the Dance Floor or Prom, and Bomb scare Wednesday. And that was just these past two weeks! Let us not forget Flaming Friday of Freshman year, Slaughter Saturday of Sophomore year, and Jabbing January in junior year. Ah, the memories. Now there have also been some more "positive" things accomplished also. Our science department has invented many new and radical advancements in it's field, jack otherwise know as Joker has created numerous new types of bombs, gasses, and chemicals; Jonathan Crane's Fear Gas, and Victor Fries has made leaps and bounds in cryogenics. Wrestlers Bane and Waylon Jones have both brought home many trophies for our athletics dept. Harvey Dent has acquired many awards for our Speech and Debate team. Foreign language has managed to decipher ancient tomes thanks to our very own Tom Riddle. Of course none of this could have been accomplished if it were not for our teachers. Professor Lex Luthor head of Technology, Chemistry and Science head Professor Salazar Slytherin who took over after that unfortunate explosion that killed Professor Karl Hellfern. Our Social Studies head Professor Maximillian Zeus, Head of Maths Professor Actuary, English and Literature head Jervis Tetch, Coach Crusher Crock, our head of athletics, and last but most certainly not least, our esteemed headmaster Gellert Grindelwald. Thanks to these people we have succeeded in graduating. So, now as we get our diplomas and move forward with our lives let us have a moment of silence to remember those who did not make it… Now then my fellow delinquents I want everyone to look at the person sitting next to them and remember the times you have shared here; for all you know you may very well be sharing a cell with them one day! Now I have been asked before I make my closing statements I wish to share with you a quote by the highly esteemed author Dr. Seuss that I find inspirational. "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some from ahead and some from behind, but I've bought a big bat and I'm ready you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me." Now I have been asked by the administrators to inform everyone that all personnel belongings are to be collected once through the metal detectors, I recommend that you hurry though if you want to leave with the same things you came in with. On that note I have also been told to remind you that any stolen items, cars, or money are not the schools problem nor is it their fault. Figuratively. Now I will finish this quickly since I can hear sirens. Remember everyone that you always have the right to an attorney, and who knows maybe we'll be sharing cells sooner than expected.