A/N: For those of you who read The Way I Loved You, this is actually the first thing I ever wrote for this verse. It didn't fit into the fic, however, so it's just been sitting here collecting dust. I was going to try to work it into the sequel, but I don't think it will work there, either. So here's the very first chapter I ever wrote for TWILY. If I remember right, you guys really liked getting into Dave's head. Just be warned: he curses an awful lot. But you know that. Oh, and this takes place before their break-up. I think Dave being outed was mentioned several times in TWILY, but now you get to see how.
If there was one thing in the world that he was sick of, it was definitely Kurt fucking Hummel. But somehow, he was so insanely obsessed with the kid that he couldn't just let him go. And if Kurt's actions were any indication, he felt the same. The only real explanation he could come up with was that they were masochists. Why else would they keep up with this ridiculous... thing going on between them? Dave wasn't even sure if he could actually call it a relationship – and if you asked Kurt, he'd tell you that there was no way in hell that it was because Dave wasn't out, and that only started arguments.
In fact, every argument sparked always ended up going straight to the "when are you coming out" argument, and Dave was sick of it. It'd been months since Kurt found out that he was gay. That though he'd been completely shitty towards the other boy, it was simply his elementary bullshit way of saying he liked him. And Kurt was fucking crazy for giving into that. They both should have known better, really. There was nowhere for this relationship – for lack of a better word – to go.
Kurt wanted him to be magically happy with being out and proud, and Dave just couldn't do that. No matter how much he loved Kurt, he was not okay with just randomly busting out in some coming out song in the halls of McKinley or whatever other gay shit Kurt wanted him to do. Well, okay, Kurt had never told him he had to sing, but what else was he going to fucking do?
He could hold Kurt's hand, sure. That was kind of a quiet way of saying, "Hey, I'm gay and this is my boyfriend and we're totally going to act like a couple now, even though we've been together for months." Dave kind of sort of wanted to cringe as he thought of the looks he'd be getting from his teammates, not to mention the conversation he'd be having with his own family once it reached their ears.
No, thank you, that wasn't for him.
And still, he found himself dialing Kurt's number every night. He found himself wanting, no needing to see, taste, smell the other boy on a fairly regular basis. Well, as regular as it could be, considering they were keeping their thing a secret from everyone in their lives, except for Kurt's family. If Kurt's big-mouthed friends found out, there was no way it wouldn't be all over the school in a matter of seconds. No, he wasn't going to risk that. So Kurt had kept his mouth shut.
But here they were, standing in a fucking parking lot and the kiss had been quick, chaste, and who should walk by but Jacob Ben Israel. Fucking creep had probably been sitting right behind them in the theater, hadn't he? Dave wouldn't be surprised if he'd use this image as fucking fodder for his nightly jerk off. Dave squeezed his eyes shut. He really didn't want to picture that. Not now. Not here. Not ever.
The only thing he could really register on Kurt's face was utter shock as Jacob Ben Israel let out a little giggle and muttered something about this being gold. Dave nearly launched himself at the kid, but Kurt grabbed his arm, looking up at him with a firm shake of his head. And damn, if he didn't love Kurt so fucking much...
Dave couldn't help but wonder what the hell he was going to do as Jacob skittered off nervously and Kurt put his face in his hands, muttering some string of obscenities that were becoming less rare these days. Kurt looked up at him with sad eyes as he apologized and Dave just shook his head. This could not be happening. With all the talking – arguing was a better word – they'd done about this moment, this little scenario had never quite been calculated in.
Dave had never expected to be outed. Especially not by Jacob Ben Israel. That was a real low blow, and Dave couldn't really process it. And even though he knew it was completely irrational, he blamed Kurt. He blamed Kurt for fucking everything because if Kurt hadn't looked so fucking sexy in those tight jeans he liked to wear all the time, then he would never had been tempted, he never would have come out to Kurt, and he definitely wouldn't be standing here in a parking lot thinking about how school was going to be the shittiest fucking thing now.
So when Kurt looked up at him with those big blue-green apologetic eyes, Dave only got even angrier. Because Kurt knew this was all his fault and had the balls to fucking apologize about it, like that could fix anything. Dave huffed and turned away from Kurt, which was apparently the wrong thing to do because Kurt wrenched his arm back.
Dave wasn't a violent man. Not anymore. But he did feel the urge to smack Kurt's hand away, to shove him away. He knew it was all so irrational. Knew that he was making the biggest fucking mistake of his life as he yanked his arm away, glaring at Kurt before he climbed into his truck and drove off. He knew all of this and he still couldn't stop himself. The anger bubbling inside of him was impossible to fight, made him do irrational things.
It was when Kurt didn't call that night that Dave knew he had royally fucked up. Even when Kurt was angry, he'd call just to bitch Dave out. Kurt always called, no matter what. But when he didn't... when he didn't.. Dave knew that it was because Kurt was curled up in his bed, crying. Dave's chest ached at the thought of it, and yet, he had no idea what to do because he had his own fucking problem to deal with.
How was he going to approach the rumors that would undoubtedly be going around the school tomorrow? Was he going to lie through his fucking teeth and further disappoint Kurt, or was he going to stop being a fucking coward and admit that yeah, he did like cock, and yeah, he liked Kurt's cock best? Of course, no one ever really argued with Jacob Ben Israel's rumors. They were almost always accurate, and honestly, how could you misinterpret Kurt and Dave kissing in the parking lot? Kurt fell and Dave caught him with his lips? Not fucking likely.
No, he was going to have to come out, whether he wanted to or not.
That was one issue somewhat out of the way.
The other one that he had yet to solve was whether or not Kurt was still his. If Kurt had ever even really been his in the first place, because they'd never put a label on their thing, and fuck, Dave kind of regretted that because anyone could come and snatch up the perfection that was Kurt Hummel. Dave could tell that his anger at Kurt had ebbed, because now he was using the term "perfect" to describe Kurt, which Kurt was certainly not, but Dave could forget that sometimes.
He only hoped that he hadn't completely fucked things up.
He had. He had most certainly fucked things up and he knew it the moment he saw Kurt. Kurt looked at him, but only barely. He could see the dark circles under Kurt's eyes, and fuck, he'd been the cause of that, hadn't he? Him and his stupid anger and fuck everything. But Kurt hadn't ignored him when he approached and told him he was definitely going to have to come out at this point. Kurt's face didn't light up with excitement, but then, why would he really expect that? It wasn't like Dave was really doing this by choice.
"At least you're not denying it," Kurt said tiredly, running his fingers through his hair, and how had Dave not realized that Kurt's hair wasn't even styled? That had to be a sign of the world ending because Kurt never went without styling his hair.
"I'm not," Dave said softly. He really needed to get some points here. "And so when people ask me... is it okay for me to tell them that you're my boyfriend?"
Kurt's face did light up at that, and Dave knew he'd said the right thing as Kurt threw his arms around Dave's neck, hugging him tight. Normally, they wouldn't hug like this in public. Hell, they normally didn't even talk to each other at school. But under the circumstances, none of that really mattered anymore, Dave realized as he hugged Kurt back just as tightly. If he was going to get through this mess in one piece, he had to have Kurt by his side.
This relationship was so fucking unhealthy on so many levels, but neither could bring themselves to end it. In some twisted, fucked up way, they loved and needed each other. They'd tried to break up before, but they'd both been utterly miserable. Even more so than they were in the relationship. Dave often found that 'can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em' line was the perfect way to describe him and Kurt.
But right now... right now, Kurt was fucking smiling and those big blue-green eyes were sparkling and that was all Dave wanted in the world in that moment. Seeing Kurt happy like this, knowing that he had made Kurt happy like this... that was worth all of the shitty times, and yeah, there were a lot of those to account for.
So when a girl – must have been a freshman because they didn't recognize her at all – approached them to ask if they were a couple, Dave had proudly laced his fingers with Kurt's and gave a simple nod. The apprehensive looks from others around them were completely blocked out by the way Kurt was positively beaming. Dave thought about all of the arguments they'd had about Dave coming out, and they suddenly seemed so stupid when he thought about how nice it was to be able to hold Kurt's hand in the hall while walking his boyfriend to class. It was a lot easier than he thought it'd be, because as long as Kurt was beaming at him like that, he couldn't bring himself to think about the whispers going on all around them. Fuck, he felt like an idiot for not doing this sooner.
Until he was slammed up against lockers by his teammates, that is. He knew he was bound to get some shit somewhere, but the last person he'd expected to be jumping him was Z. He and Z went way back. They'd been partners in crime for nearly all of their lives, and he hadn't really understood Kurt's hatred for Z until then. Because while Kurt had been able to get on good terms with Dave, he'd never been able to give Z the same treatment.
And Dave realized that maybe Kurt had seen something in Z that he didn't. Maybe Kurt had known that Z would be a backstabbing cunt when Dave finally came out. Dave made a note to trust Kurt's judgment more often because Dave clearly hadn't been doing too good a job when he'd picked his best friend.
Needless to say, Dave was looking rather worse for wear when he finally arrived home from school, and he really didn't have the energy to come up with a good story to tell his parents, so he decided that he'd just tell them the truth. Though that wasn't nearly as easy, because someone else hadn't beat him to the punch like the case had been at school. His parents weren't privy to stupid school rumors, so he'd never had to worry about if this got out. But now.. it seemed ridiculous to continue hiding it from them if all his peers knew.
His father was the one he worried about. His father was a nice man who seemingly accepted the homosexuals, if their meetings with Kurt and Mr. Hummel had been any indication. That didn't mean his father wouldn't be disappointed that his own son was gay. Dave thought that maybe he could take anger from his father, but the disappointment would kill him. He could never stand the thought of his father being disappointed in him.
So when he sat down at the table for dinner, his hands were slightly shaky. His mother was eying him, no doubt wondering about why he was banged up. He wasn't going to bring it up, though. He was going to wait for one of them to say something. After that, if he was right about the way the conversation would progress, he'd end up telling them.
"What happened to you Dave?" His mother finally asked, putting down her silverware. She was obviously irritated, though he wasn't sure whether it was because he was hurt or because he hadn't explained it already.
"Some of the guys on the football team cornered me today," Dave said as indifferently as he could. His father paused in mid-bite, his fork halfway to his mouth as he looked at Dave.
"Are you bothering that kid again?" Dave's father asked, and Dave shook his head. In the past, he might have been upset by the question, but he could understand. The last time he'd gotten shit from anyone on the football team, it had been because of Kurt.
"Then why would they do something like that?" His mother asked.
Dave looked up, fixing his mother with a pointed look before saying, "Because they found out that I'm gay."
His mother only blinked as she stared back at him, and Dave could tell she was still trying to register what it was her son had just said. He chanced a look at his father, who was sitting back in his chair and studying Dave. He didn't say anything, just nodded at Dave, Dave felt relief was over him. It was okay. He was okay, and his father wasn't disappointed with him. Or if he was, he wasn't showing it. But he had nodded, and to Dave, that was acceptance.
"Oh, Dave... it's... it's okay. We'll find a way to fix it. Don't worry, honey. They have doctors for this sort of thing, right Paul?" Dave's head snapped up as he looked over at his mother. His stomach rolled and a lump formed in his throat as he took in her words.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Paul asked, and Dave could see that his father was just as floored as he was.
"This can be changed. I've heard of people who have gone to see doctors and they come out straight. Do we have any doctors like that in Lima? I doubt it," his mother said, standing as she went over to the hutch to pull out the phonebook. "I'm sure they have something like that in Cincinnati. Or if not, we're not all that far from Indianapolis."
Dave felt sick. Maybe he had expected this from his father, but certainly not his mother. He expected maybe a little something about how it was a sin, but not a flat-out "it's wrong to be gay" type situation. His mother had never said a bad word against Kurt when all of this had gone down. In fact, she had told him that as Christians, it was their job to accept and love Kurt, even if he chose to live in sin. Maybe that should have been his first clue. You didn't choose to be gay. If you did, he most certainly wouldn't have chosen this.
"Katherine, you can't be serious." Paul said, looking from Dave to his wife.
"I am very serious, Paul. Do you want our son to burn in hell?" Katherine asked, her expression all but asking him if he was stupid. Dave just couldn't believe this. He didn't know what to think. He was hurt. He was angry. Upset. His chair scraped against the floor as he quickly pushed back. He heard his father calling out to him. His mother was practically shouting at him as he raced up to his room.
On one hand, his father wasn't disappointed in him. On the other, his mother thought he needed to be fixed. He laid back against his headboard as he hugged a pillow to his chest, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself. This was fucking bullshit.