My newest venture...my first Percy Jackson fic, please tell me what you think! I don't know, my friend and I thought it was funny, but don't be afraid to tell me if some of these are lame! But be gentle...alright, here it is!

New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions

1. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to refer to Chiron as "the pony dude".

2. They also cannot follow him around asking to braid his tail because (and this is a quote) "it's the sign of a nice horsie!"

3. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to pelt Percy with dead fish, as this is rather insulting to someone with the Sea God as a father.

4. Elsie and Tori may not fake several death scenes in various areas around the camp, since it has proven to cause some mild distress among the campers who witness these 'deaths'.

5. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to call Clarisse a Martian.

6. It is unacceptable for them to skip around the camp singing songs which involve Percy and Annabeth in rather…compromising situations.

7. They are not allowed to go into any further detail about these situations from now on.

8. Elsie and Tori may no longer inform Dionysus that apple juice is better than grape juice, as the camp is responsible for keeping them alive...NOT strangling them to death with grape vines.

9. They are no longer allowed to inform half-bloods that, technically, they are in-bred.

10. Throwing tin cans at Grover to see if he will eat them is strictly forbidden.

11. Calling Thalia a 'tree-hugger' is completely unacceptable.

12. Elsie and Tori are no longer allowed to ask Percy if he is part mermaid, as this is irrelevant and mildly offensive.

13. Nico is a very powerful son of the 'Big Three' and therefore, asking him if he needs a hug is rude and unnecessary.

14. Encouraging Apollo's poems is now strictly off-limits, not to mention cruel, unusual, and just plain wrong.

15. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Elmo, and Chuck Norris are not gods, therefore, offering the dinner's burnt offerings to them is insulting and could possibly get themselves killed. It is now prohibited.

16. Nicknames created by Elsie and Tori are not allowed, in any shape or form. Period.

17. Elsie and Tori may no longer accuse Percy and Grover of having a 'thing'.

18. It is impossible for the children of Athena to speak to olives, as they are inanimate objects, and asking them to is extremely impertinent and no longer allowed.

19. Offering to replace the Oracle with a Magic 8 ball will no longer be tolerated.

20. Becoming the camp matchmakers is completely unacceptable and furthermore, it is important to respect people's gender, species, blood, race, ability to reproduce, marital status, lifespan, powers, war history, oaths, siblings, and personal values.

21. Again, the mythological family is not inbred.

22. Elsie and Tori are not allowed to play the movie "The Hills Have Eyes" at the camp. See above.

23. Trying to convince Grover to join the "Burn The Trees" club is highly unlikely and not to mention corrupt.

24. They are no longer allowed to harass Annabeth with the song "The Itsy Bitsy Spider".

25. Also, making 'dumb blonde' jokes inside the Athena cabin is dangerous and now strictly forbidden, for the safety of Elsie and Tori.

26. Declaring a 'snow-day' and thus causing the campers to miss classes is prohibited, especially since it cannot snow in Camp Half-Blood.

27. Asking Annabeth if she thinks 'Thalia' and 'Rachel' are 'pretty names for girlfriends' is completely off-limits, strictly for the safety of Elsie and Tori.

28. Informing the camp that Beckendorf rips out of his shirt and turns green when made angry will no longer be tolerated.

29. It is unacceptable to post lists of traits Elsie and Tori find annoying about other campers around the camp. Especially when these lists are signed with various names other than their own.

30. Lobbying for a career day is prohibited.

31. Elsie and Tori may no longer attempt to lock Clarisse and Annabeth in an enclosed rooms for long periods of time and take bets on who will survive, especially as they have come out of these 'experiments' with bodily harm to their person.

32. Stealing Selena Beauregard's make-up is no longer acceptable, as it seems to directly affect the sanity of Selena.

33. They are no longer allowed to attempt to ride Mrs. O'Leary.

34. Creating exclusive clubs based on parental status, interests, dislikes, people they all hate, favorite colors, or clubs that initiate highly inappropriate activities is no longer allowed.

35. Elsie and Tori may no longer attempt to burn this list as it is not allowed and also has been copied and widely distributed throughout the camp.

Many of you actually asked why these rules only applied to Elsie and Tori, both of Apollo Cabin, which is a good question. Dionysus and I feel that it is improbable any other campers going through with such preposterous, foolish 'jokes' and have decided to ban only Elsie and Tori from doing these, in hopes that being addressed exclusively will end their trouble-making ways. Thank you for your time and have a great day!

Chiron

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Tori whistled in astonishment. "Man...what happened to a sense of humor? Look at number twenty seven!"

Elsie nodded absently in acknowledgement of Tori's horror but otherwise didn't respond; she was too busy mouthing the words 'no blonde jokes' incredulously.

Tori sighed heavily. "What are we going to do for fun around here anymore?"

Elsie grinned wickedly. "I guess we'll just have to figure some stuff to do that isn't on the list."

Tori thought about it. "Hmm…wait, what about that last part? They wrote 'have decided to ban only Elsie and Tori from doing these, in hopes that being addressed exclusively will end their trouble-making ways' for a reason."

Elsie shrugged. "Who cares?"

Tori laughed. "Point taken. Okay, so you know how the naiads hate littering? Well, I was thinking…"

Linking arms, they strolled around camp, their heads ducked together as they conspired new and more innovative ways to wreak havoc upon the camp.

And sure enough, not too long after, a new installment of the 'New Camp Half-Blood Restrictions' was posted around camp.

This was just supposed to be a goofy fic, something to sort of help me chill out a little bit. Please tell me what you think!

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No, really...please.

Leann

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P.S. Check out my other stuff! :) This is some of my more humorous stuff, but the other stuff's not too shabby, or so I thought. Just give it a shot!